by Becky Monson
“I guess I better go,” I say, not even moving. I just stand there looking at him, and him at me.
I move forward and put my hands around his waist, hugging him again. I hear him sigh in my ear as he hugs me back, nuzzling my neck once more.
Why did this happen tonight? Why, when I have to be somewhere else? Every other night of the week or month or year for that matter, I have nothing else to do. But tonight of all nights! It’s probably for the best, though. If I didn’t have somewhere to go, I’d overstay my welcome like all spinsters do (ahem, parents’ basement), and then it would get awkward. No, I just need to leave—leave while it’s still good, while I’m on a high note. Brown will be proud.
I pull back, but he still has his arms around me. This time, it’s me that leans in and kisses him. I kiss him as softly and as passionately as I can. He responds like I want him to and kisses me back, then he pushes me back against the door and the kissing escalates as I drop my purse on the floor and my hands move up his back and to the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair and pulling him closer in to me. I lose track of caring that I’m late to meet up with my family. Who really cares about family right now, anyway?
Jared pulls away after a few intense minutes, and both of us are out of breath. “Okay,” he says, trying to compose himself. “Aren’t you late?”
“Yes, yes. My stupid, stupid family!” I say out loud, which I did not intend to do. Oops.
He laughs at that and then kisses me gently. Not wanting to let go, I reluctantly step back from him and reach down and pick up my purse off the floor. I find myself feeling a little silly how I dropped it so dramatically, caught up in the moment, like I’m in a movie or something.
He opens the door to the conference room, and finalizes my plans to leave. I was still slightly undecided. I walk out of the room and look around to make sure no one is there. It’s just him and me.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” I say, and smile at him. I reach up and smooth down the tousled hair on the back of his head.
He looks away, over toward the elevator. “Yeah, tomorrow,” he says, echoing me, but clearly thinking about something else. He shakes his head and looks back at me and smiles. He grabs my hand one more time and squeezes it.
I walk awkwardly over to the elevator and push the down button, knowing he’s watching me. I turn around, wave at him, and then enter the elevator and press the lobby button. He’s still there, hands in his pockets, watching me as the door shuts.
I hold myself back from screaming in the elevator because that’s what I really want to do, jump up and down and scream like I’m fifteen. But I wait until I’m in the car and have driven away from the parking lot before I let what just happened hit me. Then, I let out a big scream of excitement and giddiness.
What just happened? My head is reeling. Jared just kissed me. I kissed him back. Yesterday, we were just friends. Today, we’re kissing. I don’t want to read into it, I don’t want to over-think it. I’ll save that for later. For now, I just need to bask in this feeling. This feeling of … whatever it is, I’m not sure, but it’s the best feeling in the world.
Immediately, I grab my cell phone and call Brown. I have about a ten minute drive until I get to the restaurant to meet my family and that’s hardly long enough for me to describe everything in detail, but I’ll do my best.
~*~
When I arrive at the restaurant, everyone is already seated, and drinks have been ordered. I feel giddy and delirious and about to pop. Brown didn’t answer the phone, and I need to tell someone about what just happened.
I sit in the open seat next to Anna and apologize to everyone for being late.
“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” Anna asks quietly in my ear. “You look high.”
“What? Oh sorry,” I say, trying to wipe the smile off my face, but I can’t. “I’m just … I’m just …” I can’t even tell her, I’m so giddy.
“Spit it out!” She punches me lightly on the arm. Everyone else is having their own conversations, not paying attention to us.
“Um, so I went upstairs to Jared’s office before coming here …”
“So, that’s why you were late,” she rolls her eyes, disapprovingly.
“Yes. But it’s better than just that …” I trail off, and smile at her.
“What are you saying? Wait? Did he?” Her eyes bug out of her head.
“He kissed me!” I squeal out. She lets out a high-pitched little scream, and grabs my arms and shakes them in total Oprah fashion.
“Are you serious??” She’s smiling like a silly schoolgirl now, too.
All I can do is smile back at her and nod my head yes. It’s so fun to have Anna to tell this stuff to, and she reacts just like I need her to.
We both turn at the same time to see our family looking at us like we’re a couple of high school kids.
I clear my throat. “Sorry, I just had some exciting work news I had to tell Anna about.”
“Well, share it with the rest of the family then,” my dad says, looking very interested in this piece of news.
I’m totally not going to tell the rest of my family what just happened. First of all, they have no idea who Jared is. The only person I’ve been sharing that information with is Anna. Secondly, this is not a dinner-topic discussion. I can just picture it: “Mom, Dad, Lennon, Jenny … I totally just made out with my coworker in the upstairs conference room of our office building! Squeeeeee!” Thirdly, my dad and brother, being men, would have no idea why I’d be so giddy about this and they’ll totally rain on my parade.
“It’s nothing really. I’ll tell you later,” I say, and look at Anna who smiles back at me.
“Well, I have something to announce,” Lennon says, and we all direct our attention to him and away from me, thank goodness. “I invited you all to come to dinner to tell you that …” he pauses, looking at Jenny who smiles brightly at him. “Well, Jenny and I—we’re going to have a baby.”
The table erupts with excitement. My mother starts to cry, my dad pats him on the shoulder, beaming. Both Anna and I proclaim how thrilled we are by gushing and asking a ton of questions they can’t seem to answer fast enough. This is very exciting news for the Dorning family, very exciting news, indeed.
Normally, information like this would’ve sent me into a tailspin of overeating and self-loathing/depression. I’m the oldest child in the Dorning family and, therefore, I should be the first one to have a baby. Isn’t that the rule? Isn’t the oldest supposed to do everything first? But we haven’t followed those rules in this family at all, clearly.
Lennon obviously got married before I did since I’m not … well, married. That was devastating at the time. It was made worse by the fact that at the wedding, all the older relatives kept coming up to me and saying what they thought were encouraging things to me like “Your turn is next!” or “I betcha we’ll be back here for your wedding soon!” or “That special someone is waiting just around the corner!” I finally got so fed up that, in the wedding line (Anna and I were bridesmaids), I told Jenny’s old and frail grandmother I wouldn’t be “finding a man” anytime soon because I was a lesbian. She was exasperated. Jenny was mortified. I suspect that she still holds a little grudge toward me because of that. I couldn’t help myself though.
So yes, normally this kind of information would drive me to drink or eat my weight in food, but today? I don’t think Lennon announcing they already had a child who’s now fully grown and married and will be having a baby, making Lennon a grandpa and me a great-aunt before I even had a chance to have children of my own … I don’t think even that would dampen my mood.
The rest of the night is filled with talk of babies and sexes and names and all sorts of baby-fun plans. Before the night is over, Anna and I have volunteered to throw Jenny a baby shower and I’ve declared myself this baby’s favorite aunt. Because I totally will be.
After dinner, Anna meets me down in the basement apartment so I can fill
her in on all the details of what happened between me and Jared in that glorious sixth floor conference room.
“So, he just pulled you onto his lap?” she asks, eyes wide and mesmerized by the info.
“Yep. It was like some smooth ninja trick,” I say, still having a hard time suppressing the giddy smile.
“So, how was it?”
“The kissing?”
“No, your dinner. Yes, of course I was asking about the kissing, you idiot.” She rolls her eyes at me.
“It was a.maz.ing. Seriously, the best.”
“Really? It’s been a long time since I’ve been good and kissed.” She sighs and closes her eyes leaning back against the couch. How fun it is to have Anna living vicariously through me. Up until this moment, I can’t say anyone would’ve wanted to live vicariously through any part of my life.
Anna opens her eyes and looks at me. “So, what do you think it all means?”
“I have no idea.” I slouch back in my seat. I know I’ll have to think this through and analyze it all, but I don’t really want to right now.
“Well, don’t get all girly on him and start asking too many questions. Just see what happens tomorrow. Let it play out.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” I say, pushing out the uneasy feeling that tries to slip in. What will tomorrow be like?
I shake off the path my mind is trying to take me and lean my head back on the couch and close my eyes, replaying every kiss, every touch. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now. Is he thinking about me, too? I’m sure he’s not replaying everything in his head, doesn’t seem like a guy thing to do. But maybe I’ve crossed his mind, and he’s smiled to himself.
As I go to bed, I’m still feeling butterflies and excitement, finding it hard to believe it all happened. So much has occurred in my life in the past couple of months. I look around at my half-packed room. This weekend I’ll be moving to my new condo, I’m wearing makeup, dressing differently, making out with hot men—well, just one hot man. I’m so much less of a spinster than ever. It feels good.
CHAPTER 10
It’s the next morning, and I pop out of bed quickly, excited to go to work. I’m so eager to see Jared, but also feeling a little apprehensive about it. I’ve put off allowing my mind to go there, but I can’t help myself anymore. What if overnight he’s decided kissing me was a complete mistake and now regrets it? What if things are awkward between us? What if he completely avoids me? I don’t know what to expect or how to act in these situations, it’s been so long.
Things were somewhat strained between Brian the troll and me after our little tryst in that same conference room so long ago. A few awkward hellos in the hall, avoidance in the break room for a while. But that was different. We were at a party, we were both being stupid. It didn’t mean anything. Things are different with Jared. The kissing meant something. It had to.
I get ready and take time to make sure my makeup looks especially good, and I pick out something to wear that I know flatters and makes me feel confident. Today will be a good day, maybe even great.
When I arrive at work, the butterflies are running rampant in my stomach. I park my car and, as always, look for Jared’s. I don’t see his car, so he must be running late. With him not at the office yet, it’ll be that much longer until I see him, until I might be able to determine what he’s feeling today. That actually makes me relax a little, and the butterflies die down.
The office building is particularly quiet this morning as I walk through the hall and to my office. Mr. Nguyen’s office door is closed, and there’s no light coming from underneath the door. Mr. Nguyen late to work? What is this world coming to? It’s all the better for me, though. Now I can just sit at my desk and dream—daydream about last night.
I log on to my computer and see an email from Mr. Calhoun calling for an all-hands meeting this morning at nine. Strange, I don’t remember hearing any talk of an all-hands meeting coming up.
My door swings open, and in walks Brown, no knock. She plops herself down in the chair in front of my desk. She has a strange look on her face, one I’ve never seen Brown have. Stress maybe? Worry?
“Have you checked your email?” she asks, eyebrows creased.
“Yeah, I just saw the email from Calhoun. What’s that all about?” I ask, a slight chill prickling up my spine. Without Brown’s usual sense of confidence and poise, I’m suddenly feeling a bit uneasy.
“An all-hands meeting out of the blue? It can only be one thing. Layoffs, Jules.” She looks at me and purses her lips together.
“Layoffs? Oh geez, Brown. I think you’ve lost your mind.”
“No, Jules, I’ve wondered if this was coming. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to scare you, but I’ve suspected this was going to happen.” She looks out the window, shaking her head dubiously.
“Even if there are layoffs, why do we have to worry? There’s no way you would get laid off, they need your good looks in Sales,” I joke, but she doesn’t laugh. “And I’m the only assistant to Mr. Nguyen. Who’d take my place?” Even though I feel confident about what I’m telling her, a bristle of uneasiness goes down my spine.
“There are no guarantees at any job. Who knows? Maybe they don’t like how many breaks we take during the day.” She shrugs her shoulders.
“We work hard, though. Harder than most people at this company.” This is sadly a true statement. Spectraltech is full of lazy employees.
“I don’t know, Jules. Guess we’ll find out.” Brown gets up from her chair and heads out the door, leaving me there to ponder.
I try to keep myself busy for the next thirty minutes, clicking refresh on my email, hoping for something from Jared, anything. If I hear from him, I’ll feel better. I’d feel less anxious about everything. But no such luck. I thought about moseying around the office for a bit, just to see if he’s come in yet or not, but I thought it would be better just to stay where I am.
At five minutes to nine, I refresh my lip gloss and head to the large conference room on the bottom floor of the building. I’m sure I’ll finally see Jared now as this meeting was called by Mr. Calhoun, and he’ll definitely be doing some part of it.
The atmosphere is ominous as we all enter the conference room. Word must have spread, and everyone is feeling apprehensive about what this meeting might mean. There’s basically standing room only—too many people and not enough chairs.
After we all file in and try to make room for one another, Mr. Calhoun enters last and tries to maneuver his way to the front. He really should’ve thought this through better. All of us in this conference room, and his big rear trying to force his way to the front? Not the greatest idea.
I look around for Jared. Still no sign of him. My heart sinks. If I could just see him, see him smile at me or something, I’d feel better about everything.
Mr. Calhoun clears his throat. “Attention, attention everyone. We have some important things to discuss in this meeting, so I need everyone to be quiet and listen. I know this is not the most comfortable setting for us to meet so I’ll make my comments and announcements quickly.” He looks down at some papers he’s brought with him, and then clears his throat again. “Many of you have suspected because of the down-turn in profits over the last four quarters, and because of this ever-changing ‘proverbial’ economy that, at Spectraltech, we, too, would somehow be affected.”
You could hear a pin drop at this point. Everyone is on edge and giving each other nervous glances.
“We’ve been able to stay afloat for some time now, but I’m here today to tell you that, unfortunately, this is true. We’re now feeling the effects of this economy.”
A gasp filters through the room as we all let this information set in.
“So, what does that mean?” someone yells from behind me, and others start to chime in, asking the same thing.
“Shhh, everyone. Please. Just let me talk, and all will be revealed. Please be quiet everyone.” Mr. Calhoun’s face reddens as he tri
es to get everyone to return their attention back to him.
He clears his throat and looks down at his papers. “It’s with much regret I must inform you today, we’ll be laying off thirty percent of you.”
A different kind of gasp filters through the crowd, and everyone looks at each other wondering who it’s going to be.
“Unfortunately, we do not have the ability to make this a long goodbye. The layoffs are happening today.” More chatter fills the room, now everyone is feeling a bit on the frantic side. I’m feeling flustered, even though I’m confident my job is solid.
“Listen everyone. I know this is difficult, but I have more information to give you.” Mr. Calhoun waits for a moment as the chatter subsides and the focus returns to him.
“If you’re one of the ones who’ll be laid off, you will have a blue envelope on your desk. Inside the envelope you’ll find a letter detailing your severance, which, unfortunately could not be much, but it’s something. You will also find information detailing your COBRA health-insurance plan should you need insurance coverage in the interim.”
People start to exit the room even before Mr. Calhoun can finish, too anxious to find out if they’re part of the thirty percent. I keep looking around the room for Jared, hoping he might have snuck in the back or something. He’s nowhere to be found.
“Listen up everyone, please!” Mr. Calhoun calls out to the crowd, who he’s now clearly lost the attention of. “I hope you know we value you all as employees, as part of the Spectraltech family, and we’ve tried everything in our power to ensure that this did not happen, but unfortunately, we just could not continue any longer.”
Everyone is leaving and going back to their desks, ignoring Mr. Calhoun’s last words. Even I find myself feeling like I need to go back to my office, just to make sure.
We filter out of the conference room and head back to our offices. I run into Brown as I’m trying to make my way through the crowd.