by T. K. Chapin
“No.”
Turning around, he tried calling her again on his way out to the car. There was no answer. His heart pounded and he got into his car, then drove to her apartment.
Climbing the stairs to her apartment, he noticed broken glass on the cement just outside her door. Confused thoughts swirled in his mind as he stepped over the glass and knocked on the door. As he did, the door swung open. Three empty bottles of wine sat on the coffee table, another few on the counter in the kitchen. His heart dipped as he entered and surveyed the scene before him. She drinks? He walked in and called out for her.
“Olivia?”
There was no answer, but he could hear Molly let out a whimper in a room down the hall. Moving quickly through the hallway, he opened the nursery door and saw Molly in the crib. He went over and scooped her up into his arms. Holding her close to his chest, he rubbed her back and spoke gently to her, trying to calm her.
“What are you doing here?” Olivia’s voice was sharp, her eyes bloodshot, and an annoyed look was on her face as she stood in the doorway of the nursery. He turned toward her, the smell of something vile making him pause. It appeared she had become ill and it was on the front of her shirt. He held her gaze and doing so caused his heart to splinter. She looked at him as if she hated him.
“You left last night. I was worried and you weren’t answering your phone. You didn’t go to work.”
Her eyebrows furrowed and a look of fire lit in her eyes. She rushed over to him and took Molly from his hands. “How dare you walk into my house, Tyler!”
“The door was open. What’s with all the wine bottles? Why’d you leave last night? What is going on? You don’t look too good right now, Olivia. What can I do to help?”
“You need to leave. That is what you can do to help.” She turned and walked toward the door, lightly bouncing Molly up and down as she rubbed her back.
Tyler stepped toward her, determined, his heart pounding. “No. I want answers.”
Olivia stopped and turned around, a fire lit again in those bloodshot eyes. “You want answers, Tyler? How about the fact that my mother called me in the middle of the night because Molly was throwing up and she couldn’t bring her fever down? How about the fact that I just got home from the ER. after being there since 3:00 AM? I honestly thought about texting you, but then my daughter would throw up again.” She scoffed. “You want answers . . .” She shook her head. “Those wine bottles are from the last couple of weeks of my trying to keep my pain down. But that doesn’t matter, does it? You walked right into my home and judged me, thinking they were from a couple of days rather than weeks. Admit it.”
Guilt weighed heavy on Tyler’s thoughts as he stood in silence. “You’re right. When I saw the broken glass, the wine bottles, and the open door, and when you randomly left last night . . . I thought the worst.”
He came closer to her and tried to embrace her, but she pushed him back forcefully and caused him to stagger his steps.
“Finally!” She sounded relieved, and a crazed laugh escaped her.
“Finally, what?” Tyler took a step toward her, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that mean?”
“Finally, you act like a typical Christian! Accusing me of something I am not. Finally, you can start to not like me, and finally, we can be done with this charade. You have to face it, Tyler. I’m not a good person. Those wine bottles? That’s how I deal with difficulties. I don’t pray to a God that doesn’t exist and rely on a false crutch of faith to get by. I rely on what I see, what is real, and I rely on myself! Now, kindly, please get out of my house!”
He was quiet for a long moment, regretting ever coming over to her apartment, and then he took a few more steps closer to her. Peering into her eyes, he looked longingly into them. He loved her and wanted to be with her, but he knew this wouldn’t work. He knew from the beginning, when he had read about the unequally yoked Scripture, that they would ultimately arrive at a place like they were now. A place where they separate and go their own ways. It hurt him more than anything had ever hurt him before. Then, he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.
“You couldn’t see with your eyes what we had, but I know you felt it. Not everything is based on seeing as you seem to think it is, Olivia. Hopefully, one day, you’ll understand that. I hope Molly is okay. Goodbye.”
A broken heart and a memory of a dream of what could’ve been were all that Tyler had as he left her apartment that day. He didn’t go back to work, but instead, he went to his old bowling alley and sat in his favorite stool at a high table and sipped on a cola while he watched the bowlers.
He took a swig of his ice-cold cola and let out a heavy sigh. He remembered the day he had met Olivia like it was yesterday. Upstairs in his flat, explaining to his brother how he wanted a life like the one he had, he’d desired a woman, a wife, a family. Then he met Olivia that same night. Over the last few months, he had seen a glimpse of the possibility of a future with Olivia. One where they were married and had a family together. Now, those dreams had melted away just like the ice cubes were now doing in his glass.
“Hey, man. Long time, no see!”
Tyler turned to see who was speaking. It was Vinny, the manager of the bowling alley and longtime friend. He smiled and stood up, embracing his old friend in a hug.
“How’s your mom?”
“Good, good. I never thought I’d see you again after you left. I have to say I was a little disappointed I hadn’t heard from you since you moved.”
Vinny sat down at the table with Tyler.
“I’m sorry, Vinny. I got busy with the house and work, and you know . . .” Guilt plagued Tyler as he thought about letting yet another person down.
“I get you, man. Hey, my wife finally had that baby girl.”
“What’d you the name her?”
“Hope.”
“Cute name.” Tyler picked up his glass and took another drink from it. It was hard for him to be genuinely happy for Vinny since he was in such a dark place of despair, focused on himself. A wave of conviction washed over him in the moment as he thought about his reading from the other morning, in the twilight. He thought of the boat and Jesus’s words. He prayed, asking God to help him be more loving and trusting in Him.
“You doing good?” A concerned look rested on Vinny’s face. It was obvious that he could sense something was wrong with Tyler. “I mean, you’re sitting in this old bowling alley alone, drinking a Coke. I know you used to sit down here when things weren’t going the best for you in life.”
“You know me too well.” Tyler shrugged a shoulder and let out a sigh. “I’m just a little confused in life. I’ll be okay.”
“Of course, you’ll be okay. You’re Tyler Dunken.” He let out a laugh. “You want to bowl? I’ll give you a free hour or two.”
He shook his head. “That’s okay, man. I’m about to leave.”
“All right.” Vinny reached a hand out and they shook hands. “You take care of yourself, and if you ever need anything, let me know.”
He slid off the stool and headed back to work behind the counter. As his old friend walked away, Tyler thought more of the situation and more about the boat where Jesus had been napping. He wasn’t going to let this situation drag him down and bankrupt him of joy. He had to push forward and get his mind off Olivia and onto God. His first and foremost love wasn’t Olivia. It was Jesus. Tyler depended on God, and that’s who would never leave him nor forsake him in this life.
Chapter 25
HOLDING MOLLY CLOSE TO HER heart as she sat on the couch in tears that afternoon, Olivia wondered what the future held for her. Last night had been a disaster, a slow-moving train wreck in progress. When she got the call from her mother, she had already had less than a few minutes of sleep. It hurt to get out of bed and drive the distance over to her mother and father’s house to pick up Molly. Then at the hospital, things only worsened. Fighting against sleep as she waited in the hospital room in the low lighting, she had to clean up vomi
t from Molly every twenty minutes as they waited for help. This all happened as her hand throbbed in pain.
On her way home, with little sleep and fighting pain at six in the morning, she pulled into a gas station and almost went in for a bottle of wine. She didn’t go in though. Instead, she left the gas station and went home. Once at home and with Molly in her crib, she tried to sleep. Then, she awoke to the sound of someone in her apartment. Though she was relieved to find it was Tyler, at the same time, her anger was set ablaze. He had seen her dark secret scattered across the apartment. He had seen what she had worked so hard to keep from everyone.
Her phone suddenly rang. It was her mother returning her call.
“Is Molly okay?” Her mother’s voice carried a motherly concern with it.
“Yes, she’s going to be fine. They got the vomiting under control and then pumped her full of fluids because she was bordering on dehydration. It’s just a stomach virus, and they got the fever down in the ER, and as long as we stay on top of it, she should be fine. I was wondering if you could take her for a while, so I can sleep? I hardly got any shuteye last night and only a few hours this morning. I’m dragging here.”
“I can, but you’ll have to pick her up by six o’clock this evening. Your father and I have a potluck at the church.”
“She can’t go?”
There was a long moment of silence, then Olivia jumped to correct herself.
“Never mind. Duh, she’s sick. Six o’clock, no later. Got it. I’ll drop her off in fifteen minutes or so.”
Hanging up with her mother, she put together Molly’s diaper bag and left for her parents’ house. She did her best to fix her makeup and hide the fact she had been crying. Kora was a good mom and could sense whenever Olivia had been crying and would ask questions she didn’t want to answer. If her mother began to ask questions, Olivia might break down and spill all, and she couldn’t risk that happening. Olivia couldn’t bear the thought of her parents being disappointed in her. She arrived at her parents’ house at three o’clock and handed Molly off.
“Olivia?” Her mother’s voice was laced with concern and stopped Olivia’s heart as she was almost out the door.
She turned. “Yeah?”
“Did she have a prescription for her sickness?”
“Just the Tylenol.” Olivia’s heart settled. “It’s in the diaper bag. Her next dose is at 4:30 PM. Don’t be late or her fever could spike again.”
“Okay, great. Get some sleep, dear.”
Shutting the front door, Olivia’s guilt and shame intensified. She was using her mother when her child was sick. It should be Molly’s own mother caring for her, not her grandmother. Olivia knew she couldn’t take care of her right now. She felt if she didn’t get at least a couple of hours of sleep in today, she’d fall apart and not be able to function at all, and that wouldn’t be good for Molly. As she pulled into the parking lot at her apartment complex, her hand began to throb intensely, the pain returning. No! Her thoughts screamed out as she grabbed her hand. No, please, no! She was about to turn the key and go get another bottle of wine, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to drive in a few hours to get Molly and there would be no driving while drunk.
Climbing her apartment stairs, she made it inside, down the hallway, and into the bedroom. She collapsed onto the bed and atop the comforter and pillows.
Sleep was almost to her when her hand began to hurt again. Was it never going to end? Exhausted, she rolled over onto her back and pulled out her cell phone. She called Rachel.
“I need something for this pain, Rach.”
“Wine works, right?”
“Yes, but I can’t drink right now. I have to go pick up Molly in a few hours.”
“And you think you can drive on Hydros?”
“Well, yeah. I did when I was pregnant. I know how they affect me. I can manage that.”
Rachel was quiet for a moment. “I just texted you Alex’s address. I don’t have any right now.”
“Thanks.”
Hanging up, she dragged herself out of bed and headed out to her car, disappointment in herself bringing her lower than ever before, but the pain was louder than her self-loathing.
A man with long, ratted brown hair and an unshaven face answered the door at the address in Newport. The appearance of the man was unsettling to Olivia, but she pushed her discomfort aside and focused on the pain relief she was seeking.
“Alex?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m Carlos. Alex is in back. Come on in.”
He stood aside and let her in, holding the door open. She walked in with cautiousness in her steps and worry in her heart. She hadn’t been in this kind of place since she was in her youth, and it filled her with a measure of uneasiness as she proceeded deeper into the house. Going down the hallway that Carlos had pointed out, she came to the end of it and saw the open bedroom door. Stealing a glance inside, she saw a man with a shaved head, unbuttoned shirt and jeans on. She went in.
“You must be Alex.”
“That’s me. What can I do for you?”
“I need Hydros. I’m in a lot of pain and the doctors won’t prescribe me anything, and—”
“Baby, I’m not a priest and this ain’t confession. You’re Rachel’s cousin, yeah?”
Her face reddened. “Yes, I am.”
He slid off the bed and began to button up his shirt. Then, he reached over and grabbed his wallet. “I don’t have anything here, but I have a connection outside of town, due south. It’s just shy of an hour from here.”
“What? Why’d I come here then?”
“Whoa. Calm down. You couldn’t just go there without me. This guy isn’t as chill as me. I do have another option.” He turned and opened his nightstand and pulled out a small baggie. Seeing the contents, she knew it was heroin. “It’ll take all that pain away, guaranteed. A heck of a lot better than some hydrocodone.”
“No, thanks.” Olivia was disturbed and turned to the doorway. “Let’s go. I’m in a hurry.”
He laughed and shut the nightstand drawer. “We’re all in a hurry, baby. But the reality is we don’t know where we’re going. Just chill. You’re lucky I ain’t got nothin’ else going on right now and can escort you myself.”
She shook her head and walked straight through the house and out the door. As she got in her car, she did the math on time and realized she’d be cutting it close. As Alex emerged from the house, she approached him.
“I need to follow behind your car. I can’t take you in mine. I have to pick my daughter up at six from my parents’ house and it’d take too much time to bring you back here.”
“You talk a lot.”
Her cheeks reddened again. “Sorry.”
“Just follow me then.” He got into his car and led the way.
They cut through Spokane and headed south toward Nine Mile Falls. As they entered the Nine Mile Falls area and then Suncrest, she became uncomfortable, remembering that Champ had returned to the area. Please don’t let it be Champ, she thought to herself. Suncrest was the little town outside Spokane that she had spent a lot of time in when she was young and in her drug days. As they came to the top of the hill, where the town of Suncrest began, she immediately noticed new buildings. A fast-food joint, among other places. A lot had changed and that brought a measure of comfort to her because she knew she had changed too.
Turning down Meadowview Lane, Alex pulled into a house’s driveway. The property was about an acre in size and had a small roundabout to the left of the long driveway. It looked rather civil and not the rowdy kind of place like Alex’s house did in Newport. This brought her another measure of comfort.
Alex got out of his car and walked over to her as she stood near the front bumper of her own car.
“Stay here and I’ll go talk to my friend.”
She peered around at the yard and noticed a towering pine tree nearby. She peered up at the branches and needles. Pine cones dotted the branches and she was reminded of Tyler’s friend
Chet. Then she started thinking more of Tyler. Maybe I was too harsh on him. As she waited, she resolved in her heart to go find Tyler and confess all. She wanted to be with him, and she knew in her heart she had to let him in on all parts of her life and self if it could ever work out. I love him.
The front door opened, and Alex came out, smiling big as he did, a bag full of white powder in hand. Shutting the door, he came down the cement steps and out to Olivia.
“He’s looking forward to seeing you.”
“That’s kind of odd. Don’t you think?” Her nerves inflamed and she leaned to the right, glancing at the house. “His name isn’t Champ, by chance, is it?”
“No, it’s Tony. It’ll be fine. Go ahead inside. I’m heading back to Newport.”
“Thanks for the help.”
“Baby, you don’t have to thank me. It’s been my pleasure helping an angel like you out. You come see me if you ever need anything other than Hydros.”
He got in his car and started backing out of the driveway. She rolled her eyes and headed for the door. She knocked lightly and then let herself in as Alex had told her to do. She entered. Again, she was cautious, unsure of what to expect.
“Hello?” she called out. The kitchen ahead was empty, and the living room to the left of the entrance had two burly big men in it.
One of the men looked away from the television set and looked at her. “He’s downstairs.”
She walked down the steps, holding the railing as she did. Seeing an open door to the right, she walked in.
There on the bed was Champ, her ex-boyfriend. Alex had lied. Her stomach twisted and she turned to leave.
“Olivia!” He stopped her with his words. “Where you going? There’s no hard feelings about the past here. My Cadillac is fixed. I’ve changed.”
“Why do I find that hard to believe?”
He laughed and shooed a hand. “It’s all good. It’s history. Here’s the Hydros you need.”
Champ tossed a full pill bottle with no label through the air toward her. She caught them and relief spread to the core of her being.