Collecting Smiles

by Melody Burris

  Chapter Eighteen

  We were driving down the road I had just taken with Caleb as we ate our sandwiches. “Okay, suppose you tell me now why you were crying earlier.”

  Embarrassment washed over me. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know what I was feeling or even if it could be put into words. I decided on the simplest explanation. “I’m sorry, I feel like I have been crying a lot lately.”

  He couldn’t help but interrupt, “You’ve had a lot to think about, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Then in a teasing tone, he added, “I’ve got sisters, tears are just a girl thing, right?” I glared at him, but the grin on his face reduced me to a laugh. “I’m sorry, go on,” he urged.

  “I was just thinking about going home after the camping trip.”

  “Oh, are you homesick? I didn’t realize, I guess you miss your family.”

  “No!” I almost shouted. “I mean yes…but I was crying because I was thinking about having to leave you.” There, I said it and I couldn’t take it back. I sat looking at my hands in my lap.

  “I’ve thought of that too,” he said. “It will only be for six weeks. I was thinking I might rearrange my work days and come for a visit.”

  “But what if…” I started to cry. “What if you decide you don’t want me anymore?” I felt really stupid now. How did I become one of those girls that was so needy? Had one bad relationship shaken me so much? Or was it that I felt completely unprepared for the strong feelings I was having?

  Lost in thought, I didn’t even realize that we were parked in front of the store. There were people walking to and from their cars. Great, now I was crying in public. Mark reached across the seat and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. He waited until I looked up at him. “I am not going anywhere. I love you, remember. Distance is not going to change that. It’s just going to make it a lot harder to do this.” He bent and kissed the hand that he was holding. “Trust me. I am as loyal as a pet goldfish. I am not leaving you.”

  Cheered, I scooted over next to him and he held me while I wiped my face and waited for the red blotches to go away. He stroked my cheek. I was calm once again and thinking now about his visit to Arizona.

  I sat up suddenly, “It would be so great if you could visit. There are so many things I want to show you. Oh, and you have to meet my family. Have you ever been to Arizona before? There is this fun ghost town with a working mine not too far from my house, and the Mesa temple, and there is a great dry riverbed I know of that has the coolest rocks, to bad I can’t show Ruth that….” I took a much needed breath and Mark laughed at me.

  “Your moods could give me whiplash,” he said, shaking his head. “But I hope this means you believe me about how much I love you.”

  I nodded, “Sorry, it takes time, but it is starting to sink in.” I kissed his cheek, then scooted back to my side of the truck so that we could go shopping. He went around the truck and opened my door, as he always did. Locking my arm in his, I said, “Let’s go shopping, my sweet goldfish.” I smiled at my new endearment and he rolled his eyes.

  “Okay how about a deal, I’ll let you call me Marky if you don’t call me that again.” The look of playful anxiety on his face was priceless. I leaned into his shoulder and giggled.

  One basketball and a red rose later we were sitting in the truck again. I was appreciating the subtle smell of this beautiful gift when he surprised me. “I think that I am going to cancel the backpacking trip with Christian.”

  “What? Why?” This was confusing; he had campaigned so much for that part of the trip when we were making the plans. It was a chance to do something special with his brother and they had both being looking forward to it.

  He hung his head a little and then looked out his side window checking his mirror as he backed up. “Two days is a long time, we only have so much time before you have to go home. I don’t want to waste it.”

  Immediately I saw what he meant and felt the same, but I couldn’t let him cancel his plans. “Christian would be so crushed. You need to go, you will have fun and I will be right in camp waiting for you when you get back.”

  “But,” he paused, “I wish you could come.”

  I sighed. This had been my wish, too, from the beginning. I loved backpacking. I’d had so much fun helping them plan it. I had been on that trail once and it was really beautiful. Now I wished to go mostly to be with him, but we had decided weeks ago that it would not be appropriate without proper chaperones.

  “It will be okay, have fun with Christian. You never know when it will be your last chance. My trip with George last year turned out to be our last. That’s when he told me he was getting married.” I blushed, realizing what my words might imply. I quickly added, “After all Christian will be going on a mission in another year or so.”

  “True,” he said. “Things seem to change quickly the older we get.” He pulled into the driveway and said, “I wonder who I am rooming with tonight?”

  I was suddenly wishing that I had been there for that argument. “I hope its Caleb. He was a big help today.”

  “That reminds me. What is this surprise of yours?” he asked, flashing me a hopeful smile.

  “If you haven’t figured it out, you will just have to wait and see.”

  “Figured it out? I’m not that with it. As far as I am concerned you are full of surprises.”

  “Yeah, like crazy crying jags,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. Feelings just happen sometimes. How do you think I felt realizing that I was falling for the girl my best friend liked? And then when you kissed me… talk about seriously breaking the guy code.”

  I laughed, “Oh, yes, the infamous guy code. How did you get past that?”

  “It got easier when I saw you hurting and he was the cause. Somehow, I felt less friendly toward him.”

  His confession made me feel guilty. “But he’s your best friend. You can’t stay mad at him. It wasn’t his fault that he wanted something I couldn’t give. It is better that he left earlier than later.” I thought back to that time. It had hurt when he left, but not because I was in love. The feelings I felt for Mark were so much stronger and different from those I had for Andy.

  “No, I can’t stay mad at him, you’re right. In fact, someday I need to remember to thank him.”

  “For what?”

  “Being an idiot. I could never have stolen you away from him.”

  “I don’t know about that, you can be incredibly endearing and persuasive.” I took another sniff of my rose.

  “And cute, don’t forget cute.”

  “Cute doesn’t begin to cover it. You are dashing inside and out.” He actually blushed. I liked that. He should feel as good as I did.

  As we got out of the car, I snuggled into his chest. “Scriptures tonight?” he asked, returning the hug.

  “That sounds good, but it will have to be after you put your brothers and sisters to sleep. We have plans before that.”

  “Oh, right, the surprise. Mom is probably busy getting dinner ready, let’s go see if we can help.”

  Dinner was quick. Sister and Brother Cole left for the dance with Christian and Rebekah leaving the clean-up for the babysitters. Mark wouldn’t let me help. He recruited the girls instead for the dishes. I had Mark carry Micah downstairs so that he could watch Caleb and me set up for the party. We blew up balloons and hung them around the family room. Micah squealed at all the colors. I sent Caleb up to get bowls for the snacks while I got the music ready on the stereo. Before long, I heard the girls on the stairs giggling.

  A high pitched voice, attempting to sound like his sisters said, “Can we come down yet?”

  “Well let’s see, the girls can come in, but I am not sure about their goofy big brother.” To this, the girls’ giggles grew louder and they bounced down the stairs and into the room. They were followed by Mark with his head hung sheepishly. I laughed and ran to take his hand. “Of course you can come in, the surprise is for you.” He took in the room and
his brows rose. “You said you felt like celebrating. Welcome to our dance.”

  I walked over to the stereo and started the music. The girls jumped up and down and Ruth led Anna over to the snack table. Caleb was already there shoving chips in his mouth. I pulled Mark into the middle of the room to dance with me. He recognized the song as soon as it started. “Were you in my room?”

  I looked as innocent as I could, “What do you think I needed Caleb for? But I must say, you do seem a bit obsessed with sports cars,” I said, thinking of the posters I had seen all over the walls.

  “Hey, those are Christian’s, and I thought you said Caleb went in for the music?”

  “He did, but I helped your mom with laundry this week and I had to put some clothes in on Christian’s bed.” And then because I couldn’t resist, I add, “Were all the scrubs on the floor Christian’s too?”

  Looking guilty Mark sighed, “No, those were mine, unless you would believe they belonged to him?” He asked looking hopeful.

  “Afraid not, but don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his nose. When the song was over, I looked up to see that we had an audience. “Time to get this party started.” I proclaimed putting on some faster dance music, grabbing the girls by the hands, and moving to the dance floor. Mark carefully lifted Micah out of his chair and danced with him in his arms. We tried to get Caleb to come over with us, but he headed back to the food table.

  During the next hour, I managed to dance with every Cole man in the room. Micah was heavier than I had realized so Mark helped me. Caleb was pretty good with the slow dances. I found out that Sister Cole teaches all of her boys to foxtrot and waltz. Thankfully, I had taken a social dance class last year, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to keep up. It was late when Mark announced, “Time for the Coles to go to bed.” Cutting in on Caleb, he took me for one more turn around the floor, then he gently scooped up Micah. “See you outside in a while, Caleb.”

  “Can I put you to bed tonight?” I asked, turning to Ruth and Anna.

  “Yeah!” they hollered and we raced up the stairs. Ruth was first and already brushing her teeth by the time I reached the hallway. Anna was really good at finding the things she needed in the bathroom. I watched her in appreciation.

  “Tell us a story!” the girls yelled, as I tucked them into their beds.

  “It’s been a long day guys. I’m not sure I have a story tonight.”

  “Come on, you can do it.” Ruth was pleading.

  “Okay.”

  “Once in a land that was covered with fields. A single tree grew in the sun…”

  The girls were yawning as the story finished. “Time to sleep now.”

  “Thanks, Megan. Love you.”

  “Love you too.” As I exited the girls’ room, I could hear Mark singing to Micah. I went back downstairs to start cleaning up.

  It wasn’t long before Mark joined me. He started the music up again and took the balloon out of my hand. “May I have this dance?”

  “Sure,” I said, feeling a little shy.

  He led me around the room for several minutes, holding me tightly in his arms. “You know what I’m thinking?” he said, breathlessly.

  “No. What?”

  “I’m thinking that it is a little too private down here. Let’s clean up and go upstairs.” He blushed as he spoke, but I didn’t laugh; upstairs seemed much safer to me too.

  “We could make some zucchini bread for breakfast tomorrow and read scriptures while it bakes.”

  “Excellent idea.” He kissed me before he let me go with a sigh. “I need to get Micah’s chair upstairs. Can you handle this stuff?”

  “Yep, it’s almost done.” I turned off the music and grabbed the food bowls to take up to the kitchen.

  The next day at church was really fun. I found myself the center of attention as Mark led me in on his arm. Everyone had seen me before, but now it was obvious that things were different. Mostly, I think they could tell because Mark was beaming. Feeling loved and cherished, I clung to his arm.

  “So what’s going on here?” an old Sunday School teacher of Mark’s asked.

  “Well, you haven’t met Megan yet have you?” Then, he looked at me from the corner of his eyes, “she’s my…. girlfriend.” I gave him a small nod so that he would know that I approved and he smiled even bigger. I wasn’t sure how to count all these smiles if the smile never left his face.

  “You sure can pick ‘em Mark,” he drawled and patted Mark on the back as he walked away.

  Confusion spread across my face. “Is there a story there?” I asked.

  “No, that’s just his way of saying you’re beautiful.”

  I shook my head in amused denial. Mark stopped me by resting his warm hand on my cheek. “He’s only partly right, though. You are so beautiful and yet your spirit outshines your face.” I melted.

  Suddenly, I started to laugh. “What?” Mark asked, surprised by my response.

  “I was just thinking how happy Mr. Wallace will be now that his Marky has found someone.”

  “Hey, you’re right. We should stop in and say hi on our way to California. I want to show you off some more.” Mark kissed my forehead and walked me to the truck.

  By the afternoon, I was starting to feel a little exhausted from all that had happened in just a few days’ time. I curled up in my sleeping bag and took a nap. Mark was lurking around the hallway when I woke up. It was obvious he was looking for me. “Hi,” I said, running my fingers through my messy hair.

  “Hi,” he said, almost glumly.

  Rushing to him, I asked, “Is something wrong?”

  “I just need to talk to you. Can we go outside?”

  “Sure, I took his hand and together we walked through the front door.

  “Megan, can I ask you something?” He was so serious. I wondered what was up and I longed to make him smile again. We sat on the front porch steps.

  “Sure, ask me anything.”

  “First of all, let me say that my feelings haven’t changed no matter how you answer. I said I would always been here.” Oh, boy this must be something major. I was worrying now.

  “Okay, what is it?

  He hesitated and I could tell that it was difficult for him to let the words out. “Do you really love me for me, or am I just the first guy who didn’t care about the whole surgery thing?” He struggled with the right words and I bit my lip. “I mean, it’s okay if that is all I am. That can be good enough for me. I just need to know.” He paused and I shook my head in dismay.

  “Oh, Mark. I am so sorry.” He hung his head and I quickly went on, seeing that he misunderstood. “I am so sorry that you ever thought that. You know the other day when you told me how you felt? It was so nice just to be wanted, but right after that first feeling of relief my feelings exploded. It happened so quickly because I guess, I had been fighting it for so long. I started falling in love with you when you stopped to buy me aloe vera gel for my sunburn. I kept falling in love with you the day that we picked up Rebekah in Salt Lake and I told you my secret. I fell when you asked my roommates about me over and over during those awful months. I fell when I saw you with Mr. Wallace. I fell every time I heard you on the phone with your family and every time the guys teased you for being such a sap.” I paused to make sure I had his attention and I lifted his chin so that he could see my eyes. “The love that I feel is not out of gratitude to you, but rather in gratitude for you. I feel like I have been given a wonderful gift, and that gift is you, Mark.”

  As if to contradict me. he said, “But all that stuff is just me being me.”

  “Exactly,” I smiled. “You are generous, compassionate and caring. You put others first; loving you is natural.” A tear trickled down his face and I kissed it away. I hoped that he understood. His shoulders seemed to lower a couple of inches as if he was sighing in relief. “Silly, one of these days, I just may smack some sense into you for being willing to take less than you deserve. You dese
rve nothing less than complete devotion and I have to admit that you have mine, if you want it.” And then because he seemed to need it, I wrapped my arms around him and held him as tight as I could.

  When he spoke his voice was hoarse, “Thank you, but I definitely think I am the one who has been given the gift. You’re glowing, you know.”

  “So I’ve been thinking… exactly how long have we been dating?”

  He bit his lip looking a little embarrassed. “Almost two months. You figured it out, huh?” He hung his head shyly, then looked up at me and grinned, clearly proud of himself.

  “Sneaky. Do you think you could let me in on it next time?”

  He reached out and grabbed me into another hug. “Okay, here it goes. Let me take you out tomorrow, please?”

  “Sure, but don’t you have to work?”

  “Nope, I only work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week. Then I’m off for the vacation.”

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “Why don’t you let me work on that. Let’s call it a surprise,” he said with a smirk.

  The front porch light flicked on and off. Brother Cole poked his head out, “Dinner in five.”

  “Okay, we’ll be right there,” Mark assured him. Then he turned to me. “Is this really happening?”

  I knew exactly what he meant. I had been wondering that for four days now. “I think so,” I said, smiling so that I could almost feel the glow on my face. Mark leaned his head on my shoulder for a second and sighed. I turned and kissed his cheek then we went into the house arm in arm.

  “Okay, we’ve been driving for a while. Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?” I asked as I sat next to him in the truck.

  “The future,” he said grinning at my confused face.

  “A little more information would be good.”

  “Relax. We are almost there.” He pulled into a small real estate office in a tiny town. “Wait here.” After a few minutes, he returned with some papers.

  “Okay, now you really have to tell me what is going on.”

  “I was looking on the internet a couple of weeks ago. I’ve heard you talk about your summer camp so much that this place seemed to have a lot of potential.” He handed me a map. “Now help me find it, navigator.”

  I squealed a little and jumped up and down in my seat, but in a really dignified way. We drove to a small dirt road about ten miles out of the town. The high trees shaded it on either side. “It’s beautiful. Too bad it won’t be here when I graduate.”

  “We can still enjoy it and get some ideas. It’s good practice.” He pulled the truck to a stop and came around to open my door. Excited, I almost ran across the small field in front of me. Mark looked at the papers and gave me the information, “It says here that it is 60 acres. Most of it is wooded. I think this is the largest clearing, but I can’t be sure just looking at the map here.”

  He handed me the map and together we tried to figure it out. The copy was bad and it was hard to read the topographical information. “Guess we’ll have to explore to find out.” Then, I did give in and ran across the field because I just couldn’t help myself.

  Mark laughed at me and followed. We hiked all over the little property and he was right, there was potential everywhere. There was even a large pond that would be perfect for some water activities. We sat in the meadow eating the picnic lunch he had brought and I sketched out buildings on the map of the site. “I think the mess hall should go here and then some little cabins nestled up among those trees. That one lookout we saw would make a great place for campfire gatherings, don’t you think? The papers say that there is electricity at the road. It shouldn’t be too much to bring it to the buildings. I wonder about sanitation and water.”

  Mark smiled at me and brushed the hair out of my face with his fingers. “I think you are amazing and can do anything.”

  I beamed at him for a moment, then said, “Thank you so much for bringing me here. It is so much fun to dream. You are the best!” I leaned in to kiss him and then I added. “By the way, we still need to find the perfect place for my cabin. Tag you’re it.” I jumped up and ran for the woods.

  He caught me before I reached the trees. “You can build your cabin anywhere as long as it isn’t too far from me.” He wrapped me in his arms and I enjoyed another big bear hug.

  We packed up to go home and I was sad to leave. “Today was wonderful! I love you, thanks again for bringing me.”

  “I love hearing you say that. I love you. I love your beautiful dreams, too. It is so fun to watch you plan them.”

  “I think you are a little deluded. It’s just a summer camp.”

  “I’ve been listening for a few months now and watching too. You’re not planning just any summer camp.” I looked at him puzzled. He continued, “You are planning a camp where kids will be taught to enjoy the spirit of being in nature. It could be a place where even kids like Micah and Anna can feel that spirit. When you spent the day in that wheelchair and you were upset because people treated you funny, I could tell you were starting out on a mission. Then the whole Mr. Wallace thing just made everything clear. I almost cried when you met Micah for the first time and you gently touched him and spoke right to him. Nobody does that but the family. You have a special talent for loving all people, Megan. I can see it in your eyes.”

  I considered what he was saying. It hadn’t ever occurred to me in all my planning who the camp would be for, but he was right. Now that I considered it, I couldn’t think of anything better. “I think your plans and mine go wonderfully together.” It was so amazing to me how well he knew my heart.