Begin Again (Saint Lakes #5): A M/M Fantasy Romance about Shifters and Vampires

by April Kelley

Josh nodded. "Can I get in on those training things you do with Jules? The individual sessions you do, I mean."

  "Yes. We have one in two days. In the evening. We're learning a few meditation techniques."

  "Thanks."

  "You need the self-defense training too."

  "I'll be there. Kirstin keeps telling me."

  "I keep telling you what." Kristin laced her arm through Josh's. He unclasped his hands and leaned in to give her a kiss.

  "How I need Fane's training."

  "That's because I can totally kick your ass. You need to step up your game, mate."

  "Maybe I like it when you kick my ass."

  "Shut up." Kristin's lips thinned out, and she looked away from them, down at the ground as if there was something fascinating in the grass at their feet.

  "You're blushing, Kristin." Ramsey couldn't help but point out.

  "You shut up too."

  "If we all shut up then who would tell you the truth?" Fane, who didn't get the humor of the situation at all, pointed out.

  "Good point, sweet."

  Josh chuckled, and Kristin stuck her tongue out at Fane.

  Fane looked up at Ramsey. "I don't understand. Why did she do that?"

  "She’s just teasing you."

  "Oh." He looked over at Kristin again. "I don't get jokes sometimes."

  Ramsey kissed the creases on Fane's forehead. He leaned down and whispered, "You might not get jokes, but I think you’re funny."

  Fane leaned into Ramsey until their cheeks pressed together. He wounded his arms around Ramsey's neck and held him close. Being bent over like that wasn't completely comfortable, but Ramsey didn't care.

  Ramsey put his arms around Fane's waist and pulled him even closer, lifting him, so their bodies pressed together.

  He wished he could take Fane inside and lock them both behind a closed door. Maybe Ramsey's water monster wouldn't be so close to the surface if they could just be alone together for five damn minutes.

  Clan business came first, and a part of him resented that. The resentment grew when he saw Tim cross the yard, heading straight for them.

  His eyes seemed to train on Josh and with good reason. When Josh left, it meant Tim was alone. If Josh were correct, Tim probably wouldn't see his controlling behavior as driving everyone away.

  "You ready to come home, boy?" Tim was feet away from Josh. His stance was open but angled away from Ramsey and Fane as if they were gum underneath his shoe.

  Fane turned to look at Tim. His arms dangled at his side and he pulled away from Ramsey. Ramsey's protective instincts went up and he wanted to push Fane behind his back, but he fought the urge because he realized Fane prepared himself for a fight.

  "Kristin and I bonded, Dad. I also love her. So no, I'm not coming home."

  "Mating with just anything isn't how our family does things, Joshua. Come home, and I'll help you get through the separation."

  Josh shook his head. "Give up, Dad."

  "I've changed my will. You won't get the farm." Tim looked at Ramsey and Fane, his lips curling up. "Mate with a female cougar shifter. And I'll change it back."

  Josh opened his mouth to answer, but Fane held up a hand. "Why does mating with a cougar shifter matter?" Fane looked at Ramsey. "I don't understand."

  "He's a judgmental asshole, sweet."

  Tim growled. After the diner incident, Ramsey would think Tim wouldn't challenge him, but apparently, he didn't know when to quit. Ramsey would put up with his shit for only so long. He shifted all his teeth in warning.

  Fame looked at Josh. "I still don't understand."

  "Paranormal species should stick to their own kind. Josh should mate with another cougar shifter." Tim looked at Kristin like she had shit covering her entire body. "Not her. Alphas, in particular, should stick to their own kind. And mate with females."

  "Do you know the population of cougar shifters worldwide?" Fane looked at Tim, his eyebrows raised.

  Ramsey suppressed a smile, not wanting to interrupt the schooling Fane was about to give Tim. He couldn't help but think it was sexy, though.

  "Twenty thousand. We're a dying breed. That's why we need to keep the blood pure."

  "That goes against science. There aren't enough of you because you're inbreeding most likely. Sharing DNA with someone familiarly similar means that if you had a genetic anomaly than your offspring would have two recessive alleles. There will be a higher rate of deformity and genetic abnormalities in the brain or even physically, although that’s not as likely.

  "Some believe paranormals instinctively know a mate upon meeting them is the work of Fate, but our bodies have a natural mechanism that guards against several things, including inbreeding, so it's not the work of gods but science."

  "I'm not inbred."

  "You are if your parents were both cougar shifters. Most likely anyway. Too few numbers."

  Tim shifted without even taking off his clothing and lunged at Fane so fast Ramsey was slow to react.

  Ramsey didn't need to, though.

  Fane jumped in the air and kicked out one of his legs, connecting with Tim's chest. Tim made a noise somewhere between a growl and cry, landing in a heap on the ground. Fane stood over him, putting his hand around Tim's throat, holding him against the ground.

  Fane's eyes were red, and his teeth were flashing. He hissed at Tim, and Ramsey wondered if it was because Tim struggled against his hold or if Fane was truly pissed. Ramsey strongly suspect the former because Fane rarely got angry. He always said anger was a secondary emotion.

  For Ramsey, his anger felt pretty legitimate at the moment. He wanted to rip Tim's head off. Since Fane had it under control, he wouldn't, but the instinct was still there.

  "We're leaving." Ramsey didn't bother whispering it. When half the clan watched them as if they committed some atrocious sin, what was the point? Either most of the clan missed the part where Tim attacked Fane or Tim had most of the clan as followers.

  "Address the clan." Fane never took his eyes off Tim.

  "No. We're leaving."

  "Address the clan. Alpha."

  Ramsey sighed and stepped further into the yard. Fane wouldn't let it go unless he did the right thing. "Fine."

  "First of all, I think we need to get one fucking thing straight. The next clan member who attacks my mate won't live much longer after. Secondly, I don't give a shit if you don't like the fact that he's a vampire. He's mine." Ramsey flashed his teeth. Several of the clan members gasped and took a step away from him.

  Gerold was the only one who stepped up. Ramsey raised his eyebrows and smirked at him. "You're going to challenge me?"

  Gerold swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving up and down. He looked at Ramsey with caution in his gaze. He was still dumb enough to nod, though.

  "Even if you did win the fight against me, which we both know you won't, you'll have to go through Garridan next. And when Ladon has his first shift, you'll have to go through him. Even I won't be able to beat Ladon when the time comes, but let's go." Ramsey pulled his coat off, handing it to Garridan, who had stepped up next to him.

  Gerold took a step back, shaking his head.

  Garridan put a hand on Ramsey’s shoulder, getting his attention. "Attacking the Alpha mate is a crime punishable by death. What would you like to do, Alpha?"

  Ramsey took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. He hadn't thought about anything but getting the damn talk over with so he could get Fane the hell out of there.

  "I don't care."

  Garridan growled so low in his throat that Ramsey was sure he was the only one who heard it. "Finish your Alpha duties," Garridan whispered. Ramsey would get a fatherly lecture later, he was sure of it.

  Ramsey turned to Bennett. "Put him in the basement." Bennett nodded and walked over to Tim.

  Fane didn't let him up until Bennett had a hold of him and even then Fane tried to go along. The thought of him seeing the cells under the house made Ramsey nauseous. Fane had lived in a prison unne
cessarily for too long. He shouldn't have to see another one.

  "Fane."

  Fane turned, meeting his gaze.

  "I need you." Ramsey wouldn't give Fane an order in front of the clan. He wouldn't have any of them think that's how their relationship worked because that was furthest from the truth.

  Fane just nodded and turned to Bennett. "You'll need another person to help with him. He's stronger than he looks."

  Tim snarled and fought against Bennett's hold. Fane smacked Tim in the face and scowled at him. "Stop it." If the slap was meant to shock, it worked well and not just for Tim. The whole clan watched the exchange. "You won't gain control. You never will because you can’t learn to open your mind. You're son leaving you should have taught you that. Learn to accept, and things will get better."

  "I'll take it from here, little bit." Gabriel grabbed Tim by the scruff of his neck right along with Bennett.

  Fane stepped away. "What's a little bit?"

  Gabriel grinned. "Your new nickname."

  "Why do I need a nickname?"

  "Because you're a little bit of a badass. And you're a little bit of a cutie. I want to put you in my pocket, but you'd kick my ass."

  "I won't fit in your pocket, Gabriel."

  "I just mean you’re so little and cute."

  Fane shrugged. "You still don't make sense. Go and get him settled." Fane turned toward Ramsey. "Meditate, Tim. It will help while you're locked away."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Fane folded his hands in his lap and sat in the seat next to Ramsey. He needed to meditate. His mind was so full of the last twenty-four hours.

  "Will you come back to my cabin?" Ramsey whispered as he drove.

  The truck was dark except for the headlights lighting up the road and casting shadows on the forested areas on either side of the pavement. The dash lights didn't help light things up much. There weren't many instances where he was alone with Ramsey, so he liked the moment.

  Inside the cab, Ramsey kept one hand on the wheel and the other on Fane's thigh.

  "Magnus' cabin."

  Ramsey sighed, and he took his hand away. He turned down a dirt road. Once he straightened out the wheel, he put his hand back. His palm warmed the spot on Fane's leg where it touched. Fane put his hand over Ramsey's. "You know what you told Tim."

  "About the inbreeding?"

  Ramsey chuckled. "No. The thing about control."

  "Yes. Sensei used to say that."

  "As a way to get you to accept certain things about yourself?"

  "No. That's what giving up the illusion of control would mean for you. He meant something different for me. He said it during meditation. He didn't want me to force certain thoughts but let them flow freely."

  "Think you can teach me to meditate."

  "Yes. I can teach anyone that. You need a Sensei."

  Ramsey always had a sparkle in his eyes whenever he looked at Fane. It was visible even in the dark. "Maybe I want you to be my Sensei."

  Fane nodded. "Okay. Just don't call me that."

  "Why not?"

  "Because then you wouldn't call me sweet. I like that name better. Only when you say it, though."

  "I like that name better too."

  After that, they grew silent. Fane rubbed a finger across the back of Ramsey's hand. The skin was soft and soothe him. He leaned his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes.

  "I just want to be alone with you. Not have Jules' asshole mates hanging around or my family or the fucking clan. Just need a couple of days with just you."

  "So I can teach you?" Fane's voice was husky with the sleep that threatened.

  "No. Well yes but also no. I don't care what we do."

  "Are you choosing me?"

  "Yeah, sweet. I am."

  "What about being Alpha?"

  "I don't have an answer for that. I know the clan needs a leader who will guide them through the battle with Stavros and the trying times to come. I just don’t think that person is me. And I know being Alpha doesn't matter as much as you do. I need time to come up with a solution."

  "And you need me to help you with that? At your cabin?" Fane opened his eyes, turning his head to look at Ramsey.

  Ramsey pulled the car over and then turned to look at Fane. "Yeah. So will you come? Please."

  "Okay."

  Ramsey leaned forward and kissed Fane. He pulled away again and faced forward.

  "You're choosing me?" Fane practically vibrated in the seat as those words sank in. He needed to hear Ramsey's response again.

  Fane had thought for sure Ramsey wouldn't choose him. He would suffer if Ramsey left him but the past few years had been nothing but that anyway. He had settled for the pain, resigning himself to it, but Ramsey was telling him something else.

  His heart rate sped up as he waited for Ramsey to answer and every millisecond felt like hours.

  "Yes."

  Fane took his seat belt off and moved past the center console, straddling Ramsey's lap. Fane cupped Ramsey's cheeks and met his gaze.

  Ramsey's circled Fane's waist, holding him in place. "I'm sorry I made it hard on you. I'll choose you every time, Fane. From now on. I promise."

  Fane leaned in for a kiss. He intended to make it quick, but Ramsey took over, thrusting his tongue in. Ramsey glided his hands up his back, pulling him closer until their chests touched.

  Fane surrendered, just as he had been. It felt good to let Ramsey take over. Fane's mind emptied, and he let himself feel. Touching Ramsey was a new form of meditation for Fane.

  Ramsey ended the kiss only to trail his lips along Fane's jaw. Fane tilted his head to give Ramsey more room.

  "Need you, sweet. Always gonna need you." Ramsey's breath fluttered against Fane's skin when he spoke.

  "Please. I burn. My dick hurts." Fane moved his hips, humping against whatever part of Ramsey he could reach.

  Ramsey chuckled. The kisses stopped, and he pressed his forehead against Fane's shoulder.

  "Why are you laughing? Keep kissing."

  That only made Ramsey laugh harder. "Let's go home first. The cabin's only a couple miles down the road."

  Fane moved away from Ramsey. He put a hand over his hard length through his pants. It wasn't the same as Ramsey's touch, especially his mouth. He settled in the seat next to Ramsey and scowled at him.

  Ramsey just snorted. "Grouchy."

  "It's hard. I want you to touch it."

  "Two minutes."

  Fane pushed his sweats down past his balls and then took his bare cock in hand.

  "Shit. Okay. I'll hurry."

  "Yes." Fane didn't move but just held himself in a firm grip.

  By the time the truck engine stopped humming, and keys clinked together, Fane was close to making himself cum. Ramsey watching him felt like a caress and changed the whole experience of jacking off.

  "Fuck. That's hot. Holy shit. Okay. Need to get you inside." A door opened, and the truck bounced on its tires a bit. The door closed again. And a second later his door opened.

  Ramsey leaned in, pressing his mouth to Fane’s. The kiss didn't hold anything back, speaking clearly of Ramsey’s need. It matched his own

  Fane let go of his cock in favor of wrapping his arms around Ramsey's shoulders. Ramsey pulled back at the same time he lifted Fane out of the truck.

  The next thing Fane knew they were moving, but he was too far gone to care where Ramsey carried him. Ramsey ended the kiss a second later, fumbling with his keys. He cursed, and Fane licked the parts of Ramsey's neck that weren't covered by his coat. Keys jingled again, and then a door creaked open.

  The instant Ramsey’s shoes clomped down on a wooden floor Fane knew that the home they were in belonged solely to him. The smell of the place was almost as strong as the one coming directly from the skin on his neck.

  "Smells good in here. My monster."

  "Mhmm. That's right. All yours, sweet."

  Ramsey didn't have to move them far before he laid Fane dow
n on a bed. Fane's back hit something soft, and the mattress gave just slightly underneath him.

  Fane was up before he let himself get settled, kneeling on the bed. Ramsey already had his coat off and was onto his shirt. Fane attacked the button on Ramsey's jeans, unzipping them next before pushing them down his hips. "Shoes."

  "Yeah." Ramsey began kicking off his shoes without unlacing them. "You too, Fane. Now."

  Fane nodded and moved so he was sitting on the side of the bed. He unlaced his shoes and took them off, before pushing his sweats and underwear off.

  Ramsey helped him with his coat. And Fane pulled his shirt over his head. As soon as he did, he lay on the bed and wrapped his legs around Ramsey. He had his hand on Ramsey’s arm. He turned his body, unsettling Ramsey until he fell over on his back. He grunted, and they both bounced a little before Fane straddled Ramsey's hips.

  "Nice little trick there, sweet."

  Fane giggled. "New move."

  "What do you call it?"

  "I don't call it anything. I just did it to get you underneath me so that I can cum on you."

  Ramsey chuckled. "Getting-Ramsey-underneath-me it is then. Don't teach that one to anyone, sweet."

  Fane laughed.

  "Ha. I did it. I finally made you laugh."

  Fane thought about the last time he laughed and couldn’t remember. He had never had a reason to before. "I'm happy."

  Ramsey's hand cupped the nape of Fane's neck and pulled him down. "Me too, sweet."

  "We need slick. I want you in me."

  "Right. Um, in the drawer." Ramsey pointed to a small blue table next to the bed.

  It was far enough away that Fane would have to get up. "I have to move."

  "Yep." Ramsey wanted to laugh. Fane could see it in the way the corners of his mouth turned up.

  "You don't move."

  "I'm not going anywhere. The last thing I want to do is stop you from riding my cock. Believe that."

  "Okay."

  Fane moved off Ramsey slowly, sliding his ass over Ramsey's cock just because it felt good. Ramsey moaned but sat up on his elbows, watching Fane.

  Fane bent over to open the door, and Ramsey moaned again. He grabbed a tube from the drawer and shut it again about the same time Fane felt hands around his waist. Ramsey kissed him right above his ass crack, licking after the kiss. He licked into the crease next, and the anticipation of where his tongue might go made Fane catch his breath. He moaned when Ramsey went deeper.