Dirty Talk

by S. L. Scott

  The tree’s shadow moves and stretches with the sun’s positioning. I’m tempted to stay here well into the night. It’s peaceful in a world that’s gotten out of hand.

  How could I hurt her?

  How could I break her heart even when it’s for her own good?

  I’m unsure what hurt more—her telling me she hates me, or the lack of tears in her eyes when she said it. Either way, I’ll never forget either.

  Despite my tired legs, my weary mind, and my soulless body, I walk back. When I get closer to the hotel, I look around for Jane, a small seed of hope planted that I might find her on the street and we can talk. Will I tell her the truth? Will I be able to crush her dreams instead of her heart? What’s worse?

  Pulling my phone from my pocket, I call the only person I can tell anything to, that I can tell how I’ve fucked up, and gotten fucked.

  Two rings and the call is answered, “What up?”

  “I’ve screwed up, Danny.”

  “I leave the country for a few weeks and you manage to fuck up your entire life?” There’s lightness to his voice.

  Heaviness coats mine. “So much shit has gone down.”

  “With Jane?”

  “I’ve lost her.”

  We talk for a few minutes before he has me going back to the hotel room to talk to her, remembering I can talk to her in private there. I can fix this. She can pretend… maybe she’ll play along if I can make amends.

  I open the adjoining door, but Jane’s door is locked, so I knock, but there’s no response. I press my ear to the door and listen to hear if she’s there. It’s quiet next door—no TV, no music, no voices speaking on phones.

  Nothing.

  While I’m in the privacy of my room, I call Jane, willing her to answer her phone. She doesn’t. I call again, this time going to voicemail. “Please call me.”

  Like I’m willing to sacrifice everything for her, I’m also willing to risk telling her the truth in private. There’s a knock. I shut the adjoining door quietly and when I open the front one, Jane stands there. A smile I can’t stop floods my face… until I see Ian behind her. “We need to talk,” he says. Jerk.

  Jane looks away and I open the door wider. “Come in.” When they’re standing in the middle of the room, I remark, “Shouldn’t you be on set? We have limited hours to finish the film.”

  “We got the last scene, so I, I mean we,” he says, with his hand on Jane’s shoulder, and a shit-eating grin on his face, “wanted to share the good news while the crew changes locations.”

  Jane won’t look at me. But I can’t take my eyes off her.

  Ian begins rambling again, “Jane and I are dating.”

  My gaze shifts to him just as Jane scolds him, “Ian!”

  He keeps talking, ignoring her reprimand. “We wanted to let you know we support your relationship with Jessica. She’s happier than I’ve seen her since we’ve been here. I know at one point you were developing feelings for Jane, so we also wanted to share with you first and would appreciate your support.”

  Developing…

  That never happened with her. She owned my every emotion from the first time I saw her in the sixth grade.

  He’s not a threat to me. I’ve already taken myself out of the running. He’s posturing. Peacocking, and pissing on what he thinks is his territory.

  Jane doesn’t care about him. It’s written all over her body language, her impatient expression, and her tone when she corrects him. “Oh for goodness sake, Ian. We aren’t dating. I only agreed to dinner to discuss the New York locations the scout sent us, but that’s not why we came here.”

  We stand in front of each other, as if we never knew each other at all, as if we’ve never loved each other. “Why did you come here?”

  He answers before she has a chance, “We’re wrapping sooner than we thought.”

  “What?” I ask, shocked by the news. “The schedule is in place.”

  “We don’t need five more days in Austin,” Ian says. “We’ll be finished tomorrow at the rate we knocked out the scenes today. So Manhattan is up to bat next.”

  With her gaze landing hard on me, Jane crosses her arms over her chest. “Whatever has come over Jessica has changed her. She nailed her scenes. Not one retake was needed.” Her glare scorches my empty chest, my body acutely aware of the lack of heartbeats.

  She moves to leave while saying with more resigned apathy than I’ve ever seen, “So whatever you did for her is working. Seems we’ll be done in two days and can leave.”

  Ian touches her lower back as they move and I want to rip his fucking arm out of the socket. He opens the door for her and then like the true gentleman he is, he walks out first. Bastard.

  I ask, “Do you?”

  She looks at me for the first time since she walked in. “Do I what?”

  “Do you leave in two days?”

  Her honesty is revealed, and with Ian out of earshot, she shrugs. “I don’t know anything anymore.” The door closes and I’m left staring at the back of it.

  * * *

  “IF YOU WERE looking for Jane at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels, I can confirm you won’t find her there.” I can already imagine the cocky grin on his face before I even see it. Danny sits down across from me and rests his arms on the table. “Trust me, man, I’ve searched there myself and nothing ever good came of it.”

  “Did you try Crown? Or Patron? Maybe I should switch liquors.”

  He chuckles and sits back. Scanning the courtyard, he smiles at a few gawkers before turning back to me. “The only thing I found at the bottom of Patron was an almost arrest down on the border past San Diego. Oh right, you were there and the one buying.”

  “You were cuffed. Not arrested. I should call you the Great Embellisher.”

  “Let’s get to it. I have to be in Miami tomorrow.”

  “What do you want to know?” I ask, and then finish my drink.

  “Do we want to pretend this isn’t about Jane, and oh, I don’t know, sightsee? I heard the Duck Tour is fun. Or how about we cut to the chase and you give me the lowdown. I didn’t fly to Texas for the humidity.”

  “Why did you fly here?”

  He shakes his head and takes the bottle in hand. “Got another glass?”

  “Nope.” A glass suddenly appears, a woman to the side of him stands there offering. Danny gives her the smile that made him famous—the one I tease him over—and he accepts it. The waitress then asks if we need anything else. “No. Thank you.”

  He pours a shot and downs it before responding, “You’re being dumb as fuck, not thinking clearly. You know what I’ve been through and yet you learned nothing from it. It’s time to step up to the plate and go for the homer. The house is a possession. Nothing more. Shit, I sold it to you a few years ago and I could care less about it. Jane on the other hand—”

  “She is not a possession I can control.”

  “You wouldn’t want her if you could.”

  “I can’t have her if I wanted.”

  “Bullshit.” He pours us both another shot.

  “For someone who just lectured me on the loneliness of a full bottle of liquor, I’ll take this shot as a sign you’ve reconsidered your stance.”

  “It’s called truth serum.”

  “I don’t have a problem with the truth. I have a problem with a five-foot-eight actress who thinks the world owes her when her privileged life falls apart.”

  “What upsets you more—the fact that you made a deal against your conscience or that you made a deal with Jessica?”

  “They’re one in the same and have the same outcome—I lose Jane.”

  “You didn’t fight for Jane. Again.” Danny sits forward, no smugness, no joy, just irritation singeing his words. “You gave her up and then sit here as if you did it all for her. Don’t call me all crying that you’re being “blackmailed” by the shallow actress who can’t find her car at the end of the night, much less plot out a huge master plan just because she thinks y
ou’re the cherry on top of a mountainous sundae. You give yourself too much credit.”

  “Speaking of shallow, how’s the modeling world?”

  He smiles. “About the same as Hollywood these days, and nice try. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t try to set you straight. So here it is. Listen up, brother. You’re fucking up. Big time. I can’t save you. No one can, except you. Fix this, Luke, before it’s too late.”

  “It’s already too late. She told me she hates me.”

  “If she spoke to you at all, it’s not too late.” Danny stands after setting his empty glass down. Scanning the crew, he asks, “Where’s Jane?”

  I set my glass down. “I would assume on her date with Ian.”

  Danny’s face crinkles. Not good for a model who makes his money off his face. “The director? What the fuck?”

  “Fuck if I know,” I reply, shaking my head.

  “Where are they?”

  “They didn’t bother to fill me in on that detail before they left. Scalia might know.” I get up and cross the courtyard. Ryan, Scalia, and a few others are sitting together drinking wine.

  Ryan stands when he sees Danny. His hand is out before I can even make the introduction. “You’re Danny Weston.”

  Danny shakes his hand. “Yep.”

  “I’m a big fan.”

  Danny looks down at their still-joined hands and pulls his back. “Thanks.”

  I interrupt because this is just awkward on many levels. “Have you guys seen Ian?”

  Scalia looks sympathetic the way her brow creases and her eyes go down. “He and Jane went to dinner just a little while ago.”

  Danny asks, “Do you know where?”

  She smiles—like everyone does when he speaks to them—and says, “I think to this Italian restaurant a few blocks down from here. Take a right on the sidewalk. I know they walked.”

  “Thank you.”

  We leave the group and walk outside the hotel grounds. I’m about to head south on Congress, but the back of his hand hits my chest. “You stay here. I’ve got some business to take care of. I’ll meet you later.”

  “What business?” I ask skeptically.

  “Nothing important,” he replies sarcastically, “just your entire future.”

  Right there.

  That’s what friends are for.

  CHAPTER 26

  ~Jane~

  MY THIRD YAWN triggers Ian to ask, “Are you okay?”

  “Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “I can imagine. Finding out the person you were mildly interested in is sleeping… I mean dating someone else can take a toll. Maybe tonight, we can have an early night and go back to my room to relax. I’ve got a great bottle of Beaujolais we can try.”

  I thought my frown would be a big enough hint, but apparently not since hope sits firmly in place on his face. “I think you’re jumping ahead a few steps.”

  “I know what I want and you are lovely.”

  “We should get back on topic. New York.”

  But he carries on as if I didn’t speak at all, lost in himself. He reminds me of Lawrence. “I think we make a great couple and we’re old enough to not waste time searching for something that’s right in front of us.”

  “Ummm…” Both hands go up. “We need to take some major jumps back, Ian. I just got out of a relationship with a foundation of business. That’s not what I’m looking for. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but your sudden determination to have me in your life makes no sense. You barely know me and I don’t know you at all.”

  “There’s an electricity between us, from the first time we met back in LA. Don’t you feel it?”

  Over Ian’s shoulder I see him. “Shit.” Danny Weston.

  “What?”

  “No,” I say. “I’m not talking to you.” I have a strong suspicion him being in Austin and walking into the same restaurant where I’m dining isn’t a coincidence. I stand. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “A friend of mine just walked in.” I move around the table. Danny sees me and his grin is friendly, looking innocent enough, but I still keep my guard up when I approach. “Luke’s not here.”

  “I’m not looking for Luke.”

  Yikes. “I was worried about that.”

  “No need to worry.” He moves forward. “It’s good to see you, Jane.”

  “You too.” I step into his embrace, briefly closing my eyes, feeling closer to a life I used to love. When we part, I ask, “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here to see you.”

  My voice going up an octave reveals my surprise. “Me?”

  “Do you have a minute?” he asks, seeing Ian watching us with a frown on his face.

  “Okay. I’ll be right back and meet you outside.” When I return to the table, I tell Ian, “I hate cutting tonight short.” I don’t at all. I need to thank Danny for saving me. “My friend flew out here. I need to speak to him about a few things. Thank you for dinner.”

  “We didn’t even order.”

  “Oh. Well, thanks for the glass of wine. I’ll see you tomorrow on set.”

  “Jane?” While I pull my purse around my shoulder, angling it at my hip, Ian stands. “What about New York? I was thinking a suite at the Plaza.”

  Turning to him, I touch his arm. “Ian, we’re not going to happen. You’re a nice enough guy and an amazing director, but there’s no chemistry.”

  “Chemistry is overrated. We can be great together. This movie is going to be huge and we can be the power couple behind it.”

  “I love your optimism, but I want to be part of a couple because of love, not a movie. Goodnight.” I give him a friendly pat on the arm and leave.

  Out on the sidewalk, Danny pushes off the wall. “Where are we going?”

  “There’s a place up here with cheap beers, an old jukebox, and ripped vinyl barstools. When was the last time you went to a dive bar, Mr. Suave?”

  “My tastes aren’t against dive bars, just against bad beer.”

  “Good to hear your ego is being kept in check.” We cross the street and walk in the door that’s propped open with a cinderblock. I turn back, and say, “Welcome to Austin.”

  He grabs a pitcher of beer and two glasses, then joins me at a table near a large window that’s open to the street. It doesn’t take him long to get down to business. “You two were a package deal when I met you. You still are if you ask me.”

  I’m open to hearing him out. “I’m asking.”

  “I want to hear your side of the story.”

  “I never took sides. I never knew I had to. I just trusted that he was the same Luke I’ve always known, but he’s not. He’s changed. LA has changed him. She’s changed him.”

  “Don’t give up on him. He loves you.”

  “He has a funny way of showing it.” I feel my eyes start to well, so I tip my head back and blink a few times hoping to stave off the tears. “And when I say funny it wasn’t funny at all.”

  “He can be an ass sometimes, but you know his heart is in the right place.” He shakes his head. “Most of the time. I’m not sure what the fuck is going on with the actress, but it’s not real. You and I both know it’s not.”

  “Does he? Because he stopped being with me to date her.”

  Danny watches people walk by outside and says, “I just saw him. He’s a mess, so if she’s making him happy, she’s doing a shitty job of it.” When he looks back at me, he searches my face before settling on my eyes. “You know when you start dating someone new and everything is exciting, everything they do is cute or funny?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s not in that stage. He’s drowning in a bottle of whiskey. Would someone buy a bottle of whiskey and be drinking alone if they were happy?”

  “I don’t know what you want from me, or what you want me to do. He made the decision to end us, not me.”

  “You were fighting—”

  “Over
her. He fucked her. Did he tell you that? He fucked her back in LA and then lied to me about it.”

  “You guys were broken up. He never saw her twice.”

  I scoff. “So Ross and Rachel of you. But tell me this. Why did he insist she had to be a part of this project if it was over between them?”

  “Because this movie needed a name and she needed a new start. Everyone in Hollywood knows her history. She’s fucked over most of the major studios, but she can still get an indie movie financed. He’s a producer, Jane. His job is to get movies made. He got your movie made using whatever connections he has.”

  Crossing my arms defensively over my chest, I think about what he’s saying. It makes sense business-wise, but on a personal level, it makes none. One of those annoying tears falls down my cheek landing on the bar napkin. I look up into his caring brown eyes when he reaches across the table and covers my hand with his. Through a stifled breath, I finally say what has hurt me the most about the time Luke and I spent apart. “Why did he have to sleep with so many women? I wasn’t enough to make him commit to a lifetime, but knowing what he’s done since makes me believe I was never enough and never will be.”

  “Don’t say that. You were. You still are.”

  “He hates me and wants to see me in pain like I caused him.”

  “I understand why you left, but the consequences of that decision is that you broke him. He can’t commit to a pizza topping without second-guessing himself. So when he was sleeping with those women it was never to commit to one. It was to erase the one he lost.”

  “So I’m to blame for him being a manwhore?”

  “Yes.” He shrugs. “He didn’t need them when he had you.” My mouth drops open as the sting of his words backhand my heart. “Luke is the only guy I know who never cheated. That’s the harsh truth you need to hear.”

  While I sit there in shock, staring at Luke’s best friend as he doles out the medicine he feels needs to be given, the truth sinks in. “I am to blame.” Acknowledging that causes more tears to fall. Danny leans over and pulls me into his arms. “I’m to blame. I loved him. I still love him. I think I always will.” I cry on his shoulder, not caring that I’m in public, but grateful it’s not crowded in here. “He was the first man I ever loved. My father left us when I was two. I swore I would never fall in love and go through what my mom did and then Luke showed up. He showed up and showed me how love worked, how it felt, and he loved me.”