Bylines & Skylines (An Avery Shaw Mystery Book 9)

by Amanda M. Lee

  “I’m totally calm and rational where this move is concerned,” I added.

  “That’s good,” Jake said, falling into step next to me.

  “Did I mention our new real estate agent’s name is Bunny?”

  “Knock it off, Avery,” Eliot ordered. “It’s already going to be a weird night. There’s no reason to add to it.”

  Even when he knows me he doesn’t grasp the full spectrum of my dysfunction. Perhaps he has a bit of a learning curve to surmount even yet.

  “WOW.”

  Jake let out a low whistle as he followed me up the pathway to the house. Bunny, her bright smile plastered in place, greeted Eliot as she ignored me.

  “This house is great,” Jake said.

  “You haven’t even seen inside,” I pointed out, although I couldn’t help but agree that the front façade of the split-level was utterly masterful. “It could look like crap inside. There could be red brick everywhere.”

  Bunny shot me a warning look before focusing on Jake. “Omigod! Sheriff Farrell! What are you doing here?”

  “Oh, I’m just checking out the house with my friends,” Jake replied.

  “Then we’re all going to dinner,” Eliot added.

  “Red Lobster,” I said.

  “We didn’t agree on Red Lobster,” Eliot argued. “I don’t even like Red Lobster.”

  I narrowed my eyes. Did he want this to go well?

  Eliot capitulated almost immediately. “Fine. We’ll go to Red Lobster.”

  “You’re so whipped,” Jake teased, smirking.

  “Coming from the guy hanging out with his ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend as they look at a house because he’s hiding from his newly ex-girlfriend, I’ll take that as a compliment,” Eliot shot back.

  “Boys! That will be enough of that,” I said, holding my hands up as I slipped between them. “They’re overdosing on testosterone,” I explained to Bunny. “They can’t help themselves.”

  “I’m still not sure why they’re here together,” Bunny said.

  “Oh, they’re just playing a game because they don’t want anyone to know the truth about us,” I explained. “We’re polygamists. Jake and Eliot are my husbands.”

  Bunny’s mouth dropped open as Jake shook his head and Eliot snagged the back of my T-shirt.

  “Keep it up,” Eliot warned. “I’ll feed you liver if you’re not careful … or sushi. You hate sushi.”

  “I love sushi,” Jake said.

  I snorted. “That’s the word on the street.” I jerked my shirt away from Eliot’s grasp and practically dared him to take me on with a challenging look. “Let’s see the inside. I really like the outside.”

  “Wow, at least we’re getting through the front door before you veto it,” Bunny said, her smile back in place as she winked at Eliot. “She’s a handful, this one.”

  “Yes, sometimes I wish I could hand her back,” Eliot said, although his smile was fond when he floated it in my direction. “Not often, though.”

  “Oh, geez,” Jake muttered. “I might’ve been better off letting myself be stalked.”

  “This is going to be fun,” I said, lightly slapping his arm. “It’s like watching a train wreck and not being able to stop it. I guarantee you’ll have a good time.”

  “I’ll settle for not getting heartburn,” Jake said, following me into the house as Eliot brought up the rear.

  I sucked in a breath when I saw the foyer. A large chandelier – one that managed to be modern and not tacky – twinkled in the first part of the great room. The rest of the house opened into a living room that featured a catwalk overhead and huge bay windows looking out on the fenced-in backyard.

  “That’s nice,” Eliot said, moving around me. “There’s a pool and a privacy fence.”

  “All you’re missing is a hot tub,” Jake said.

  “I’m going to get one if the yard is right for it,” Eliot said. “I like this yard. It’s almost all landscaping and minimal upkeep.”

  “I thought we were getting a mower?”

  “We are,” Eliot said. “There’s still work to do in a yard without a lot of grass.”

  “I’m not doing it.”

  “I never thought you were,” Eliot said, shaking his head as he glanced around. “This is nice. The ceramic tile is nice. The carpet is nice.”

  “Nothing is red,” I added. “Where’s the basement?”

  Bunny pointed toward a door on the other side of the room. “I think you’re going to be happy.”

  “I don’t know,” I hedged. “I’m hard to please.”

  “Oh, something tells me even you can’t turn your nose up at this basement.”

  I cast a quick glance at Eliot before following her toward the basement. He looked amused … and almost a little relieved. That made me realize I’d made this entire process harder than necessary. It wasn’t a surprise really, but I vowed to ease up and stop heaping criticism on him when he didn’t deserve it. This was supposed to be a fun time in our lives.

  Bunny wasn’t lying when she said the basement was impressive. The entire thing was as big as the main floor and it was finished with drywall, carpeting, a wet bar and a built-in entertainment center. It also had a wine room (which I was going to turn into something else, because no one drinks that much wine) and a finished bathroom with a shower.

  “This place is amazing,” Jake said, running his hands over the bar. “I cannot believe how cool this is. Do you know how much money they put into this? There are two refrigerators and a dishwasher back here.”

  “It’s definitely nice,” Eliot said, his fingertips busy as they walked over the pocket door that separated the basement from the storage room. “I like this.” He glanced at me. “What do you think?”

  What did I think? I could already see the Restoration Hardware shelves I had my eye on against the walls and my Star Wars stuff on display for the world to see. “I want it.”

  Eliot was taken aback. “You want it?”

  “I want it,” I repeated. I could see us living here … and we were happy. “This is the place.”

  “You haven’t seen the rest of the house, Trouble,” Eliot said. “Don’t you think we should look at it first?”

  “Fine,” I said, tamping down my enthusiasm. “Let’s look at the rest of the house.”

  Eliot extended his hand and I took it. “That sounds like a plan.”

  “Then I want it.”

  Eliot sighed, briefly pressing his eyes shut before opening them again. “Bunny, do you have an offer sheet handy? I have a feeling we’re going to want to make an offer if the rest of the tour goes as planned.”

  Bunny looked as if she’d won the lottery. “You bet.”

  “Let’s look around,” Eliot said. “I hate to admit it, but I want it, too.”

  26

  Twenty-Six

  Some people wake up after a wildly romantic night to flowers and kisses. That’s simply the not the world I live in.

  “You drooled on my chest.”

  I forced my eyes open and lifted my chin to study Eliot’s rugged features in the early morning light. I wake up looking like a tornado has swept through my hair and there were no survivors. He wakes up with sexy stubble and resembles a hot rocker before the drugs and alcohol ravage his looks.

  “Maybe I like it there,” I said, stretching. “Have you ever considered that?”

  “I could drown one of these nights if you’re not careful.”

  “Ha, ha.” I moved to pull away but he kept his arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. After looking at the rest of the house – and falling more in love – we filled out the offer sheet and sent it to the seller’s real estate agent. I wanted to offer the moon, but Eliot tempered my enthusiasm with a hard dose of reality. He picked a more reasonable number, and now we had to wait. It was excruciating.

  After a long dinner with Jake, during which he had a few too many drinks and complained about his life, we dropped him at his house before re
turning home. I had a feeling he was going to wake up with a hangover. I couldn’t muster much sympathy, though, because Eliot and I were all over each other before we made it through the door.

  We spent hours celebrating and then fell asleep. Now I felt as if I was suffering from a hangover of a different kind. It was one of the good types of hangovers, though.

  “Do you think we’ll get it?”

  “I don’t know,” Eliot said, rubbing his hand along the back of my head. “If we don’t, we might get a chance to make another offer. I’m not comfortable offering more than we did, though.”

  “But … it’s the perfect house.”

  “It is the perfect house for us,” Eliot agreed. “Buying a house is not like buying Star Wars shoes, though. There is a limit to how much you can spend.”

  I hate limits. I’m one of those people who believe that limits were created to keep others in check. “I want it.”

  “We’ll figure it out, Avery,” Eliot said, his voice weary. “We can’t do anything until we hear back from the seller. That’s probably not going to be until tomorrow, so you’ll just going to have to tough it out.”

  “Patience isn’t one of my virtues.”

  “I hadn’t noticed,” Eliot said dryly. “You’ll live. Turn your attention to the murder. We have today and tomorrow to focus on that and then it’s out of our hands.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been considering that, too,” I said, wiping the leftover drool from the corner of my mouth. There really was a pool on his chest. I used the sheet to dry it off and earned an odd look for my efforts. “What?”

  Eliot shook his head. “Nothing. I just can’t wait to get a maid.”

  “If the maid is wiping drool from your chest we have bigger problems,” I said. “Then I’ll have to kill the maid and I’ll need you to help me hide the body. I’ll be angry and want to kill you, too, but I’m pragmatic. There’s no way I can dispose of two bodies on my own.”

  Eliot barked out a laugh. “How about we just hire ugly maids?”

  “Even better,” I said. “Hey … I wonder if they send out hot male maids. That’s something we could consider.”

  “Not in my world,” Eliot said, shifting his eyes to the clock and sighing. “I have to be back at the convention center in two hours. I know you’re not going to stay away, so I want you to come with me.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Well, I could lie and say it’s purely for your safety, but I’m not in the mood to play games.”

  “That’s not what you said last night.”

  “And that is absolutely the last time I pretend to be Princess Leia,” Eliot said. “It’s emasculating.”

  “I don’t see why,” I said. “I think you look cute when you let me put your hair up in those buns.”

  “Yes, well, we’re not talking about that,” Eliot said. “That’s our little secret.”

  “Like the time you made wookie sounds to make me feel better when I had an upset stomach?”

  “Exactly like that,” Eliot said. “Wait … what were we talking about again? You’re a master at distracting me.”

  “You were just saying I could drive to the convention myself.”

  “Yeah, that’s not what I was saying,” Eliot said, shaking his head. “While part of me is worried about your safety, the other part is terrified you’ll make a scene because you’re afraid you’re running out of time. I want you to enter with me, and that way I’ll always know where you are.”

  “Ah … love.”

  “I do love you, but I also know you get mouthy and mean when you’re desperate,” Eliot said. “You can go to the convention center with me. It will be good for us to spend some time together.”

  “We’ve spent a ton of time together this week,” I pointed out. “Aren’t you worried that you’ll get sick of me?”

  “Nope.”

  “Never?”

  “Not even a little,” Eliot said, smirking. “Your mind is too busy for me to get bored. Never worry about that. I still want to know where you are today. I’m not going to inhibit your investigation plans, but I’m not going to lose sight of you.”

  “I have a feeling Jake will be there,” I said, switching topics. “Do you think he’ll have a hangover?”

  “I definitely think he’ll have a hangover. I feel sorry for him. He’s going through some crap. Seeing us make an offer on a house last night couldn’t have been easy.”

  “We could ask him to move in with us,” I suggested.

  “That’s it.” Eliot grabbed me around the waist and rolled until he was on top of me. “Most of the time I enjoy your little quips and games, Trouble, but the threesome talk has to stop. It’s not funny.”

  “Would you find it funny if I made jokes about you, me and Bunny?”

  “That’s different,” Eliot tilted his head. “That’s a sexy threesome. The other one is just … gross.”

  “Only from your perspective.”

  “Well, I’m on top, so I’m the boss today,” Eliot said, causing me to giggle when he rubbed his nose against my cheek.

  “I’m never going to find Bunny attractive, so get that out of your head right now.”

  “And I’m never going to find Jake attractive, and no matter how manipulative you are, that little fantasy isn’t going to happen,” Eliot said. “I’ll wear the Princess Leia slave costume again before that happens.”

  Well, that was interesting. “I’ll call Mario to see if we can get it back.”

  “Oh, I can’t wait,” Eliot said, tickling me until I squealed. “Now shut up and let me be the boss. We don’t have a lot of time to waste and you’ve already whittled it down with your nonstop talking.”

  “Yes, sir!”

  He lowered his mouth to mine, scorching me with a hot kiss. I sank into it, excited about where the morning would take us. Then the world came to an abrupt end and my mother appeared in the doorway, her eyes widening as she realized what we were doing.

  “Omigod!”

  “I’M BLIND!”

  Mom wailed like a banshee caught in a paranormal trap, slapping her hand to her eyes and covering her face to blot out whatever she thought Eliot and I were doing.

  “Quick, she’s blind,” I said, pushing Eliot off me. “Lock her in the closet. Keep it dark.”

  “I can’t get up,” Eliot complained, grabbing the sheets and locking them around his hips. “I’m naked.”

  “Well, I’m naked, too.”

  “Yes, but you have the same parts,” Eliot hissed. “How did she even get in here?”

  “You know I can hear you, right?” Mom barked, annoyed. “I’m in the same room.”

  “Hey, that’s your fault.” I felt absolutely no sympathy. “You knew we were in bed, so this is on you.”

  “It’s daylight,” Mom screeched. “Who does that during the day?”

  “Everyone!”

  “Not everyone,” Mom said, slamming her elbow into the door and groaning as she tried to make a graceful exit from the bedroom. “I’ll be in the kitchen. You have three minutes to get dressed and join me.”

  “Oh, well, three minutes,” I grumbled, working overtime to swallow my laughter as Eliot fruitlessly tried to hide under the sheet. “We can finish what we were doing and make it in time for breakfast if we have three minutes to burn. My happy week continues.”

  “Avery!”

  I wasn’t sure if Eliot or my mother was shriller this morning, but I sighed in resignation. “Three minutes. We’ll be out in three minutes.”

  ELIOT’S cheeks were bright red when we joined Mom in my small kitchen. He avoided eye contact as he headed straight for the Keurig and pressed the button to turn it on.

  Mom sat at the kitchen table, her back ramrod straight as she rested her hands on her knees. She refused to glance in Eliot’s direction, despite the fact that he had hopped into boxer shorts and a T-shirt to appease her, and instead focused on me.

  “Good morning.”

  “And a jolly good mo
rning to you, too,” I sang out. I had no idea why, but this situation amused me. “Top of the morning to you. What a lovely day. The birds are singing and all of that jazz.”

  “Knock it off,” Eliot warned, flicking my ear as he moved behind me. “I’m going to make eggs and hash browns for breakfast. Do you want any?”

  “Are you talking to me?” Mom asked, pressing her hand to her chest. “Are you going to acknowledge my presence?”

  “I acknowledged your presence when you walked into our bedroom without knocking,” Eliot gritted out. “Should I do a dance next time?”

  Well, at least he was getting some of his moxie back. “I think you should twerk,” I suggested.

  “Don’t add to this madness,” Eliot said, wagging a finger in my face. “It’s ridiculous.”

  “This is my daughter’s house,” Mom pointed out. “If anyone should complain about my lack of knocking, it’s her.”

  “I’ve been complaining about that for years,” I said. “You don’t listen.”

  “Yes, well, that’s neither here nor there,” Mom said.

  “Well, when we get the new house we’re going to have a talk about knocking,” Eliot said, grabbing a bag of hash browns from the freezer and emptying it into a pan on the stove. “There’s going to be knocking at the new house.”

  “That’s precisely what I’m here to talk about,” Mom said, wrinkling her nose. “I’m not sure you’re ready to live together.”

  “But if we wanted to get married, that would be all right, wouldn’t it?”

  “I would be happier if you were getting married, but I’m honestly worried about that, too,” Mom replied. “I don’t think you realize how much work Avery really is, Eliot. I’m worried for you, not for her. I think you’ve been a marvelous influence on her.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I shifted an incredulous look in Eliot’s direction and found him smiling. “That’s not funny.”

  “Oh, it’s funny,” Eliot said. “Just this morning I was thinking you’d been a terrible influence on me. It makes me feel better knowing your mother is more worried about my sanity than yours.”

  “You would think that,” I grumbled. “I’ll have you know I’m a great influence on everyone. People love me.”