by T. K. Chapin
“Yeah?”
“You okay in there?” Tyler’s voice was gentle, muffled through the wood that separated the two of them.
Olivia opened the door. “Yes, I’m okay. Was that message about me, Tyler?”
He shook his head. “No. Not necessarily. I had been planning the message for a week and a half now. I didn’t know you were coming till earlier today.”
“Oh.” Her voice softened as she criticized herself for selfishly thinking it was about her. But Tyler brought a hand up and touched her arm, giving her some reassuring comfort as he gazed into her eyes.
“Don’t feel bad. It happens to a lot of people. God knew you would be here tonight, though, so maybe He planned on your hearing it. I just know I didn’t.”
“Tyler, we need to talk.”
His eyes went wide. “Okay. Let’s talk.”
“I’ve been avoiding you.”
A light laugh escaped his lips. “Oh? I hadn’t noticed.”
“I want to be honest with you. The pain came back in my hand, and this time, it’s been worse. It’s really hard to deal with and I was trying to hide it from you, and the only way I could do that was avoiding you altogether.” Her eyes welled as her heart ached. “I didn’t want to worry you or bother you.”
He tilted his head and frowned. “It’s not a bother, Olivia.” He raised his eyebrows. “Just go back to Dr. Hall. I’m sure he can get you in again.”
She raised a hand, palm down as she shook her head. “I already did that. You can’t fix it this time.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “I’m sorry. What can I do?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t want to hide it from you anymore. Being away from you is too painful.”
“So, instead of telling me so we could work on it together, you just ghosted me and stopped returning my calls and texts?”
Her heart twisted as she nodded, still hiding the fact that she had been drinking her pain away with wine for two weeks now. She was drinking more and more to attempt to stay on top of the pain. Olivia had come to see Tyler tonight in the hope that if she spent enough time around him and told Tyler she was in pain, that in some way it would help her be more careful with the drinking, maybe even help her slow the train down. But honestly, she had been thinking about having a drink the whole time she had been at the lake that evening. The only time the thought left her was when she was with Parker, talking to him about his mother and father.
Olivia came close to Tyler and hugged him, soaking up his comfort like she’d longed for so desperately as of late. “I’m sorry I hid it from you, and I’m sorry for avoiding you. I honestly just didn’t want to burden you.”
His jaw clenched, he shook his head. “You’re never a burden to me, Olivia.”
“Why do you seem mad?”
“Because I am mad! You keep saying you’re a bother and a burden. You know? And instead of confiding in me, you avoided me, and it hurt.”
“I’m sorry, Tyler.”
“Yeah, well, maybe this can’t work if this is how you deal with issues.”
Olivia’s heart splintered. She had hurt Tyler by her choice that she thought would keep him from being hurt. Tears started down her cheeks, and when he saw them, his entire demeanor shifted to a softer one. He came closer and smoothed his hand over her cheeks, wiping the tears away. Then he leaned in and gently pressed his lips against hers, reminding her that he still, in fact, cared deeply for her.
“Olivia, I know this can still work. I’m sorry for saying that. Let’s get back to the others and we’ll talk more later. The girls are about to head to the cabin.”
She pulled away from their embrace and nodded, wiping a stray tear. “Okay. I’ll join up with them. Maybe we can chat in the morning?”
“Meet me on my patio at eight o’clock tomorrow after I cook breakfast, and we’ll chat more about this. You’re important to me, and I’m sorry you felt like you had to keep it from me. I want to be there for you, but you have to let me.”
Warmth swirled in Olivia’s chest knowing that Tyler wasn’t holding against her the fact that she had ignored him for two weeks. He had forgiven her. Though she was craving a drink tonight, it was pleasant to be around Tyler again. Her affections for him hadn’t dulled in the slightest. If anything, they were increasing. He came in close and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, melting her insides.
Daisy chose the spare room and its bed, while insisting that Olivia take the master bedroom for herself. She tried to resist the kind youth group volunteer, but her attempts at changing her mind were futile. It was quickly becoming apparent that this group of people weren’t like the people she had encountered growing up at her parents’ church. These people had a faith that they not only believed in but lived out through their actions. After the lights were out and all the teen girls tucked away into their sleeping bags, Daisy and Olivia went outside the cabin.
They both let out a sigh of relief as they sat down in a pair of lawn chairs facing the lake. The moon was high and large, almost full, and reflected down across the smooth surface of the lake. It was quiet and peaceful, nothing like the patio off Olivia’s apartment in Spokane. It reminded her of how much she’d missed not only Tyler, but visiting him out here in the quiet. She was a fool to try and push him away.
“A person could get used to this kind of living,” Daisy said with a slow nod as her eyes stayed fixed on the lake in front of them.
“Right? I love it out here in the country.”
Daisy turned toward Olivia. “I like you and I want to clear the air about something.”
Olivia tilted her head, smiling. “Okay? Go ahead.”
“Tyler and I went on one date a while back and it led nowhere. We stayed friends, obviously, but I just wanted you to know.”
Olivia didn’t like that they had gone on a date, but she was thankful Daisy liked her enough to tell her. “Thanks for telling me.”
“You’re welcome. You two are sure cute together.”
Olivia was glad to hear someone pay a compliment to her about the two of them. “He’s the sunshine in my world right now.”
Daisy nodded and then looked out to the water in front of them. “I see the way he looks at you. I hope you know he loves you deeply.”
Olivia was surprised to hear her say the word love and her heart melted. “You think?”
“Yep. I’ve known Tyler for a while now, long before he joined the youth group at the church, and I’ve never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you. That’s saying something.”
Hearing it from someone other than herself and Tyler helped confirm the feelings Olivia was experiencing about Tyler’s affections, and she was thankful. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Olivia began to think about the preaching Tyler had done earlier, then about her pained hand, and nervousness flooded her whole body, but she braced herself to talk. “Daisy, can I ask you something?”
“Yes, of course. What is it?”
“How do you know God is real?”
She smiled and looked over at Olivia. “There’s a long answer and a short answer with that question, but I’ll give you both. God’s chosen people is the short version. The long version goes like this. When I was young, I didn’t go to church with my family, but I did go when I visited my grandma and grandpa in the summer. I went to VBS and Sunday school when I stayed with them. I remember one teacher in Sunday school in particular. Mrs. Neko. She taught about the love of God and how God was our Heavenly Father, not our earthly one. I had lost my biological father at a young age, and it was the anniversary of his death a couple of days prior to that particular day, so I was thinking a lot of him. The way I see it, Olivia, is this. God doesn’t make the bad things happen in our lives, but He does use them. He uses the bad to lead us to Him, which always results in good. He’s perfect in all of His ways, and He wants our hearts, wants all of us. We just have to accept Him, and unlike my earthly father, He will never go away. God’s unconditional
and undeserved love was always highlighted at VBS, and it was during one of those summers that I accepted God into my heart as my Lord and Savior. It was because of His chosen people sprinkled in my life here and there that I felt His love then and even to this day. I now can look back and see that every one of those leaders and volunteers was placed there by God to gently lead me into His presence. He knew that I wouldn’t fall instantly into it and that I needed time and guidance, and He used everyone around me to bring me to that.”
Olivia nodded and let Daisy’s words wash over and through her. She’d spent her whole childhood resisting her parents and resisting going to church. She had spent a great deal of time being adamantly opposed to God, Jesus, and all things religious. Since she had been in the wreck, she had begun to soften little by little. It started with her mother and how she was after the wreck. Then it grew a little more when she started dating Tyler.
“Can I be really honest for a moment?” Olivia asked.
“Yes.”
Olivia turned more toward her. “When I think seriously about the idea of God out there, I struggle. I can’t wrap my head around an all-knowing, all-powerful being.”
“Neither can I.”
Olivia’s eyebrows rose. “You can’t?”
“Not fully. Our little three-pound brains cannot possibly comprehend Him fully. If we could, He wouldn’t be God.”
Something in Olivia shifted a fraction, though she wasn’t exactly sure what it was. “That makes sense. I also see the Bible as a list of rules that you have to follow, and if you don’t, you will be struck down and punished.”
Daisy shook her head. “That’s what the world and Satan want you to think. That it’s just a bunch of rules and restrictions placed on you by some big, mean God. The truth is the total opposite. There are no rules. They are instructions and guidelines that God gives to us to help us live our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him, and ultimately, to a life worth living in freedom. You see, you find true freedom in a relationship with your Savior. In obedience to Him, we find His abiding joy in our hearts. Could I go watch that filthy South Park cartoon like I used to years ago? Sure. But I no longer have a desire to do so. Yes, back in the day, I took pleasure in that crude humor, but not anymore. It’s not because I’m trying to follow a set of rules given to me by the Bible. It’s because God has given me a new nature and He is refining me day by day. He is molding me and shaping me to be more like Jesus a little more every day.”
Olivia relaxed into her chair and looked out at the water again, silent. Her pulse began to speed up and she was feeling uncomfortable. Had she misunderstood the Scriptures she was raised with? Had she misunderstood God as He truly was this whole time? Or was all this just one woman’s experience and one woman’s opinion? She wasn’t sure, but her mind felt overwhelmed and her eyes grew heavy with a desire to sleep.
“Thanks for the chat. I think I’m heading to bed.” Olivia stood up as she yawned, and a second later, Daisy rose out of her seat too.
“It’s been a good talk. Anytime you want to talk, let me know.”
“Thank you.”
Olivia fell asleep quickly enough, but only a couple of hours later, she woke with pain. She clutched her hand as she sat up in bed. If You exist, please make this pain stop! Please! A moment later, she regretted her prayer. She realized if there were a God out there, a forced demand was probably not the way to go about asking for anything. Rising from the bed, she walked over to the window and peered out to the yard toward the tree line and road that led up to Tyler’s house. Her heart longed for him to be holding her right now. Maybe if he was able to be there for her in these intense moments of pain, she’d be able to manage her emotions a little better.
Walking away from the window, she turned on the lamp atop the dresser in the room and a picture frame came into view. It was of Chet and Margret. She remembered what they looked like from the pictures Tyler had showed her. The pain soon subsided, and she let out a heavy sigh of relief. Finally. She turned the lamp off and crawled back into the bed.
An hour passed and the pain once again woke her from sleep. Her eyes watered as she sat in the moonlight streaming into the bedroom and onto the bed. She felt utterly hopeless and alone in her suffering.
Chapter 24
TYLER WOKE BEFORE THE REST of the house the next morning. After his morning coffee and devotions, he got busy in the kitchen preparing a large breakfast for the entire youth group. He went all out, cooking pancakes, eggs, toast, hash browns, bacon, and sausage. He also had bagels, gluten-free bagels, cream cheese, sliced fruit, and two pitchers of milk and orange juice. It was a feast fit for kings and queens, and in his heart, each one of those kids was just that. He held the truth in his heart that these kids would soon be the leaders of the church, the ones who would be marching into the darkness ahead for the world, and the more he could encourage them and support them now, the better the future could be.
Parker was the first boy up that morning, and he came strolling into the kitchen at a quarter after seven o’clock. He rubbed his eyes of sleep as he staggered his steps over to a stool at the large butcher’s block counter.
“What’s that yummy smell?” he inquired, peering around the kitchen.
Tyler tapped the oven door. “Breakfast. All that is left to make is a few more pieces of toast. You want to take over and I’ll go to the cabin and get the girls?”
Parker perked up and nodded. “Yeah! That’d be awesome, Mr. D!”
He laughed and pulled the hand towel off his shoulder, handing it to Parker. “Now remember, this hand towel puts you in charge. Don’t burn the toast.”
Parker looked at the hand towel as if it was a gold fleece and placed it over his shoulder. With all seriousness in his face, he nodded to Tyler. “Got it.”
Tyler walked outside and toward the van still parked outside the house. He did a double-take when he noticed that Olivia’s car was missing. His heart felt as if it dipped into his stomach. She left? He remembered their date at eight o’clock that morning and he became discontented. I trust You, God. It’s her I have a hard time with. Unsettled by the fact that she had left, he drove a van down the path to the cabin.
Upon entering the cabin, he approached Daisy.
“When did she leave?”
Daisy shrugged. “I guess during the night. I don’t know. When we woke up, she wasn’t here.”
“Okay. Load the girls up in the van. I made breakfast up at the house.” Slipping his cell phone out of his pocket, he dialed Olivia. His heart pounded with each ring on the phone. He had just gotten her back in his life and he didn’t want to lose her again. It went to voicemail. Frustrated but submissive to God, he let go.
He returned his phone to his pocket and pushed it all aside in his mind. Joining Daisy and the girls outside as they got into the vans, Tyler focused his heart and mind on serving the children and not being distracted by Olivia. For the rest of the morning, he was able to focus on the youth and enjoy the time with them, but as soon as the vans pulled away from his driveway at a quarter to noon, he pulled his cell phone out one last time.
There were no messages or missed calls.
His jaw clenched and he peered up at the sky. What is the point of all this, Lord? What is going on? What is Your will regarding Olivia and me? Looking forward, he noticed a bird perched on a tree branch. It was the same colored bird he had seen that day at the inn. Blue on top, white on its belly. He was able to recall his mindset during that time at the inn. He was learning to appreciate the small things. He prayed again. Forgive me. Help me to appreciate the small things again and to be content, Lord. Amen.
Turning, he went inside and got ready for work.
Arriving at Willow Design a short while later at one o’clock in the afternoon, he was greeted by his brother.
“You seem distracted. At first, I thought you were just tired from having the youth at your house all night, but it’s different than that, I suspect.” Jonathan’s comment came as the
y were in the middle of discussing the proposal for the Astro account in Phoenix.
“How?”
“All short answers and your eyebrows are furrowed. You still upset about Olivia not talking to you?”
Tyler explained what had happened and how she had joined the youth and him last night. Jonathan processed and was quiet for a long moment.
“You know, the message out of the Word you delivered last night could’ve spooked her.”
“Yeah, it could’ve.” Tyler sat at his desk pensively, debating and mulling the situation over in his mind. “I’m going to go to her apartment.”
“Isn’t she at work?”
“That’s true. I’ll go to her work.” Determined, Tyler rose from his desk chair and went for the door, but Jonathan caught his arm, concern evident on his face.
“You sure you want to do this? If she wants to be left alone, Brother, she might . . . I don’t know . . . want to be left alone?”
“I know she’s in pain right now, Jonathan. Whether that’s physical, emotional, or both, I want to be there for her. She came out to the lake with the youth group willingly and sat and listened to me talk about God. She is struggling right now, and I’m . . . I’m going to go to her.”
“Okay. Just mentally prepare yourself in case she’s not receptive.” Tyler nodded. “Hey. Don’t forget to buy those airplane tickets for us. If we buy them now, a few months out in advance, we’ll save big.”
“I know. I already added it to my to-do list on my phone. I’ll see you.”
Leaving the office, Tyler felt nervous but confident. He didn’t know if this was God’s will, but he did know he loved her enough to want to be there for her. He got in his car and drove down to the dealership. As he walked into the dealership and didn’t see her at the receptionist desk, he felt something in his gut tell him that something was wrong. Jasper walked up to him.
“Can I help you?”
“Where’s Olivia?”
“She’s not here today. Is there something I can help you with?”