Bane's Heart

by Sandra R Neeley

  Kaid joined in the argument then, “You know what, you people seem to forget that I’m Alpha here. I get to be the best uncle!”

  And so the teasing went for a little while.

  “And what uncle are you going to be, Goldy?” Mav asked him. And he truly didn’t mean to start anything, just wanted to include Goldy in the teasing that he seemed to have removed himself from.

  “He’s gonna be her grandpa, not an uncle!” Bam answered.

  Everybody got quiet, waiting to see what Goldy’s response would be. And more importantly what Sadie’s response would be.

  After a few awkward moments, Janie addressed her mother, “Mom, is there something you’d like to share with me?”

  Sadie was looking everywhere but at Janie, or Goldy, for that matter. “No, of course not. There is nothing at all to talk about.” Goldy had yet to address what Bam had said, and she didn’t want to look at him to see if he was embarrassed or about to deny Bam’s statement. She wanted him to be the baby’s grandfather. She wanted him to want her, too. She had been soothed by him since the night she’d walked into that bar looking for Bane, and she could not, did not want to, ever imagine not having him to lean on. But she was worried about how it would look to her daughter. To her daughter’s new family. To Goldy, himself. She was newly widowed, by her own hand no less. Her first choice of male was so poor, that she was embarrassed to have latched on to Goldy so quickly. And, truthfully, she felt like she didn’t deserve another chance. She had screwed things up so royally by allowing her husband to abuse her, to abuse her daughter, that she felt like she didn’t deserve a happily ever after. So, she denied that she felt anything. Denied that she and Goldy had been slowly developing a bond. One that, even though unspoken, was as real as her very self standing here, hoping he’d not turn away from her. But then he did.

  Goldy misunderstood her behavior. He thought that she denied them, him, because she hadn’t wanted the bond that he’d felt developing between them, and as gently as he could, excused himself from the room. “Really happy for you guys,” he tried to smile at Bane and Janie, “I’m gonna go out back and check on a few things. I got some calls from some people looking for bikes that I need to return.” He patted Sadie on the shoulder on his way past her and left the room. The last thing he’d ever do was make her uncomfortable or uneasy in any way. She’d had enough uneasy and sadness to last a lifetime, and he’d be damned if he’d ever add to it. Goldy rushed to get out of the house. He didn’t want his family to see him like this. His Mate didn’t want him, it seemed. He did exactly what he said he was going to. He went to his junk pile out back and starting pulling out parts and pieces to make new bikes. He tinkered with his collection and gave Sadie some peace, without him hanging around trying to anticipate her every need.

  Bam watched them both struggling with their emotions. He couldn’t read Ms. Sadie, but he could most definitely read Goldy. Goldy’s Lion was hurting. Ms. Sadie had denied Goldy. But he didn’t think that it was because she didn’t care. He had noticed her looking for Goldy all the time. Any time he wasn’t with her, her eyes searched him out. Trying to determine where in the house he was. Bam then looked through the bedroom window at Avaleigh and Daniel as they went up the front steps to their own home, Daniel’s arm around her shoulders, her head leaning against him. Nobody but Bam had noticed when Daniel and Avaleigh had slipped out earlier. He knew they were happy for Bane and Janie, but that Avaleigh had her own issues. He also knew that Daniel would take care of her, so it wasn’t necessary for him to go after them. Then he looked around for Kaid and Mav; they were talking with Bane about being a daddy. So nobody was paying attention to him when he slipped out to follow Goldy outside.

  Everybody had started to drift away from their bedroom, and the guys were ribbing Bane about having strong swimmers to be able to make her pregnant so quickly. So Janie took the opportunity to climb out of bed, take her mom’s arm and lead her back out to the kitchen. She was wearing one of Bane’s T-shirts, it fit her like a dress, so she wasn't worried about getting dressed first. When they got to the kitchen, her mom automatically started the process of making her some hot tea, speaking to her over her shoulder as she did so. “So, honey, when do you figure you are due?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ll need to go to a doctor to see for sure. But I think that it was the first time that we, you know,” Janie blushed, talking to her mom about such things was so embarrassing.

  “Do you have any ideas of how you’d like to decorate for the baby? As soon as your house is finished, we can go shopping and buy all the things you’ll need. This is going to be so much fun!” Sadie said as she placed a cup of tea in front of her daughter. Sadie turned right away to the counter, where there was a fresh lemon pound cake, sliced and covered by a glass cake cover. She lifted it, chose two slices and busied herself putting them on a plate, sprinkling powdered sugar on top, and placing them in front of Janie. As she turned to start something else, Janie reached out and grabbed her hands. “Mom, please, stop. I’m fine. I don’t need anything to eat. I don’t need anything to drink. What I need is for you to sit down and talk to me. Tell me what has you so flustered.” Sadie stood there for a moment and then to her daughter’s utter shock, dissolved into tears and dropped into the chair beside her, her hands covering her face as she sobbed.

  Daniel sat on his couch and held his Mate in his arms as she cuddled into him, still, silent, but with a death grip on him. She’d been thrilled for Bane and Janie and had happily joined in congratulating them. Then her thoughts had taken her to the day that she and Daniel would be able to share the same news with their clan, then she remembered that they never would. And Daniel had felt every emotion, right along with her, as she’d experienced the roller coaster ride. He’d immediately gone to her side, pulled her against him, murmuring how much he loved her. How he would change nothing, then while the attention was on the happy couple, he’d quietly led her from the house and to their own. Now he sat here, with her in his arms. Waiting for her to be okay again. He’d hold her forever. He’d give her his life, hell, he already had. He belonged to her, body, mind, heart and soul. But even if it was in his power to do so, he would never, ever change things for her to be able to become pregnant. Most humans who carried a Dragon’s younglings didn’t survive the pregnancy, much less the birth. And there was no way in hell he’d lose his Avaleigh. If she wanted babies, he’d find her some. But she would not ever birth them. She, able to feel his emotions too, nodded her head against him. Snuggling in even closer, “Love you, my Dragon,” she whispered. “Love you, Dragon’s Mate,” he whispered back, kissing her head as he cuddled her against him.

  Bam headed straight out the back door and over to the pile of scrap bikes that Goldy kept a short distance from the house. He was there, busily digging through them, seemingly lost in his distraction. “Goldy, can I help?” Bam asked him. Goldy startled, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize that Bam was approaching him. “Sure, Bam. I’m just sorting things out.” He looked around at the various piles he had started, engines in one, seats in another, handlebars in yet another. Bam waited for him to stand up from the pile he was leaning over, and when he did, Bam hugged him. “She wants you too, Goldy. I seen her look for you when you aren't around. But she don’t have an animal for me to feel. So I don’t know why she pretended she didn’t feel anything.”

  “It don’t matter, Bam. If all’s she wants is friends, I’ll be her friend. It’s better than nothin’. After all she’s been through, if I was her, I wouldn't want another man in my life either.” He made to move around Bam with the gas tank he had in his hands, but Bam stopped him, taking the tank from his hands. “You’re golden, Goldy,” he said to him. Goldy looked at him like he was speaking a different language. And, in effect, he was. Nobody knew what Bam saw and felt, but Bam. “I don’t understand, Bam. What does that mean? I’m golden.”

  Bam smiled at him, “It means you get your Mate. If you glow, looks like you got a
golden outline around you, then you’re going to get your Mate. And you glow. You’re golden.”

  Goldy’s smile slowly started to grow, following Bam’s logic. Realizing what he was telling him.

  When Bam realized that Goldy was understanding him, he explained further, “And when Ms. Sadie came into Vince’s that night, to get us to help find Janie, when she saw you, she glowed a little, too.”

  Goldy stopped smiling, not sure what Bam was trying to tell him, “What does that mean?”

  “It means that she’s your Mate. And even though she’s human, and she was so sad, when she looked at you, something in her soul knew you, and it glowed back at yours. So, see? Ya’ll are golden, so ya’ll are going to be okay. You’re going to get your Mate.”

  And Goldy did see. He grabbed Bam and hugged him so hard that Bam started laughing. Happy that he could make his brother feel better. Happy to finally be able to completely give his Healer Bear the freedom to share his insight with his family.

  Goldy kept hugging Bam, patting him on the back. Until Bam got tired of standing there. “Can we go back inside now? I’m getting kinda hungry, and I can smell the lemon cake that Ms. Sadie sliced up.”

  “Sure thing, Bam. Let’s go inside.”

  Goldy and Bam headed back to the kitchen, but Bam swerved off to the right about halfway there. He jogged away, calling over his shoulder to Goldy as he went, “I’ll be right there; give me just a sec,” as he headed to Avaleigh’s.

  He jogged up the steps to Avaleigh’s house and pulled the screen door opened, “Ave, ya’ll come quick; you’re not going to want to miss this.”

  “Miss what, Bam? What’s going on?” Avaleigh asked him.

  “Goldy and Ms. Sadie, it’s happening now.”

  Daniel and Avaleigh jumped up and ran after Bam as he slammed their door behind himself and headed back over to the main house, catching up to Goldy where he stood just outside the back door, quietly listening to what was going on inside the kitchen.

  Janie was trying to calm her mother enough to tell her what was wrong. “Mom, it’s okay, whatever it is, we can fix it.”

  Sadie wiped her eyes on her apron, “No, we can’t, but it’s okay. I have no right to be upset. I’ll be okay, maybe I just don’t deserve it,” she nodded as though it would convince herself that she would be okay.

  “What do you mean, Mom? Talk to me.”

  Sadie wasn’t planning to go into it with her daughter, Janie knew that, so she took a page from Bam’s book of innocent manipulation and applied a little manipulation herself. She feigned a little wobbly lip, wiping at her eyes with the paper towel her mother had placed beside her slices of cake.

  “I just want you to be happy too, Mom. Now I’m getting all upset because I don’t know how to help you. And I always heard that it’s not good for a pregnant lady to get upset…”

  Sadie rushed to calm her pregnant daughter, “Janie, honey, it’s okay. Don’t get upset, I’ll talk to you. I’m just feeling so out of sorts, and I, I just don’t want anyone to think badly of you because of me. And then Goldy left the room when Bam said he was a grandpa, and I just got my feelings hurt.”

  “I’m confused, Mom, please start from the beginning.”

  Sadie took a deep breath, folded her hands in her lap, and started from the beginning. “Okay. I’ll try. I married your dad because he asked. Our family was poor, and if a man wanted to marry you and take care of you, that’s what you did. It took pressure off my parents by giving them one less mouth to feed. I was never in love with him. It was just a sense of duty. So I took everything he did. Even the bad. Because it was what you did. Then I had you. And it was all worth it. I was happy. But still I had never been in love. I wasn’t even sure it was a real thing.” She paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “Then I met Mr. Goldy. And even through all the angst and the trauma I was experiencing, I knew. I knew that this man was a good man. I knew that this man would always make sure that I was safe. That I was looked after, no matter what our outcome was. But I’d hoped that he would think of me fondly at least. It’s why I wanted him to walk you down the aisle. He should have been the man to be your father. He’s a good man. Your life would have been so much better with him as your father. Our lives would have been so much better with him as your father.”

  “Mom, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you!” she reached out to take her mother’s hand in hers.

  Sadie smiled at her indulgently, “It is wonderful. At least I thought so, but then when Bam said Goldy was going to be a grandpa, Goldy didn’t say anything. So, I didn’t say anything either because I didn’t want to embarrass him or make him feel awkward. He’s done so much for me already, and I didn’t want him to acknowledge me out of a sense of duty. I’ve done that. I’ve lived that, and it’s no good for anyone. I had no right to expect him to want to be anything to me. To you. So I kept my feelings to myself. And when he left the room so quickly, I knew I was right. Then on top of that, I was embarrassed because I felt everything for him so quickly. Your real father is barely gone, and here I’ve taken to wanting Goldy around me all the time. What would your new family think of a woman who moved on so quickly. That had jumped from such a miserable situation to wanting a man she barely even knew. I just shoved it all down and acted like I didn’t feel anything when Bam said that. But I did. I felt so much. So much hope, then so sad that Goldy didn't want me.”

  “I’ll tell you what her new family thinks,” Kaid bellowed as he stomped down the hall toward the kitchen. “Her new family thinks that it’s about goddamned time you had a little happiness yourself. That bastard that you stuck by all those years should have been gone a long time ago. Each and every one of us knows already, that you and Goldy belong together, need each other. So stop that ridiculous worrying about what we are going to think. The only thing we are going to think is it’s about damn time!!!”

  Then the back door opened, and Goldy walked in, eyes for no one but his Sadie. “Sadie-girl,” he said softly, taking a few more steps ‘til he was standing right behind her. She turned quickly at hearing his voice and immediately lost herself in his gaze. He was vaguely aware of his family, his brothers standing across the kitchen from them, just inside the room where Kaid stopped when he delivered his little lecture to Sadie, of Bam at his back and Avaleigh and Daniel standing just inside the back door, watching him. He never took his eyes from his Mate; he dropped to his knees in front of her where she sat at the table. Her eyes grew wide, her hands flew up covering her mouth. Goldy reached out and took her hands in his, “I have waited my whole life for you, Sadie. I had given up hope. But I wouldn’t change a thing; all the years of loneliness I would gladly live through again, if at the end of it all, you are the Mate I’m rewarded with.” Everyone could hear her sharp intake of breath, “I’m your Mate?” she asked him, shocked. “You are. You are my Mate. And if you’ll have me, Sadie, I’ll make sure that every minute of every hour of every day holds nothing but happiness and joy and love. Will you have me, Sadie? I love you.” Sadie was steadily crying now, a constant stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. “Yes, Yes! I’ll have you, Goldy!” she dropped to her knees right in front of him and he wrapped her in his arms and held her to him more tightly than he’d ever held anyone or anything in his entire life. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Goldy, but I promise that I will make you happy.” “You already have, my Sadie-girl. Already have.” He lifted her chin with one hand and kissed her gently, loving the feel of his Mate in his arms.

  Janie was crying too, “I’m so happy for you guys,” she sobbed. “And you’re going to be grandparents,” she cried at them. Bane moved forward and lifted his Mate into his arms, kissing her cheeks and her nose, taking her back to their bedroom for some alone time. He knew her tears were happy tears, but they were tears nonetheless, and he was not happy about them. She and Daisy needed rest and smiles. Not tears.

  Daniel and Avaleigh congratulated Goldy and Sadie, and then Daniel took his
Mate home for some alone time, too.

  “Told you you were golden,” Bam said to Goldy, then took the entire plate of lemon pound cake and sat himself down to enjoy it with a whole gallon of ice cold milk at the table.

  Mav walked past Goldy quickly, headed out the back door of the house, pausing only long enough to pat Goldy on the back and mumble, “Good job, my brother,” on his way past. His face was in shadow as he tucked his head, so no one was aware of the strain he was feeling. His scar pulled more taught than usual across his face as he rushed to get outside and let his Wolf have his body. Bam was right; his Wolf was broken. And, unfortunately, all this damn mating that was taking place around him did nothing to ease his shattered soul.

  That left Kaid. Standing there. Alone. Always alone. Watching yet another of his clan find his Mate. Become whole. Something that he really didn’t believe he’d ever get to experience, regardless of what Bam had told him. He walked over to where Sadie and Goldy were still kneeling beside the kitchen table holding each other, Goldy murmuring sweet words to her as he rocked her gently back and forth. He placed one hand on each of their heads, “Welcome to the family, Sadie. You are most loved.” Sadie lifted her eyes to Kaid and nodded, reaching a hand up to hold his as he pulled his away from her head. “Thank you, Kaid.” She smiled at him, happy tears still falling from her eyes. “Thank you, Alpha,” Goldy rasped at him. His raspiness proof that he was choked up, too. He nodded once and smiled at Goldy’s acknowledgment of his position. Then he turned to leave, heading back into his bedroom. Before he could totally leave the kitchen though, Bam spoke, “You talk to Mr. Amos lately?”