Between Darkness & Light

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  She rolled her eyes. “Unlike you created telepaths, I have been reading people’s minds since I was three years old. Having notice would ensure I didn’t accidentally retaliate too hard.” She looked down at me. “Are you all right, Julia?”

  “I’m good,” I replied, regaining my footing. “You know, I used a very small amount of power.”

  “I know. That is why you’re still conscious,” she replied with a small smile.

  “Or that is the reason you are,” I answered. “What do you need?”

  “I came over to find out if you were going out with Mary Anne and our guests. They are going hunting.”

  Instantly, I shook my head. “No, thank you.”

  Matthew looked at me. “You might want to consider it. This kind of training takes a lot of energy.”

  “Yes, you might want to replenish before you rudely attack me again,” Kali quipped.

  “No. As I said before, I am not going to hunt alongside the outsiders. I do not trust them.”

  A flicker of concern showed in Kali’s eyes for a second before she said, “All right. I will tell them.”

  I glanced at Matthew. “Go ahead if you want to. Is Samuel going with them too?” I asked Kali.

  “No, he’s staying here.”

  “Go,” I repeated to Matthew. “I’ll be all right. I want to talk to Samuel anyway, without prying ears around.”

  He nodded and they walked out. I waited until the group left and the villa was quiet again before leaving my room. Jeffrey and Kali were sitting by the fire when I emerged. “Samuel’s in his room,” she said. “It’s only us and Stephen here at the moment.”

  “Thank you,” I said and walked past to knock on Samuel’s door.

  “Who is it?” He sounded tired.

  “It’s Julia. Can I come in and talk?” I asked, unsure what answer I would get.

  “Come in.” For a second, I stared at the closed door in surprise before entering. Since most of our guests held some animosity toward me, I had almost expected them to have swayed his opinion again.

  He sat on a chair near the bed, appearing just as tired as he had sounded. Looking up, his lips turned up in the faintest of smiles. “How are you, Julia?”

  “I’m well,” I said. “I wanted to thank you for telling Diego that you would protect me, despite our problems.”

  “It’s true. You are ka-tet, Julia, as much as any other member. That’s something I lost sight of due to my own anger and pain. As Matthew pointed out that night, the power tying you to us never faltered, even if you were using it against us.”

  I stared at him uncertainly for a moment. “I’m not sure if that knowledge makes it any easier to bear,” I said. Samuel shrugged. I walked to the bed and sat on the edge, facing him. “It sounded like lots of arguing tonight, even though I couldn’t hear what it was about.”

  He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Most of that was debate on whether the Resistance could afford to trust you again.”

  “And?”

  “It seems the verdict is still undetermined. I’m surprised you didn’t go hunting with Mary Anne.”

  I arched my eyebrow at his words. “Why does that surprise you? Sandro and the others went with her. I suspect half of them would stab me in the back if given the chance, so why take the risk?”

  “Excellent point. I didn’t know who all left. Nor did I really care.” He yawned. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about? I was thinking of retiring soon.”

  Nervously, I twisted my hands together. “You and Lane.”

  Samuel frowned. “What about us?”

  “You should talk to him.”

  He sighed and opened his mouth to object. “Julia –”

  “Talk Samuel. I didn’t say teach him or ask him to join us, I said talk to him.”

  Samuel shook his head.

  “Why not? You may not understand his powers but you understand why he’s the way he is.” I leaned forward and touched his hand. “The expression on your face when Lane and I argued over whether he’s evil was peculiar. It reminded me of someone experiencing déjà vu.”

  He laughed bitterly. “Your conversation was almost identical to one Valerie and I had. You sounded like Valerie, Lane sounded like me.”

  “I haven’t heard anyone mention another vampire who has spent more than a few days alone, except for you, Samuel. That is why you understand him, at least somewhat.”

  He winced, his expression becoming one of glazed-over pain. “Yes, since seeing Lane I’ve remembered things I’ve spent the past few centuries trying to forget. I never wanted to think about my first few months as a vampire again.”

  “The past has a way of coming back to haunt you,” I muttered.

  Samuel glanced at me. “Where did you hear that?”

  “Kali said something similar. What would you be doing if you hadn’t met Valerie?”

  “There may be some truth to it.” When he spoke next, his voice trembled. “Yes, in some ways, I do understand him. Surely, I can describe what the first few weeks were like even with over five hundred years between us.” He frowned. “I don’t know what I would be doing if I hadn’t met Valerie. Maybe something similar to what he is doing. Or I might have killed myself long before then.”

  “Do you think Lane ever thought of killing himself as well?”

  “Perhaps. You are right, Julia . . . Lane and I have things in common, probably more than I want to admit to.” He paused. “It might not hurt to talk to him. I’ve never talked to anyone who’s been alone for any length of time. If he wants to talk, I won’t mind.”

  “I doubt Lane has, either.” I squeezed his hand. “That’s all I’m asking for, Samuel. It might do both of you some good.”

  He nodded and reached up to touch my cheek. “You seem worn out. Are you feeling all right?”

  I smiled. “My arm has healed. I’m just a little tired from training.” I turned to look at the door as I heard Mary Anne and the others. “They’re back.”

  “Yes. It’s close to dawn. We both should get some sleep, Julia.”

  “Good night, Samuel.”

  ***

  I startled awake, covered in a cold sweat. As I sat up, most of the dream faded away. All I had left were fragments, but they were terrifying. The first was Gregory’s laugh, which was enough to give me nightmares for a week in its own right. Another was Sandro and me arguing. The next several pieces consisted of chaotic images of us fighting against an enemy that had us almost hopelessly outnumbered. Lane was in one of those images, his short sword in hand. The last two fragments were the sound of a woman’s scream and Gregory

  saying . . . saying what? I tried to remember, but it was gone like the rest of the dream.

  “A dream. Just a dream,” I mumbled to myself. The villa was silent around me; faint light rimmed the curtains on the windows. Dawn. I took a few deep breaths and lay back down.

  “I win, Juliana.” Gregory’s voice was triumphant. I tried to move, but my hands were pinned or tied down. I twisted my head to the side as he touched my cheek and saw blood pooled around me. His hand trailed down my throat and over the rise of my . . .

  A strangled scream lodged in my throat as I sat up, shivering. Desperately, I rubbed my arms and face as if I could brush away the memory of him touching me. Rays of filtered sun now filled my room as I stumbled out of bed.

  I paced beside it, tired but too scared to sleep. Was it simply a nightmare? Or was it a warning? I tried to compare it to the other dreams I had had. In the past, dreams that foretold the future tended to be short but filled with exceptional detail. This one had very little detail that I could remember, but it felt long and ominous. With a sigh, I concluded that any dream I had of Gregory felt menacing.

  I looked down at my tangled sheets and continued walking. Many times over the last few months the girl in white had appeared when I couldn’t sleep. Pausing at the foot of my bed, I asked, “Are you here?”

  The silence of the house answered me. T
he girl did not appear.

  I scowled as I resumed pacing. “That figures,” I grumbled. A morning when her comforting words or presence could have brought solace, she was nowhere to be found. My walking brought me close to the door and I opened it and stepped out into the main part of the villa without thinking.

  The early morning sun filled the room with an orange hue as I passed Kali’s door and continued on to the room I had been in a few short hours ago. Startled, I realized my right hand was even poised to knock, and stopped myself before I tapped the wooden structure.

  What was I doing? I hadn’t gone to Samuel about nightmares in years, for good reason. He hadn’t offered any comfort, had instead left me to deal with the fear and panic on my own. I frowned as I admitted the reason why Samuel hadn’t let me stay in his room. A lack of trust. He had been afraid I would attack him during the day. Why would this time be any different? Turning around and waking Kali might be the better option.

  Closing my eyes, I warred with myself about continuing. I bit my knuckle so hard it drew blood as I reminded myself that he and I had made progress in mending our friendship at least. However, I knew we were a long way from what we once were. It would be devastating if he turned me away now.

  Even as that thought crossed my head, I rapped on his door. A muffled and incoherent answer came back to me. It didn’t sound angry so I stepped inside, closing the door behind me. “Samuel?”

  He was practically buried under the covers. He stirred slightly. “Julia, is that you?”

  “Yes,” I choked out.

  Samuel sat up and looked at me. The morning rays highlighted his blond hair in a way no firelight could. I saw his look of sleepy puzzlement. “Julia, what are you doing up? It’s daytime.”

  “I’m sorry to wake you. I had a dream, a nightmare. Gregory was in it, and there was fighting and blood and – and he was touching me,” I stammered, trembling again.

  Samuel stared at me and tears blurred my eyes. I was afraid he would order me out, that he would abandon me when I desperately needed someone’s comfort. “I’m surprised you can function with the sun so high. Come here,” he said.

  For a second his words didn’t register and I hesitated. They were the words I had hoped for but didn’t think I would hear. My paralysis broke and I ran to him. Seconds later, I felt his arms around me for the first time in years.

  “Jesu, you’re terrified! Julia, it was only a dream,” he said, trying to reassure me.

  “I’m not sure if it was,” I blurted out.

  Samuel understood right away. He pulled back to look at me. “Are you sure?”

  I shook my head. “No, but it felt wrong.”

  He drew me back to him, his embrace tightening. I buried my face in his shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. You need to sleep, Julia.”

  “I’ve tried, Samuel. Every time I close my eyes I am back in that nightmare. I do not want him in my dreams. It’s bad enough I see him at night now,” I said miserably.

  He lowered his head until it was resting against mine. “He can’t hurt you now. You’re safe.”

  I held onto him as my trembling almost stopped. His scent filled my nostrils, even as my fingers tightened across the muscles in his shoulders and back. I had missed this, missed him. Turning my head, I pressed the side of my face against his shoulder and chest, quelling the sudden instinct to kiss him. That would be too forward, considering this was the first bit of intimacy we had shared in years.

  Samuel’s right hand stroked my hair as he repeated, “You need sleep. Being up like this is not good for you.” I already knew that so I didn’t answer, opting to enjoy his closeness.

  A couple minutes later, I lifted my head as I heard another pair of footsteps in the hallway. These were light and Samuel’s door opened a moment later. Kali stepped in, wearing a black nightgown. She was barefoot and looked confused and tired herself. She blinked, her face registering surprise at seeing us both in the room. “I thought I heard voices. What are you two doing up? Shouldn’t you be asleep by now?”

  “Julia woke me up. She had a nightmare. Now she’s having trouble getting back to sleep.”

  “Have you tried standing in the sunlight?” Kali asked me.

  “Walked in it to get here,” I pointed out. “There are no drapes in the sitting room.”

  Kali looked perplexed. “True. Perhaps you should try standing directly in it.”

  “She’s calmed down a lot since she came in,” Samuel said as his right arm slid back around my shoulder and waist in a protective manner.

  She tilted her head, studying us. “Then again, it looks as if you may have already found the answer. I’ll talk to you some time tonight, Samuel. Both of you get some sleep.”

  “Good night, Kali,” I said as she left the room.

  Samuel let go of me. “Stand up a moment, Julia.”

  I crawled off the bed, worried he was sending me away now. My breath hitched as panic began setting in. Before it became a full onslaught, I realized he had pulled the covers down and beckoned me to return.

  As I climbed back in, Samuel pulled me to him and threw the blankets up over both of us. I savored the feel of his arms around me as I laid my head down. “Thank you.”

  He sighed. “I hope I was never this much trouble to Valerie.”

  “From what I heard you were a pain, Samuel,” I replied.

  I heard a muffled chuckle from beside me. “Go to sleep, Sunshine.”

  Yawning, I closed my eyes as the sounds of his breathing and heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

  Chapter 18

  I woke to see a room that was vaguely familiar and the sensation of a warm hand on my left hip. My eyes felt heavy, as if I had gotten no rest at all. Stifling a yawn, I remembered having the nightmare and going to Samuel’s room after. He had let me stay. It was his hand on my hip.

  The realization cut through my exhaustion and I sat up, trying not to wake him. He shifted beside me, burying his face into the pillow. I smiled, feeling comforted and safe, although the gravity of what occurred was not lost on me. When I had been hurt, Samuel may have felt obligated to stay with me, but that wasn’t the case this morning. He had chosen to comfort me, to trust me while he slept, despite lingering doubts. I was so grateful.

  Someone banged on the door. “Samuel, aren’t you up yet? It’s almost midnight!” Matthew called.

  Samuel startled awake and glared at the door. “How early would you be up if you were awake half the day?” he grumbled.

  “Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed tonight?” Matthew replied.

  “I have now! I’ll be out in a minute,” he retorted and looked at me. “Did you finally get some sleep?”

  “Yes. Thank you for letting me stay in here,” I answered.

  “I’m glad to hear that,” he said and got up. He looked back as I also got out of bed. “You are welcome, Julia.”

  I headed to my own room to dress in trousers and the green tunic from the previous night. I knew I was going to need to feed. Between training with Matthew the night before and being up through the morning hours, I felt drained.

  As I walked into the sitting room, Kali asked, “Are you envying Lane now, Samuel?”

  “Why would he be envying Lane?” Jeffrey questioned as the others exchanged glances.

  “Yes, a bit. Lane doesn’t have to deal with a fledgling that can’t sleep.”

  Matthew stared at him. “You both were up in the sun?”

  Samuel sighed. “Julia had some bad dreams.”

  Matthew snickered. “An insomniac vampire.”

  “A symptom of madness,” Sandro whispered to Chiara and Diego.

  I scowled at them as Samuel frowned. “Her dreams are known to be prophetic at times. If I hear another comment about insomnia or insanity tonight I will tie the person up in sunlight,” he threatened.

  “Fine, O Great One,” Matthew muttered. It was Sandro’s turn to scowl.

  Kali looked at Samuel. “Do you have a few minutes t
o talk?” He nodded and they headed back to his room.

  “We went out hunting last night,” Mary Anne said once they had left. “The ones who still need to go are Jeffrey, Julia, and Samuel.”

  Christina shook her head. “Matthew went with us last night, but he didn’t feed. He should go with them. Besides, having another person or two with them would be good in case Hunters or Amita cause trouble.”

  I looked at Matthew. “Why didn’t you feed?”

  He shrugged. “There was a large group out last night. There were others who needed nourishment more than I did. Having someone to keep a look out for trouble was more important.”

  Christina looked at Matthew, then at me. “I can go with if you need someone to watch out for your group tonight, Matthew.”

  I studied her in curiosity. She and her sibling had only known me a couple weeks before everything went to hell, but she didn’t seem skittish of me at all. I wondered why.

  David looked worried. “I think you should stay here, Christina.”

  Her light brown eyes flashed with anger. “Quit treating me like a child. I am the same age you are. And I doubt Julia is going to harm me, David.”

  “You don’t know that. Your brother is just trying to protect you,” Chiara said.

  Matthew glanced at me, before turning back to her. “Thank you for your offer, Christina, but we will be all right. There’s no need to upset David or the others by coming with us.”

  “She wouldn’t upset me if she went with you,” Diego said.

  “Do not encourage her. That is not the reason we came here,” Sandro snapped.

  I looked at Florence’s leader. He was a few inches taller than me and looked like a pissed off hornet. “Why are you here?”

  “That is no business of yours, traitor,” he sneered. “We need to talk upstairs,” he said to the rest of our guests. They left, Christina bringing up the rear.

  “Delightful, isn’t he?” I muttered. I looked at Mary Anne. “Any sign of the Hunters or Amita’s group?”

  “No. Not a trace of either group.” She thought a moment. “No sign of Lane either,” she added after a second.