Inflame (Explosive)

by Teevan, Tessa

  “She’s beautiful, Kale,” Tara admits, but there’s something underlying in her voice that I don’t like.

  “She’s the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever seen,” I counter, causing her to bristle.

  “When are you due?”

  Rolling my eyes, I hand over my card, ready for this to be over. “Tara, like I said, let’s not do this. We aren’t friends. We aren’t anything. And the last person I want to talk about this with is you.”

  “Kale, don’t be like that. We were something once upon a time. Don’t act like we weren’t.”

  I close my eyes, trying to control the fuming anger that’s beginning to build within me. The woman I love is less than fifteen feet away, and the last thing I want to do is reminisce with the girl who nearly destroyed me. The longer Tara takes to process the transaction, the more panicked I become. Suddenly, all the times Lucy asked me to open up replay in my mind and I’m cursing myself for being such a goddamn pussy and not taking her up on it.

  Resting my palms against the counter, I look Tara directly in the eyes, mustering the most serious tone, trying to hide the desperation lacing my voice. “Look, whatever we had was a lifetime ago. Right now, my very pregnant girlfriend is right behind that closed door and she has no idea about you or any of our past together. The last thing I want to do right now is upset her, so can you please process the transaction so I can get the fuck out of here?”

  My face drains as a wicked smile crosses her lips, and I know I just fucked up with that admission. Before I can remedy the situation, I hear the door behind me open up, and my heart begins racing. Steeling myself against the counter, I let out a deep breath as Lucy slides up beside me.

  “Oh, Jesus, that was a close one. I’m not sure I would’ve made it if I weren’t wearing a dress. I swear, this little guy must think my bladder’s a trampoline because he sure is having fun pressing up against it at the most inopportune times.” Once she stops talking, she looks at Tara and gives her an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, first-time mom-to-be. I have a problem with my filter, especially when I forget I’m in public.”

  “That’s okay. I have two of my own, so I know exactly how you feel. There’s no mercy when it comes to your baby and your bladder sometimes.” Tara’s eyes are on me as I look up, surprised at her admission. She raises her brow at me then looks back at Lucy, holding her hand out. “I’m Tara, by the way.”

  Lucy grabs ahold of her hand for a shake at the same time that she rests her other one on her belly. “Lucy. Nice to meet you.” I watch as Tara’s eyes trail down to her belly, and I quickly sign the receipt and grab the cake, but it’s too late.

  Tara turns towards me, cocking an eyebrow. “No ring? Kale, you surprise me. It only took you about three days to propose to me. Why the wait? You were all so eager for a wife and a baby. I’m shocked you haven’t already tried to lock her down.”

  Lucy’s eyes dart back and forth between us, and she clears her throat. A tight smile crosses her face. “Apparently you two have a history I’m not privy to, but for your information, Tara, it’s 2014. A baby doesn’t equate marriage anymore. Where I come from, it’s perfectly acceptable to have a child out of wedlock.”

  I go to take Lucy’s hand, but she holds it out of reach. Tara’s jaw sets as she looks at Lucy, and the tension between the two permeates the air. A smirk forms over Tara’s face.

  “Maybe where you come from that’s true, but the Kale I knew would never have a child without making sure he’s going to be a permanent part of its life. I just find it odd that he hasn’t done that with you. I guess it’s just one of life’s little mysteries.”

  Lucy visibly pales then collects herself and stands up straight, squaring her shoulders. In that instance, I realize that Mom was right. Lucy’s much stronger than I was giving her credit for, and I was a fucking fool for thinking she couldn’t handle it.

  “It’s obvious you two have some sort of unfinished business. If you don’t mind, I’m going to wait in the car while you figure it out.” Without another word, she brushes past me, hurrying to the car.

  “Oh, Kale, I hope I didn’t upset her,” Tara says in a fake sugary voice that sets me over the edge.

  Leaning across the counter, I respond in a slow, deliberate fashion. “After being raised by a single mom with twin sisters, I never thought I’d ever say this, but what the hell. You’re a fucking cunt. You know that?” I pause as her eyes widen. “A fucking selfish, manipulative cunt, and while I may never forgive you for what you did, I’m happy as hell I didn’t get saddled down with you. The reason I proposed to you was because I thought I loved you, but I don’t see how I could’ve ever loved someone like you.

  “That girl out there? She doesn’t need my fucking ring, and she’s certainly not getting it out of obligation. I know deep down in my fucking soul that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her, whether she has a ring or not. When I do propose to her, and that’s a fucking when, not an if, it won’t be because she’s carrying my kid like I did with you. It’ll be because I can’t spend another fucking day with her not having my name. Because I can’t fucking breathe at the thought of a life without her. Because I love her so goddamn much that I won’t run the risk of someone as beautiful, as kindhearted, as loving, as absolutely fucking perfect for me slip through my fingers. And you know what, Tara? I already feel all those fucking things, but unlike you and me, I want to do it when she’s ready, not because fucking society and a pregnancy test prompt me to do it.”

  My chest is heaving as I finish, and I know I should feel bad for my tirade, but I honestly don’t. It’s been brewing for ten years, and it feels fucking good to finally get it out. Tara’s looking down at the counter, avoiding my eyes. I grab the cake, ready to get the fuck out of here.

  “Now if you don’t mind, I have a baby shower to salvage, a pregnant girlfriend to grovel to, and a mom and best friend that are going to say, ‘I told you so.’ Have a nice fucking life.”

  As I stroll out of the cake shop, I resist the urge to call her a cunt again. Mom would be appalled, but I know Kaylie’d be cheering me on. When I get into the car, I hand the cake to Lucy and she takes it without even glancing down at it. I place my hand on the back of the headrest and try to get her to look at me.

  “Baby…” I plead, but she just keeps looking out the window.

  “Don’t, Kale. I’m not sure what the hell just happened, but I’m pretty good at putting two and two together. Can we not ruin what is supposed to be a happy day?”

  I let out a deep sigh, and lean in to press a kiss against her hair. “That’s probably a good idea. I love you, Lucy,” I whisper against her, and her only response is a single tear the falls down her cheek, and my heart plummets, knowing that I’m the one who’s causing her to cry.

  I’M CLENCHING my fists together, taking in deep breaths as I wonder what in the hell just happened. When I came out of the bathroom, I could sense a weird vibe between Kale and the woman behind the cash register. She was staring at him with a strange expression, one that was an odd mixture of malice and affection. It made no sense, and I didn’t fail to notice the way Kale was gripping the counter tightly. His jaw was set and he looked annoyed, angry even, so when I walked up, I tried to lighten the mood.

  That Tara woman’s words flow through my brain like an endless circular river of information as I try to piece it all together. Is this what Kale’s been keeping from me all along? And the shit Xavier mentioned he’d gone through? Is Tara what he meant? I’m overwhelmed as the puzzle pieces start to fit together in my mind, and for a brief moment, I begin to freak out.

  “I have two myself.”

  The thought that one of them might be Kale’s enters my mind, and I visibly begin to shake. Leaning my head back against the headrest, I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing as I push the thought out of my mind. There’s no way Kale would be an absent father.

  The next worst-case scenario sets in, and as upset as I might be with him, my heart
breaks at the thought that he should be father already but clearly isn’t. If I’m right, then Kale and Tara were engaged and expecting once upon a time, and now that they’re clearly not together and without a child, the thought that she miscarried sends a shiver of empathetic pain through my veins.

  Suddenly, it all makes sense. The way he held me in fear the night after the first ultrasound, the guilt over not protecting Lily, the overprotectiveness when it comes to Sprout. Whatever happened with him and Tara, he’s been terrified of repeating, and the toll of it all begins to take hold. I don’t understand why he felt the need to keep this from me. After everything we’ve been through, why couldn’t he tell me? A million questions roll through my mind, and all I know is that I don’t have an answer to a single one because Kale didn’t trust me enough to let me into that part of his past.

  Resting my hand protectively on my belly, I try to force all the doubts away, but it’s nearly impossible. Everything I was afraid of in the beginning of our relationship starts to turn around in my head again, and as much as I don’t want to consider the idea of my being an obligation, it’s pretty damn hard to push out of my mind.

  As I glance back into the bakery, I notice Kale leaning in close to her, and I have to tear my eyes away. It’s clear to me that he still has pent-up issues in regards to her, and until they’re vanquished, I have no idea how we’re going to move forward.

  It’s not long before Kale joins me in the car, and I can feel the tension rolling off him. I want to lean over and comfort him, to let him know that I’m here, but I force myself to sit still. I’ve told him that plenty of times, given him many chances to open up, and now that it’s been brought to the surface, I have no desire to discuss it. I don’t want him telling me the truth just because his ex decided to do it for him.

  This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, a celebration of the life we created together who’s not that far off from entering this world. The last thing I want to do is have this conversation in the car on the way to his mom’s house, so when he tries to talk to me, I put a stop to it. I’m so close to breaking down into sobs, but I bite the inside of my cheeks in an effort to keep the tears at bay. It’s a lost cause though, because when Kale leans in close and presses a soft kiss to my cheek with a promise of his love, I have nothing to say as a lone tear spills over onto my cheek.

  AS WE ride back to Mom’s house in silence, I rack my brain trying to figure out how I can fix this. Lucy’s silence speaks volumes, and I have to keep myself from trying to take hold of her hand. I don’t think she’d appreciate my touch, even though I’m craving hers. I need to feel her, touch her, taste her to know she’s still with me, but the way she’s staring out the window lets me know that she’s a million miles away.

  When we pull up to the house, I take in a deep breath when I see Kalli’s car. I silently hope that my surprise for Lucy will be enough for her to at least be able to enjoy the day, no matter how she’s feeling towards me. She hops out of the car before I’ve even have a chance to shut the engine off. I quickly race after her, placing a hand on the small of her back as I lead her to the house. It’s a small victory because she doesn’t shy away from my touch, but she doesn’t look at me either.

  Taking the cake box from her hands, I gesture for her to open the door. She finally glances up at me with a curious look on her face then complies.

  As the door swings open and she steps inside, the sound of a loud “Surprise!” echoes throughout the living room.

  She stands there in shock as she takes in the sight of Charlie, Knox, Xavier, Lily, Jace, and Lexi. Looking at each one of them then back at me, she immediately bursts into tears and runs to Charlie. Everyone exchanges curious glances as Charlie wraps her arms around her best friend, rubbing her back.

  “Hey, Lucy, I knew you’d be happy to see us, but no need for the waterworks,” Knox jokes, causing Lucy to pull back from his fiancée to give him a watery smile.

  “Sorry. Hormones,” she says weakly. “I just didn’t expect you guys to be here. Seriously, you didn’t have to come all this way.”

  Charlie shakes her head and uses her thumbs to wipe away Lucy’s tears. “Are you kidding? I wasn’t going to miss my best friend’s baby shower.”

  Lexi moves in to give Lucy a hug, her own small baby bump having now formed. “Same here. Plus, Jace’s family lives less than an hour from here, so we decided to make a quick trip to visit before our own little one comes.”

  As Lucy greets all the new guests, I feel Xavier’s eyes on me. I walk back towards the kitchen to get give Mom the cake, and he trails behind me.

  “What’s going on, man?” he asks, and I pretend like I have no idea what he’s talking about.

  “Nothing, Z. Everything’s all good here. How’d Lily do on the flight? Have her headaches gone away?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

  “How many times do I hafta tell you she’s fine before you finally believe me? She hasn’t had a headache in weeks and she was given the all-clear. Now quit stallin’. Those weren’t tears of happiness, and I could see the apprehension on your face as soon as you walked in the door.”

  Sighing, I run my hand through my hair before heading to the refrigerator to grab a couple of beers. I hand him one then pop mine open. “We had the misfortune of running into Tara.”

  He stops mid-drink and sets the beer down on the counter. “And let me guess? Lucy still had no idea there even was a Tara?”

  I groan, leaning across the counter, trying to ignore his look of disappointment as I relay the entire encounter for him. He called this, and I brace myself for the ‘I told you so,’ but it never comes, even though I know I deserve hearing it on repeat.

  “Man, I fucked up. I kept putting it off and putting it off. She gave me so many openings, but I was a little bitch and kept it all in. Part of me thought I was doing it to protect her, but I know I was being a coward.”

  “Well, looks like you have your in now. I don’t really see any way around it, especially if you didn’t get a chance to explain.”

  “I know, but I can’t do it here, around everyone. She asked me not to talk about it today, and since I’ve waited this long, what’s another day?”

  He looks at me and just shakes his head. “Just don’t wait too long, Montgomery. That’s what got you into this mess in the first place.”

  Nodding, I swallow, my chest tight. “I won’t. As soon as we get home, I’ll be an open book and tell her everything she wants to know. For now, I’ll just hope she has enough family and friends around her to keep her happy. God knows I’ll try.”

  Xavier slaps a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, man, you’ve got a good woman, and at the end of the day, no matter how upset she is, she’s always gonna have your back. You may just have to grovel a little.” He lets out a chuckle, and I wish I could share in his amusement. “Or, well, you’ll probably actually have to grovel a lot. A helluva lot, in fact.”

  As much as I want to believe him, I saw the devastated look on Lucy’s face when Tara’s words sank in, and it’s killing me not to drag her upstairs to get the whole story out in the open once and for all. But like I told him, the least I can do right now is respect her wishes and try to ensure that she still enjoys herself at the baby shower. I have no fucking idea if I’ll succeed, but I’ll try like hell.

  I WAS holding it together in car fairly decently after that one tear, but when I walked in the door and saw my closest friends intermixed with my family, I couldn’t hold back the tears, and I ran for Charlie, hopefully convincing everyone that I was just overwhelmed by the fact that they’d all shown up. That’s one great thing about pregnancy. You can cry at the drop of a hat and no one bats an eyelash at it. Thanks, hormones.

  As I introduced Mom, Steve, and Marisa to Knox, Lexi, Jace, and Lily, I noticed that Kale had disappeared into the back of the house with Xavier in tow. An unsettled feeling curled up in my stomach from knowing that they were probably discussing what had just happened, and the
fact that Kale turned to Xavier instead of me further caused my heart to sink. Fortunately, Lily chose that moment to climb up on the couch next to me, alleviating some of my anxiety. Looking around the room, I realized I had so many people here to love and support me, so I decided to grow a pair and push all things Tara and Kale out of my mind so I could enjoy the shower.

  As the shower began, Kalli insisted I sit in a chair in the middle of the room, where I could be the center of attention. I tried to protest, but she wouldn’t hear it. Xavier and Kale returned from the kitchen, and as Kale approached me, I could see the sadness in his eyes. My heart yearned to reach out and comfort him, yet at the same time I wanted to push him away. Not wanting to give anyone any clues that our relationship might be in distress, I didn’t hesitate to allow him to take my hand when he sat dutifully beside, the ever-present father-to-be.

  One by one, we opened gift after gift, and my heart swelled with all the love our baby was going to have in his life. As the day went on, all thoughts of Tara were kept at bay, and I was truly able to enjoy celebrating the life of our unborn child. Often enough, I found myself genuinely smiling and laughing as I cherished each moment of the day.

  After all the gifts had been opened and Mom and Ginger had scurried around the room picking up all the wrapping paper, Kale cleared his throat and turned to me. My heart leapt into my chest, nervous about what was to come. He glanced at Kaylie, who pulled a square box out of her purse and handed it to him. He looked back at me with earnest, remorseful eyes, and my gaze softened.