by Fredrick, MJ
Charles looked as handsome as the boy she’d fallen in love with when she walked into the diner, but she pushed all those thoughts away. He stood beside the table, his eyes warm, a hint of a smile playing around his lips, until she took her seat.
“I don’t have a lot of time. I only took the morning off,” she said. “I need to be back by eleven.”
He took a deep breath. “I want to find Rachel. I want her to know she has brothers. I want her to know she has a family connection.”
That was what she’d been afraid of. Charles clearly had no qualms about screwing up everyone’s life because of his own need to atone. She strove for a reasonable tone. “We don’t even know if she knows she’s adopted. She’s still very young, not even eight.” And not one birthday had passed without Trinity crying, wondering what might have been.
Charles frowned. “So you don’t keep in contact with them? I thought you knew where they were, had pictures of her, something?”
Trinity shook her head. “I chose not to have any contact. To do so would be selfish on my part, just because I wanted to know her. What I really wanted was for her to have as normal a life as possible. If they decide to tell her she’s adopted, they know where to find me if she wants to get to know me. Otherwise…” She shrugged, the gesture more casual than the emotions roaring through her warranted.
He sat back, his mouth pulled down in disappointment. “I really wanted to meet her. I never thought it would be so hard having my own family knowing she was out there. Isn’t it hard working with kids every day and not thinking about her?”
Her heart squeezed. She wanted to have other children some day, had really been thinking about it since she’d been with Leo, and she’d worried she’d feel guilty about Rachel and the decision she’d made. Charles mentioning his own guilt didn’t help matters. But she knew she’d done the right thing for everyone. Why couldn’t anyone see that?
“I think about her every day, whether I work with kids or not. But yes, I’d like to think it makes me more sensitive to their needs.” She’d decided to become a counselor after her own post-adoption counseling. But she didn’t think she could be rational when it came to counseling women considering giving up their babies. Plus, not a lot of call for that in Bluestone, and she’d had so much debt she had to move home. “What did your wife say when she found out you had a daughter you gave up for adoption?”
“I didn’t give her up,” he reminded her.
She made a face. “I’m looking for some guidance here, and you should give it to me since you screwed everything up in the first place.”
He sat back, understanding dawning. “With the guy at the bar?”
She scowled. Charles was the last person she wanted to discuss Leo with, but she didn’t know anyone else who had the same frame of reference. “It’s new. I was planning to tell him, just not yet. When did you tell your wife?”
“Before we got engaged. I didn’t want her to feel trapped, you know, by revealing it to her after she was wearing my ring.”
She wanted to believe he’d changed, had become that thoughtful, but she couldn’t. “Big of you. And how did she take it?”
“Pretty well. Something in my past, sad and all, but in my past.”
“And how does she feel about you trying to find Rachel now?”
He lifted a shoulder. “She’s not crazy about it but she understands. My parents are really hoping I can locate her.”
“Do your sons know?”
He shook his head. “They’re little. Three years old and one year old.”
“Ah.”
“I’m sorry I messed things up for you and the guy from the bar—”
“Leo.”
“Leo,” he echoed. “But I needed to know.”
“You didn’t go with me to counseling. You should have, or at least gone on your own. I’m sorry it’s hard for you, but I can’t help you. I have to get back to work. Will you be going home now?”
He nodded reluctantly, focusing on his coffee. “Do you want me to let you know if I find her? If I get in contact with her birth parents?”
Trinity’s heart squeezed. She wanted to say no, keep the break clean, but her heart couldn’t allow that. She nodded once. “Just give me a call. I don’t know if I can go see her, but…yes. I’d like to know.” Once that decision was made, she bolted for the door.
***
Leo cursed the traffic that had him idling half a block from his hotel in the capitol. He should have just walked the distance from the hotel to Congress, but the city was hot and humid and crowded. He didn’t want to be sweaty when he sat in the hearing, but he was sure sweating now. He craved the cool darkness of his hotel room, away from the crowds and the crazy, and alone with his thoughts.
Okay, maybe not that, because everything circled around to Trinity. He wanted to call her, wanted to hear her voice, but knew it would be defensive and tight and he wanted everything easy the way it had been the past few weeks.
He talked to Max every night, and heard the disappointment in his son’s voice that he’d passed off coaching duties for this week’s game and next week’s. Yeah, he was a sucky father, no place to judge anyone else.
He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be home with his kid on the baseball field. He wanted to be slipping away from everything with his girl and making love to her on a boat. He wanted the peace of Bluestone, not the chaos of DC. He’d finish this story, of course, and he’d have to figure out what he was going to do as far as income. Maybe if things were more settled at home, maybe if he knew Trinity would be waiting for him, maybe if he bought that little house and knew he’d be coming home to her and to Max, maybe then he could go on these occasional stories and make his living.
Maybe he could write a book. He was marketable, he had a platform. He played with the possibility as he eased the car into the lane to the right, then bided his time to the next lane change, just before the turn into the hotel garage. Yes. He’d finish this story, and he’d go home.
***
When he got back to Bluestone, however, everything was in chaos.
Lily paced in front of the baseball field when he pulled up. “Maddox Bradley canceled,” she informed him before he got out of the truck.
He hopped down, glancing past her to see where Max was—practicing catching with John Evans—before turning his attention back to her.“What? Are you kidding me? Why?”
“His management said it wasn’t cleared through them so he couldn’t play. He’s not free Memorial Day weekend.”
Okay, that messed up their schedule, with Memorial Day two weeks away, but they could salvage this. “So we get him to come another weekend. Has anyone talked to him?”
She shook her head. “No one can get ahold of him. Leo, we’ve sold tickets already. A lot of tickets. We have to give that money back. Do you know what a bind this has put us in? all the reservations people have made at my lodge—we’re going to be hurting after this if someone can’t get through and get him to change his mind.”
He closed the truck door, again seeking Max warming up on the field. He didn’t want the boy to see him just yet. “Someone meaning me?”
She fell into step beside him, her arms wrapped tightly about herself. “You’re the one who arranged it in the first place. The only thing we can be grateful for is that he let us know in advance, and not when we already had hundreds of angry people in Bluestone.”
“Though that would at least have netted some income for the town.”
She grabbed his arm, stopping him. “You’re not saying we don’t tell them until they get here?”
He blew out a breath. “Of course not. That would be dishonest. But maybe if we can’t get him to change his mind, we can make a deal with them, another band, a reduced price, if they keep their reservations.”
She hugged him quickly. “I should have known you’d have a plan.”
“Why didn’t you call me when you found out?”
“I knew you were busy
and I thought—”
“Dad! You made it!” Max raced across the field and barreled into Leo’s legs, sending him staggering back a couple of steps as his arms went around his boy.
He hugged him tight. “Yeah, I figured we’d test the theory about whether I’m a jinx or not.” They’d won the game when he’d been away.
Max laughed and tugged his hand toward the field.
Then, because he couldn’t resist, Leo scanned the crowd for Trinity. Every blonde he saw made his pulse jump, but no Trinity. He twisted to look at Lily, who’d followed, them. She shook her head at his silent question. He inclined his head to where Quinn sat in the stands and her head shake was more vehement.
Leo let his thoughts focus on the game, though he let the other coach lead the team. Still the theory he and Max had come up with, that he was a team jinx, proved to have a solid basis as the Bluestone Bulldogs lost soundly. Nonetheless, Leo took the team out for pizza, his gaze drifting again and again to the door, hoping Trinity would show up.
It was best she didn’t—he needed to talk to her privately. And he needed to take care of other things first. He hoped the delay wouldn’t make things worse.
***
Trinity sat on the toilet in the drugstore’s bathroom and stared at the stick in both hands. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. She had to be the most fertile woman to ever walk the planet. She and Leo had been so careful, using protection every time. What had gone wrong? How was she going to tell Leo, especially now?
And what would she do next? She couldn’t imagine telling her family again, certainly couldn’t stay in Bluestone with her shame. Well, this was a sign, then. She’d move away, to a city. She’d start sending out applications now.
What about the baby? Her hand went to her stomach. Would she be able to give another child up for adoption, knowing what it had cost last time? Was she capable of raising a child on her own? She was more mature now, more settled. She would have to stop helping her parents with the bills and use her salary for herself and her child. She could make it. Of course, she wouldn’t have friends nearby to help, not at first,
She didn’t have to make all these decisions right now, sitting in a public restroom. She discarded the test and the packaging, washed her hands and drove home, hands shaking.
***
Still reeling from her discovery, she skipped movie night, but by Saturday, she couldn’t bear to stay in another night. She would go to the concert, though she wasn’t particularly a music fan. She wished she could have a beer with Lily, and hoped her choice of a pop wouldn’t be commented upon. Still, it would be nice to be with people.
Leo was back in town but she hadn’t heard from him, hadn’t even seen him except from a distance when he dropped off Max Friday and picked him up. They needed to talk, she needed to tell him, but didn’t know how. She had no idea how Leo would react, even if he didn’t know about her past. And then there was Max to consider. God, what a mess.
She knew he was busy, scrambling to help clean up the mess Maddox had left them in, calling ticket holders and bargaining with them, promoting this week’s concert, coaching. Still, he’d been busy before and managed to fit her into his life.
But clearly he thought they were over.
She wore her favorite jeans, ones she planned to wear every day until they didn’t fit anymore, and her favorite T-shirt, fixed her hair and put on make-up, so she could feel good about herself. Leo would be there, and she wouldn’t look like she’d been mourning the loss of their relationship. She was going to go with the age-old woman’s adage and make him eat his heart out.
She parked at Lily’s and crossed to Quinn’s, where the stage was set up in the lot. A few dozen people milled around. Not a lot better than the last concert, but Lily had said her rooms were filled, and the bar was busy, people rolling in and out. That was what they wanted, right? Business for the town. Several of the townspeople waved a welcome to her and some stopped to mention they’d missed her the night before.
And there was Leo, standing on the edge of the parking lot, talking to Dale Simmons. He looked up when he saw her and offered a hesitant smile. She jolted and froze in place. They had so much to talk about and this was not the place. She wished for Lily, for anyone to come and distract her now, but no. Leo was crossing the parking lot toward her.
“I was hoping you’d come tonight. We missed you last night.”
“When did you get back in town?” She hated that her arms automatically went around herself protectively.
“Thursday, in time for the game. Sorry I haven’t called, but it’s been nuts since Maddox backed out. I hoped to see you last night.” He watched her closely, and she was afraid he’d see too much. Even knowing she’d see him tonight, she had no idea what to say. She hadn’t been certain he’d approach her.
She nodded.
“We need to talk, Trin.”
She nodded again, feeling like a mute fool.
“Not here, though. Meet me for breakfast tomorrow?”
“I have church.”
He looked over her shoulder and nodded. “Okay, then I have baseball practice. Dinner? We can go to Wilson or Pape.”
Just as she’d done with Charles so no one would know her business. Could she tell him about the baby then? The idea made her stomach turn. She didn’t want to tell him in a restaurant. She wanted it to be special, even knowing he might walk away. God, she was a fool.
“Pape would be good.” There were at least a couple of nicer restaurants there. Somehow telling him he was going to be a father again under fluorescent lights didn’t seem right.
He nodded, a bit of relief relaxing his features. “Would you like a beer or something?”
She took a deep breath. “A pop would be great.”
His brow furrowed but he didn’t comment. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
As she watched him trot up the steps to Quinn’s, she mourned the loss of the easiness between them. She wanted to run home, to hide until tomorrow when she could tell him everything. She turned to leave when she saw Lily, visibly upset, stomping down the steps from Quinn’s.
She met her friend at the bottom. “What’s wrong?”
Lily flung her arm in the direction of the bar. “Did you know Quinn Alden is the most stubborn man on the planet?”
Trinity could barely hide a smile. “I’d heard that, yes. What did he do now?”
Lily shook her head, her entire body shaking with impatience. “Did you know he danced with me the other night?”
“What?”
“The night you and Leo were in. I stayed late to help. I do that a lot. He took me out on the dance floor and danced with me. It wasn’t a slow song and he wasn’t all pressed against me or anything, but he was so focused on me. I could barely sleep that night. I thought things would be different. And he’s built the stage and he’s playing ball and then he tells me he got an offer on the bar.”
Trinity stepped back, shocked. She’d known he’d wanted to sell the bar for awhile now, but like Lily had pointed out, he was invested in the town now. Why do all he’d done, then sell? “He’s leaving?”
“He wants to. He tells me he can’t stay here. He has that damned tattoo on his arm to remind him of Gerry every day, but he can’t stay here because it reminds him of Gerry and the life he wanted but won’t ever have. Now you tell me. Gerry’s dead. Why does Quinn have to give up his dreams, too?”
Trinity curved her arm around her friend’s shoulders, though she had to stretch to do it. “I’m sorry, Lily. If he means that much to you, you can go with him.”
Lily pulled away, all vibrating energy. “I don’t want to go to the city. I want to stay here. I love the lake. I love Bluestone. I love what we’re bringing here, you and me and Quinn and now Leo. I think we’re awesome. Why doesn’t Quinn see that?”
For the first time since Trinity knew her, Lily burst into tears. Trinity felt a twinge of guilt as she pulled the other woman close. Here Lily was c
ounting on her to stay to help save Bluestone and Trinity was planning on bailing as soon as she could. She’d miss Lily, who would be a terrific godmother to her child, who wouldn’t judge her, who would be there for her. If only her parents wouldn’t be so upset, her brother shamed. Why was she born into a family of ministers anyway?
She wanted to confess to Lily her own problems, but it would be wrong to tell Lily about the baby before she told Leo, and when Lily had her own problems to deal with. She just had to get through tonight, and tomorrow she’d know what her next step was.
Leo returned then, with two beers and a pop. He handed a beer to Lily while she tried to discreetly wipe her eyes. He lifted his eyebrows in question at Trinity, but she merely shook her head.
“I’m going to go,” Lily said, handing the beer back to Leo. “I’m not good company tonight.”
Well, that made all of them. Trinity watched Lily walk away and turned back to Leo with no buffer.
“Is Quinn busy?”
“They seem to be hopping. He has a couple of waitresses. I’ve never seen more than one. So a good sign.”
She hated making small talk with Leo when so much hung over them. “How was Washington?”
He grimaced as he took a sip of beer. “Moments of insanity tempered by long periods of boredom. I don’t know why Breiling sent me to do that story. Seemed more fit for a rookie.”
“Maybe he thought only you could make it interesting.”
He laughed. “Maybe. I hope I did.”
“You don’t know?”
“I can never judge my own work. Some stuff I’ve written seems good and doesn’t get any recognition. Some that I dash off win awards. Who’s to say? You want to go grab a seat?” He motioned toward the end of one of the empty picnic tables.
Without waiting for her answer, he led the way across the gravel and she followed, her legs shaking. The pop was tasteless in her dry mouth.