by AJ Adams
Pig was trussed up with a double set, and Henry Fisher was about to drag him off.
Barrows was still clutching himself but when he spotted us, he growled, “Not my fucking problem.”
Mia didn’t notice, she was busy thinking about ice-cream, but Lacy stiffened. “Son of a bitch,” she murmured.
“Mummy!” Mia exclaimed. “Penny in the swear box!”
Me, I couldn’t believe it. I’d waited for Pig to force Barrows to make a paternity claim on Mia but Lacy had been right: Barrows rejection had been so deeply ingrained, that he simply hadn’t thought to tell him.
Lacy had come to the same conclusion. “Silver lining,” she murmured.
“Rex, you forgot my bye-bye kiss!” Mia was laughing as she threw her arms around me.
A wave of love consumed me. She’d never know about Barrows, and I’d be the father she’d longed for. I planted a smacker on her cheek, making her giggle. “Love you, baby.”
Harding had a knee in Barrows back and struggled to fit them around the massive wrists.
“Get off me, fucker!” Barrows pulsed and threw the inspector off his back in one fluid movement. Then he got to his feet, his red eyes on Lacy. As if in a horror film, I saw him reach inside his jacket.
I had Mia in my arms, the donkeys stood between us, and I knew I couldn’t reach him. “Harding! Gun! Take him down!”
In slow motion, I saw Barrows look down and boot the inspector. He got him right in the gut. As the man curled away, Lacy’s nemesis was cursing up a steady stream of filth. He finished his reach and crowed with satisfaction, “Whore! I’ll kill you.”
The gun was pointed straight at my girl.
“Oh dear God in heaven.” Lady Constance was praying.
“Don’t you even try it, Barrows!” I was shouting in sheer panic.
“Rex,” Lacy was completely cool. “Take Mia away, please.”
“No! Wait!” My guts were heaving, and I thought I was going to throw up.
“Off you go,” Lacy said calmly.
Time was doing its trick again; I saw Crush, Kraken, Wally, Snake, and Poison look over in unison. Then, in a synchronised wave, everyone was moving our way.
“You! Put that gun down!” Harding’s parade voice bounced right off the crazed biker. To my amazement, the brave damn fool was on his feet and angling for Lacy, apparently intending to put himself in the way of the target.
“Over here,” Crush called to Barrows, hoping to distract him.
“Yeah,” Kraken was making come-over motions. “Don’t you want a piece of me?”
“Think you can take me, you poxy wankstain?” Snake jeered.
Barrows didn’t even look at them. “Whore,” he spat at Lacy. “They can’t save you.”
“Mummy?” Mia was terrified.
I clutched her to me instinctively, hiding her face in my shoulder so she wouldn’t see. “It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry.”
Barrows was laughing. “You thought you’d won, but I’ve got you.”
“That’s what you think,” Lacy sneered. She stepped away from Mia and me, drawing the baleful eye of that gun with her. “You know your hand’s shaking, don’t you?”
“Stand still!” Barrows snarled.
“Yes, okay.” But Lacy kept moving, forcing Barrows to move along with her.
“I’m going to kill you.”
“You really are a pillock.” To my horror, Lacy was taunting him. “You’re going to miss, you moron. You’re so drunk; you couldn’t hit a barn door.”
“I will kill you! I will!” Barrows screamed.
“No, you won’t,” Lacy laughed. “You’re a loser, Jason. Always were, always will be.”
“I’ll fucking kill you!” Enraged, Barrows rushed forward, clearly intending to shove his gun down her throat. “Bitch!”
In his hurry, he shoved at the donkey, slapping it on the arse. The frightened animal dropped its head, brayed in terror and kicked. A horse can kill, especially if it’s well shod, but a 200-kilo donkey packs a pretty good punch too, especially when it kicks up with both feet.
Barrows took a hoof to the chest and another to the gut. Rocketing back with the force of it, he bounced off my Jaguar. The sound of the impact blended with the sound of an explosion. I followed the line of sight, and my knees buckled; Lacy’s blue polka dot dress was splattered with red.
“No-no-no!” I was flying across, hanging on to Mia for dear life as I ducked past the braying donkey. “Lacy! Oh dear God, no!”
“It’s okay.” She was hanging around my neck, kissing Mia and me. “I’m fine.”
“But the blood! There’s blood!”
“It’s me, you berk.” Harding was leaning against the Oak Leaf door, clutching his shoulder. “He shot me,” he said in amazement. “The cheeky bugger shot me.”
Lady Constance took charge immediately. “Chief Inspector, you need to sit down.”
“I’m an inspector.”
“Unbelievable. You are definitely worthy of a better rank,” Lady Constance replied smoothly.
“He was going to stand in front of me,” Lacy was holding on to Mia and me, laughing and crying at the same time. “I can’t believe it.”
“And I can’t believe you taunted Barrows,” I said to her. “What on earth were you thinking?”
“I knew he’s slap that poor donkey,” Lacy shrugged. “I just hoped for the best.”
To say I was astonished was putting it mildly. “You planned it?”
“Well, it wasn’t nice of me, but I didn’t want to be shot.” She grinned at me. “I’m going to offer that donkey a wagonload of carrots as compensation.”
I still couldn’t take it all in, but I had to laugh. “I’ll match you carrot for carrot.”
“Then I guess it’s hoobrays all round,” Lacy smiled.
“If you two are through making awful puns,” Crush and Kraken had Barrows face down on the cobbles. “How about giving us a hand?”
I kissed Mia and handed her to Lacy. She was smiling again, but her eyes were still big from seeing that horror. “It’s all okay, see?” I told her. “It’s the end of the bad man.”
Mia was trying to make sense of it all. “He was shouty, and he didn’t follow the rules, and so the donkey kicked him.”
“There you go,” Lacy said solemnly. “Now if only he’d paid attention to yard safety, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Is the donkey hurt?” Mia had her priorities right.
“Let’s go and see,” Lacy said straightaway.
As the girls petted the donkey, I contemplated Barrows. He was out cold, and he was going to be a bugger to carry. “He weighs a tonne. It’ll take four of us.”
“We don’t need to lift him,” Kraken pointed out. “We can just roll him over the cobbles.”
Before we could put that plan into action, a familiar silver Rolls pulled up. “What on earth is going on here?” Sir William was climbing out, looking around the square with astonishment.
“We’ve been entertaining company.” Kraken handed Sir William the gun, “You’d better take care of this.”
“A gun?” Sir William was horrified as he took in Lady Constance, Ulke and Doc Fielding who were tenderly taking off Harding’s jacket and applying first aid. “And the inspector has been shot?”
“We tried to call you,” I said.
Sir William shrugged. “I dropped my phone yesterday. It’s beyond repair.”
A flood of relief went through me. “I thought you were ghosting me.”
“Nonsense, dear boy.” My godfather patted me on the arm. “I’d never do that. Having dropped my phone, I thought it best I go straight up to London to put in my report.”
“Report?”
“I’m Robinson, Organised Crime Unit.” A big burly bloke with a crew cut emerged from the Rolls.
“Christ, I tried to call you yesterday,” I said. “You were out. I left a message.”
“So did I,” Lacy said.
“And I,” Lad
y Constance called out. “Freddie called you, too.”
“We received them,” Robinson said pointedly. “In fact, we got dozens of calls. From all over the country.”
“That was Lacy’s idea,” Ulke said proudly. “She asked everyone to get the message out.”
“She certainly got my attention,” Robinson said. “My phone’s been ringing non-stop all night long.” He looked across the square. “It looks like we arrived not a moment too soon.”
Behind him, men were spilling out of four unmarked vans. Unlike the Bonnington constabulary, these looked like paratroopers. They glanced around and then trotted off, peeling off in pairs to help Wally, Freddie, Cliff and the others tidy up.
“What do you mean, not a moment too soon?” Crush said. “You might have arrived half an hour ago.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Robinson grinned. “This way you did all the work, and we get all the glory.”
Crush laughed. “Awesome!” He and Kraken heaved Barrows to his feet and dumped him neatly in Robinson’s arms. “The cleanup’s all yours. We’re off for a beer.”
“A pint and a pie,” Kraken decided. “I’m starving.”
“Before you go,” Robinson said lightly. “I’d like to know what happened here.”
“I gather the Horde decided to try their luck,” Sir William said as he examined the last of the Horde and their pals who were being hauled off to the Bonnington lockup. “And discovered that my godson and his friends aren’t quite the pushovers they seem.”
Doc Fielding was lifting Harding to his feet. As they were walking to accident and emergency rather than calling an ambulance, I guessed it wouldn’t be long before the inspector would be back on duty. That didn’t suit me at all.
“Actually, it was Harding who was the hero,” I said quickly.
I ignored Lacy’s gasp of surprise, Crush’s amazement and Ulke’s squawk of protest.
“Was it?” Sir William said surprised. “Well, I must say, I’m glad to hear it.”
“He took on Barrows, even though he was armed. I have never seen such bravery.” I laid it on thick without hesitation. “He deserves a medal.”
“Well, well. That is quite an endorsement.”
“The commissioner of police should be informed. I believe she will want to congratulate him herself.”
At that, Lacy, Crush, and Kraken were stifling their laughter.
“Well done, Rex,” Lady Constance said approvingly.
“I’m just following your advice.”
“What’s that?” Ulke asked puzzled.
“If you need something from somebody always give that person a way to hand it to you,” Lacy, Kraken, and Crush chorused.
Sir William was laughing. “You want me to arrange to promote Harding out of Bonnington?”
“He’s not a good fit. We might do better with someone new.”
Sir William smiled. “I shall see what I can do, my dear boy.”
A flood of happiness washed through me. I was back on top. “Thank you very much,” I said quickly.
“And now we have that settled; I believe someone mentioned a drink. First round is on me,” Ulke announced.
“Actually, Rex, I have a surprise for you,” Sir William said quickly.
“Better than the Organised Crime Unit?”
“Perhaps not better but certainly different,” Sir William said diplomatically.
He didn’t need to say another word because I’d spotted a familiar figure sauntering down the road. There was no disguising the towering hulk. “Caden! Bloody hell, where have you been?”
My brother crushed me in familiar embrace, all those powerful muscles squeezing the life out of me as always. “Rex! I turn my back for two minutes!” He was slapping me on the back, practically propelling me into next week. “What the hell have you been doing?”
“We had visitors.”
His eyes, the same as the ones I saw in the mirror, were twinkling. “And you gave them a Bonnington welcome?”
“Exactly.”
Of course, the executive came crowding round immediately.
“Slugger, you big bugger, where have you been?”
“We missed you!”
“While you were sunning yourself on some exotic beach, we were sorting out business.”
I was still missing someone. “Where’s Fracas?”
“Here.” And there she was, Fracas, my brother’s wife. Pint-sized yet larger than life, she stood on tiptoe and pulled me down to kiss her. “Did you miss us?”
“You’ve no idea.” I took in the swelling tummy. “Hey, is that what I think it is?”
“Yes, Jack and Judy are going to have a sister, and you’re going to be an uncle again,” she giggled.
“Our tadpole doesn’t like the ocean,” Caden grinned. “The second this baby took, Fracas had the most awful morning sickness.”
“I’m so sensitive to motion that I daren’t wave down a taxi,” Fracas giggled. “Just looking at the sea makes me queasy.”
“After Fracas threw up all over Guadeloupe, Dominica, Martinique and St Lucia, we sold the yacht and flew back.” Caden took in the Oak Leaf and waved at Wally, Dot, and Rob who’d just spotted him. “God, it’s good to be home. I missed Bonnington!”
“Oh-oh,” Lacy exclaimed. “Miss Bonnington! Rex, look at the time!”
I’ve always said that event management should be called crisis control and that day proved it. We’d barely tucked away the last Horde thug when the busses began to roll in, and we hadn’t even set up the stage when the contestants arrived.
After that, I didn’t have time to draw breath. I’d worried we were on the way out, but thanks to Lacy’s promotion, all of England had turned up.
“Rex, the editor from Elle says she wants to talk about a nautical special at the boat club,” Brianne was pink-faced and happy.
“You deal with it. I’ve just found out that Lacy invited six lingerie models to give last-minute tips to the contestants.”
Brianne rolled her eyes. “And you need to supervise?”
“I need to distract Viper who’s offering to show them exactly why Bonnington Is Best.”
“Rex,” Mitch had a black eye, but he was grinning with triumph. “Wally called to say he’s run out of house red and there’s a run on his vintage too. The Feathers are in dire straits as well. Can we raid your cellar?”
“As long as you keep your hands off my premier and grand cru, yes.” I called after him, “And I want a percentage off the top!”
“Rex,” Nita, smiling from ear to ear and looking fantastic after her trip to the London laser clinic. “I’ve sold out, and the Oak Leaf restaurant is out too, so I’ve asked Gloria’s from Skegness to deliver a thousand extra sandwiches and three thousand extra wraps.”
I contemplated the crowd, twice as big as we’d planned for and hungrier than anyone might have imagined. “It’s a great idea but how long will that take?”
“They’ll be here in half an hour.”
“That fast?”
“I thought Lacy’s promo might make this a supermassive success,” Nita giggled. “I ordered the extras yesterday morning. Polly is bringing it over in her sailboat.”
When Polly turned up, bearing enough food for a small country and flushed with triumph, she had more good news. “I’ve been elected to the board! My bank will announce it tomorrow.”
“Wonderful! I’m so happy for you.”
“Percy is fuming,” Polly said happily. “And he’s going to be even madder when he hears that I have a new project?”
“Oh yeah? What are you plotting?” I was watching Crystal take yet another shot of two little girls posing with the donkey. She was charging a fiver for every print, and from the queue, the sanctuary would be rolling in oats, hay, and carrots for months.
“Rex, are you listening?” Polly tugged my elbow. “I said, you’ll have a cheque for ten million on Friday.”
I just gawped at her. “What?”
“My bank is
investing in your marina,” she repeated patiently. “You can have half now to secure your contractors. We’ll give you the other half once fire and rescue and the insurance have signed off.”
My knees buckled and then I was sitting down, right on the cobbles of the village square. “What?” I asked again.
Lacy, Crush, and Caden were over in a flash. “What’s wrong?” they chorused.
“Nothing,” I still couldn’t process it. “The marina. She says I can have my marina.”
Caden was smiling. “A marina? Awesome. Can I buy in, too?”
“I was hoping you’d swap it for Perdition.” I’d meant to approach the subject carefully, over a drink sometime in the future, but it just came out. “If you don’t mind,” I added hastily.
My brother put his hand under my shoulder and pulled me to my feet. “Perdition is yours, but I want life tenancy of my room and workshop.”
“You can have the east wing if you agree to maintain the waterwheel and the plumbing.”
Caden grinned. “Brother, you have a deal.”
And so I had it all: my reputation, my inheritance and my dreams, all thrown in my lap at once.
It didn’t seem real, and I was still marvelling when a hand stole into mine. “Hey, Rex.” The blue eyes smiling into mine made my heart skip a beat. “Are you ready for the next step?”
I was drowning in happiness, filled with love and hope. “What’s that?”
Lacy smiled at me, “Happily ever after, of course.”
Epilogue
Lacy
Sunday afternoons tend to be quiet at Perdition because we have a deal: we take it turn and turn about to take the kids out. Last week we took Mia, Judy, Jack and baby Emily to the zoo; this week Caden and Fracas have taken them off to the marina, for an outing in the new sailboat.
Yes, Rex’s marina was completed three months ago. Polly came through for us as she’d promised and it worked out great for everyone. We have two dozen luxury yachts anchored in the bay, all of them contributing to the revenue stream, as Rex would put it.
The imported glamour has given us a little extra gloss and provided new business opportunities. Aside from Wally’s second pub and Suzie’s new salon, Nita set up a tearoom. Even nicer, the luxury condos provide customers for a mini market and a boutique, so it’s almost like a mini village.