by Fiona Murphy
When he comes back from working out I’m almost done with his breakfast. I take it into the dining room before he’s out of his room. I’m in the kitchen cleaning up as he sits down. Taking a fortifying drink of my own coffee, with a deep breath, I go into the dining room. I rest my hands on the other end of the long table, he doesn’t look up. “What were you sorry about?”
He sighs. “Holly, don’t do this. Last night shouldn’t have happened. Let it go so we can continue as things are, in relative peace.”
I don’t know why, but I’m most pissed by the way he doesn’t take his eyes off the paper in his hand as he answers me. “Answer me this, would you have kissed anyone that way, been that turned on by any woman, or was it because it was me?”
No answer, his eyes don’t move from the paper.
Asshole. “I knew exactly who was kissing me, and I wanted it last night. I still want you today. I’m willing to take you on your terms. There won’t be any fantasies of hand holding and cuddling at bedtime. When it’s over, I’ll go back to my bed. When you want the whole thing to be over, then I’ll accept it without begging for more time, or bothering you. We can go back to normal—as if nothing happened. All I want from you is sex. Don’t worry, I’m not a virgin. That’s how I know all I want is sex. This wouldn’t even be my first no-strings relationship.”
Still nothing, although I notice his jaw has hardened and the hand holding his paper has turned into a fist.
“Say something, damn it!”
Putting down the paper, he gets up. Without looking at me, he says only. “It can’t happen.” Then walks out the front door.
I pull out a chair as my legs give out. Staring at his barely touched breakfast, I’m at a complete loss. Without embarrassment, I call Amelia. When she answers, I don’t prevaricate. “Why doesn’t Ethan want to want me?”
Her answer is a curse word, it’s still a shock to hear her swear. “Holly, I have to admit I thought in the beginning it would be a good thing for you two to get together, only I know it’s not now. Don’t, please don’t get involved with Ethan. You’ll only end up hurt, in the end.”
“I’m not an idiot, I’m not picturing prams or happily-ever-after with him. I know who he is, that’s why I don’t understand why a manwhore like him is refusing to even consider taking what I’ve offered. While I’m not pretending to be an expert on men, I’m pretty sure the man wants me. What in the hell is going on?”
“I love you. Please don’t put me in this position.” She’s begging me.
Not relenting, I press her. “I love you, too. If you know the reason why then please be honest with me.”
Amelia’s voice is so strangled it’s barely more than a whisper. “Remember when I said he’s been with every nationality but never with anyone bigger than a size four? His suits, his career, his condo, the way he wants his breakfast in the morning. Ethan wants perfection in everything, including the women he’s with. You deserve better than him. Whatever has happened forget it, for your sake. I have to go.” Amelia ends the call.
I let the tears fall, once again I’m too fat to be wanted. Now I understand why Ethan didn’t say a word.
I’m not sure how long I sit there before I get up to clean on autopilot. I’ve just finished the kitchen when the phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hi, this is Brian from Jack’s Humidor. Is Mr. Bishop available?”
“Not at this moment, if you want to leave a message I can make sure he gets it.” I go into the office to take the message down.
“Okay, I’m embarrassed to admit the other night when he was in, he took the receipts with him instead of signing them at the end of the night. While I’m sure it was an accident, if he could please make sure to come by tonight to sign them, that would be great. Even though he’s been in almost every night the past few weeks, of course he wasn’t in last night. So, um, it would be great if he came in tonight. I’ll give him a scotch on the house for the trouble.”
What? “Did you say he’s been in almost every night?”
“Yeah, for the last few weeks almost every night. He usually closes the place down.”
“And his companion. Does she need to come in and sign anything?”
“Oh, um, no. He never comes in with anyone.”
“Can I ask you what time he comes in?” He’s silent for a moment. “Just in case I miss him at the office.”
“Well, most nights it’s around ten.”
I thank him and hang up. There haven’t been any women since I started. The memory of his kiss tells me everything I need to know. Ethan had kissed me like a man who, after starving, was finally being fed. He’s been taking women out to dinner, getting their perfume on him, then going on to the club to stay out late. A manwhore who usually went through women like a person with a cold went through tissues hasn’t been with anyone in weeks. Remembering his hard-as-steel cock pressing against me, it wasn’t because he wasn’t up to performing.
After talking with Amelia, I really was going to let it go, only now I know I can’t. I just can’t.
Chapter Sixteen
Opal says my name for what I’m sure is the second time before handing me a file. Taking the file I know I asked for, I thank her then open it without seeing a word. Just as I had with the paper this morning when Holly told me she was willing to take me on my terms. She can never know how badly I wanted to take her then and there. My body was screaming, begging for her body as it had been all night. As badly as I want her, despite her words, I can’t have Holly. There would be too many complications. Damn it, she’s making me think of things I don’t want to think about. Making me feel things I don’t want to feel, I like my life the way it is. I don’t want it to change, visceral instinct tells me Holly will change my entire world.
My cell phone rings, Amelia. Fuck. “Hello?”
“What did you do?”
“Stay out of this Amelia. This is between Holly and me. I’ve told her nothing can happen between us.”
“And it won’t?”
I’m annoyed at how relieved she sounds. “It won’t.”
“Okay.” She hangs up without another word.
Glad Amelia took me at my word, I’m still annoyed at how upset she got with me about Holly. Did she really have to act as if I would be the worst thing to happen to Holly? If all Holly was after was sex, then I was the man for her. I could please her in countless ways. Christ, the things I’ve imagined doing to her. Instantly, my cock is hard. Fuck!
A tone goes off, letting me know I have a new email. I see it’s from Holly. The subject line is Jack’s Humidor. As I read the message, my stomach drops.
Brian called from Jack’s Humidor, you know, the place you go every night to make me believe you’re out fucking another woman. I know, Ethan.
They need you to stop by again tonight to sign a receipt you forgot to leave the last time you were in. I assured them you’d be in tonight because I also know you’re too much of a coward to come home tonight.
Sonofabitch. She knows. How can she know? How the fuck can she know? No way could she know. It doesn’t matter if she knows. It doesn’t change anything.
My office phone buzzes before my secretary announces a caller. In relief, I take the call, hoping to get lost in work.
****
I don’t even bother calling a woman, too tired to go through another night of pretense. Especially when there’s no need. Instead, I call in delivery for dinner, and when I’m done, I head over to the cigar bar. As soon as I sit down, a waiter comes over.
“Mr. Bishop, I’m glad you came in tonight. I’ll get you a scotch on the house as I promised. If you can just sign these.” The man offers me a receipt, I sign off, wanting to stab the guy with my pen. This guy was the reason Holly knew.
The only question is how late do I stay tonight? For a moment, I consider taking the easy way out and checking into a hotel. Christ, I’m not afraid of going home to deal with the situation. I stay until midnight then finally
give in and go home.
At home, the foyer light is on as Holly always leaves it. Walking down the hall her light is off. As I try to fall asleep I don’t know why I’m disappointed Holly wasn’t awake to confront me.
****
I’m dressed, ready to work-out, only I haven’t left my room. My stupid cock won’t go down at the thought of seeing Holly, especially with everything she offered me running through my head. It takes several minutes to get my body under control and I’m able to walk out the door, barely acknowledging Holly. As she had yesterday, she allows me to get my snack eaten, and out the door without a word.
When I come back, she is quiet as she lays my breakfast down in front of me. I’m almost finished this time, when she sits down beside me. “When I said I’d take you on your terms I meant it. I get I’m not a size four with legs up to my neck, the kind of woman you’re used to. If you want to continue the façade of taking out the hot woman and coming home to me for sex, then I accept that. As long as you are only fucking one of us at a time. I guess when I said I’d take you on your terms I should have clarified I can only put up with you not fucking someone else at the same time as me. Just like I don’t expect handholding and cuddling, I don’t expect you to take me out and wine and dine me.”
How the hell can she agree to what she is offering? “Holly, please, I’m asking you not do this. You’re an employee, I don’t fuck employees, there are too many risks for me. You say you understand, but I don’t think you get it. I want a fuck, maybe two, but that’s it. I never do more than a one night. Quite frankly, I’d rather not lose the best housekeeper I’ve had in years over a fuck.”
She instantly goes still. Opening her mouth, she says nothing before shaking her head. I see my chance and run for the door.
Chapter Seventeen
I call Amelia out of pure frustration. “Please don’t lecture me, just tell me how to get Ethan.”
Amelia sighs heavily. “Ethan doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do, ever. Fuck, Ethan is going to kill me. But there is something you need to know about him. When he was fifteen, he fell in love hard with a girl named Brittany. A huge problem, besides the fact they were both only fifteen. Brittany came from, as trite as it sounds, the wrong side of the tracks. Fast—so fast I believe our father when he says she did it on purpose—Brittany got pregnant, everything went as badly as it possibly could. Her parents demanded Ethan and Brittany get married or they would file statutory rape charges. Our parents told him they wouldn’t sign off on the marriage, and it was them or her. You can imagine how that went down with Ethan. He and Brittany ran away together, only they had nowhere to go.
“It turned into them squatting in a house at the edge of town. Brittany was five months along when everything went to hell. Ethan said he woke up to Brittany crying that something was wrong. Since it was dark, neither of them could tell how badly she was bleeding. There was no phone, so he left her and ran to the closest house for help. He called 911, then her parents.
By the time the ambulance got there Brittany was barely conscious. Apparently, her placenta detached while she miscarried, causing her to bleed badly. They weren’t in the emergency room more than twenty minutes before she died. Her parents called our parents and everyone was there. My asshole father said something like ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’. Ethan lost it and had to be pulled off our dad. That’s the real reason why he went off the rails for a while before ending up in juvie.
“I hate to tell you this, but you remind me of Brittany, you don’t look like her. It’s more like she was your size, with brown hair and petite. I’m not thinking he sees you as her, it’s probably how you remind him of our dad saying she wasn’t worthy of Ethan. That’s why I think he picks all those gorgeous women to show my dad and everyone else he only has the best of everything. His life has been defined by doing his best to prove my dad wrong. He has his rules and he sticks to them, as much to protect himself as anything else.
“Yeah, sure I’ll get it done.” It’s obvious she’s talking to someone as she moves away from the phone. “Sorry, Holly, I have to go.”
Mind whirling, my heart hurts for Ethan. He lost his child at the same time as the girl he loved. It’s not surprising at all he went a little crazy after losing them. The loss of control, the helplessness he felt must have been immense. His need for control and power are completely understandable. He doesn’t ever want to be in a position where he isn’t sure of every outcome in his life.
Lost in my thoughts, I once again clean on autopilot. Finished, I would normally go down to work out, only I’m not in the mood. I’m still trying to figure out Ethan. He’s wanted me for weeks, yet chose to ignore it. I have no doubt he tried to have sex but he hasn’t. As much as he still wants me, he tries to ignore that desire as if any day it would go away. Maybe in the beginning it was to avoid the complications of getting involved with me, but after what Amelia told me, there’s more.
The answer comes to me in an instant, a contract. Lawyers like contracts, especially the ridiculously long one he’d given me for employment. If the employment contract made him comfortable, then wouldn’t a contract covering a sexual relationship? Praying I’m not bothering her, but completely not embarrassed, I head to Ethan’s office. Only, when I get there I tell them I need to speak with Amelia.
She’s two floors down from Ethan’s office. When I get out of the elevator Amelia is waiting for me. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
Lowering my voice, “I need you to create a contract between me and Ethan covering a sexual relationship.”
Her eyes go wide in shock for a long minute until she gets I’m serious. She throws her head back and laughs. “I fucking knew you were perfect him. This is nuts. Okay, if it’s what you want then I’ll do it. Give me five minutes, I need to dump my work on someone else. This isn’t going to be quick and easy. Come on.”
I follow in her wake, nearly running to keep up with her while wondering how she can walk so fast in five-inch Louboutin heels. We round a corner where she leans over into a cubicle. The guy in the cubicle is a blond haired, blue eyed Adonis. Her voice down to a whisper, “Troy, I need you to get the Marsh file off my desk and finish it for me. Don’t give me that look. I covered for you with Damon when you were late, then the time you left early for a date. Time to pay up, or the next time you show up late I’m not going to say a thing.”
The Adonis nods sheepishly. “What does it need?”
“Nearly everything, I did the research and have a list of past judgements that will help but haven’t read them yet.”
He looks like he wants to argue but gives in. “Okay.”
“Hand me that legal pad and a pen, please.” Amelia might not be the softy I always thought she was.
Taking the pad, she hustles me into an empty small conference room. “All right if you want to do this we’re going to do it. Hit me with your conditions and terms.”
Now I’m unsure. Terms and conditions? “I don’t know. I’m willing to have a sex-only relationship when Ethan wishes it. We can maintain separate sleeping quarters. While we’re in the relationship neither of us will have other partners, although he can take other women out in public to maintain his reputation. When he ends the relationship, I won’t object. If he prefers I no longer work for him, I’ll quit, as long as I get two week’s severance pay.”
Not really sure what else, I end with a shrug. Amelia rolls her eyes with a sigh, “It’s a good thing you came to me. With Ethan everything is in the details, everything.”
She hadn’t been kidding, over the next hour we go into the kind of depth and description that causes me to blush often. Some of the things make total sense, who will be responsible for birth control, the scary question of what happens if I get pregnant. I make it clear I won’t have an abortion. I’m okay with child support set at what the court decides. There will not be a request for maintenance, no matter how long we are together. Then the questions actually go into the bedroom, including
sexual positions, holy crap. I admit, no, I have not tried anal, and yes, I’m willing, although I want him to ask first. If I find it uncomfortable, I have the right never to do it again. No to sex during my period, but I’m willing to give two blow-jobs during the week of to keep him sexually satisfied. While I promise to sex at least twice a week, I reserve the right to limit the encounters up to five times, which includes oral sex. Our sexual relationship will never interfere with our working relationship. She pushes me to demand one month’s severance, but I stick to the two weeks.
Finally, we finish. I feel as though I’ve been wrung out. “Stay here, I’ll go get this drawn up properly.”
Laying my head on a shoulder as I bend over the cool glass table, all I can do is nod. While I’m alone, I think everything over. The things Amelia questioned, told me to demand, and what I wanted. I swear, when Ethan finally gives in I’m going to make him pay for having to go through this for him. For a moment, I wonder if he is worth it, yet deep down the answer is easy, he is.
When Amelia comes back she has an eight page, professional-looking document. Seeing all of it in black and white, I’m blushing all over again. “Thank you, Amelia.”
“You’re welcome. I think you are a good match for him, exactly what he needs. Him being what you need, I’m not sure but you’re a big girl though and the decision is yours. I’m happy to help you get what you want. Good luck.”
With a hug, I’m out the door, the document tucked into a manila folder. I know I’m going to need more than luck. I go to the place I bought the soft silky underwear the day after I went shopping with Amelia. A half hour is spent trying to find the perfect outfit. Since I can’t make up my mind, I choose three. At the register, the woman looks through my purchases. "These are great dear, but do you have the most important seduction tool?”
My blank look is her answer.