Freed by Him

by GL Chapple

  Referring to it as a gym was kind; it wasn't one of your modern high-tech places. This was a real old school gym. You didn't get your posers and pretenders here. This was about blood, sweat and tears. The place looked run-down from the outside and not much better inside; there were a few boxing rings with some guys sparring, a large weights area with gym equipment, a small cramped looking office and a seating area to the back with old benches, opposite a large space with huge mats covering the floor.

  As I approached the office, I heard someone call out to me from behind, "Hey Newbie!" The voice had me spinning around with a huge grin on my face.

  "Fucking hell! Now there's an ugly mug I didn't expect!" I walked over to him and we caught each other in an embrace, slapping each other hard on the back.

  I was genuinely surprised and pleased. We caught up with what we'd done since we’d left the service.

  Paul had been on his last tour of duty when I’d been on my first.

  He filled me in with the details of some of the guys he still stayed in touch with and I did the same, whilst keeping an eye on the time.

  Finally I got down to why I was there. "I'd love to say this is a happy coincidence mate, but I'm here because you train Lena."

  He looked thrown. "Lena? You've come here because of my girl Lena?" he asked puzzled and I frowned at him.

  "My girl Lena, actually bro."

  He observed me, a quizzical expression on his face despite his smile. "For real?"

  I nodded and he shrugged. "She's not mentioned you to me. Why you here then? You know her lesson's in 20?"

  I took a deep breath, anticipating the reaction I was about to get. "I need a favour."

  He looked at me in amusement, raising his eyebrows but not saying anything.

  I carried on. "She's going through some shitty stuff at the moment; she's got some real fucked up trust issues and refuses to talk about anything..."

  His face remained completely impassive, but I could see his sharp eyes taking in everything I was saying and trying to get a read on me. He obviously knew more than he was willing to let on.

  "I want to spar with her, instead of you."

  At this he finally did react, letting out a loud guffaw and shaking his head.

  "You're fucking crazy man." I gave him a pleading look, not something I volunteered often.

  "Masters, c'mon man! I'm not gonna let you into the ring with MY girl. You got domestic shit to work out, do it like a regular guy - take her some fucking flowers!" He shook his head exasperated.

  "Paul seriously, listen… I don't know how else to get through to her. I'm not gonna hurt her. You know I wouldn't…you know me. I need to let her get her anger and aggression out. I need to get to her. This isn't a silly argument; she's really hurting."

  He looked pissed off, his jaw tight as he mulled it over.

  "She's gonna be pissed. If she doesn't want to see you then you shouldn't invade her space. That's not cool... She can get her anger and aggression out with me. Why don't you meet her afterwards?"

  I shook my head. "I need to get her to trust me. She'll never talk whilst she's hiding away behind her endless walls in her concrete tower. She's screaming out for help; she just won't admit it" I could see that my words had hit home, they'd meant something.

  He grimaced. "This is awkward as hell. This is her sanctuary. I don't want that taken away from her. She trusts me man; I can't betray that" He looked troubled and I knew I was losing him, I pushed on quickly.

  "She doesn't know we know each other. If it goes wrong she'd never know you knew anything. Just let me stay, I'll get her in the ring… it'll be all me."

  I could see he was fighting an internal battle then, glancing at the clock he looked resigned. He turned back to me and fixed me with a stare, a menacing look I'd seen before during our time in combat together.

  "You hurt her Masters - head, body or heart - and I'll beat the shit out of you," he meant every word and I nodded sombrely. I just hoped to hell this would work.

  Lena

  I drove over to the gym in a trance. I felt exhausted, mentally and physically drained. I'd been tempted to go home and crawl into bed, but I needed an outlet for the rage that was running like hot lava inside me.

  I'd spent the week avoiding calls from Nate. I'd felt like a bitch sneaking out but I knew I couldn't face him without breaking apart.

  The way he'd looked at me the night before; the compassion and conviction in his eyes, the way he'd taken care of me even as I tried to push him away - that was going to destroy me.

  I needed to stay strong. I couldn't let my guard down anymore. I'd made it to where I was by looking out for myself, and Richard was proof yet again of my poor judgement when it came to men. I couldn’t even trust my own father.

  My phone rang and I saw that Maddie was calling. I answered and her voice rang out over the car’s stereo system, "Hey baby girl, how you doing?" She tried to sound upbeat, but I could hear her anxiety.

  "I'm Ok. I'm just going to the gym. I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not..."

  Her anxiety seemed to go up a notch. I could hear the tension in her voice. "Oh, you're going then... are you there yet?" She sounded tentative.

  "Almost. I called the hospital this afternoon and my father was due to be discharged. My mother said he'd be going home for rest and that he was fine so I said I'd call tomorrow." I sighed, "I know I said it yesterday, but honestly thanks so much Mads."

  "Uh, uh you don't need to thank me. I love you to bits Lena. I'll always be there for you and everything I do is because I love you. I really hope your workout goes Ok. Please call me right after it." She sounded strange and I frowned at her tone.

  I asked if everything was alright but she assured me she was fine before hanging up.

  My mother’s phone call the night before had gutted me; I’d fought so hard to keep my father illness to the back of my mind.

  She'd called and calmly told me that my father had collapsed at home and had been taken by ambulance to the hospital. They'd checked him over and it seemed that he was severely dehydrated due to the chemotherapy treatment and it's after-effects. She'd tried to tell me that there was no need to go down and that he was alright, but I'd insisted.

  I'd tried to drive my car but found that my legs were shaking so badly I couldn’t manage it. Abandoning my efforts, I'd called Maddie, who thankfully was just heading into work herself.

  She'd driven me to the hospital and held my hand as I walked into his room. Tears ran freely down my face as I looked at him, my fierce, strong father lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to drips.

  He looked so frail and it reminded me of the last time that I’d almost lost him. The reality of the situation slammed into me, he looked so weak and I felt my heart break.

  Fear choked me as I looked at him, the thought of not having my father in my life was devastating. He put his hand out to me and I went to him.

  Laying my head on his chest, I sobbed as he whispered to me, trying even in his state to reassure me. I apologised over and over for my reaction and he chuckled, his laugh rasping in his throat.

  He smiled sadly at me, telling me how he expected nothing less. He played with my hair as he had when I was a little girl, calling me buttercup and apologising again for keeping things from me, but I let my anger go.

  I couldn’t possibly stay mad at him; the reality was that I could lose him and it was devastating.

  The nurses reassured me that he would be ok and would be able to return home once he’d been hydrated.

  He had a cannula going into his hand and a “Hartmann’s solution” of saline and nutrients was being fed to him intravenously.

  I went home and cried myself to sleep again, fighting the urge to reach out to Nate.

  I decided to direct my anger to where it really belonged. I summoned Byron, first thing to my office, informing him that my father had told me everything.

  He nodded his acknowledgment. I knew my father would have been keepi
ng him informed. I told him that I needed him to track someone down for me, Richard Phillips. My ex-boyfriend was going to learn just what a woman scorned was capable of.

  I provided him with basic information, and he told me he'd get started straight away. He didn't ask any questions - not that I'd have given him any answers anyway.

  I pulled into the car park, glad that I'd come now that my mind had turned to Richard.

  As tired as I was, I needed this release. I had my gym gear on, having changed before leaving work. I tied my hair back in a ponytail as I walked to the main door.

  Pushing it open, I was assaulted by the familiar smells and noises and I felt calmness settle over me. I paused and took a deep breath before walking over to where I could see Paul.

  His face broke into a huge grin as he saw me and coming forward he enveloped me in a bear hug, squeezing me to him in a tight embrace.

  Laughing, I pushed him off. "Get offa me man! Don't try sucking up to me cos you know I've had a shit week. Your arse is gonna be hitting the mat hard today!"

  He looked taken aback for a second before he let out of a howl of laughter and told me to go over towards the boxing rings.

  I began walking over, wondering to myself why he'd sent me to the ring rather than the mats we normally worked on.

  I noticed Nate a split second later and I froze. He looked at me, his usual lazy grin spreading across his face.

  I felt like a wild bird had taken up residence in my chest, the world seemed to tilt and I felt sick as my stomach flipped over. He stalked towards me as if I was his prey. All my strength and resolve to not see or speak to him was crumbling around me.

  I'd purposely stayed late at the office or left early and ignored him knocking at the door, but now that he was standing right in front of me, there was no escape.

  He looked smug. He had had the audacity to come to my place and stand there looking like he belonged. I felt my anger start to ignite.

  "What are you doing here Nate?" I spoke low, biting the words out and he smirked back at me.

  "Well, you wouldn't return my calls Princess."

  I noticed that Paul was watching the exchange but was making no move to come over.

  "That didn't give you a fucking clue? I growled sarcastically, holding onto my anger at being ambushed rather than my relief at seeing him.

  “This is my place Nate. Go..." I spoke tightly, my voice low, but he just stood there, grinning at me.

  He was cocky as hell and sexy as fuck in a tight black tee shirt that fitted him perfectly and a pair of tracksuit bottoms.

  I walked right up to him. "Go away!"

  I emphasised the words as I glared at him. I was barely controlling my temper now, but he merely raised an eyebrow and spoke back softly, leaning so that he was mere inches from me face.

  "I'm not going anywhere Princess."

  I felt like screaming. I was so frustrated and fed up. I was losing control of everything in my life and now he’d come here, to the one place that was all mine, and stood blatantly defying me.

  I blew out a breath loudly and turned on my heel, shouting over to Paul, "I'll rearrange" as I stomped my way towards the exit.

  I'd only gone a few steps when I heard Nate call out, "Sweetheart! I just wanna see if you fight as good as you fuck!"

  I stopped dead. My eyes flew to look at Paul, who in turn, had turned to look at Nate with a warning on his face.

  He still didn't make any move towards him though, which surprised me.

  I clenched my fists by my side as I felt heat flood my face - there was nobody else around to have heard the exchange, but I was still furious.

  I turned to face him. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" I snarled angrily.

  Mad at him for being there, but even more cross with myself for how happy the sight of him had made me.

  His lips were curled up in a smile, I knew he was goading me, but I couldn't stop myself from reacting.

  "Come on sweetheart, come and show me what you can do." His voice had a slight mocking quality to it as he winked at me, and I could feel my restraint slipping.

  "If I get in that ring, I'm not going easy on you."

  He climbed up into the ring as I spoke and stood there, a cocky grin on his face, beckoning me to join him.

  I looked over at Paul and he nodded at me, I hesitated briefly, before going over and climbing in.

  Within a few seconds I realised that he'd had training. Paul hadn't moved but was watching from across the gym. We danced around each other for a little while, testing each other's reactions and movements.

  "How's your father?" He asked, catching me off guard. I paused for a second and he swiped my legs, catching my hand before I hit the ground.

  I shook him off me. "Fuck off Nate!" I snapped and he laughed and repeated the question.

  I used his distraction to catch him off guard and caught him with a punch before he deflected and twisted me around.

  My back was pressed into his front, and he had my arm twisted, not enough that he was hurting but that I couldn't move.

  "I won't hurt you, Lena," he said gently and released me.

  I spun around and tried to attack again, but he continued to block me. We tousled and grabbed each other a few more times, spinning and twisting out of each other's grasp.

  "Hit me, Lena! Prove to me that you're so strong and tough you don't need anyone."

  I caught him with my knee, slamming into him so that he doubled and I was able to flip him and dump him onto the mat.

  Still he smiled at me and I wondered how at how easily he'd gone down, thinking he was going easy on me, making me madder.

  "You can hurt me all you want, push all you want. I won't hurt you, princess."

  I roared at him, "Get the fuck up and fight properly!"

  He laughed at me, infuriating me even more and I lunged at him.

  He blocked and caught me, grabbing my arm and yanking me over his shoulder, but I hit the floor lightly; he'd cushioned my fall. He grabbed me in a hold spinning us around.

  The simmering rage I'd been holding onto was now an inferno. I was losing the ability to think, my anger dulling my reactions and affecting my performance.

  He continued to talk, telling me how he wouldn't hurt me as I tried desperately to shut him out. I threw punches and kicks but he blocked them.

  I didn't know how long we'd been in there, but I ached everywhere. I was exhausted. I couldn't hold onto the anger any longer, and I couldn't get a rise out of him no matter what I did.

  I could feel the tears streaming down my face.

  He came towards me with his arms open. I turned and tried to climb out the ring, but he grabbed me.

  "You're not going anywhere, Lena. This ends here."

  I pushed away from him but he held onto me.

  "No" he said softly and I fought to break free.

  "Get off me, Nate. Let me go!" I struggled but he continued to hold onto me.

  "You can trust me," he said, turning me around in his arms so that I was facing him, forcing me to look into his eyes.

  I pulled my head away. "Let me go dammit," I said again, pushing away from him.

  "No," he repeated, his arms around my waist. "Fight or flight time apparently, sweetheart, and here I am, fighting. I’ll go round for round with you, Lena, but let me fight with you, not against you. Let me help. Let me in, I never took you for a coward, stop running, talk to me."

  I began to pummel his chest, twisting my body and shouting, "You don't know anything!! Let me the fuck go!"

  He stood there as I hit him, letting me beat and rage at him before pulling me tightly into him as I began to sob – giant, heart-wrenching cries that seemed to tear from deep inside me.

  Everything was falling apart. I was falling apart.

  My chest was heaving as my legs gave way and my body shook, days of stress, frustration, anger, worry and pain giving way to my outpouring of emotion as I broke down.

  Eventually the tears sub
sided into hiccups and sniffles and he pulled back slightly.

  “C'mon, Sweetheart." He led me from the ring before scooping me into his arms.

  I'd normally have been mortified at such a blatant show of weakness in the one place I'd always felt so strong and untouchable, but I was past caring. I was exhausted and drained. I cuddled my head into his shoulder and he carried me out.

  I felt him nod as we passed Paul, “Cheers, mate. I owe you."

  I didn't have the energy to think about the exchange. He took me out to the car and drove me back to his house, leaving my car at the gym.

  Lena

  We didn't speak as he drove us back to his house. I stared out of the window numbly, not seeing or paying attention to anything.

  He pulled into his driveway, parked the car, came round and opened my door and led me into the house. He was holding onto me as if he thought I might run off.

  He took us straight through into the living room and placed me to sit down on the sofa.

  “Do you want anything to eat or drink?" he asked kindly and I shook my head. Sighing, he came and sat down next to me, twisting his body so that he was looking at me. "If you don't let me in, I can't help."

  I didn't respond to him, looking down instead at my hands trembling in my lap.

  "How's it working out for you going it alone?"

  "I can't... you don't understand... I don’t need you to save me. I don’t need anyone," I began, stumbling over my words.

  He reached out and grabbed my hand. "Explain; tell me. I get that you’re scared. Do you really not trust me? Do you think I'd hurt you? Betray you?" he asked gently, his tone injured as he questioned me.

  Silent tears began to roll down my face again at his use of the word ‘betray’, and I heard him exhale, letting go of my hand to rub it harshly over his face.

  I could feel his agitation mounting. “Lena, it's killing me seeing you like this."

  He pulled me into him, sitting me on his lap and kissing my forehead. I laid my head on his chest, squeezing my eyes shut, but he caught me under the chin, forcing me to look at him.

  “You’re a fighter, my Warrior Princess. You’re tough, strong and independent. I get that. You want to save yourself, that’s fine, but you’re drowning Sweetheart. I don’t know what’s happened, but don’t expect me to stand back and watch you struggle. If you won’t let me help you, then let me be your goddamn lifevest. Hold onto me. Use me as a support to catch a breath. You keep trying to take all the hits yourself and you’re gonna find yourself knocked down and unable to get back up. You don’t have to face everything alone, I can help you Lena but you’ve got to let me in…”