This was it. I’d have to go back to court reporting, or maybe if I was lucky, I could talk Uncle Dante into letting me do some kind of odds and ends work at his technology firm while I tried to find something else; anything but having to dip into the blood money.
He cracked the door open, and I heard him call out, “Lisette, in here. Now.” His voice was stern, impatient, and intimidating.
It put the fear in me, and I suddenly found myself questioning my choice of telling him anything. I crossed my arms over my chest and pulled my legs in close, making myself as small as possible in my chair.
Lisette walked in, her face unsure, as she inched her way further into the office. Vandergild closed the door shut and moved back to the chair behind his desk. He sat with his hands clasped in front of him on the table.
“Have a seat, Lisette. I’ve just received some disappointing information about your behavior toward Perla. In light of the circumstances and the probationary arrangement you’ve been under since changing positions, I’m curious to know what you have to say for yourself.”
I expected Lisette would lie to try to cover her ass. I waited for her to yell, seethe, and otherwise talk her way out of it. Instead, she sat quietly in the chair beside mine with her chin tucked near her chest, her eyes looking at the floor. Her face turned a bright red, and I could see her fists clenched so hard in her lap that her knuckles turned white.
“So you don’t deny it, then?” Vandergild prodded.
She made the slightest movement of her head, and her words came out so quietly I could barely hear her from sitting just a few feet away. “No, sir.”
I recognized a look of defeat in Lisette that I knew only too well as I watched the scene play out in front of me. I felt like an intruder who didn’t belong, but I wasn’t in a position to say so.
“I think you are all out of chances, Lisette. This is the last straw. I will not have you running off my staff. You should probably collect your things and see your way out. I’ll make sure your last paycheck is mailed to you by the end of the week.” He had no anger in his voice, just a calm and matter-of-fact tone.
Lisette looked up at him, then to me, and I saw the panic in her eyes as they welled up with tears. She looked as though she wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.
Good grief. At best I hoped to resolve the issue. If anything, I figured I would be the one fired, if anybody. I hadn’t expected this. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over me and settle right in my gut.
She began to cry the bitter tears of what could only be seen as defeat and… fear? She stood, pressed her hands to cover her face, and quickly made her way for the door to leave.
“Sir?” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. “I may be speaking out of turn here, but would it be okay if maybe Lisette and I work this out amongst ourselves instead? It has been a pretty emotional time of year for me, so it’s possible that I could have overreacted or taken things a little too sensitively. I’m willing to sit down and talk things out with her if you might reconsider.”
I watched Vandergild, expectant, hoping he might allow it and hoping even more that I would not come to later regret sticking my neck out for her. I wasn’t sure if Lisette had heard me, but I hadn’t heard the door open yet behind me, so I thought she was probably waiting for his answer as well.
He looked past me to Lisette as though a silent conversation were passing between them. Finally, he looked back to me with pride, as though I had impressed him.
“Very well, Perla, Lisette. I suggest you both take some time this morning to get this worked out. When you come back, I don’t want to hear of any more issues.” He looked straight at Lisette. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes sir!” she rejoiced through her tears.
“Yes sir,” I added.
At that, I stood and followed Lisette out of Vandergild’s office. Once we got out the door, she stopped me.
“Perla, I know I didn’t deserve you saving my ass in there, but… thank you.” She looked me straight in the eyes, and it seemed like her gratitude was sincere. She also still looked like she was about to cry. “Why did you take up for me when you could have just let me get fired?”
“Let’s just say I know what it’s like to need a second chance in life,” I admitted.
She nodded in understanding, and I could tell that she and I had reached a turning point, even if just a small one.
“Why don’t we go talk?” I suggested. “I feel like we need to clear the air.”
We went into the lounge where we sat at a table tucked away in the corner and did just that. I learned a lot about Lisette that morning that I hadn’t expected at all.
She mentioned that she and her younger brother and sister had entered the foster care system several years ago when their parents had given up their parental rights. Apparently they had refused to get clean, and when it came down to drugs or their children, the drugs had won out.
Lisette had mentioned that because she was several years older than her siblings, she had been separated from them for years. When she turned sixteen, she had entered a job corps program, fast-tracked her high-school education, and earned her paralegal certification, all in an effort to be able to take in her younger siblings. Once she was able to establish a stable home environment, she would be able to fight for custody.
I couldn’t help but think about Jada, and what I wouldn’t have done to keep her with me when we had lost our parents. Being the older sibling, I felt a responsibility to shield her and protect her as much as I could. I could imagine how helpless Lisette must have felt, knowing her little brother and sister were sitting in a foster home somewhere, and knowing she was powerless to do anything about it.
“So I guess I had thought that if you quit, maybe I could get my higher-paying job back,” she explained. “Between this job and my other part-time job I have on the weekends, I was almost making enough to get a big enough apartment for the social worker to consider me for placement. Then I got demoted for making too many mistakes, which was my own fault. Working two jobs was wearing on me. Sometimes I was having a hard time just getting through the day.”
“Well, I can’t say that I appreciate how you went about things where I was concerned, but I can at least see why you did,” I admitted. “That really is awful. I’m sorry about your brother and sister. Have you asked Vandergild or one of the other attorneys to help you?”
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t think they could, since I work here, and it’s not like I have the money to pay them anything.” She shrugged, and I could see the sadness and helplessness in her eyes.
I knew it could be considered taboo, but there wasn’t a rule against the firm representing her. I made a mental note to look more into that later.
* * *
I stood waiting at the glass doors of my apartment building, watching for Jax’s driver. The anticipation had been building all day, and while I knew what I needed to do that night, I wasn’t looking forward to actually going through with it.
My stomach turned somersaults every time I saw a black SUV drive past, but since I still had about fifteen minutes before the time he had said he would pick me up, I was only working myself into a nervous frenzy. When he actually drove up in a showy, black Aston Martin with custom rims, I had to hide my shock and awe of seeing him behind the wheel of the ridiculously expensive car. It wasn’t unusual for most people to drive their own cars in Dallas, but the one time I had seen him get into a car before, he had been escorting the busty blonde into the back of an Escalade with someone else driving.
That’s it, Perla, I thought to myself. Keep thinking about him with another woman. That would be just the buzz-kill I needed to get through this night and what I needed to do.
He met me at the side of the car and opened my door for me. “Perla, you look stunning as always,” he said softly as he took my hand, pressed a kiss to it, and then raked his eyes over my body in an appreciative stare.
“Thank you,” I returned, blushing, unable to hold back a smile. I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed his compliments, even if I tried not to. And God, was I trying not to.
Once we were both in the car, he drove us to a nice steakhouse in Uptown where he had reservations for a private dining room. A hostess led us to our table and indicated that our server would be with us shortly.
I had to admit that the place was beautiful, albeit pricey, with dark, hardwood floors, romantic, cream-colored damask papering the walls, and copper crown molding topped at the high ceilings. Recessed mood lighting shone down on the white clothed tables, brightening the otherwise dark room. A live piano lulled the room just beyond our private quarters, and I wondered who wouldn’t fall in love in a place like this.
Jax waited for me to be seated before sitting in his own chair.
“Okay, who are you, and what have you done with the real Jax Maddox?” I goaded.
His eyes crinkled at the corners as he feigned offense. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he said with a wry smile.
“For someone who doesn’t do relationships, you seem to be pulling out all the stops tonight,” I teased. A pang of sadness punched me in the chest, knowing what I expected to do when he was being so amazing.
The waiter arrived with glasses of water and Jax ordered a bottle of wine. I assumed it was expensive by the sound of the name and the subsequent year that went along with it.
“Perhaps,” he said, once the waiter walked away, “but I am very well-versed in the art of seduction.” He gave a penetrating glare straight into my eyes, and I felt the heat begin to simmer between my legs. The deep, masculine sound of his voice saying those words sent a thrill straight to my core.
I had to clear my suddenly dry throat. “So, acquire and conquer? Is that always your modus operandi?” I asked as my voice gave away my fluster.
“I’m not a tyrant, Perla. I know how to be respectful to women. I happen to have a very respectable mother who raised me with a high level of class and dignity,” he chided.
I remembered his mother from the night we ran into her at Abacus, and he was right. She was a very dignified and classy woman. I could only imagine she would have imparted a certain level of respect and etiquette in him, and he did seem to have a soft spot where his mother was concerned.
I had to admit, he was doing a fine job so far of breaking through what I thought were the heavily guarded walls I had built up to get through the evening.
“Yes, I suppose you do.” I averted his stare by looking down at my hands, folded tightly in my lap.
The waiter brought us our wine and took our orders. Jax allowed me to order first, and then told the waiter he would have the same.
Alone once again, we sat quietly for several seconds as I felt Jax’s eyes on me from across the table. Finally, he spoke.
“Maybe you could give me some kind of inside information on how to figure you out,” he suggested. “I don’t say this often, but I find myself at a loss. That’s not a position I like to be in.” He gave a suggestive smile as he raised an eyebrow.
“I’m not sure that’s possible, figuring me out,” I admitted, meeting his gaze.
“Why is that?” he asked.
“My life has been… complicated,” I said with a shrug.
“Indulge me,” he prompted as he held his glass of wine to his lips, inhaling the aroma before taking a sip.
I eyed him for a moment, debating whether I wanted to open up to him or not. Something in his eyes made me believe that he genuinely wanted to know. What the hell, I thought.
“Okay, but you asked for it. Keep that in mind when you get the urge to run screaming in the other direction,” I warned.
“Duly noted.”
I pulled in a deep breath and let out a slow sigh. “Where do I begin? Let’s see… Well, when I was sixteen, my parents were murdered in cold blood while my sister and I were away at summer camp.”
I watched him nearly choke on his wine before he picked up his glass of water and took a sip. He looked back up at me with wide eyes.
I continued. “So I picked up the pieces of my shattered life, denounced my family inheritance, and made it the best I could ever since.”
The waiter came back in with our food, setting our plates on the table in front of us before making his way back out.
“I had no idea,” he said when we were alone once more.
“Yes, well, it’s not something people talk about in polite conversation.” I began cutting into my food, but the nerves that knotted my stomach made it hard to take a bite.
“No, I suppose not,” he agreed, picking up his silverware and taking a bite from his plate. He seemed so at ease, so hopeful with the prospect of this night turning out in any way except the one way I knew it would. He certainly wasn’t making it easy on me, being so attentive and, surprisingly, quite romantic that evening, despite all the showy fluff that came with being him.
I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to do what I knew I would eventually have to do. It was now or never, I thought, trying to muster up the courage to go through with it and let him go.
“But now maybe you can understand why it’s so important to me to have something stable and dependable in my life. I already have enough instability as it is,” I told him, trying to steel myself for what was to come.
Jax nodded in understanding. “What about the cop? It seemed like he had it pretty bad for you. That wasn’t stable enough for you?” He may have been chiding me, but his words cut deep.
I looked down to my lap once again, afraid my face would betray my residual pain.
“That didn’t work out,” was all I was willing to give away.
“You keep everyone at a distance. Does anybody ever measure up to your impossible standards?” He asked the question with a hint of indifference, but I could tell he was going for passive-aggressive.
It was just the push I needed. I couldn’t believe his audacity. Jax didn’t know anything about me or my life. He knew nothing about my relationship with Grayson. If he was trying to get a rise out of me, it was damn well working.
“That’s not it, Jax. Call me crazy, but walking in on your significant other, of almost a year, in bed with someone else, just doesn’t rank too high on my list of things that keep a couple together.” I looked him straight in the eyes as I spat out the sentence like it was an accusation.
His brows lifted in surprise, and for once, he was stunned into silence.
I continued. “What? No judgmental comeback? Did I deserve it, or are all men just incapable of being faithful to one woman? Was I not satisfying enough for him? Hell, maybe I’m just so fundamentally flawed or carry too much emotional baggage that I pushed him to do it. Whatever it is, it must have been my fault, right?”
The anger had fizzled out as quickly as it had come and was already reverting back to its origin of despair. I had to pull myself together. I couldn’t show my weakness, not in front of him. Not now.
I could see the pity on his face, which only served to call the anger flaring forth inside me once again.
“I’m sorry, Perla. You didn’t deserve that,” he said, shaking his head.
“And what do I deserve, someone like you? Someone who doesn’t care who I am as long as I’m willing and submissive in your bed? Do you honestly think that’s enough for me?” I knew I was being awful, but it was the truth. It made me sick with myself, but I couldn’t let my guilt get in the way of what I knew I had to do. It was for the best.
“Perla, I…” He paused, unsure of what to say. His food was long forgotten as it sat cooling on his plate, as was mine.
“You what? You come forcing yourself into my life with your crass propositions and your extracurricular liaisons flaunted in my face? Not to mention your expensive gifts of designer clothing you refused to accept repayment for, or the hundred-thousand dollar car you picked me up in tonight. The private dining room in what is probably the most expensive restaurant in Dallas was really a
fine touch.”
I realized I had gone too far. I knew I was being unfair, pushing my personal biases on him like he was somehow at fault for being who he was. But it was too late. The damage had been done.
He continued to stare at me across the table, open-mouthed, unable to speak.
“Don’t you get it, Jax? All your money, your flashy things, and your high society are just one big reminder to me, a reminder of a life that was stolen from me when I was just a kid. All that money might as well be a target on your back. It scares the hell out of me. You scare the hell out of me. And even if I could look past all the money, you’ve already told me you don’t want anything more from me than my body. Well, my heart is fragile, and I have a responsibility to protect it.”
I stood from my chair, pushing my seat back as I moved away from the table.
Jax stood. “Perla, wait,” he called out to me.
I paused and hesitated for just a moment, and he reached out for my hand. I panicked as I felt the rush of endorphins pass through every inch of my body at the feel of his skin touching mine.
I wanted to forget the whole thing and let him take me in his arms. I wanted to feel the comfort of his touch, the warmth of his body pressed against mine, and the softness of his signature kiss. I wanted to lose myself in the deep, Caribbean pools of his eyes that stared right straight into my naked soul right in that very moment.
I felt myself standing on a ledge, and as soon as I jumped, there would be no turning back. Did I let him in, knowing he would devastate what was left of my shaky, shell of a world? Would I always look back on this moment with regret, no matter which choice I made?
Maybe in another life this would have worked. Maybe if I had never been robbed of a life that would have left me whole and carefree, I would have rushed in headfirst without a thought.
But in this life, I was jaded. My heart was fragile and the pieces of it had been glued back together enough times that they just didn’t even fit right anymore. The shell had gaping holes that led to a hollow inside.
Tragedy and Desire: An Adult Romance Page 11