by Fiona Murphy
It should but doesn’t help Holly is like a ghost in the condo. Except for the morning I rarely see her, even if I can hear her in her room. Tomorrow is Sunday and the prospect of being in the condo with her all day has me wondering where the hell I can hide out. My cell rings, it’s Amelia, “Hello, brother dear! I’m proposing a movie day tomorrow. The Godfather trilogy it is, I’ve got the DVDs. I told Holly, she made all these noises about not wanting to intrude. Of course, I told her that was nonsense and she would be joining us. See you tomorrow at noon. Holly will make us lunch then we’ll start in on the movies and yummy lasagna will be made for dinner.”
Before I know it, she’s hung up. Fuck! What the hell is Amelia doing to me? My favorite dish is lasagna and Amelia knows that. An entire day with Holly, fighting to keep my cock down, with my sister there.
My work phone goes off, the caller is an important client. Finally, my focus is on work instead of Holly.
****
I wake up without an alarm on my lone day off. This is also the one day I don’t work out. It’s a little after eight. Not surprising, since I hadn’t been able to fall asleep until late last night. Coming home around midnight, I was half way down the hall when I heard the noise and went still as a statue. Holly was using a vibrator, the one I told myself I hadn’t seen her pack. My cock went hard then my knees weak as I heard her moaning and gasping. My legs wouldn’t move until her final gasp told me she had hit her orgasm. I pushed away from the wall and went into my room, careful to close the door without a sound. Then I made it to my bathroom and proceeded to jerk off until I came to the memory of Holly’s moans. It isn’t the first time I’ve done it. I know it won’t be the last.
Dressed in jeans and a plain white tee shirt, I leave my room to make myself some breakfast. I walk into the living room to see Holly in the kitchen, humming along with the radio she liked to listen to. She’s scrambling eggs in a bowl. When she sees me, she smiles, and fuck, I go still at the punch to my chest. With the shades wide open, the light reaches her showing off her glowing hair and bright sparkling eyes. In jeans and a black tee shirt with red lips on the front, she looks good.
“Good morning, I’m about to make myself an omelet would you like one?” She’s relaxed and happy. It’s hard not to stare.
“Depends, what kind of omelet are you making?”
She shrugs, “Mine will be goat cheese and spinach. Yours can be that or whatever we have in the fridge.”
“What you’re having sounds good to me, thanks.”
The Wall Street Journal is waiting at the dining table. I’m reading when she brings a plate over to the table and cup of coffee. I notice it’s only my plate though. “Go get your plate and sit down.”
“Such a sweet invitation. I will, thank you.”
I ignore her reply and dig into the omelet. She brings over her own plate and coffee. We eat without talking. When she’s done, she takes her plate into the kitchen. I hear her rinse it off then her cleaning up. Only five minutes later, I hear the door to her room close. Fuck, the cherry scent that belongs to her lingers after she is gone.
Done with my omelet and paper, I rinse my own plate and put it into the dishwasher. I dump the paper into the recycling bin. Then wonder what the hell I’m going to do until noon. Normally, I read up on case judgements, only I know I won’t be able to focus today. So I catch up on the things on my recorded cable box.
A little after eleven, Holly comes out of her room and heads straight to the kitchen. I can hear her prepping lunch. It isn’t long before heavenly smells fill the living room, hell, she’s making mushroom risotto. Risotto is a favorite of mine.
Amelia does her usual knocking as she unlocks the front door. “Hey guys! Holly, it smells divine in here. What are you making?”
“Mushroom risotto and a spinach and romaine salad with the choice of a few dressings. The bowl you’re holding is honey Dijon dressing, the other dressing is balsamic vinaigrette. I’ll let everyone dish up what they want. Ethan, lunch is ready.”
Knowing I’m going to need it, I open a bottle of wine. “Holly, did you want a glass?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine with water.”
Turning, I find Amelia already holding out a wine glass with a smile. I fill her glass and my own. Her salad isn’t just romaine leaves and spinach, there are cut up boiled eggs, red peppers and cucumbers. In small bowls beside it are croutons and fried onions. They look good and I add both then top it off with the honey Dijon, carefully so it wouldn’t get into the risotto.
Amelia is on the left of me, Holly on the right as I sit down. I see Amelia handing over a folded sheet of paper to Holly. “These are the best schools online. I put them down in order of the best at the top. If you’ll notice, some of them are real state universities who have gone completely online for some degrees. Penn State is online and top rated for the last two years, they seem expensive but they are only a few dollars more than the University of Chicago. Also, hello, it’s Penn State.”
I’m glad to hear Holly wants to go back to school. “I didn’t know they went online. They’re worth every penny when it comes to an employer looking at degrees.”
Holly looks embarrassed. “I’ll look everything over later. I know I have a little time until the summer semester starts. I’m really trying to get a plan in order first, you know, work out my budget first. My expenses will be few, COBRA being the biggest part of it. While I’ve priced out some other plans, they aren’t as good.”
“Add your bill for the COBRA to my expenses.” I tell her. “This is excellent risotto. Where did you learn to cook?”
“I’ll take care of the COBRA, I didn’t mean to complain. My mom, she made all of us kids help in the kitchen so we could learn to take care of ourselves. She enjoys cooking and with all of the places we’ve been, she would learn to cook like the locals.”
“I paid for Cora’s insurance, I’ll pay for yours too. I’m glad to hear you’re thinking of going back to school. Online is a good way to go. You can go at your own pace and you’ll also be able to work around your current duties.”
Amelia pats my hand. “My brother, such a sweetheart. Really, Holly, he not only paid for Cora’s insurance he covered the expense of a back surgery she needed, the year before last. Let him pay for it. Now he knows about it, he’ll wind up doing it with or without your permission. I love the way you’re supportive of her going back to school as long as it doesn’t bother you.”
Looking from Amelia to Holly, I nod. “Any employer would feel the same way. People work while going to online school all the time. I don’t doubt Holly can juggle both.”
“Seriously, Holly, you are a great cook. The last time I had risotto at a restaurant it was overly starchy. This is perfect. Ethan is lucky to have you as a cook. I’m jealous. So where did your dad get stationed?”
“All over the U.S., Italy, France, Germany.”
“Aren’t those the countries you were in while growing up, Ethan?”
“Yeah, except Italy, and we were in Japan for a while.”
Amelia claps for attention. “Let’s get to watching movies or I’ll end up spending the night again.”
Holly settles into one of the gray chairs, Amelia flings herself onto the couch, after loading the first movie into the DVD player. I take my usual position at the end of the couch with Amelia’s feet in my lap.
After the first movie, Holly goes to pop some popcorn and fix an afternoon snack before we watch the second movie. She comes back with regular popcorn, popcorn sprinkled with parmesan cheese, asparagus wrapped in prosciutto, and a bowl of cantaloupe and honeydew balls. While I usually barely put up with asparagus, wrapped in prosciutto and slightly crispy from the oven it’s good.
“Holly, you are cruel. This is delish.” Amelia teases.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Time for the next movie.” I say as I load the second movie.
Holly admits she’s never seen the second movie. Amelia and I he
ckle her for her lapse in not watching such a great movie. She laughs, making me smile when I hear it. Her response is we take our movie watching too seriously. Amelia defends the both of us then asks what other great movies that Holly has missed. The list is long, I know I’ll be looking at more movie Sundays with Holly.
We pause the movie halfway while Holly puts the lasagna she had been defrosting into the oven. She explains she prepped it yesterday. My mouth waters at the thought of her lasagna, after how good everything else she had made tasted.
Once the second movie is over, we sit talking about it as we wait for the timer to go off. When it does, Amelia and I trail after Holly, with Amelia offering to help, Holly says there’s no need.
“Wine?” I ask as I uncork the bottle still half full from this afternoon.
This time both say yes. I get out new glasses and pour in the dining room while I watch the two women moving around chattering happily in the kitchen. They are comfortable with each other, as if they’ve known each other their whole lives.
The lasagna is probably one of the best I’ve ever had. I try not moan, as Amelia does. This time there is little talking as we all eat with zeal. I’m the first to finish. My plate is clean, and I consider going back for another piece.
Does Holly read my mind? “I made tiramisu for dessert, leave room.”
Tiramisu, my favorite after cheesecake. I stay seated, agitated, as I wait for them to finish. Holly laughs. “Go get your piece of cake, it’s in the fridge on the third shelf.”
I’m up in seconds. Finding the glass dish, I serve myself a large piece. This time I can’t hold back my moan of enjoyment. The lady fingers are perfect, not over-soaked or too dry. I look up to see both of them smiling at me. “What? This is good. You’re going to need to make this again.”
“I will.” Holly promises.
They each have a piece, with Amelia loudly agreeing with me.
Amelia helps Holly clean up after everyone finishes. I go into the living room feeling full and lazy. It takes them about twenty minutes, then I’m tasked with loading the last movie. We return to our spots in the living room with Amelia sitting up, saying she ate too much to lie down. Her expression is accusatory as she looks at Holly.
The last movie is just short of three hours long. I’m not surprised to notice Holly has fallen asleep two hours into the movie. Amelia doesn’t notice until the movie is almost over.
“Dang, she missed the end. Poor thing, she is the best cook ever. You’d better be nice to her. I want more meals like today. I don’t care if I have to spend more time in the gym to make up for it.”
“Hmm... I’ll do my best.” Noncommittal.
She sighs, “You know, I think I’ve changed my mind. I think it’s good you don’t have a relationship with Holly. She’ll only get hurt in the end. She deserves someone who will adore her the way she deserves, who treats her like she’s as special as she is. Someone who will put her happiness before their own, and you’re too old to change your ways.”
I can’t refute her words. “True, very true.”
“It’s too bad. I think she could have made you happier.” She looks sad as she gets up and leaves without looking back. The door closes behind her so quietly, only the snick of her key in the metal can be heard.
Now that Amelia is gone, I finally look at Holly without worrying the desire I feel for her is clear on my face. Fuck, is all I think. Her sleep is deep, breathing even, as her breasts rise and fall making my whole body tight with longing to see her body uncovered. My cock is becoming painful, shaking my head I work to get myself under control.
It isn’t easy, especially as I can’t take my eyes off her. How the hell am I going to handle her, I wonder. I could simply shake her awake or I could pick her up and carry her to bed. Who the hell am I kidding? After weeks of longing, I wasn’t strong enough to deny the pleasure of holding her in my arms. Slowly, gently, I pick her up. She feels small in my arms, as with a sigh, she burrows her face into my neck. Fuck me, the feel of her is burning into me. It’s a sweet torture I don’t want to end, as I slowly make my way down the hall into her room.
Unable to prolong any more, I lay her down gently on the bed. I tell myself to walk out, I can’t. Leaning down, I take off her shoes and socks. She’s so small, I marvel at the way my hand wraps around her ankle. Even as I tell myself don’t, I’m unzipping her jeans. Rationalizing she would be more comfortable without them on. They come off easily. Holy shit, she’s wearing a silky black thong. I hadn’t turned on the light in her room. The only light is from the hallway, through the half-closed door. The desire to touch her makes my whole body clench in need. All I allow myself is for my eyes to travel over her, committing every inch of skin to memory. Uncurling my fists, I lean down to cover her with the sheet and comforter.
In the split second I’m only a few inches away from her, her eyes open in a daze. “Ethan.” She whispers then guts me as she reaches out to caress my cheek. I can’t deny the longing in her eyes. My mouth brushes hers, even though it’s a slight touch, it sets my entire body on fire for her. Her mouth opens wider in a moan. I accept her invitation, needing to taste her.
All my usual finesse is gone, hunger takes over as the sweetness of her mouth explodes on my tongue. Fuck! No way does she taste better than I’ve dreamed of, only she does and I can’t get enough. Holly’s arms go around my neck, pulling me against soft lush breasts, with her nipples imprinting on my chest. A leg comes over mine and holy shit, her hips rock against me, once then twice. Cock close to bursting I grind into the cradle of her. Her body shakes, I swallow her cry as I deepen the kiss. None of it is enough. Condom, I need a condom.
The thought causes me to freeze. No, this can’t happen. I tear my mouth from Holly even as my body is screaming for more. Sonofabitch, my body is trembling, I’m so weak I can only roll away from her. On my back, I’m gasping for air. Fighting for control is excruciating. “I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.”
I finally manage to move, pushing off the bed. I’m walking almost drunkenly away, my legs still weak, my mind screaming to stay.
“Ethan?” It’s a whisper filled with a sad question I can’t answer. I can only keep walking.
Shutting the door to my room, I lean against the door for a long time as I fight the longing to go back to Holly. Fuck me, to have finally come close to the dream I’ve been having, and to know it was better than I ever imagined is hell.
Chapter Fifteen
I’m dreaming, I tell myself, like I have so many nights before. Only, as I roll to my side squeezing my legs closed, the imprint of Ethan’s throbbing, impressive denim covered cock pressing into me causes a painful throbbing, and the triangle of my silk thong is unbearably wet. My whole body is aching from the unfulfilled need for the orgasm I was shockingly close to simply from his mouth on mine as he ground into me. Without thought, I cup my breasts, trying to assuage painfully tight nipples. Only one thought is clear, Ethan wants me.
The manwhore his sister swore never wanted anyone above a size four has just ravaged my mouth with a hunger that would have been scary if it hadn’t matched my own. Closing my eyes, I can still taste him, overwhelming my senses. The feel of his hard muscled body pressing into mine has me rolling over pressing myself against the soft silky comforter as heat rushes through me all over again. Ethan very clearly wanted me, yet, as I offered myself to him he pulled away, saying he was sorry. Was he sorry because he thought I wasn’t truly aware of who I was more than saying yes to? I knew exactly who was kissing me, who I wanted.
After believing for so long that Ethan could never want me, fighting my desire for him every day, dreaming of him every night, this moment should be full of joy. Only Ethan isn’t here with me now. I’m hollow inside. How could he walk away? Was he afraid I would get clingy? Did he think I wanted more than he was willing to give?
I want him badly. I’m willing to take him on any terms, without shame or a trace of dignity. If it was simply once or tw
ice, even a few days, I’ll take them without complaint. I can admit I lost all sense of pride for wanting him after only two weeks of working for him. I have no idea exactly why, or the exact moment it happened. I just know it has. Maybe it was the moment we stood in the glass box at the observation deck, with his arm around me showing me why he was the way he was. Or, maybe it was the moment he told me I was coming home with him, refusing to let me stay in an environment I found unbearable.
There isn’t a part of me that thinks underneath the surface there is a sweet, gentle guy ready to be unearthed for boyfriend material. While he can be sweet, and show genuine caring affection for Amelia, I know it’s because she’s his sister. Somewhere in the past maybe, because of another woman, his father, or simply the world, he’d turned into someone unwilling to form ties.
Bobby Dillard taught me a man could give incredible pleasure to a woman without caring about her at all. It had been three years since I’ve met a man I thought I could deal with having sex only. For Ethan, I’m more than willing.
Tomorrow I would find out exactly why Ethan was sorry. Then I’d make sure he knew I wasn’t.
****
My alarm goes off, after so little sleep last night it’s painful to open my eyes. Stumbling into the bathroom, I wake up a little in the shower. When I button my jeans, I’m wondering if they’re looser than when I tried them on. It has been two weeks of almost daily workouts, just walking and now five pound weights. I’m up to a half hour which Roseanne said was best to maintain now I’m up to six on the incline. In a good mood from that, I go out to begin making his morning snack. Last night I had made the decision to act as if nothing was different, until he was sitting down for breakfast. If I did it before, he’d probably run from the condo without coming back until one in the morning.
His plan is apparently also to pretend as if last night didn’t happen. He barely looks at me, let alone speaks to me. It doesn’t bode well for getting him to talk to me at breakfast, but I can’t back down. I sure as hell can’t let it go.