Love Unspoken

by Carole Mortimer

  ‘I hope that’s your night attire,’ he drawled finally, ‘and not a new fashion. I doubt if it would catch on.’

  His mockery was the douche she needed to her surprise at seeing him after all this time, to remind her that this wasn’t the man she had married but the man she had left. In her mind they were two totally different men, as divisible as night and day, as angel and demon. Not that Zack had ever been an angel, she thought ruefully, but he had certainly been the latter.

  ‘Well?’ he snapped abruptly, watching her with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t tell me I’ve left you speechless?’

  He had, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. She walked slowly down the stairs. ‘Connie and Ben—’

  ‘Are out. I know.’ His gaze was fixed on the almost healed gash on her face, the bruising almost completely gone now. ‘He did this to you?’ His voice was steely.

  ‘Yes.’ She frowned. ‘If you knew Connie and Ben were out why did you come here?’ she asked slowly.

  ‘To see you, of course,’ he replied as if talking to a stupid child. ‘Will it leave a scar?’

  ‘Only a small one,’ she told him impatiently. ‘Why on earth should you want to see me?’

  His hand on her cheek was like an electric shock, and it took all of her willpower not to flinch away. ‘Such a beautiful face to bear a scar,’ he murmured softly, his warm breath moving the hair at her temple.

  She had to move away, she couldn’t bear him close to her like this. ‘We all bear scars, Zack,’ she scorned, and moved into the lounge, knowing her striped nightshirt wasn’t the most perfect clothing to be carrying out this conversation, but the thickness of the material and the length of the garment meant she was more than adequately covered. Besides, she doubted Zack intended leaping on her in an impassioned frenzy! He despised her as much as she despised him. She turned to face him. ‘But not all of them are visible.’

  His mouth tightened. ‘And I should know,’ he rasped.

  ‘As we both should know,’ she corrected pointedly. ‘Now why are you here?’

  He shrugged, moving to sit in one of the armchairs. ‘You surely haven’t forgotten what today is?’

  She tensed, her hands clenching at her sides. ‘Saturday, isn’t it?’ she avoided.

  ‘Don’t play dumb, Julie,’ his mouth twisted. ‘We both know you’re a very intelligent lady, a very dedicated intelligent lady. And I’m sure you know exactly what today is.’

  ‘I do?’ she raised her eyebrows.

  ‘Oh yes,’ Zack nodded, ‘you know. You should have come with Connie and Ben, Julie. I thought it only right that we should all spend the evening together, our fourth wedding anniversary, the first one we’ve ever spent together.’ His voice hardened to anger.

  She knew exactly what the day was, as he said she did; she had been fighting acknowledging it all day. The fourth anniversary of her marriage to Zack, the reason for her black depression.

  It wasn’t quite true that they had never spent a wedding anniversary together. On their first one they had spent the day together. In fact, it had been the unexpected call telling Julie that she had to fly to Germany in the early evening that had sparked off the last terrifying argument.

  Her wedding anniversary had always been a thing of horror to her, in fact the only other two occasions she had resorted to taking the sleeping pills had been her second and third anniversaries, when all she wanted to do was sleep until it was over. This fourth one was turning out to be as traumatic as the first.

  ‘Connie and Ben knew we were meeting you?’ she said dully, wondering how they could have betrayed her in that way.

  ‘They had no idea of the extent to which you would hate the idea,’ Zack scorned hardly. ‘And you do hate it, don’t you, Julie?’ His eyes were narrowed.

  She shuddered with reaction. ‘You know I do,’ she muttered through stiff lips.

  ‘Yes,’ he sighed his impatience. ‘Even after three years you still can’t quite look me in the face, can you?’

  She was afraid to, had felt his magnetic pull the moment he had stood framed in the doorway only minutes ago—and she shied away from it.

  ‘Don’t bother to answer,’ he rasped. ‘I can see exactly how you feel.’

  Julie wished she could, her emotions were in a turmoil. Zack was still as forceful a personality as ever, she could feel that without even looking at him, and the threat he posed to her already raw emotions made her want to run away and hide. How he would laugh if he knew, what enjoyment he would derive from disturbing her in this way!

  ‘Maybe I have something to say which will stop you looking at me as if you hate the sight of me,’ he told her harshly.

  ‘Yes?’ she queried huskily.

  ‘You can talk, then,’ he scorned.

  ‘When I want to,’ she returned tightly.

  If anything his expression hardened even more, a pulse beating erratically in his throat. ‘Perhaps a divorce will help loosen your tongue,’ he said grimly.

  Even after all the talk of Zack and Teresa his mention of divorce still came as something of a jolt to Julie, and she sank slowly down into one of the armchairs. Divorce! After all these years he had finally decided to divorce her. And why not? It was a logical conclusion to the mistake they had both made.

  ‘I expected a more joyous reaction,’ he taunted. ‘No cries of joy, no tears of happiness, no prayer of thanks?’ he mocked.

  ‘I—’ She could feel herself slipping, could feel the cloud of blackness slowly washing over her, and knew that at last the pills were working, that oblivion had come at a time when she didn’t want it! She tried to fight it, but her lids wouldn’t be opened no matter how much she tried to make them.

  ‘Julie!’ Zack’s voice came through to her in harsh concern.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Was that slurred, almost drunk- sounding voice really her own? ‘So sorry.’

  ‘Julie!’ He came over to shake her, his fingers biting painfully into her arms as her head lolled forward.

  ‘So sorry…’ she slurred again before slumping forward in a drug-induced sleep.

  CHAPTER 3

  It was almost daylight when she woke up, the familiar brown and lemon curtains in Connie’s guest-room telling her that she was in the bedroom she had occupied all week. She had no idea how she had got up here, although she could take a good guess. Zack had always been a strong man, and as she blinked the sleep from her foggy brain she vaguely recalled falling into his arms. It was logical to assume he had carried her up here.

  Zack. Had he really arrived here last night, on the day of their fourth wedding anniversary, with talk of divorce? She knew he had, knew it, and welcomed it. They had lived apart for so long now that divorce was the only answer. She would be free at last, could finally dismiss being Zack’s wife from her life, if not from her memory.

  Until last night she had thought she hated him, thought that just the sight of him again would only make her hate even stronger. But seeing him again, talking to him, had shown her that she felt nothing for him, nothing at all. He was part of her past life, perhaps not a part she could look on completely objectively yet, but in time she would. She knew she would.

  And what of Zack? Once he had loved her with a fierce possessiveness, a possessiveness that had frightened her. He had sworn to always love her, to protect her, and yet a year later they had been separated irrevocably, with Zack having hurt her more than any human being had the right to hurt another.

  And his love had died, as she had known it finally would—his request for a divorce proved that. He was going to marry again, would have this Teresa as his wife, would have children with her, and maybe he would finally achieve the happiness he never had with her.

  She jumped with alarm as a male arm curved possessively about her waist, drawing her back into the curve of a hard body, a naked body, and lips nuzzled at her throat as she tried to comprehend the fact that Zack lay beside her, close beside her, in the double bed.

  She turned in the half-light
of morning to find his dark head resting on the pillow next to hers. ‘Zack!’ she said in a fierce whisper, shaking his shoulder. ‘Zack, wake up!’ she ordered in a hiss.

  His only answer was to move closer to her, his arm tightening about her waist, slowly moving over the curve of her breast to probe the open neckline of her nightshirt, cupping the bare breast beneath. ‘Relax, darling,’ he urged as even in sleep he sensed her stiffening. ‘We don’t have to get out of bed yet,’ he murmured.

  ‘You, do!’ She pummelled him on the chest, seeing his eyes open in surprise before they focused on her. He looked at her blankly for a moment, a guarded look coming over his face as he realised it was her. Julie’s anger and resentment grew as she accepted the fact that it hadn’t even been her he was urging to stay in bed with him. ‘I’m sorry I’m not Teresa,’ she scorned. ‘But I’m sure she’ll be only too happy to oblige you tonight.’

  Zack was wide awake now, his eyes cold, his voice equally so as he spoke. ‘Let’s leave Teresa out of this,’ he rasped.

  Julie threw back the bedclothes on her own side of the bed and got out to pull on her dressing-gown, tying the belt firmly about her waist. ‘Is your girl-friend too pure and innocent to be mentioned in the same breath as me?’ she jeered, to hide her momentary pain at his defence of the other girl.

  His mouth tightened as he too got out of bed, unconcerned with his nakedness as he pulled on his trousers. ‘Keep your damned voice down,’ he told her roughly. ‘You could wake the children, or Connie and Ben.’

  ‘Connie and Ben!’ Julie repeated angrily. ‘How dare they let you sleep in my room?’

  Zack drew himself up to his full height, pushing the bottom of his shirt into his trousers. ‘They couldn’t stop me sharing my own wife’s bed,’ he informed her arrogantly.

  ‘Ex-wife.’

  ‘Not yet.’

  ‘But soon, I hope.’ Her hands were thrust into her dressing-gown pockets as she fought acknowledging how he had disturbed her when she had woken up and found him naked beside her, the sight of his body as he stepped out of the bed just now bringing back more sensual memories than she wanted to admit to.

  His head was held at a haughty angle as he looked over at her. ‘You have no objections to the divorce, then?’

  ‘None,’ she said tightly.

  ‘You might even be thinking of marrying again yourself?’

  She gave him a sharp look. ‘No.’

  ‘No?’

  Julie shook her head. ‘No.’

  ‘I’ve been told that there’s a certain Steve Carter in your life.’

  Her mouth twisted. ‘You weren’t misinformed.’

  Zack smiled without humour. ‘I didn’t think I was, Connie is usually reliable.’

  ‘Connie…?’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he mocked. ‘She’s steadfastly refused to betray her friend’s confidences. I don’t suppose she thought the existence of Carter in your life was a secret.’

  ‘It isn’t,’ Julie acknowledged tightly. After all, everyone in the newspaper world knew of her friendship with Steve.

  Zack sat down in the bedroom chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him. ‘You seem to have a weakness for photographers.’

  The colour drained from her face. ‘Not that again, Zack,’ she pleaded weakly.

  His mouth twisted. ‘You don’t want to talk about Alec Clarke?’

  ‘There’s nothing to say,’ she sighed. ‘There never was anything outside of your imagination.’

  ‘It wasn’t my imagination that found you in his arms,’ he rasped harshly, his eyes glittering.

  Julie shook her head. ‘I’ve explained myself to you too many times to want to go through it all again.’

  He gave a haughty inclination of his dark head. ‘I agree. But you don’t intend marrying Carter?’

  ‘No,’ she answered with certainty, having already made her decision concerning Steve’s marriage proposal. There had never really been any doubt about her answer.

  ‘Does the poor bastard know that?’

  She flushed, chewing on her bottom lip. ‘Not yet,’ she revealed reluctantly.

  ‘But he will,’ Zack said with certainty.

  ‘I don’t wish to discuss my relationship with Steve with you,’ she snapped resentfully, her mouth twisting. ‘Shouldn’t you be more concerned with what Teresa is going to say?’

  He looked at her with narrowed eyes. ‘About what?’

  ‘About your staying here. I’m sure she must have missed you from her bed last night.’

  Zack drew in an angry breath, his mouth a thin, straight line. ‘You still have a tongue like a razor, don’t you?’ he accused.

  ‘I haven’t changed—in any respect.’

  ‘You’re wrong,’ he shook his head. ‘The Julie I remember would never have resorted to taking sleeping pills.’

  ‘The Julie you knew hadn’t been through what I’ve been through,’ she told him stiffly.

  ‘Hell!’ he swore, running a hand over his eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to remind you of that.’

  ‘Of what?’ she tensed.

  ‘The damned hijacking,’ he rasped.

  Her breath left her in a sigh. ‘Oh—oh yes,’ she agreed weakly.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Zack told her stiltedly. ‘But when I saw you collapsing as you did I just didn’t know what the hell was happening. And when I couldn’t wake you up I decided to call a doctor. It wasn’t until I got you up here that I saw the bottle of sleeping pills. The doctor said—’

  ‘You called him anyway?’ Julie gasped.

  ‘I already had,’ he said dryly. ‘I decided to let him come anyway. I had no idea how many of those damned pills you’d taken.’

  ‘The bottle is almost full,’ she defended. ‘I only took two of them.’

  ‘So the doctor told me,’ Zack nodded. ‘How long have you been taking them, Julie?’

  ‘I haven’t-‘

  ‘You took them last night.’

  ‘That was the exception,’ she flushed.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Why do you think?’ she snapped.

  Zack seemed to go pale beneath his tan, a healthy tan that seemed to point to his having been on holiday recently. ‘Because of—our anniversary?’ he said in a strangled voice.

  She avoided looking at him. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Julie—’

  She flinched away from him. ‘Don’t touch me! Don’t ever touch me.’ She looked at him with wide frightened eyes.

  His hands dropped back to his side, a pulse heating jerkily at his jaw. ‘Does Carter get the same reaction?’

  ‘Steve? No, he’s gentle and considerate.’

  Zack’s mouth tightened tauntingly. ‘He doesn’t sound as if he’s capable of satisfying you.’

  Dark colour flooded her cheeks. ‘Let’s leave Steve out of this.’

  ‘As I want to leave Teresa out of it. So that just leaves you and me, Julie.’

  ‘No!’ She backed away as he came towards her. ‘Stay away from me, Zack!’ she ordered shrilly.

  ‘I have stayed away,’ he said grimly, grasping her shoulder. ‘For three years I’ve stayed away from you, and now I have you right where I always wanted you— in a bedroom, in my arms,’ and he pulled her up against him, savagely possessing her lips.

  Julie stood like a doll in his arms, neither responding nor resisting, aware of the desperate hunger of Zack’s mouth but unable to respond to his force. Then his mouth gentled on hers, tasting rather than taking, evoking rather than forcing, the gentle probing of his lips against hers meeting no opposition as her lips parted to allow him access to the moistness within, her hands moving up to entangle in the dark thickness of his hair.

  She had forgotten what it was like to be loved by Zack in this way, to feel the gentleness within him rather than the savagery, to know the earth-shattering movement of his lips against hers as he slowly devoured her, drew her into him, the contours of their bodies so closely entwined that she was aware of the deep surg
ing throb of his thighs against hers, of the slight trembling of his body as he held back from showing her his full passion, the emotion that frightened her so much.

  It was finally the fear that made her wrench away from him, her breathing ragged as she wiped the feel of his lips from hers, uncaring of the way his face darkened at the action. ‘And what would Teresa think of that?’ she scorned shakily.

  ‘Do you intend telling her?’ he rasped.

  ‘No,’ she laughed tauntingly, wishing her breathing would return to normal.

  Zack smoothed his ruffled hair. ‘Then she won’t be thinking anything of it.’

  Her mouth twisted derisively. ‘You don’t intend telling her either.’

  ‘No.’ He pulled on his jacket. ‘The fact that I just kissed my wife is no one’s business but my own.’

  ‘And mine!’

  ‘Granted,’ he nodded distantly. ‘What did you think of it?’

  ‘I thought it was despicable, like everything you do,’ her eyes flashed. ‘I pity Teresa if she actually wants to be your wife.’

  ‘Oh, she wants it.’ He fastened the plain gold watch about his wrist.

  ‘More fool her,’ Julie muttered.

  ‘It certainly isn’t more fool me, not this time,’ he told her grimly. ‘If there has to be love only on one side in my second marriage then I prefer it this way around. I quite enjoy having someone blindly in love with me,’ he added with satisfaction.

  ‘You don’t love Teresa?’ Julie gasped.

  ‘Love!’ he scorned harshly. ‘An over-rated emotion in my estimation. I loved you, but it didn’t get me anywhere. No, things are much more comfortable this way around. And I like Teresa.’

  ‘Like her!’

  ‘Yes! And she’ll make me a good wife.’

  ‘So would any number of the yes-women you said bored your life before you met me!’

  ‘That’s right,’ he agreed heatedly. ‘Maybe I’ve decided it’s better to have a yes-woman than a woman who doesn’t even know the meaning of the word!’

  ‘Oh, I know the meaning of it, Zack, I’m just choosy who I say it to.’