Discovery of Desire

by Susanne Lord

  Mina heated with embarrassment and straightened in her chair, but Seth would not release her hand. She would not let him feel her shake. With a centering breath, she clamped down on her jangling nerves.

  The auction master stepped up to his pulpit, and the room quieted.

  “Welcome ladies and gentleman,” the auctioneer said. “The first offering…”

  And Minnie clenched her eyes shut. Species and origins and flower parts were presented in Latin, and then it was time.

  “Will any gentleman start the bid at forty pounds?” the auctioneer asked.

  “One hundred,” a voice at the front said.

  Her eyes flew open.

  “One and twenty,” a voice called at the right.

  “One and forty.” A hand flicked to her left.

  She looked at Seth, who sat stiffly upright, his body all rapt attention. “Seth,” she whispered in his ear. “They didn’t start at forty.”

  He turned a stunned face to her, a smile tugging at his lips, and whispered back, “No, they didn’t.”

  “Two hundred,” a voice called from a few rows ahead.

  She swung her eyes forward, her head pivoting from one bidder to the next. Until—“Goodness,” she breathed. “Did he say four hun—?”

  “Five hundred,” a bidder called from the right.

  Her stomach plunged, but she looked at Seth and said gently, “It doesn’t matter, Seth.”

  His eyes were tracking the bidders. “It does though, Minnie.”

  “Six,” a voice in the front barked.

  Six? She swayed and leaned against his shoulder.

  That caught his attention. He bent to look into her face. “Minnie? What’s wrong?”

  Wrong? She shook her head and tried a wobbly smile. “No, nothing, Seth. My head is just a little swimmy.”

  “Eight hundred.”

  Her jaw dropped and her head spun to stare at the bidder, who was stroking his side-whiskers serenely, as though he’d not committed enough money for a flower to feed her whole family for the rest of their lives.

  But she could not fall apart in front of Seth. She could be mighty—she would be. Straightening her spine, she grasped his large hand between both of hers and smoothed her expression.

  And then Seth surprised her by kissing her temple. “My God, I do love you, Minnie.”

  Something warm and bracing flooded her, and she whispered back, “I love you, too.”

  “Eight hundred and fifty.” The auctioneer was holding up his gavel. “Will no gentleman advance the bid? And twice…?” He raised the gavel higher. “And…sold to Lord Putman for eight hundred fifty pounds. Congratulations, my lord.”

  “Lud, eight hundred fifty,” Lady Wynston murmured, plying her fan. “For a pretty stalk of petals. I should think that proof of a violent insanity if I had not witnessed Cavendish spend similar amounts in the past. I am rich, of course, but the very rich are a different breed entire.”

  Mina nodded mutely, and Seth flopped back in his chair, a huge smile on his face.

  “And that was the first one!” he roared, and burst into laughter.

  And she nearly heaved up her breakfast porridge.

  “Wilhelmina, dear girl?” Lady Wynston hoisted a brow at her. “You are looking entirely bloodless. I will endeavor to amuse you.”

  Amuse me…? But her attention was diverted back to the front. Another gardener set down a short trellis covered with a climbing vine bursting with crimson blooms. And her heart sank.

  They were glorious.

  “Gentlemen, we begin at fifty pounds.” The auctioneer rapped his gavel to begin.

  “Do watch, Wilhelmina.” Lady Wynston raised her fan. “Seventy,” she proclaimed in her queenly voice, before turning back to her. “The ton are as easily led as wagon horses, dear girl, and they will not let an ancient woman best them in any matter. It is my joyful calling, making such superior gentlemen”—she raised her fan—“ninety—feel their inferiority. And they resist with such zeal.” She raised her fan, advancing the bid another fifty pounds. “Actually, I do rather want these flowers.”

  She nodded mutely as the bidding intensified. Two hundred…then, three…four and seventy…five hundred—

  “Six hundred,” Lady Wynston intoned.

  A richly dressed older woman cast a withering stare at Lady Wynston and tipped her own ivory fan a fraction. “Seven.”

  Seven?

  Lady Wynston sighed. “There never existed on earth a more disagreeable animal in female form than Lady Gertrude. She must be made to pay dearly.” She raised her fan.

  The auctioneer nodded at her. “Eight hundred, to her ladyship.”

  “Eight hundred?” Mina repeated weakly.

  “Indeed.” Lady Wynston sniffed. “Do watch Lady Gertrude, my dear. Her dour face proclaims she will not have these flowers for a shilling—”

  “Nine hundred,” Lady Gertrude declared.

  “—and yet she bids,” Lady Wynston said.

  The auction master raised his hammer. “Nine hundred once…? And two times…? And…”—he nodded to Lady Gertrude—“and to Lady Gertrude for nine hundred. Congratulations, my lady.”

  Lady Wynston sniffed. “Wagon horses.”

  And to Mina’s horror, it continued for the next several lots. The numbers rose higher and higher, and Seth was jotting down each winning bid.

  She squeezed his arm gently. “Seth, perhaps you shouldn’t take an accounting.”

  “Have to, Minnie. I can’t keep all these figures in my head.”

  “No, I think—”

  “Minnie.” His voice rumbled low and sweetly, and it stilled her tongue. “Don’t you worry about me, pretty. I just need a moment…”

  His pencil stilled and his eyes widened. He showed her the numbers. “Is that sum right, pretty?”

  “Seth, it doesn’t matter—”

  “It does, Minnie. It matters.”

  His eyes implored her to look, so she did. And whether the calculation was correct or not, she could not add to know. Her eyes were locked on the sum. She breathed deep, her voice wavering. “Eight thousand pounds, fifteen shillings?”

  And the auction was only on lot fifteen of eighty.

  Hot tears sprang to her eyes, and Seth jumped to his feet, reaching for her hand to pull her up. “I’m sorry, pretty,” he said roughly. “You’ve had enough of this.”

  She nodded hard, rather than speak. If she spoke, she’d burst into tears for his loss.

  Seth handed his accounting to Will and whispered for him to keep track. Outside the tent, the spring sunshine was blinding, coloring the grass, trees, and sky the most head-spinning colors.

  “Can you wander a little ways, Minnie?” Seth asked, putting a supporting arm around her shoulders.

  She blinked her eyes to focus and breathed deep. Seth needed her to be strong. “Of course.” She smiled—convincingly she hoped.

  But Seth grimaced at the attempt. “Ah, pretty, it’s all right.”

  He guided her through the throng of aristocrats beside the stream, and deeper into the garden until they found themselves overlooking a secluded, serene garden. Tiers of flawless green lawn surrounded a circular pool of water with an obelisk rising from the center. A picturesque stone pavilion rose opposite where they stood, but the most impressive element was the symmetrical arrangement of orange trees in their large Chinese urns circling the water.

  The garden was the loveliest place she’d ever been. And yet, even with the man she loved beside her, and wearing the most beautiful gown, she was so…disappointed. In her life. In the world. In how hard it all was. And the worst of it…was how afraid she was of what came next.

  People had no choice but to ignore the fear, or they would never leave their beds. But she was standing in a garden, in the loveliest place she�
��d ever been, and she had a brand new fear.

  Because the only thing she felt was disappointment.

  Seth held her hand and pulled her nearer the pond. “This is the Orange Tree Garden. It’s been here since the seventeen hundreds.”

  The orange blossoms scented the air. She’d never seen oranges growing on their branches. “They don’t seem real, do they?” she murmured.

  “I thought they were pretty.” He swallowed, suddenly seeming shy and nervous.

  Dear Seth…he wanted her to share in his pleasure of this garden, this day, his flowers. And she couldn’t smile for him.

  “And I thought it the right place to tell you my plan,” he said.

  She stilled. “Today? Here?”

  “I thought here was pretty.”

  Her heart ached in her chest. His plan. For her, for them, for their future. It was going to be hard for them to be together. How long would they have to wait? How would she bear not seeing him every day?

  “Minnie”—his smile broke out across his face—“I need to make sure I say this just right and not talk in six different directions.”

  She took his hand. “I love all the ways and directions you talk.”

  His eyes crinkled with his smile and—oh God, thank you—the ocean-green of his eyes sparkled, and the sunlight was soft on her shoulders, and the citrus trees were like perfume. And the auction didn’t matter at all. Or the Skinners, who had betrayed him.

  She was grateful. And she was peaceful. And all the fear shrank back into the shadows. Love did matter. Because love made you mighty. Mighty enough to remind you that fear wasn’t really…real.

  But love was.

  “Minnie—”

  “Seth, first”—she clutched his hand—“may I talk first?”

  He closed his mouth and nodded, a small smile on his lips.

  She straightened her spine and spoke, clear and firm. “We have one hundred seventy-nine pounds, and I think I should move with you to your cottage in Derbyshire because I don’t ever want to be apart from you. And I’ll work at one of the mills in Chesterfield. My sisters will have to come, I’m afraid, but they’ll work, too.

  “And we’ll be fine. If we’re together, we’ll be fine. We’ll take care of each other.” She breathed deep. “And no matter what your plan is, I only need to be with you. All I want—all I need—is to be your wife.”

  Seth stood oddly quiet, his chest rising and falling with his slow, deep breaths. His smile had faded.

  Blunt, Mina. And managing. And she spoiled the telling of his plan.

  “I just…I would be so honored to marry you,” she whispered.

  He stared at her, his lips parted with what looked like…surprise? He blinked and moved closer. “Honored?” He searched her eyes. “You’ll marry me without hearing my plan? Just like that?”

  Her face heated. “I should have let you speak first, but yes. Just like that.” She took a shaky breath and hurried to add, “I’m sorry. I am managing—I still want to hear your plan.”

  He cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her so gently on the lips that for one perfect, heady minute, there was no thinking of anything but the warmth of his mouth on hers. Lifting his head, he looked down at her with a deep glow in his eyes that she’d never seen before. Like a shaft of sunlight piercing a tranquil lagoon. He was so beautiful—

  He dropped down to one knee, and she blinked with surprise.

  “I’m ready now, Minnie.” His voice was low and rumbling, and she couldn’t stop from smoothing his hair back from his brow, needing to touch him. “I’m ready.” He held her hand and smiled, and his eyes crinkled.

  And she smiled back.

  “I never thought I’d find a woman with so much kindness and passion and courage when she knew people needed her. When I needed her.” His hand began to shake. “I never even let myself dream I’d find such a lady and hear her say she loved me and would marry me, just like that, just…just for me.”

  Her own breath was hitching—just like his—and she bent down to rest her head on his hard shoulder so she wouldn’t sway.

  “And I never let myself hope, never, ever believed that I’d say these words and mean them as much as I do.” His voice was hushed and warm on her neck. “You’re my home, Minnie.”

  She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

  He hugged her back, nearly crushing her. “I’m afraid to ask.”

  “We don’t ever have to be afraid,” she whispered. “Just ask.”

  “Minnie…will you be my wife?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you honor me—?”

  “Yes,” she said, laughing. Oh God—she was laughing! She moved to look at his wonderful face. “Yes, I will marry you and love you the rest of my life and I’m not afraid of anything anymore.” She kissed him, because she just couldn’t wait another second. “I love you,” she breathed. “And we are going to be fine.”

  He smiled and rose to his feet in one smooth, strong movement. The solid wall of him was momentarily disorienting until he pulled her back into his arms. “We are going to be fine. I didn’t tell you my plan.”

  She shook her head. “You let me talk first.”

  He grinned and nuzzled her neck. “I did, didn’t I?”

  His lips were making her head swim. Oh, dear. The man was distracting. “Seth? Tell me your plan.”

  “Eighty-five percent,” he murmured, his lips at her ear.

  She opened her eyes, trying to think. “What do you mean?”

  He lifted his head to look at her. “That’s most of the plan, pretty. The Skinners offered seven hundred pounds, but that wasn’t going to be enough for a family. Well, it might be enough for a mean sort of, hardscrabble family, but with my land expenses and your sisters, it wasn’t enough even for hardscrabble.

  “So I hired a solicitor. And I paid a visit to the Skinner nurserymen. And for once, I’m thinking my size served me well. I’m not accustomed to forcing matters or claiming a grievance, but they were denying me…well, you.

  “So when they asked me to take a seat, I just stood. And something about my standing over ’em like that seemed to put them in a cooperative frame of mind. Or so the solicitor said. And I said I had proof of all those prizes—and I do. And I told ’em they were wrong and I’d not stop fighting ’em till they behaved right.” He smiled. “So we’re getting eighty-five percent.”

  She stared at him, not understanding exactly what he’d said. Had he actually said—“Eighty-five percent of the auction?”

  His grin widened and he nodded.

  Her legs gave way and she would have fallen had Seth not held her up.

  “Eighty-five percent, Minnie.” He laughed. “And I was thinking I’d need three thousand minimum, but you saw what those plants were selling for. So even though I never was all that skilled at math, I’m thinking eighty-five percent has just made us rich enough for a lady’s maid for you, and a library full of Shakespeare’s plays in green leather books, and a pianoforte for our children. And those stepping-stones we’re going to put in across our stream.”

  She blinked, and nodded, and tried to breathe. “Yes…Shakespeare’s…stones.”

  “And you never have to worry another minute about any of your sisters being sick or hungry or cold. I promise you that all the rest of my days. I want to take care of you, Minnie, and that means taking care of all your sisters. And I know there’s a number of them, but I’m up to the task. I’m even thinking it’ll be fun to have all your family in Derbyshire with us. If that’ll make you happy…?”

  A sob wracked her body, and hot tears spilled from her eyes and down her cheeks. “Thank you,” she breathed, hugging him tight. “Thank you.”

  He held her closer. “I know you don’t like surprises.”

  “No, I’m fine,” she squeaked.

>   “I had a plan for three thousand pounds, but we’re set to make quite a bit more than that, so you’ll need to help me.”

  “I will.” They’d stay together. And her sisters, too.

  “Got so many plans crowding my brain, pretty. I might start talking all over the place like that little frog. I was thinking, for Mary, there’s a handsome widower by the name of Henry Danner who’s the baker in Matlock. I’m thinking he’d be a good man for her. A nice man. He bakes bread still for his mother-in-law, if you can credit it. The man must be some sort of saint, I’m thinking. And he’s got a nice lad, too. A couple years older than Sebastian, so an older brother at the ready. No one says a bad word about the man.”

  She smiled, shaking her head. “A baker?”

  “A handsome baker. Wait till you see. Mary won’t be able to resist. I’m a little nervous about your meeting the man actually, but I’m thinking we’ll be married before you clap eyes on him, so it’ll be safe enough.”

  She laughed. “Yes, we’ll be very safe.”

  He dipped down to look her in the eye. “Will you leave London with me?” he asked. “Will you make your home with me in Derbyshire, in that cottage?”

  Seth’s arms were wide-open and there was no place in the world safer. She hugged him tight and nodded. “Anywhere. I’d go anywhere for you. I’d sail to the ends of the world and back.”

  “Ah, Minnie, I promise you’ll never have to.” He pulled back to smile down at her. “Besides, I’m thinking you already did.”

  Twenty-six

  Seth’s knee wouldn’t stop bouncing. Five more miles to their new home, and the carriage was feeling smaller and smaller.

  Mina sat pressed against him, her head on his shoulder and a peaceful smile on her lips. Mary, Emma, and Sebastian sat across from them, their eyes looking bright and excited as they watched the landscape outside their window, but they weren’t talking much.

  And damned if he could stop.

  “There’s work still to be done, ladies. But the walls and roof are solid, and the house is warm.”

  He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Mina’s face. Would she love the cottage as much as he did? She liked Derbyshire, he knew that. Her cheeks had been round with a smile ever since they passed Ambergate. But the house was a woman’s domain, so he hadn’t done much in the way of furnishings, and he wasn’t as done with the repairs as he’d wanted to be.