Kristina sighed and shook her head at her friend’s words, though she really didn’t understand. Later that evening, as she lay nestled in her bed, she silently prayed, It sounds good, but I don’t understand. If I have Jesus in my heart, then how come I’m not overflowing?
Chapter Thirteen
Kristina was humming softly as she graded the quizzes. Her last class of the day was her planning period, and she was taking the time to catch up on some work that she had been neglecting. She shook her head as she read some of the student’s answers, laughing at the attempt they made when they obviously didn’t know the answer.
“Kristina,” Mr. Shirley said, popping his head into her class. “How was your visit with Lisa?”
“Oh, it was great, I have missed her.” She answered. Pushing her papers to the side she turned her full attention to Edwin. “The kids were so excited to see you again. Friday night, they couldn’t stop talking about their visit with you.”
He laughed, and the two talked for a moment about Lisa and her family.
“Well, I’m sorry to disturb you,” he said as he walked out of her classroom, “I just wanted to come by and say hello.”
“No problem.” She turned her focus on the quizzes.
“Oh,” he turned back to her desk, “Would you mind dropping this by Nathan’s class on your way out?”
“Ah…sure.”
She hadn’t spoken with Nathan since Thanksgiving night, and butterflies went skittering through her belly at the prospect of seeing him again. She had wanted to speak with him Sunday after service, but he was busy talking with the stranger from the Christmas light display.
“See, Lisa,” John had teased his wife, “No need to be alarmed about that guy. He’s talking with Nathan.”
Lisa looked over her shoulder and shrugged. The man looked their way and Lisa turned from him. “I’m just saying that it is a huge coincidence that we both were heading to the same small town."
“Well, since there isn’t a huge international conspiracy going on, can we hit the road?”
Lisa slapped him playfully on his arm and warned, “Careful, it is a long drive back.”
The group had headed back to Kristina’s house, but not before Kristina had shot one longing glance back at Nathan.
Now she had an excuse to go see him. She threw her belongings into her bag and closed up her classroom. Though she knew where it was, she had never been down to his classroom. As she neared the class, she heard a boy singing in a falsetto voice. Hesitant to interrupt, she slipped through the door and stood to the side.
Whatever she had been expecting, was not what met her eyes. The kids were sitting around the classroom, some on the risers, and some in the corners. And to her amazement, Nathan and one of his students were lying on the floor . . . singing.
Sitting up, he said, “That’s it, Richard! You can’t breathe wrong when you're lying down.” Standing, he continued as the young man kept singing, “See, you haven’t gone flat because you had enough air – and it takes air to stay in tune.”
Helping the boy up, Nathan continued, “I want you to practice that at home, and you’ll be ready for Saturday.”
“The rest of you lazies,” he said jokingly, “On your feet, let’s practice our Christmas song.”
The kids that were scattered around the room began closing their cell phones, packing up their books, and putting away their makeup. When they all were in their place on the risers, they turned to Nathan for his direction.
Again, Kristina was expecting something along the lines of the children’s choir at church. After Nathan had taken them through a series of warm up exercises, they began to sing . . . and it astonished Kristina. She had been expecting Jingle Bells, or O’ Christmas Tree, instead she was hit with an amazingly skilled choir singing, at least to her untrained ears, at a level that certainly seemed professional.
Nathan was stationed behind the piano that stood in the middle of the room. He’d occasionally say something to direct the students, “. . . you’re pushing it flat, tenors . . . this part is short . . . now soft, shush . . .” as his hands mimicked his words.
After the song, Nathan began talking “All right, those of you performing Saturday, I need you to stay after class . . . everyone else, see you . . . ” he paused as he finally spotted her, and then finished with a smile, "tomorrow.”
Coming to stand before her, he said, “Hey, little one,” sending a thrill through her heart at his endearment.
“I didn’t mean to disturb your class,” she said, a little taken back by her emotions. The joy at simply seeing him startled her –– part of her wanted to run from it . . . but part of her just wanted to run straight into his arms. And that is what troubled her most.
Smiling down at her in the way that melted all of her fears and scattered all rational thought, he said softly, “I like it when you disturb me.”
A blush stained her cheeks, and she handed him the envelope that Mr. Shirley entrusted to her. “Ah, this is for the competition on Saturday,” he said as students began coming in.
“We’re having practice right?” One student asked. He briefly nodded, but his attention was devoted to her.
“Well,” she said, still warmed by his comments, and his presence. “I better let you get to your practice.”
He grabbed her hand before she could escape. “Stay,” was all he said, but warmth flooded her heart again at the intensity of his gaze. “Stay, I want to share with you what is such a big part of my life.”
He pulled a chair from his office and placed it at the side of the room. Taking her things from her, he carried them to his office as she took her seat. Several of her students waved at her, and Barbara came to give her a quick hug. She expected the students to gather on the risers again, but instead they scattered themselves about the room. Some positioned themselves in front of the mirror, some grabbed music stands and formed a small circle, and others stood near the piano or on the risers.
Nathan returned and spoke briefly to them about Saturday’s performance, and then ran them through the same warm-up exercises as the previous class. After he started the music in the CD player, it didn’t take her long to recognize the words from one of her favorite poems.
Nathan moved about the group, singing along, his body and arms moving with the music and the directions he sporadically gave to the students. Some of the kids positioned in front of the mirror simply stood watching themselves, some sang to each other while dancing and show-boating, others seemed to be directing along with Nathan. Barbara was in the corner, sheet music in hand, intent and serious about her singing.
“Don’t let it die . . . it’s still forte,” he said to one student. “Pay attention to the words,” he said, “they are dying now, speak their anguish, speak their pain, and let your voice convey it."
Kristina watched the man who had been slowly worming his way past her walls and barriers. He stood, slowly moving to the music, eyes closed, “They’ve died, they’re gone . . . pain, sorrow, suffering . . . think of this as you are singing.” She stared transfixed at the handsome sight he made, so moved by the song.
When he opened his eyes, they fell upon her, and it was as if all the students had fallen away. Kristina sat, rooted to her chair, and bound to this handsome and sensitive man, wrapped tightly in the words and the music of the song, and the feelings that she saw in his eyes. Though she wanted to deny them…run from them, she couldn't. And she knew she would be lying if she said she wasn’t in love with Nathan.
Oblivious to what was going on, one student came up and asked Nathan a question, shattering the moment. With great reluctance he tore his gaze from her, and answered the young man’s questions. The boy began to jot notes down on his sheet music as Nathan spoke. He was about to ask another question when Barbara came to stand beside Nathan. Kristina smiled to herself as she watched the young man blush and falter in his speech.
Barbara was oblivious to the boy as she began to tinker with the keys on the
piano. Kristina couldn’t distinctly hear what they said over the din of the classroom chatter, but she couldn’t mistake the man's blush when Barbara winked at him and made a comment.
“All right guys,” Nathan said loudly over the noise to gain everyone’s attention. “I want to see everyone back here tomorrow after class and we will practice some more.”
After the last of the students had filed out of the classroom, Nathan turned to Kristina, who was returning the chair back to his office. Taking the chair, he said, “So what do you think?”
Smiling up into his boyishly expectant face, she said, “Oh, Nathan, it was beautiful. That is one of my favorite poems.”
“I love that song,” he said, taking her hands in his. “The music is so symbolic of their pain and anguish. The violins at the end almost sound as if they are crying and the way the drums . . . bum da da da dum . . .”
“You are moved by the music, and I was moved by the words.” She said, and then added with a shrug, "But they both say the same thing, just differently.” The passion the words ignited in her was accomplished, for him, through the music. For some strange reason, this seemed to bind her heart to his even more.
As if reading her thoughts, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her close, “They go together well, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do,” she said in a whisper.
“Well, if you think that was amazing,” he said, “you should see these kids perform.” Pulling her closer, he asked in a husky whisper, “Come with me on Saturday.”
“Okay,” When Nathan pulled her closer to his side, it was as if he pulled her deeper into his heart, and there was no denying him. There was also no denying the fact that she felt so relaxed and comfortable with him. This town, these people, and Nathan seemed to be the balm needed for her wounded heart. Despite the warnings sounding in her head, she began to hope again in a future.
As she walked home, she zipped up her coat. Though they day had begun mild, there was a biting north wind that chilled her to the bone. She wondered if it ever snowed here. She would have to ask Nathan if they got many white Christmases. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending Christmas with him. Maybe he would ask her to join them, as he was going to on Thanksgiving.
“You love walking, don’t you?” came a voice from behind her.
Kristina turned, glaring up at Bobby Swanson. “What do you want, Bobby?” She’d been so engrossed in her thoughts of Nathan, that she hadn’t heard him walking behind her.
“That’s a loaded question.” She wanted to knock that smirk off his face. Bobby reminded her so much of Steve - cocky, self-assured, and definitely slimy. Her skin crawled.
The old Kristina would have cowered and slipped away as fast as she could. Maybe it was the warmth of Nathan’s gaze, the safety his arms provided, or just this new hope in her future, but Kristina didn’t want to cower anymore. "Bobby, keep your lewd comments to yourself. If you have something pertinent to tell me, then you can address it during school hours on school property. Otherwise, keep your distance from me, or I will be forced to relay your comments to the authorities…and the football coach.”
He merely glared down at her, switching his toothpick from one side of his mouth to another. Keeping her head high, she turned and walked away, cringing at the curses he mumbled. She was trembling from fear, but at the same time, felt proud that she had not let him intimidate her. Maybe things can be different.
She bounded up her steps, and found a box sitting on her doorstep. Picking up the box, she let the screen door slam behind her, unmindful of closing the front door as she pondered who would leave a box at her home. Her heart skipped a beat as she pulled off the tape; maybe it was Nathan. The smile that wreathed her face froze as she gazed down at the contents of the box. A watch, Valentine’s Day card, cuff links…gifts given once to express her love. An envelope sat on top; her hand shook as she reached to pull it out.
My Darling Angel,
Despite your little attempt at getting rid of me, I will never leave you, or forget about you. And I will make it my life’s purpose to make sure you never can forget about me. I know you think you can run from me, but we are one. So fly away, my beautiful little sparrow, but I will find you. Remember, you are my little angel. You were sent down from Heaven for me and for me alone. I will not let anyone have you.
Always and forever,
Your HUSBAND,
David
She crumbled the letter and tossed it in the box. How was it possible? He’s dead? His attorney had tried to contact me to settle David's estate…her mind reeled with the possibility. What if that was just a ruse to try and locate her? How had he found her?
Panic strangled her breath, and she closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheek. What was she going to do? Where was she going to go? The last line of his letter fluttered across her mind, I will not let anyone have you.
Nathan…
If David found out about Nathan, he would be livid. Tears poured down her cheeks as she remembered the anger, the hatred that David vented through his fists. There was no way she could ever let David touch one hair on Nathan’s head.
Kristina prayed, Oh, God, I don’t know why you keep making me endure this pain. But you can’t hurt Nathan. He has been so sweet, so kind, and so gentle. I can't bear the thought of David hurting him…please, I love him. Once the words were out, it was like a flood gate had been opened in her heart. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she repeated the words, words she knew she’d never get to say to Nathan. “I love him, I love him, Lord.”
Chapter Fourteen
Nathan whistled along to the song playing on his truck’s radio. He was on his way to see his father to have a discussion he knew he should have had with him about a year ago. He smiled as he wondered what Kristina would think if she knew she was the cause for his change of heart.
After watching her leave his classroom the other day, Nathan could see that she was overcoming whatever fears she had, and her trust was building. Perhaps more slowly than he would have liked, but it was building. And to his amazement and joy, brick by brick, her wall was coming down.
Watching Kristina grow and begin to trust in both him and God, his heart also began softening toward becoming a pastor. For all the advice and counsel he was dishing out to her, maybe he should take that advice as well. If God was calling him to be pastor of this community, wouldn’t He also provide the grace needed to do that job? If God was there for Kristina in the midst of her troubles, wouldn’t God be there for him as he cared for and led this community?
Lord, the truth is I don’t know what you called me to do. I feel like I’m drowning in the churning waters of my fear and You can’t hear my cries because fear is choking me. But I know You are there. I know You hear me. Please help me step past these emotions to hear Your will for my life.
As he pulled into the church parking lot, he parked the truck and leaned back in his seat with a weary sigh. Everything in him wanted to rush into the church and tell his father he wanted the position. That had been his downfall after graduating from college; he’d rushed right into seminary, assuming he'd make a great pastor.
What if I fail? He asked God. What if I mess up like I did with Jordan?
Feeling as if the world was on his shoulders, he went inside. His mom was sitting behind the desk as he walked in. Looking up from her computer screen and over her glasses, she greeted him. “Are you here to see me, or are you just here to work?”
“I have some work I need to do.” Nathan kissed her on the cheek and added, “Seeing you is the added bonus that makes me want to come and do the work."
Sandra laughed at his comment, “Your father is in his office, if you need to see him.”
“Thanks, mom.”
Entering into his father’s office, Andrew looked up and smiled. “Hey, Nathan. How’s the performance coming?"
Nathan smiled to himself. No matter how busy his father was, he always seemed to remember what eve
ryone was doing, or what they were going through – even the smallest of things. How good would I be at that?
“Great,” Nathan answered. “Kristina sat in on practice today.”
“Did she, now?” His father said with a knowing smile. After a moment, he said, “Are you going to invite her for Christmas? We'd sure love to have her join us.”
Nathan laughed; he’d been thinking the same thing this morning. “I will, Dad.”
“Good.”
“Do you have time to discuss the children’s camp?” Nathan asked, hedging around the real reason for coming.
“Son,” Andrew said with a gentle smile, “For you, I have all the time in the world.”
After the men ironed out the last minute details of this year’s camp, Nathan stood. Now that it was upon him, he couldn’t find a way to broach the subject.
His gaze fell upon the wall. His father had a picture of everyone he’d ever baptized. Nathan found his picture easily and touched the corner. His father came up behind him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I love this wall, it keeps me humble and lets me know how blessed I am.” At his son’s questioning look, he added, “That God would use me to be an instrument in each of these people’s lives . . . it’s amazing and humbling all at the same time.”
“Were you ever afraid?” Nathan asked softly.
“It would be easier to ask when I was not afraid.” Andrew said with a chuckle. “Fear of my own abilities, however, has kept me seeking God's wisdom instead of leaning on my own.”
Nathan shoved his hands in his pockets and hung his head.
“When God first called me to be a pastor, I did everything I could to serve Him.” Andrew admitted with a laugh, “But just not in the way He wanted me to serve. I taught Bible study classes, led a men’s group. I worked hard – using all the talents He has given me - to show God I could serve Him just as well, or even better, from the other side of the pulpit. Despite all my hard work, determination, even the blessings I brought to others through my hard work . . . I didn’t have peace.”
Miracles in Disguise (The Trampled Rose Series) Page 10