If Love Were Enough

by Quill, Suzanne

  “Let me see if I understand. The two of you are in love and I’m guessing, have been lovers for any number of years. Estella was going to marry me so she could live in this house under my roof and continue to be your lover. Is that right, Marie?”

  Marie straightened, wiped the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands before she answered. “And why not, Brandon? You need your damned heir. Estella would give you that. She might even give you a second son if need be. Then, like every other rake of the ton, you would be out flipping up the skirts of any woman you could have. You’d spend most of your time in London, like you’ve done for the last ten years. Estella would be left here to raise your children, your heirs. And I would be here with her. We would have each other and you could go about and do whatever you wished to do just as you always have. Who would lose in that circumstance? Why should Estella be left alone? For that matter, why should I when it is Estella I love?”

  Brandon made every effort to control his outward bearing and astonishment. “Marie, does Father know what you are about?”

  “Of course not. You know he would not approve. Why should I distress him when he is so near to his end?”

  “So it is only me who would be compromised. You and Estella would live happily ever after and I would be left with no one.”

  “Father survived with mother in town. He took what comfort he wished from enough of the local wenches and whores. Why should you be any different?”

  “Have you ever thought, Marie, just maybe, I would want to love, to be loved as well?”

  Simultaneously, Marie and Estella’s jaws dropped to the floor, Brandon stormed from the room slamming the door behind him.

  Chapter 22

  Cilla calmly removed her hat and gloves as Mrs. Seeman, the housekeeper who’d greeted her and befriended her so many years ago, hustled from behind the green baize door. With eyes alight, with a smile and hands outstretched, she came to her.

  “My lady, you have returned. It’s so good to see you home safely. You are well?”

  Cilla turned to face Mrs. Seeman and grasped both hands offered. “Tired but well. How goes things here?”

  The housekeeper’s face turned sour. “His lecherous lordship arrived the day after you left. He was in quite a state when he found you had gone without his leave. As if you needed his permission. Since then he has lorded over all of us with little restraint, no less courtesy. At the moment, I believe he’s trying to murder one of our finest stallions by racing it over the estate with no regard for what or whom he tramples. At best, he’ll return the horse foaming at the mouth and nearly dropping. At worst, he will break the poor thing’s legs and we’ll have to put it out of its misery. Lord bless us if his lordship would be thrown off during his ride and break his own good-for-nothing neck.”

  Cilla tensed at this terse description of the current circumstances. “I should not have left, Mrs. Seeman. It was inconsiderate and selfish for me to have done so. Maybe I could have had some restraining effect on Damon.”

  “Nonsense, how does one tame the devil’s own spawn. But we must get you to your rooms for a soothing cup of tea, some rest, and a nice hot bath. I would suggest you take dinner in your rooms as well. Tomorrow will be soon enough to deal with his lordship. Furston, please bring a tea tray to her ladyship’s rooms as soon as possible.”

  The butler nodded his ascent as Cilla and the housekeeper took the stairs.

  Cilla entered her rooms with relief. There was no place like home. It would be good to sleep in her own bed once again.

  Mrs. Seeman’s voice shattered her reverie. “I must tell you, my lady, he has moved right into his lordship Robert’s rooms. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. And who were we to stop him?

  “He had us clean out Lord Robert’s things immediately, change the linens, air the room out and move his belongings in before the sun set on the day he arrived.”

  Cilla turned to face her in astonishment. “You’re telling me he is sleeping right on the other side of that door?” Pointing to the portal that joined her room to Robert’s, Cilla felt her stomach twist into a tight, nauseous knot.

  The housekeeper nodded, “I’m sorry, my lady, but it’s the truth. As I said, he would not be put off. We tried to delay and say we had to pack Lord Robert’s effects but he said he cared not if we threw them out the window and let them rot on the grounds. So the lot of us trundled everything to one of the spare upper rooms as quickly as we could so they could be sorted later rather than to suffer his wrath which seems considerable and easily stirred.”

  Mrs. Seeman continued, “Then he demanded to know where you were and when you would return. He has been very agitated about your absence and suffered us all to hear him rant about your lack of rights to leave without his permission.”

  Cilla started to pace to the window and back to the hearth. “This will not do, Ethel.” The housekeeper had become her friend and confident over the last ten years. When alone, they relaxed society’s restrictions and used Christian names. “Damon had no compunction at making advances while Robert was alive. Now he’s gone, I fear what his perception will be about my status and availability.

  “In what condition is the dowager house? We had discussed having it prepared for my removal there.”

  “As you requested, Lady Priscilla, I sent the maids down to prepare it for you. When Lord Damon arrived he brought them back to the manse and met the overseer there. The very next day five or six laborers were making a mess of the place. It’s not now fit for you to move in with the dust and destruction they are wreaking. And they’re taking their time about it too.” Indignation rose in the housekeeper’s voice. Things were not going as she would wish.

  Cilla collapsed into the settee before the hearth. “This will not do. This is near impossible.”

  Following a rap on the door and Mrs. Seeman’s call to enter, Furston walked in carrying the tea tray. “Just put it over there,” the housekeeper said, as she pointed to the tea table by the settee.

  “As you wish.” Setting down the tray, Furston bowed and turned to leave.

  “Wait. Furston I need you to move something for me. That mahogany chest next to the adjoining door. Please move it. I need it to block entry.”

  With a nod and a knowing look, the butler did as he was bid. Once finished, he asked, “Will there be anything else, my lady? Mayhap I should find the key and lock it as well?”

  “Yes. Yes, that would be most helpful. Thank you, Furston. You may go now. Come back when you’ve found the key.”

  The retreating butler closed the door behind him as Cilla reached to pour tea. As she expected, there were two cups. She poured one for Mrs. Seeman as well.

  “Come, Ethel, sit a moment so we can make plans.”

  The rich scent of Earl Grey did nothing to soothe her nerves as she handed the housekeeper the filled cup.

  “In over ten years of marriage that door has never needed a key,” Cilla said. “I expect Robert’s first wife never needed it either. I fear my poor Robert is turning over in his grave.”

  “My lady, I don’t think we can count on these precautions deterring the reprobate for long. He’s not the kind to be denied.”

  Mrs. Seeman prepared her cup of tea.

  After Cilla added cream and sugar to her own cup, she blew across the surface to cool it then took a sip. Finally, she turned her attention back to Mrs. Seeman. “Which room is farthest from this one and least likely for Damon to find?”

  It was not until the next afternoon that Damon found her at Robert’s desk, reviewing the notes left by the overseer.

  “Well, Pris, I see you decided to return home. What was so very important you had to leave the day after dear old Robert cocked up his toes?”

  Cilla looked up as Damon walked across the room and around the desk. He was dressed in the highe
st degree of fashion, for a fop. His trousers were lime green, and though perfectly tailored, belied the padding beneath the fabric. His jacket was bright yellow as were the shirt and cravat beneath. His waistcoat was a fine brocade but the garish yellow and green did nothing to accentuate its quality.

  As was his preference, Damon’s jet-black hair was slicked back accentuating his widow’s peak and his black beady eyes. When he came around the desk and stood next to her, she could smell the unpleasant odors of sweat, horse, and liquor.

  He must have returned from riding once again. She wondered how the horse fared today. Yesterday’s stud was in a poor state. The ostler had shared with Mrs. Seeman how he had to wash, brush, feed, and soothe the horse since it could do little more than pant and foam at the mouth when it was returned to the stable.

  One would think the man would have more muscle considering how he rode.

  She turned her eyes back to her work saying only, “Damon,” in acknowledgment.

  She felt a finger tracing the nape of her neck. Her stomach roiled, her distaste stiffened her spine.

  She looked up. “Molly, would you please make sure to dust the books by removing each one. I doubt that has been done in the recent past.”

  “Yes, my lady.” The hefty, downstairs maid of all work who worked at the manor long before Cilla had arrived, turned to make a pert curtsy before removing the next book from the shelf, wiping a rag over its binding and then replacing it back in its space.

  Damon’s hand dropped from the back of her neck.

  Cilla nearly sighed in relief.

  He stared over her shoulder. “So what have you here?”

  “I’m reviewing the accounts,” she said tersely.

  “Very good. How much money do I have anyway?” Cilla could hear the gloating in his voice. Her disgust returned.

  “Not enough to keep up a life of gambling and debauching for very long.”

  “I would beg to differ.” He came around to the front of the desk to negligently drop into a burgundy leather chair. “I’ve ridden over the estate just about every day. The crops look good even to someone as uneducated in farming as I am. I would wager we will have a fine harvest and I will be richer than ever.”

  “I’m sure you would. However, just in the few days you have been here I see more funds have been disbursed than for the entire previous month. If such actions continue, I would expect to run out of any and all liquid monies in two years or less.”

  “Nonsense,” he retorted, as he rose from his chair and headed toward the door. “We’ll cut back on the expenditures for the tenants. Who cares for their needs when mine are so much more pressing? They have food, a roof, what more should they need?” He placed his hand on the doorknob.

  “It is those people who are responsible for the crops and harvest you are relying upon for your income.”

  He opened the door as he threw back, “There are more estates than just this one. I doubt if I will lose much by spending more for my needs than theirs.”

  The door shut behind him as Cilla vowed to do everything in her power to keep Damon under control.

  Two weeks later Cilla was in the drawing room with her needlework. She was pleased the staff had been very successful in keeping her company at all hours of the day. At night she retreated to a room in the farthest wing from Damon’s. She knew he had been looking for it but no one had given the location of her sanctuary away. Even there, Abigail, her maid, slept in a trundle at the foot of her bed.

  When the door opened she looked up, apprehensive to see her nemesis enter.

  Damon looked about the room in expectation. When his search came up empty, a smug smile spread across his face.

  Mrs. Seeman had gone for the tea tray.

  It was one of the few moments she had been left alone.

  The wretch closed and locked the door behind him.

  Cilla stood up pulling the embroidery needle from its thread and palming it in her hand. She moved toward the windows. “Good afternoon, Damon.”

  “So I have you alone at last.” He sneered at her as he stalked toward her.

  “I spend much of my time alone since Robert’s death.” Cilla did her best to slow her breathing, relax her body.

  She must not be alarmed. He wanted her to be fearful. He thrived on being the bully and making people quake in their boots.

  “Hardly. The bloody staff follow you around as if they are puppies. There’s not been a moment when you were not chaperoned.

  “And where the bloody hell did you move to? You are not in your rooms adjoining mine where I want you.”

  “I am waiting for the dowager house to be repaired and available. When might you think that will be done?”

  “Not in the near future. I like you in the manse with me.” Damon stood next to her now. She felt his nearness, smelled the alcohol on his breath. Did he never stop drinking? Last night at dinner he went through two bottles of Robert’s finest wine to her single glass.

  He savored nothing. He used up and tossed the remnants aside. Even his clothes belied his misuse. Today’s exercise in fop attire was a perfect example. The puce leggings sagged. The jacket, chartreuse with a puce motif woven in, and his waistcoat of chartreuse, were stained. The former at the armpits. The latter on its front. He wore them untended until they were too stained, rumpled or odiferous then threw them away. His valet was worthless.

  He grabbed her roughly and spun her into his arms. Holding her so close, she could barely breathe and her ribs hurt from his tight grasp around her.

  “I imagine you have been missing the pleasures of the marriage bed by now, Pris.” Damon lowered his head to nuzzle her neck.

  Cilla stiffened with repulsion.

  Damon’s hands slid down her back then grabbed her buttocks roughly, pulling her hips to his. She felt his arousal and her stomach churned in revulsion.

  It had not been like this with Brandon. When he had held her, she melted.

  Damon put a hand under her chin and turned her face up to his. “You are a pretty thing. Robert chose well. Alas, I’ll need a virgin bride to bear my heirs but that won’t stop me from satisfying myself with you in the meantime.”

  He pressed his mouth to hers then forced his tongue between her teeth.

  She could stand no more. She refused to be raped and mistreated by this dissipated imposter. She bit down hard on his tongue, tasted the metal, felt the warmth of his blood in her mouth. Her free hand, the needle now between her fingertips, came up to stick him in the hand holding her head in a vice grip.

  He screamed in irate pain then released her. She spat his blood at his face then pushed away and made for the door. Unlocking it and throwing it wide, Damon came up beside her just as Mrs. Seeman came down the hall with the tea tray.

  He stopped dead in his tracks as Cilla was outside the door in the hallway. Mrs. Seeman had him in a dead glare and Furston was walking toward them down the hall, the sound of his heels sharp on the marble floor.

  “May I be of help, my lady?” asked the butler as he quickened his step toward her.

  Cilla looked into Damon’s enraged face. “No. I am quite all right. I have decided to take tea up in my rooms though. Furston, would you be so kind as to bring the tray. Mrs. Seeman, I believe the overseer was telling you about the dowager house earlier today. Could you please give that information to Lord Damon so he is aware of the progress being made there.”

  Cilla turned back to Robert’s nephew who was wiping his face with a rumpled and stained handkerchief. “Lord Damon,” she said coldly as she nodded, then hurried toward the stairs followed by Furston who had taken the tea tray from the housekeeper.

  It was not until she was in her rooms, alone, with a hot cup of tea between her palms, that she took a deep breath.

  Her hands were still
shaking.

  It had been a near thing.

  The following morning Cilla was so sick to her stomach after awakening she ran to the bell pull then to the chamber pot.

  When Abigail arrived with her morning chocolate, she had just set the tray down before she pulled the bell pull twice more due to the distress of her mistress.

  When Mrs. Seeman arrived, Abigail was flitting around the room shrieking while Cilla was still trying to get hold of herself.

  “Abigail, remove this tray. Go back below stairs and bring back hot, sweet tea and crackers.”

  Abigail stopped but stood staring at Cilla on her knees next to the chamber pot.

  “Go, girl. Go now or it’s your job you’ll be losing,” the housekeeper said.

  Once the door closed behind the panic-stricken maid, Mrs. Seeman poured water in the washbasin and soaked a cloth. She knelt down on the floor next to her mistress.

  Stroking the cool, wet cloth over Cilla’s brow, she asked, “How long has this been going on, Lady Priscilla?”

  Cilla gasped a moment for air then sat back on her heels. “It has not been this bad before. Maybe three days. I must have caught some illness. In a little while I’ll feel fine for the rest of the day.”

  The damp compress had done its work. Cilla took another steadying breath and took the cloth from the housekeeper to wipe her face.

  “Come over to the chair, my lady. You need to rest a moment.”

  Helping her up, Mrs. Seeman guided Cilla to the chair before the hearth. The small fire had gone out during the night so, after settling her mistress, the housekeeper stoked the fire to rekindle it. Even in summer, Northumberland could be a chilly place.

  When the kindling ignited and a blaze soon followed, Mrs. Seeman sat down across from Cilla.

  “Lady Priscilla, I must ask you now what I felt best not to discuss upon your return from your brother’s, Lord Asherton. We both know why you went, and went so quickly. I know it was a difficult task you had set for yourself. But tell me now, did you achieve it?”