Discovery of Desire

by Susanne Lord

  She looked steadily back at him, mutiny written plain all over her sweet face, but he could out-stubborn her any day. She might be as orderly as an officer, but he’d never been all that good at taking orders.

  She was clenching her teeth, and damned if he didn’t have to grin at how that angry, little face…didn’t work at all. Her bottom lip pouted, and when he thought her mouth couldn’t be any more kissable, she had to go and prove him wrong.

  But his heart was tearing in two at the same time. Ah…Minnie.

  “There’s one last thing I have to tell you.” He dragged in a breath because the words seemed to take all the air out of him. Tell her Tom is coming. Just tell her and finish it.

  “Seth?”

  He forced himself to look at her and her little mouth working to relax the pout from her lips.

  “Before you tell me”—she rose on her toes, trying to meet him eye to eye—“could we just be grateful?”

  He closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet scent of Mina’s hair, her skin. Grateful. He smiled, remembering. “Are you asking me to shut my mouth, pretty?”

  “I’m asking you to kiss me.”

  Her words might have been a bludgeon to his aching heart and, dizzy, he tightened his hold on her. Christ, she wasn’t supposed to say that. “Minnie.” He squeezed his eyes tight. Tom was coming. “I have to tell you—”

  “Tell me tomorrow,” she whispered. “I’m grateful today.”

  He opened his eyes and looked at Mina. The woman he loved—would always love. And the woman he didn’t deserve. It was a sin. But he’d take one more day for himself.

  He nodded. “Tomorrow.” He rested his forehead on hers. “We have a little under an hour now. I should have been keeping count.”

  Mina smiled and pulled him into the bedroom. The one bedroom—and the one bed.

  “Do you all sleep in here?” he asked.

  “It’s all right.”

  One bed. And the quilt was white with little posies on them. “Minnie?” He pointed at the bed, not sure what he was protesting, but she didn’t look, as she was busy untucking his shirt.

  “Hmm?” Her hands were under his shirt and were stroking his chest. He pressed her a little closer, leaning into how good that felt, how healing. Warm, soft lips nibbled his neck, his cheek, his mouth. Blood surged to his roger, and he was ready for her. More than ready.

  Her round breasts pressed softly against his chest, plumping into the most erotic sight he’d ever seen. Those eyes, that lush mouth, that bosom…all for him. She was beautiful and desirable, and she was offering herself to him.

  Mina pushed and he backed into the bed, the mattress behind his knees with that quilt of sweet posies. She yanked at his trousers and he feared for his buttons. He guided her arms around his neck so he could free himself for her.

  But he didn’t want to love her on a bed where the little boy slept. Or anyone else, for that matter. “You don’t sleep alone, do you, Minnie?”

  Her eyes were soft and melting, and her tongue slicked her lips wet—and suddenly there wasn’t any need to sort out the matter.

  He didn’t need a bed at all.

  Turning, he leaned against the door and coaxed her to lean against him. She was such a little thing, and he was glad. With one hand under her lush bottom, he lifted her off the ground. Shoving his trousers down past his hips he drew up her skirts and positioned her right where he needed her.

  “Seth.”

  His name was a puff of heated breath on his mouth and, with an animal grunt, he squeezed her backside before he could stop himself. A soft layer of cotton separated him from the wet heat of her body.

  Wet and ready for him. He pulled the seams of her drawers apart and guided her onto his roger where he stood. And he let the weight of her body sink onto him—and sheath him. She gasped and he nearly came without a stroke.

  “Ah, God, Minnie.” His roger pulsed in rhythm to her clenching body. “The nights I dreamed of you, taking myself in hand, dreaming I was with you. In your sweet body.”

  “I know. I missed you so.” She rocked against him, straining for purchase without her feet on the ground for leverage. The silk of her inner thighs rubbing against his hips as she climbed him, rode him.

  And he needed more. Needed to be deeper in her, needed all of her body against his.

  Caging her, he turned them around, his hugging arms shielding her from the cold wall. Mina gave him what he wanted. Hugging him tight around the neck, her breasts cushioned him, and he nuzzled the heat of her neck, the silky skin of that delicate column. She whimpered, her nails dragging across his back as she sank onto him. And that was enough to calm the frenzy of their reunion.

  Leaning heavily against her, his arms braced on the wall, he thrust into her. The pleasure so good, so complete, he never wanted this to end. Their eyes latched, hers warm and liquid, like he’d dreamed all those nights on the return back to her.

  Those perfect lips parted, glistened, and a spasm of answering pleasure rippled in his loins.

  “Seth,” she breathed. Smiling dreamily, she dropped her legs from around his waist, driving her deeper onto him.

  God…so sweet. “Kiss me,” he groaned.

  She claimed his mouth, sucking his tongue deep, and he couldn’t move. She’d never done that before…

  Only when she softened her kiss did he feel the desperate need to thrust in her, to bring her to pleasure. He pumped steadily, wanting this to be good for her. Even in this bleak, little room, even without any future for them, he would make this moment one she could be right with, one she wouldn’t be ashamed of.

  A moment she wouldn’t regret. A moment she’d know was one of love.

  “Minnie,” he whispered. “I love you, Minnie.”

  And that was enough. She cried out with her completion and he clenched against following her, removing himself from her just in time.

  Mina was pinned between his big body and the wall while he brought his breathing under control. He’d let her go in a moment. Just not yet…not yet.

  Her smile grazed his cheek. “Thank you, Seth.”

  Something sharp lanced his heart, and he held still, waiting for his heartbeat to slow. But it wasn’t slowing.

  She rested her head on his shoulder. “I’d forgotten how good you feel.”

  “I hadn’t forgotten, pretty. I’m thinking I never will.”

  He let her down on her feet. The room changed, darkened, chilled. He’d never be here again.

  He took a step back, giving her space, denying himself her touch. Her skirts rustled into place, and her blouse and hair were neat and orderly, like his little officer would require. Only the deep flush of her cheeks and the swelling of her lips lingered.

  And he was so…grateful for that small proof of their loving that he couldn’t find any words to tell her what she would always mean to him, how much he wanted her and how he would miss her.

  And what had to happen despite it all.

  Trying not to feel anything more, he righted his clothes. In the silence, Mina searched his face. “Seth?” She took a step closer and he had to brace himself into standing still. She smoothed his hair off his brow and he stiffened a little. Seemed his hair wasn’t too short for her to do that.

  Such a little hand…and she didn’t know how much her touch hurt him.

  “I can’t… I wish I could arrange words like Shakespeare knew how, Minnie. So I could tell you how beautiful you are. How there’s nothing in the world I’d count as lovelier, and I’ve seen skies like opals and orchids only God could color. And it’s not just your beauty. It’s the wonder. I feel wonder when I’m with you. Like I wasn’t really living until I saw you.” He huffed an embarrassed laugh. “But I’m the last man to know how to put pretty words together. I’m sorry about that.”

  He was hot under his skin, frustrated,
but Mina was looking at him with a look he’d never seen before. And it made him hold very still.

  The bottom lip of her smile shook a little, and her eyes were shiny. “Remember how you told Georgiana that if you draw true, pretty works itself out?”

  He nodded.

  “I think…when you speak true, pretty works itself out, too.”

  Seth took a shaky breath. It was wonder he felt. She was a lady in everything she said and did, to never rob him of his pride. But what did she really see when she looked at him? She said she loved him, but she was smart enough to say no when he’d asked her to marry him. He’d just hoped this time…

  He’d hoped, and there hadn’t been a good enough plan behind his hope.

  He’d thought there was this time, believed there was. And that’s how he knew with a certainty there wasn’t a curse at all, and there never had been. He just didn’t have enough sense to plan for important things, like a wife and family and a home with a roof that wouldn’t cave in, and money in reserve to manage all the acres of land he owned.

  But none of that mattered. Not now. Tom had his own plan, and tomorrow he’d see it done. And the best thing he could do for Mina would be to step aside.

  “Seth? Do you have to leave?” she asked.

  Confused, he looked at her. “Leave?”

  Her eyes scanned his face. “You looked far away for a moment. I thought… You don’t have to leave?”

  He shook his head quickly.

  She released a breath and smiled at him. “I’m glad.”

  Just one day with her. “There’s someone I need to see today, Minnie. You remember Will Repton’s the man who provided the funds to sail? The one to put out the call for Aimee that sent my sister into Tibet?”

  “You didn’t see him first?”

  “Needed to see you first, pretty. Besides,” he said, “Georgie already brought Aimee to see him. He’s not waiting in any suspense.”

  “Oh.” She smiled. “That will be a happy visit.”

  “Should be.” He caught her hand where it rested on his shoulder and held it on his chest, wanting to keep her close. “He sent his carriage for me this morning to deliver me to Richmond. The coachman’s waiting a few blocks away, seeing as how you live—well, here.” To soften his words, he squeezed her hands. “Will you come with me?”

  “Are you certain you want me there?”

  His heart cracked. “I’d want you anywhere, pretty.”

  She smiled and snuggled closer, the sensation so sweet he nearly staggered.

  Just one day.

  Tomorrow he’d let her go.

  Nineteen

  Richmond was only twelve miles from the city, but the city traffic made the journey a long one. Still, as slow as they traveled in Mr. Repton’s luxurious carriage, Seth spoke little. But really, that was all right. It was almost too much to look at him, let alone have him speak. The sight of him seemed a dream.

  He was in England and safe, and he’d found Georgiana.

  And in her little bedroom, with Seth, that seemed a dream, too. Mina shifted to feel the slight tenderness between her legs again, wanting the sensation to never leave. But he would leave. His cottage was up north. What reason did he have to stay? And she couldn’t ask him to.

  Hot tears threatened to overspill her eyes, and she blinked them away in a panic. Today, she would be happy. Her heart had returned, and Seth was safe, and they were on their way to a happy reunion with his friend.

  Seth held her hand upon his lap, his thumb rubbing the back of it absently as they rode. He sat beside her rather than across, and whether he knew that it was unmannerly or not, she didn’t care.

  She squeezed his hand to gain his attention. So oddly quiet, and he seemed to be tensing the nearer they drew to Mr. Repton’s house. The carriage moved faster now that they’d left London.

  “I’ve not been out of the city since my return,” she said. “Richmond seems a very fine area.”

  “A very fine area.” His eyes left the view of the gated lawns and tall, shady trees beyond the window. “But Repton married a countess’s sister, so his situation’s an easy one, I’m thinking.”

  A countess? Her boots were scuffed and her gloves cotton. “I didn’t realize. I’m not dressed—”

  He lifted her hand and kissed the pads of her fingers. Those wonderful eyes crinkled at her and quelled her panic. “Her name’s Charlotte. A fine lady, like you. You’ll get on well, I’m thinking.”

  Seth was often right about people, so her nervousness eased a bit. Still, she checked the pins in her hair. “My dress is so plain. I hope I’ll not embarrass you.”

  His slow inspection scorched her from tip to toe. “That wouldn’t ever be possible, pretty.”

  Her brain stalled under his admiring gaze. “You are still a terrible flirt,” she whispered.

  “Never flirted with you, Minnie.” He leaned close and nuzzled her neck. “I’m not flirting now, either, when I tell you I can smell myself on you.”

  Her heart leaped into her throat. Dear God.

  “I love your blush, Minnie,” he murmured, lifting his head. “I want to be the only man to make you—” Something flickered across his face, and he sat up straight.

  They were different here. In England. The joy of their reunion had been so short-lived. Georgiana was alive. He was home; he was safe. And yet, the news from his business partners seemed to have crushed something within him. There was so little bluster about him now. Fewer smiles. He hadn’t winked at her once.

  He even looked different. The brilliant green of the trees beyond the window framed his profile. He was such a beautiful man. His hair was so short now that the proud lines of his nose and brow and jaw were all the more pronounced.

  But there was one thing that hadn’t changed. He still wasn’t safe.

  Love didn’t matter. At least, not enough.

  She brushed aside that unhappy truth. Today was a happy day. Besides, she’d promised not to raise the topic of his money until tomorrow. Seth had been so disappointed. She hadn’t truly understood how much he had counted upon his botanical discoveries to fund his future. But even without that money, surely he could find a way to survive? He would have the money he gave her—and he would take it. She just had to find the means to return it.

  With the hundred he’d earned, and the two she’d return, he could start a small flock, plant a garden, sell his vegetables. Three hundred pounds was a great deal of money. It would be enough for him and even…even the right sort of wife.

  She would just ignore the lancing pain that idea wrought. Because three hundred pounds would not be enough for a wife with six sisters and a nephew prone to illness. They might be fine for a year, maybe two. But beyond that, she would be a terrible burden, and together, they would feel the uncertainty of their future all the more acutely.

  All too soon, the carriage was slowing and turning onto a gravel drive. The house was all brilliant-white stone and grand elegance, set back from its sprawling lawn and fountain. But cheery flowers bloomed in window boxes, and a glass hothouse like a fairy-tale castle sparkled in the back garden. “What a beautiful house.”

  Seth sat very still, looking out the window. “It is. A fine house.”

  The door opened, but he didn’t step out immediately. He cleared his throat and tugged his coat into place. “Well. I suppose we’re here.”

  She squeezed his hand, and he turned to her in question. “He’s going to be so happy to see you.”

  His eyes cleared and, at last, he smiled. With a quick buss of her cheek, he jumped out of the carriage. She reached for his hand, but Seth caught her at the waist and lifted her gently out. He likely had never handed a woman out before.

  The front door flew open and a man leaped down the stairs, smiling hugely. “Seth! By God, you know how to surprise a man.”

  W
ill Repton’s hug nearly toppled Seth.

  “Now there’s a welcome.” Seth chuckled and pushed him back to look at him at arm’s length. “What surprise? You sent a carriage to fetch me.”

  “I mean Georgiana and Aimee showing up at my door. You might’ve sent me a letter.”

  Seth’s grin fell. “Ah, hell—we did send one, Will. I’m sorry. We wouldn’t have surprised you like that—”

  Mr. Repton waved off his apology. “It was the best surprise of my life. The most wonderful surprise.” He wiped his eyes and turned to her, smiling. “Pardon me, miss. I’m Will.”

  Mr. Repton was an inordinately handsome man, but she smiled easily back. Seth must have inured her to masculine beauty.

  Seth offered his arm and she stepped forward. “Will, this is Miss Adams. She helped me in Bombay.”

  Evidently that was explanation enough. Mr. Repton grabbed her hand before Seth could finish the introduction. “Good to meet you, Miss Adams.”

  “I’m pleased to meet you, too. And so very glad Georgiana and Aimee have returned safely.”

  “Thank God for that.” Mr. Repton’s eyes shone again, brilliant with tears. But they were tears of joy. He pinched them away and composed himself.

  Seth patted him on the back and sent Mr. Repton stumbling forward a step. “Now, how’s that wife of yours?”

  Mr. Repton smiled hugely. “Come in and meet—there they are.”

  Framed in the door stood the most beautiful woman Mina had ever seen. She had gleaming, black curls and big, blue eyes as pure as violets. But extraordinary as she was, her smile was warm and she was bouncing on her toes to greet them—even with an infant in her arms.

  “Oh, Seth!” she cried as she came down the steps. “How I’ve longed to see you. And, Miss Adams, is it? Welcome. You cannot know the joy you’ve brought to our house. With all the excitement, Will has not let me rest at all—”

  “Talking.” Mr. Repton’s face flushed. “We’ve been awake talking.”

  Seth smiled warmly as Mrs. Repton reached them. “Look at you, Charlotte. And with your little lamb, there.”