3 Kill Me Over the Garden Gate

by Gale Borger

  All sound stopped and the man turned back. Shroom stood stiffly. He raised his chin. "Sir, I speak English better than you. And I would prefer if you did not refer to my co-worker as boy, and my people as 'beaners', if you would be so kind."

  With that, he followed the other workers out the door. Pone hurried to catch up. "So much for not drawing notice."

  The server in front of them turned to Shroom. In accented English he said, "Good for you, amigo. I, for one thank you."

  Shroom grinned large and followed the others into a huge dining hall. "Holy cow, this is a football stadium!"

  "Shh."

  Pone peeled off to the left and Shroom went right. He watched as the other waiters poured wine. White towel draped over the left arm and pour with the right. I got it. He focused on his duties and made the rounds with only one goof. He almost ran into a tall, clumsy maid. She pulled back a drippy water pitcher and almost fell over Shroom. He stopped and used his extra towel to wipe the pitcher before she dripped water on a guest.

  She smiled her thanks and froze in mid pour. Shroom looked up into eyes he knew well. Bean? He was stunned. He was surprised. He was relieved and confused all at once.

  Bean's not dead, but he's turned into a girl!

  Another waiter nudged him from behind. Shroom realized he held up traffic and silently moved on. He heard someone say, "Beth." He figured Bean now called himself Beth. Shroom sighed.

  Back in the kitchen area, Shroom caught Pone. "Did you see–"

  Pone gritted his teeth. "Yes. Shut up about it. Grab a cart."

  "But, but…"

  Pone grabbed a cart with salad already plated. Shroom did the same. They followed the others back to the dining room and proceeded to serve (from the right) the salad. They barely had time to breathe before the next cart with the next course was served. In and out they hurried. It seemed every other person had a gripe about something. Special orders were whipped up and served in seconds. Shroom had no time to think as he rushed from one task to the next.

  Chapter 8

  The next two hours became a lesson in constant movement and demanding people. By the time the crowd began to move into other rooms, Shroom had had enough. He threw his little white towel on a countertop and went in search of Pone. He found him in the dining room taking the tablecloths off the tables and tossing them into laundry bins.

  "Hey, Pone."

  Pone flipped a cloth past him. Shroom pushed the bin forward and followed Pone. A maid took the bin from him and went through a door. The two boys stood for a moment.

  Pone smiled. "Was that wild, or what?"

  Shroom nodded. "It was worse than weeding the 'Garden of Weeden'. I never saw so many demanding people in one room. How do the workers stand it?"

  "They stand it so they can feed their families. Most don't have a choice."

  "I would never do this for a living."

  "I don't think it was obvious we don't do this for a living."

  Someone spoke behind them. "It is obvious to me you don't do this for a living. So what I want to know is, where did you two boys come from?"

  Pone spoke. "Well sir, the thing is–"

  Shroom stepped in front of him. "The thing is, my cousin Jose was supposed to work tonight and is very ill. His wife is ill as well. Their kids are hungry. I asked my friend, uh, Bill to help out. This is all on me. He was just trying to help Jose not lose his job. I hope we didn't mess anything up. We'll go now, and thanks for not kicking us out."

  Shroom and Pone turned to go.

  "Wait boys." They turned back. "I wanted to tell you two things. One, I am sorry for what I said earlier. I couldn't believe the agency sent me children to do a man's job. Second, I thought you both did a great job tonight. I wanted to pass on tips I received on your behalf. This is most unusual, but you impressed a few of the guests. It might help out your cousin, or give you spending money for college this fall.

  He held out his hand and Shroom took the bills. "Thanks, man. We will be sure to spend it stupidly. Cousin Julio would thank you."

  "Julio? I thought it was Jose?"

  "Yeah, uh, Jose is Julio's brother. I always get them mixed up."

  Pone rolled his eyes. "Thank you, sir, and don't worry about what you said. Mario here tends to be touchy about the race thing."

  "Well, no harm done then. Mario, Bill, thank you."

  "Bye."

  Shroom stuffed the money in his pocket. They left the hall. At the truck, they grabbed the duffels and stripped off their white shirts and jackets. They stuffed the black clothes back in the truck and put on black sweats.

  Shroom smiled. "Mario?"

  "I thought it was dashing."

  "What are we doing now?"

  Pone smiled "Get into stealth mode."

  Shroom dragged a black sweatshirt over his head. "Stealth mode my butt. We'll be lucky if we don't get caught and hung. How are we going to get to Spaz? I thought she was a guest. I don't want to give that money back. There must be twenty or thirty bucks in my pocket!"

  "Focus, Shroom. While you were making time with the old broads, I was gathering info. I know where Spaz's room is, and how to get there."

  "But how?"

  "You do know that tall chick you ran into was Bean, right?"

  "Yeah. What's with him? Is he fulfilling some sick fantasy or what?"

  "My guess is he's undercover."

  "Hey, no one is going to get under any covers with that ugly dude."

  "Not under the covers, you dumbass, undercover, like in disguise, or in costume-like a spy. Spaz must have fixed him up. I wonder where she found him."

  "Couldn't even guess. At least he's not dead."

  "Right."

  "Now what?"

  Now we wait. I scribbled a note and passed it to Bean. If anyone saw me, they'd think I was making a date with a maid."

  "Good idea. What'd the note say?"

  "Gardener's cottage at midnight."

  "Pretty lame."

  "Yup. Servants pretend to be. No one likes a smart servant."

  "Guess not. In the meantime, what do we do?"

  "We wait. Come on. Let's go before someone sees us."

  "Lay on, Macduff."

  Pone looked at him. "What did you say?"

  Shroom smiled. "That's Shakespeare. Act 5, Scene 8–Macbeth. Most people say 'lead on', but that's wrong. They were talking about war, not taking a nap."

  Pone stood there open-mouthed.

  Shroom shrugged. "What? I'm not a total imbie."

  "I never said you were. But Shakespeare?"

  "So? I paid attention. Shakespeare is cool. They make most of you guys read crap like Romeo and Juliet. Some of his other stuff is way cool. Taming of the Shrew? Funny. Macbeth? Murder and guys getting their heads chopped off. He wrote about loonies, goonies, bad guys, and idiots, too."

  "Holy crap."

  "Yeah, never judge a Mexican-Swede by his cover."

  Pone wiped his brow. "Or a gang-banger by his tattoos."

  "And I thought you above profiling."

  "Never again."

  Shroom suddenly smiled. He pounded Pone on the back. "Mikey, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

  "Don't tell me you watch old movies, too. That line is from 'Casablanca'."

  "My mom loves them."

  "So does my dad."

  They started off across the darkened part of lawn. Anyone listening could have heard them, but security was busy elsewhere. A lone girl stood on a balcony. She watched them walk toward the gardener's cottage. She listened as their voices drifted across the lawn. "You know, I once saw one with this guy who stabbed a lady in a shower…"

  Chapter 9

  Big Mike and a small crew of county deputies gathered outside the greenhouse. They stood staring at the ground. Their flashlights swept the area. They finished digging through the compost pile. Then they loaded its contents onto a flatbed trailer. They stared at the bare ground.

  "No body."

 
"I can see that, Sheriff Green. My son is not a liar."

  J.J. Green pushed his hat to the back of his head. "Never said he was, Mike, and I know you're not. This just means Judge Avery took his sweet time signing the warrant, and our murderer moved the body."

  "Now what?"

  "Well, it's late, I'm tired, and our corpse disappeared. I'm done for the evening."

  "I don't kno–"

  One of the deputies tapped Sheriff Green on the shoulder. "What is it, Moe?"

  "S-someone is coming."

  Another deputy said, "Shh. Two someones. They're coming down the slope to the left, see?"

  "Okay, Larry. Contact Shemp. Radios on, men. Flashlights off. No outside noise. Larry and Curly, circle around. Moe, you're with them. Mike, you and me, in back of the greenhouse–go everyone. Now!"

  Mike followed J.J. behind the greenhouse near the cottage. "Moe, Larry, Curly and Shemp? You have the three stooges working for you?"

  J.J. covered his microphone. "Sometimes. I can't ever remember their names. This is easier."

  "I see."

  J.J. smiled. He lifted his mic to his mouth. "Do not move in. I say. Observe only."

  It stood silent for several minutes.

  "They're closing in on the cottage, J.J."

  "10-4, Larry. Observe only."

  "10-4, wait. Another figure moving this way. Someone is moving fast down the same slope."

  "Get out of sight, Moe."

  "Yes, sir. Wait. A door opening on the big house. Is someone else coming down here? What the heck are they doing? "

  "Sheriff. A golf cart. Moving in from the west. Cannot make out the driver."

  "Maybe because it's a 9-Iron, ha-hah. Get it? Driver? 9-iron?"

  "Can the golf jokes, boys. Watch the subjects. How close to the greenhouse–"

  J.J. stopped when he heard Big Mike suck in a breath. "Mike?"

  "My son. One of the chatterboxes is my kid, J.J."

  He started to stand and J.J. caught his arm. "This is part of an on-going investigation, Mike. We'll take every precaution. I'll get him out as soon as I can."

  "Sorry, I forgot for a minute. I'll kill him later. Don't worry about me, J.J. I'm good. But where there are two, there are more of them."

  J.J. warned the others. "We have two juveniles, gentlemen. At least two kids involved. Proceed with caution. I repeat, proceed with caution."

  Pone and Shroom slowly approached the cottage. They split up and crept around the outside. They met by the back door.

  Pone realized the sound of their voices might carry across the golf course. He pulled Shroom close. "I tried the windows on my side. No luck–they're all locked. How about yours?"

  "Locked up tight. What now?"

  "I don't want to break in."

  "I agree. Wouldn't do for Frankie to find his love nest toe-up."

  "Toe-up?"

  "Sorry, I slip into 'street' when I'm nervous. Torn up is what I meant to say."

  "I don't want to break any laws, man. I just want to save our friend."

  "Well, you bein' the B & E expert, I thought you'd have this part figured out."

  The cops behind the shed smiled. One snickered. Pone froze. "Shroom, did you hear that?"

  "Hear what? Don't go freakin' on me now, dawg. Chill and think. Did you try the door?"

  "I thought you tried it."

  "I didn't try the door. You were here first, moron. That was your job."

  "Why was it my job? It's locked up anyway. Why don't we just sit and wai–"

  The quiet snick sounded loud in the darkness. Pone's mouth dropped open. Shroom's teeth glowed in the night as he smiled. "The master at work." He bowed low as he opened the door. "What a lame crook you are, Mikey. No wonder you got caught."

  "Just open the door, big mouth."

  Shroom did, and swept his hand toward the house. "After you, my fine, fumbling, freaky friend."

  "Shut up, dumbass." The two stepped inside.

  Shroom giggled. The cops smiled. Sheriff Green poked Big Mike in the side. "That's your kid?"

  Big Mike sighed. "Do I have to claim him?"

  Green's shoulder shook while he silently laughed.

  Big Mike grumbled. "I'm glad you think this is so funny."

  "Aw come on, Mike. Even you must see the humor."

  "Maybe in twenty or thirty years. Right now I just see one kid who will be grounded for the rest of his natural life."

  A voice in the dark piped up. "If he lives that long."

  J.J. sighed. "Shut up, Moe."

  "Okay, Sheriff." Then they heard a muffled, "How'd he know it was me?"

  "Because it's always you, Moe. Now shut your pie hole."

  "Uh, yes sir."

  Chapter 10

  With the boys in the cottage, the cops focused on the lone person making his or her way to the cottage. Big Mike made to move. Sheriff Green touched his arm and pointed. Two other figures exited the big house.

  Big Mike sighed. "Two more? What is this, some sort of party?

  Silently, the figures ran toward the cottage. Curly whispered on the radio. "By their shadows, the two new subjects look like girls. Oops, one just fell off her shoes. Wait. The other one stopped and picked her up. Okay they're on their feet and headed your way."

  They rounded the corner of the greenhouse. In the light, Big Mike could see their faces. "The girl in the park. She's the one the kids call Spaz. The one they're here to rescue. What the heck is going on?"

  J.J. pressed closer. "Who's the other one?"

  A voice piped up again. "I don't know, but she sure has some ugly legs."

  "Moe?"

  "Uh, yes sir, shut my pie hole."

  "They're approaching the back door, and they...are...in."

  J.J. looked into the night. He saw no other people.

  "Where's the lone person? Larry? Report."

  Silence on the radio.

  "Curly? What's the 10-20 of that subject?"

  No answer.

  Sheriff Green called them again, but no one answered. Silently, he crept around the back of the greenhouse. He tried to make out the shadows of his deputies. Nothing moved in the inky blackness.

  "J.J., get back here, now. Lone subject is near the cottage. Looks like a man."

  Big Mike fought to stay where he was. Sheriff Green scooted back into position.

  "The kids are inside."

  "I know, but if we move on this guy, we have nothing. Come on, Mike, you and me. We'll go in. Everyone else, hold your positions."

  They crept forward. Nothing moved. The men stood on either side of the back door. J.J. Stood up, Big Mike went in low. Guns drawn, they listened. On J.J.'s nod, they slipped through the door. Inside they found themselves in a small kitchen. They heard talking in the other room. They stood inside the door and waited.

  Shroom slammed his fist on a table. "My God, Spaz. Listen to us. We're getting you out of here. The garden gate is just to the east of where we are now. I can find it in the dark."

  Spaz looked at the floor. "But I'm closing in. I only need a little more time."

  Bean grabbed her arm. "Don't do this, man. Leave it for the cops. We're all in enough trouble. We don't need more."

  "The cops ain't gonna do nothin'. That bastard is not going to get away with murder."

  Pone looked at the floor. "My dad is bound by the law. He'd be here if he could. He's a great cop and he keeps his word, which is more than any of us did."

  Bean spoke up. "Pone's right, Evie. You know you'rere going to get hurt or killed if you stay here."

  "So says the kid wearing a skirt and a wig."

  Shroom smiled. "I don't know, man. He looks pretty good for a dude in a dress."

  The front doorknob rattled. They all stood for a second, frozen in place. Shroom dove under the bed. Pone ran for the closet. Bean and Spaz stood in the middle of the room. They watched the knob turn and stop. They grabbed each other's arms. The door creaked on old hinges. It swung slowly out. Franklin B. Hunnicut
the Fourth stood in the opening, breathing hard and looking wild.

  "What the– Kelli! What are you doing here, and with that maid?"

  "I-I thought you and I were going to meet. I uh, thought I might clean up a little. I brought a maid to help."

  Bean smiled and nodded.

  Hunnicut wiped his face and trembled. "I told you to never come out here without me." He looked around the room. "That makes me very angry. You know how I am when I'm angry."

  "Wait, Frank. I-I can explain." Hunnicut walked slowly across the room. Big Mike and Sheriff Green moved closer to the door. J.J. silently screamed. Move kid! Get out of that room. I won't have a clear shot.

  Bean stepped forward. "Wait a minute Mr. Hunnicu–"

  Hunnicut blasted him with a back-hand. Bean thought his eyeballs exploded. He slammed against the closet door. Sliding to the floor, Bean slumped and stayed there.

  Spaz backed away from Hunnicut. Her legs came up against the bed. Hunnicut grabbed her hair and yanked her head back. "What kind of game are you playing, bitch? Who are you meeting out here?"

  Tears squeezed out of her eyes as she felt her hair rip out of her head. ". No one, I swear. I don't know what you're talking about, baby. I–"

  "Liar!" He slapped her and she fell on the bed. Grabbing her blouse he jerked her up. The fabric tore and Spaz fell back. Hunnicut stumbled backward.

  Bean slowly stood. "Don't touch her again, Hunnicut." His voice sounded deadly flat.

  Hunnicut loosened his tie. "And what are you going to do about it, girly?" He turned to Spaz. "Is this why you came out here? To be with her?" He took off his jacket and threw it on the floor.

  "No, Frankie, no! Listen to me. You know there's no one but you."

  In the kitchen, J.J. and Big Mike moved toward the door between the rooms. The voices grew louder. Come on, kids. Get out of there!

  Bean stared at Hunnicut. "Just tell me why you did it, Hunnicut. Why did you kill her?"

  "Kill who? What are you talking about?"

  "Amy. The hooker. We know you did her. We just don't know why."

  Bean moved toward Spaz. Hunnicut backed up against the front door. "What is this? Who are you? I don't know any hooker called Amy."