Out of Time

by Shirlee McCoy

  “It isn’t his choice.” She didn’t seem fazed by his comment, didn’t seem upset.

  “No, but it might be a wise one.”

  “This is your case, Levi. I get that. You’re after the Lions of Texas, Gregory Pike’s killer. You’re working hard to secure the Alamo and prevent whatever is being planned from coming to fruition. So, it’s your gig, but it’s my battle. All this.” She waved toward the officer who was bagging up the box and petals and photo. “It’s not just about keeping the Alamo secure. It’s about me proving that I can still handle the job. Still do what I’ve always wanted to.”

  “You don’t need to prove that to anyone, Susannah.”

  “I have to prove it to myself. I can’t walk away from this. I won’t. Chad has gone to speak with the rest of the security team. We’ll be running shifts for the rest of the week. Two Rangers here at all times.”

  “Susannah—”

  “I know you could talk to Chad. You could tell him you want me off the assignment. I hope you won’t.”

  “I should.” But, he wouldn’t. She had a right to fight her battle and face down her demons, and he had no right to take that from her. He just prayed he wouldn’t regret the decision.

  “I want you close to my side until this is over. When you’re not here, you’re with me or you’re at home.”

  “That’s—”

  “Those are my conditions, Susannah.”

  “Fine. Home or here or with you.” She frowned and stalked toward the barracks. Yellow crime scene tape cordoned off the area near the door.

  “I guess that’s where they found the box.”

  “Looks like it.” She took a deep breath, and Levi imagined she was reining in her irritation, forcing herself to accept his plan.

  “It seems to me that we would have seen it sitting there if it had been left last night. I walked by this area more than once.”

  “So did I.” She frowned, surveying the barracks, the grounds, the path they were on. Her gaze stopped on the gate, held there. “Do you think it’s possible someone came in after we left last night?”

  “Anything is possible. We need to check the surveillance tapes from every gate, see if our perp slipped in after we left last night.”

  “I was thinking the same.”

  “I’ll ask Chad to take a look and then pass the tapes on to your office.” She turned to face him, her skin satiny-smooth in the midmorning light. “There’s something I need to say. Something you need to know before we start…spending more time together.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I don’t want your pity. I don’t ever want to look in your eyes and know that you feel sorry for me.”

  “Why would I?”

  “Why does anyone? They see me as a victim. A woman who was brutalized by a man she trusted. Someone who might break at any moment.”

  “If I thought you were going to break, I wouldn’t be standing here. I’d be having a talk with Chad. It’s what I want to do, Susie, and if I didn’t know how much I’d be taking from you by doing it, I would.”

  “I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t need your protection.”

  “You’re definitely not a kid anymore, but I remember when you were, and I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

  “It wouldn’t be your fault. Terrible things happen. Only God knows why. All we can do is hang on tight and trust that He’ll see us through.”

  “Is that what you’ve been doing? Hanging on tight?”

  “I’m hanging on by a thread, Levi. Barely making it from day to day, but I believe things will get better. I believe that God is still here, still with me. So, I just keep going.” Her honesty surprised him, the tears in her eyes stealing his breath and settling deep in his gut.

  “Don’t cry. You’ll break my heart if you do.” He wrapped a hand around her waist, pulling her forward and into his arms. She felt strong and fragile, firm and yielding, and he wanted to soak her in just as he would the first sweet rays of summer sun.

  “Like you broke mine when you went off to college and left me?”

  “Did I?”

  “Of course. You were my Levi, and I didn’t think I’d ever have to let you go.” She sniffed and pulled back, smiling gently as if the memory were as sweet as it was painful.

  “Maybe you don’t.”

  “I said you were my Levi. I’m not a kid with stars in her eyes and dreams in her heart anymore. Come on. We have a lot of work to do.” She didn’t give him a chance to respond, just turned and jogged toward the chapel and the group of Alamo Rangers that was converging there.

  Levi followed more slowly, knowing he’d crossed a line that he wouldn’t be able to step back over again.

  Knowing, but not sure he cared.

  His assignment at the Alamo would be over soon. Hopefully, they’d have Captain Pike’s killer in custody and the Lions of Texas disbanded. He’d go back to his life and his work, but what he wouldn’t do was walk away from Susannah.

  He’d learned something the day Gregory was murdered. Life changed in an instant, so it should be lived without regret. Or maybe learned wasn’t the right word. Being a law-enforcement officer had taught him everything he needed to know about how finite life was, how fragile, but he hadn’t owned that truth until he’d seen his friend and mentor’s lifeless body. Now, Levi lived what he knew, savoring the time he had while he had it, trying to live the life God had given him with integrity and honor. No rushing, no jumping the gun, simply waiting to see where God would bring him.

  And where God had brought him was back into Susannah’s life.

  There was a reason for that, and Levi planned to stick around, wait it out and find out exactly where that would lead them.

  NINE

  The shrill ring of the phone pulled Susannah from restless sleep. She sat up, knocking the alarm clock off the bedside table as she grabbed the receiver and lifted it to her ear.

  “Hello?”

  “Susannah? It’s Marcus Portman.” He sounded frantic, and Susannah sat up straight, her thinking suddenly clear and sharp.

  “What’s wrong? Has there been another trespasser at the Alamo?” She shoved off her blankets, grabbed the clock. 5:00 a.m., and she could think of no other reason for his call but trouble.

  “No. It’s my wife, Deborah. The hospital just called. She’s having contractions again, and they’re worried.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She’d met Deborah at a Christmas party at Chad’s house and had liked the soft-spoken young woman. “Would you like me to put her on our prayer list at church?”

  “If you want, but that’s not why I’m calling.” He hesitated, and Susannah felt a twinge of impatience. Marcus was a nice enough guy, but he tended to skirt around issues rather than confront them. Whether it was a schedule he couldn’t work or a problem with a coworker, he was much more likely to stew on it than to try to change it.

  “Do you need help with something? Meals? Someone to stay with Deborah at the hospital?” She offered him a few options, hoping he’d choose one and let the conversation move on.

  “I’m scheduled to work morning shift tomorrow. Three to eleven.”

  “You want me to take your shift?”

  “Not the entire shift. I’ve already missed too many days of work, and Chad won’t be happy if I don’t show.”

  “I’m sure he’ll understand.”

  “Maybe, but I can’t afford to lose my job. I’ll work my shift, but I was really hoping someone could fill in for me for the first couple of hours. That way I can stay at the hospital tonight and swing home before work to shower and change.”

  “How long are you talking? I’m scheduled to work night shift tomorrow. And I don’t really want to work back-to-back shifts.”

  “I should be there by five.”

  “All right. Call me if you get held up.”

  “I will. And I owe you big for this, Susannah. Things have been really stressful lately. We’ve been trying for this baby f
or five years. If we lose him…” His voice broke, and Susannah’s irritation faded away.

  “You won’t, Marcus.”

  “I hope not. I’d be devastated, but I worry that Deborah wouldn’t survive. We’ve just wanted this for so long. Our medical debt is piling up. We’re both so stressed we can barely think. Deb needs something good to happen. She needs this baby to survive.”

  “I really think he will. She’s getting closer to her due date, and even if he’s born now, he has a chance.”

  “The logical part of me knows that, but I’m still worried. Anyway, I appreciate you being willing to step in for me. I know you’ve had your own things to deal with lately.”

  “You mean what happened yesterday?”

  “Yeah. It had to be rough seeing the rose petals and photo of that guy’s grave after everything you went through last summer.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “You know, no one would think any worse of you if you took some time off. Let this big shindig go on without you. We have plenty of security guards working the event. Plus Texas Rangers.”

  “I appreciate your concern, Marcus. But I really am fine.”

  “I figured you would be. It was Chad who was worrying. He said he didn’t know if this would be too much for you. I said you’d handle it just fine.”

  “You were right.” But the idea that her coworkers had been discussing her ability to perform the job didn’t sit well.

  “Anyway, thanks for being willing to fill in for me. I knew I could count on you.” There was a cockiness to his voice that set Susannah’s teeth on edge, and she wondered if Deborah really was in the hospital again or if Marcus simply didn’t want to work the early shift. Irritated with him and with her doubts, she said goodbye and hung up, pacing across her room, pulling clothes from her closet.

  It was early for church, but she could start getting ready. Maybe make some coffee and sit on the porch and drink it until the sun came up.

  You’re here, at home or with me.

  She could almost hear Levi’s voice, could almost feel his arm wrapped firmly around her waist, pulling her into a place that felt as much like home as any place she’d ever been.

  She frowned, brushing loose curls from her cheeks and walking out into the kitchen. Coffee. She needed it. Something sweet would be good, too. And she’d stay in the house, tucked away and hidden from danger. Just like everyone seemed to want her to do.

  And she wanted it, too.

  But more than that, she wanted to feel confident, brave, eager to walk outside and inhale the late-winter air no matter the dangers doing so might bring.

  The phone rang again, and she stalked toward it. “Marcus, if you need me to fill in for your whole shift—”

  “Does Marcus make a habit of calling you at five in the morning?” Levi’s voice flowed smooth as melted chocolate, and she imagined him sitting in an apartment somewhere, his black hair mussed, his eyes still cloudy with sleep.

  “Apparently, a lot of people are making a habit of calling me at five this morning. Is everything okay?”

  “I just got a call from Anderson Michaels. He’s a Ranger with Company D. He spent last night going over the surveillance tapes Chad sent him.”

  “Did he see anything?”

  “Nothing. Of course, there’s no camera aimed at the door of the barracks, so anyone who was at the compound could have easily left it there without being seen.”

  “The only people there were…” She didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to believe it.

  “Alamo Rangers.”

  “So, one of my coworkers is trying to get rid of me to make it easier to help ruin the opening ceremony. Is that what you think?”

  “It’s what I suspect, and if I’m right then one of your coworkers is being paid by the Lions of Texas.”

  “I don’t want to believe that.”

  “No one wants to believe someone they trust would betray them, but it’s better to look at the facts than to rest on our emotions.”

  He was right. She knew it.

  Hadn’t she allowed herself to be swayed by emotion when it came to Aaron? She’d felt sorry for him. She’d wanted to believe he was harmless. He hadn’t been, and she’d paid the price for her folly.

  “So, we have a week to find out which of the people I’d trust with my life isn’t trustworthy.”

  “We’re running background checks on each of your coworkers. We’re also pulling in a couple of Texas Rangers to help run security during the next week. Hopefully, that’ll keep our guy in check until we can pin a name to him.”

  “Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Did you think that was all I called for?”

  “Wasn’t it?”

  “I brought you something.”

  “Brought me some—”

  The doorbell rang, the sound so unexpected, Susannah jumped.

  “Are you going to open the door, Susie? Or leave me standing out here for another hour?”

  “I should leave you out there for another hour. This isn’t the right time of day for visiting.” But she went to the door anyway. Pulled it open anyway.

  Because she’d never been able to resist Levi. Not when they were kids, and apparently not now.

  “Good morning.” He offered a smile that would have warmed the iciest heart and stepped inside, a white bag held out like a peace offering.

  “I’m not sure how good it is when I’m standing here in flannel pajamas and bare feet while you smirk at me.”

  “I’m not smirking. I’m smiling appreciatively. I’ve never been much for flannel, but on you it looks good.”

  She snorted and took the bag he offered, a whiff of cinnamon and vanilla hitting her nose and making her stomach growl. “What is it? Sticky buns?”

  “Better than that.” He took the bag again, his fingers sliding against hers, warm and callused, strong and gentle. If he’d come back into her life before Aaron, she might have moved in close, asked for more than that brief contact.

  “I remembered that these were your favorite when we were kids.” He pulled out an oversize muffin, held it out to her.

  And she swallowed back the sorrow she knew she shouldn’t feel, swallowed down the lump in her throat. The tears for all the things Aaron had taken from her.

  “Cinnamon chip?” Her voice was husky and tight with emotion, and Levi pressed a finger to her chin, urging her to look into his eyes. The compassion she saw there, the concern, only added to her sadness, and she turned away, walking into the kitchen, pulling plates and mugs from the cupboard. Starting a pot of coffee. Anything to keep from looking into his eyes again.

  “What’s wrong, Susie?” He set the bag on the counter, took the plates from her hand.

  “Just…thinking.”

  “About?”

  “How I used to dream that one day you’d bring me flowers and chocolates and treats.” She tried to smile. Failed.

  “And now I have.”

  “But it’s not the same.”

  “No. We’re both older. Wiser. We know what we want.” He said it with purpose, let the words hang there in the air, and she was too cowardly to acknowledge them.

  “I guess there’s a reason why you’re here at this time of the morning.” She poured coffee into the mugs, handed him a cup.

  “I was worried about you. I couldn’t sleep.” He shrugged, sipped the coffee, watching her over the rim.

  “So, you drove all the way here to make sure I was okay?”

  “I had some work to do at the office. I went there first. Then came here. But you’re really not far from my apartment. Only about twenty minutes.”

  “You said you’ve been back in San Antonio for a couple of years?” She sat at the table, split the muffin in two and held half out to Levi.

  “I was in Austin for five years. Got offered a chance to transfer down here a little over two years ago.”

  “So, we’ve been living twenty minutes away from each other for two years and didn’
t even know it.” She shook her head, wishing that everything she learned about Levi didn’t fill her with regret. She’d come to terms with the woman she’d become since Aaron. She acknowledged that she would never be the light and easy spirit that she’d once been, but sitting across from Levi, looking into his eyes, she wished she could be the person he remembered.

  “I guess it wasn’t time for us to reconnect yet.”

  “Too bad.” She took a bite of the muffin, choking it down past the lump in her throat.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I’m not the person I was when we were kids. Not the person I was two years ago.”

  “And you think that matters to me?”

  “I think it matters to me.”

  “If I had never known you when we were kids, I’d still be sitting here sharing this muffin with you. I’d still look into your eyes and wish I could take away the sadness I see there.”

  “Don’t—”

  “Don’t say what I feel?”

  “Don’t pin a bunch of hopes and dreams on us. They’re bound to get crushed.” She started to stand, but he grabbed her hand, holding her in place.

  “I’d rather have my dreams crushed then never have them at all.” He lifted her hand, turning it palm up and pressing his lips to the scar there.

  Warm lips.

  Gentle touch.

  Heat unfurling in her belly, something she thought dead springing to life again.

  “Levi—”

  “Don’t ask me not to care.” His lips traveled along the length of the scar, and he lifted his head, met her eyes. “Because I do, and there’s no changing that.”

  “I’m not ready for this.” But her heart pulsed with longing, her body shouting that this was Levi.

  Levi.

  The boy she’d grown up with. The one she’d loved from the first time she saw him.

  Her best childhood friend.

  Her first teenage crush.

  She blinked back tears, pulled away from him. “I need to go get ready for church. Thanks for the muffin.”

  “Did you think I was leaving?” He settled back into his chair, watching through hooded eyes.