by Fredrick, MJ
“What was Lily upset about?” he asked when they claimed their spot.
“Quinn got an offer on the bar.”
He straightened. “Ah.”
“You knew?”
“I made the offer.”
She whipped around so quickly, she knocked the bottle over. He caught it, but not before half its contents fizzed over the table and through the slats. “What? Leo, you can’t buy Quinn’s bar!”
“Why not?”
She opened and closed her mouth, searching for a plausible reason before her gaze settled on the sign on the roof. She waved her hand in that direction, and he held the bottle out of her reach. “Well, for one, it’s called Quinn’s.”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s for sale, I have money, I need a source of income.”
Her stomach tightened. Those were the last words she expected him to say. “What? Why?”
“I resigned from my job. I don’t want to travel anymore. It’s too hard on Max, too hard on my folks. I don’t want to get a nanny. I talked to Quinn, and what he clears is enough for me to live on. And Max loves it here.” He met her gaze and held it.
She got the feeling he wanted to say more, but she didn’t encourage him. “Are you sure you’ll be happy here? It’s not very adventurous, and the winters are bad, and damn it, Quinn doesn’t want to sell.”
He placed her bottle cautiously in front of her again. “What are you talking about? Of course he does.”
“No he doesn’t. He’s in love with Lily. Otherwise do you think he’d put up with all this?” She gestured toward the stage where the band was warming up. “He just doesn’t know how to be happy.”
Leo scowled. “You’re reading too much into it. Maybe he likes her, but if he did, would he have the bar up for sale?”
“Let me ask you this.” She folded her arms on the table. “Has he accepted your offer yet?”
His scowl deepened. “No, but he said he’s waiting on his real estate agent to come back from vacation.”
She straightened, triumphant. “So he’s putting you off. I think he’s trying to force Lily to admit her own feelings.”
“And she won’t, why?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t really discussed it.” And really, did she want to be talking about Lily’s issues when she had her own? Though it felt good not to wallow for a change.
“You didn’t come to the game Thursday,” he said, bringing her right back to Wallow Country again. “And then no movie last night. Were you avoiding me?”
“Yep.” She took a sip of pop that did nothing to calm her nerves.
“We need to talk, but this isn’t the place.” He glanced toward the stage.
“If this isn’t the place to talk, then let’s not talk,” she said tartly.
He reached across the table and took her hand. “It is the place to dance, though. I promised you a dance.”
She didn’t think she could bear to be in his arms, not being so unsure about his feelings, about their future, but she let him lead her onto the make-shift dance floor anyway. In addition to the stage and a few picnic tables, the men of the town had built a raised platform to be used as the dance floor, since gravel was hardly conducive to grace. Trinity and Leo were the first ones on it tonight, and she squirmed under the scrutiny. They were seen as a couple by now, but did he still want to be? Maybe they should go talk now. She didn’t think she could bear waiting until tomorrow.
But then she was in Leo’s arms, his hands on her hips so she had to put her own around his neck, bringing her too close. She dared to look in his eyes for a moment and saw the familiar heat. Of course he could desire her though he no longer wanted a future with her. She desired him without knowing the future. She resisted the urge to burrow into him, to hope that everything would sort itself out. Instead she let him guide her across the floor in a decent rhythm while others joined them. His fingers flexed on her hips, drawing her closer, out of someone’s way, she realized, but she leaned into him, looked up into his gaze, and saw regret.
That, she couldn’t deal with. She broke away and hurried off the floor without looking back.
***
She wished she was brave enough to skip church the next morning. One thing she could be grateful for was that she didn’t have morning sickness yet. At least she could keep her secret a little longer.
She accompanied her family and was stunned to see Leo and Max sitting in the back of their church, dressed in suits and ties. Leo’s parents didn’t attend any church, and Leo hadn’t since he’d been back. So what changed?
Her mother noticed his presence as well and sent her a chiding look, like this was her idea. No, the last place she expected to see Leo was here. Why? And with Max—no chance that they’d have their talk earlier than scheduled. No, she’d have to spend the rest of the weekend with her stomach in knots.
She barely heard her brother’s sermon on stewardship because her thoughts were occupied with Leo. Whenever she gave into the temptation to glance over her shoulder, her mother jabbed her with a hymnal. But she did see that Max and Leo were joined by Quinn, who had clearly given them the dress code that no one else followed but her father.
When the service was over, she waited before exiting, hoping they’d be gone, but of course they weren’t. They were here because of her.
“We thought maybe you could go to lunch with us before practice,” Max said, stepping forward at his father’s urging.
“I—why?” she asked, turning from Max to Leo.
“Because you have to eat and we have to eat.”
But they couldn’t talk, not with Max. They had so much to talk about. Still, she couldn’t resist the longing to spend time with them, no matter what she and Leo might decide later. She nodded and they walked to Leo’s SUV.
“You missed a good show last night,” Leo said as she sipped her ice water at the diner in Wilson, which was noisy with the after church crowd. “A lot of people did. That band was good.”
“Have you gotten someone for Memorial Day yet?” she asked.
“I have a couple on the string. I kinda have a standard I want to meet, because even though we’re cutting the ticket prices by seventy five percent, I want the band to be a good draw.”
“And how is that working? Are a lot of people still planning to come up?”
“Yeah. It’s helping that Lily is throwing together a chili cook-off. We talked about a fishing competition but my dad says fishing won’t be good for another couple of months. And some of the ladies are working on a craft show for that weekend.”
She’d heard about the craft show, and had been asked to recruit crafters from nearby towns, though it was last-minute. “It’s going to be a crazy weekend. You have a game that weekend, too, don’t you?” she asked Max.
He shrugged.
“That Monday,” Leo answered. “Against Wilson again. Don’t know how that happened.”
“Well, you know more now than you did then.”
“Let’s hope. We’re thinking about getting up a game for the adults afterwards. You up for that?”
“Not sure. The end of the school year is coming and I may just want to collapse, or I may need to hit a ball really hard.”
Leo grinned as their lunch was served.
***
He picked her up at five thirty, after practice and helping Quinn dismantle the stage and dance floor. He wanted to ask Quinn if Trinity was right, if Quinn really wanted to stay here with Lily, but it was none of his business.
Trinity was jittery from the moment she stepped out of the house. Something was wrong and he thought it was more than just his reaction to her revelation. She was the shadow of the woman he’d fallen for, the woman who’d made him consider changing his whole life to move here.
He knew he hadn’t handled things well when he learned about her daughter but he hoped she’d give him a chance to talk things through. They just hadn’t found a good time, until now.
Maybe coming to her church had been a mistake. She was s
o uncomfortable. He should have talked to her first. He hated that she was nervous with him. Tonight would be better. It had to be.
He held the car door for her and she offered a small smile as she settled on the seat, her hands smoothing over the thighs of her slacks. Not a good sign.
The ride to Wilson was quiet with just a bit of conversation about Memorial Day. He thought she’d ask why he’d been at church that morning. Hell, he wished he had an answer for her. He just wanted to see her, wanted to show her he was ready to become part of the community, of her community. He supposed he should have waited until they talked. Otherwise he was giving her mixed signals. Well. He’d clear that up over dinner.
He ordered a bottle of wine in the little Italian restaurant he’d heard about, but she declined a glass. He frowned. “Trinity, look, I know I wasn’t sensitive when you told me about your daughter. I was caught off guard. I don’t want you to hold it against me.”
She swept her hair back from her face as the server set a basket of sourdough bread in front of her. “Maybe this isn’t the place to talk, either.”
He glanced about at the empty tables in the vicinity. “I think we’ll be all right.” He wanted to reach for her hand but stopped himself. There was a wall here, erected by him, but he didn’t know how to knock it down. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“Boy, do we.” She reached for a piece of bread and crumbled it on the plate in front of her.
Leo shifted his glass of wine from one side of his plate to the other, wishing she’d drink some as well, wondering why she didn’t. He took a deep breath and charged forward. “I shouldn’t have left after I found out about your baby. I made a mistake there, I acted badly. I was just surprised—I never would have thought you’d keep something like that. And I get it.” He held up a hand when she opened her mouth to repeat her earlier arguments. “I get it. We haven’t gotten to know each other well enough, we—”
“Leo, I’m pregnant.”
Everything in him went numb. He dropped the butter knife, which hit the plate with a loud clatter. Good thing he hadn’t been drinking. He stared, which only made her fidget more, her entire body tight, the bread in front of her almost powder as she watched for his reaction.
“You’re what?”
“I’m pregnant.” She lifted her voice only a little, then cast a nervous look about the restaurant. “I took the test on Tuesday. It’s positive.”
He felt himself shaking his head, not a conscious choice, and stopped himself when he realized what she would think. He couldn’t wrap his mind around those simple words, and what they meant to the future he’d just now allowed himself to dream. “But we—were careful.”
“Accidents happen.” The smile she gave him was tight, and he realized how hard this was for her, worrying what lay ahead, what his reaction would be, especially in light of his former questionable behavior.
“Are you—feeling okay?” He nodded toward the bread. Liv was sick as a dog when she was pregnant. God, this couldn’t be happening. He was barely thinking about changing his life by moving here, maybe getting married, and now he was going to be a father again?
“I’m fine.” She shuddered a little, as if letting go of some of the tension she’d been holding in—since Tuesday, she said.
“Have you been to the doctor?” He hoped the panic he wasn’t feeling wasn’t in his voice.
“No, I wanted to tell you first. I wanted—we have some decisions to make.”
Her words came back to him then. “If I was in the same situation now I’d make the same choice.” The blood drained from his head. “You want to give the child up?”
She blanched. “No! No. I couldn’t do that again. I’ve—I’ve sent applications to Elk River and Pine City and Baxter, and a few other places.”
“Jesus, Trinity! You’re moving away from Bluestone?” And taking his child? What did she think he was, that he wouldn’t want to be a part of his child’s life? Part of hers?
She took another piece of bread to destroy. “I can’t live through dealing with my parents and their disappointment in me again. I can’t stay, not and face their judgment, and the judgment of the town.”
The town loved her, didn’t she know that? But irritation burned enough that he didn’t tell her. “So you’re going to take my child away and raise it on your own? No friends, no family?”
She paled further. “I have to have a plan.”
“You haven’t even known a week. When are you going to the doctor?”
“I have an appointment the week before Memorial Day, here in Wilson.”
“I want to come with you.” He held his breath as he waited for her response. He hadn’t been home much during Liv’s pregnancy and had missed a appointments and other milestones. He’d be damned if he’d make that same mistake again, no matter how many walls she put up.
Finally she let out what seemed to be a relieved breath and nodded. “That would be good.”
Okay, so they were in this together. That was a start.
***
In the week that followed, Leo couldn’t concentrate on anything, which sucked because he had a lot to do. He didn’t see much of Trinity, because she was just as busy as he was, getting ready for Memorial Day weekend. There were contracts to sign and booths to set up and the end of school coming up, so she was swamped at work, too, so she no longer waited after school with the kids. He missed seeing her, wanted to reassure her somehow, wanted to let her know that now that the shock had passed, he was excited about the baby, about the opportunity for a second chance to get it right. Yeah, he’d made his choice to stay in Bluestone before he found out about her pregnancy, but the baby was like a sign he’d made the right choice.
Since she didn’t want people gossiping about Leo picking her up from school when she left early, afraid the word would get back to her parents before she had a chance to tell them about her pregnancy, they met at the doctor’s office. She was so tense as she filled out the pages of paperwork, he thoughts she’d shatter right there in the chair. He wanted to joke with her about the covers of the magazines, or the very real estrogen overdose he was getting in the frilly place, but he was pretty sure all he’d get in response was a scowl.
Finally, they were called back for the exam. She made him turn away when she was weighed, and he did it without protest, though he didn’t care. She had her blood pressure taken, was made to pee in a cup, and emerged from the bathroom with the cup hidden in the folds of her exam gown.
“Jesus, Trinity, if we’re going to have a baby together, I can see your pee,” he said, his uneasiness making his tone harsher than he intended.
She glowered and set the cup on the counter where the nurse had indicated. Then the nurse led her to an exam room and Leo stalked after her.
They were alone in the room, and her nerves rattled against him. Couldn’t she see he was there for her, that she wasn’t going to go through this alone this time?
“What are you afraid of?” he finally demanded.
“What am I—?” Her voice squeaked as her temper slipped its leash. “What am I not afraid of is the shorter list.” She held out her hand and started counting on her fingers. “I’m afraid of what my parents will say. I’m afraid of losing my job. I’m afraid of starting over. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking about Rachel. I’m afraid you’ll pull a Charles and disappear.” Her gaze snapped to his when she said the last thing, and he got the feeling she feared depending on him more than any of the things she’d listed.
He leaned forward in the plastic chair and took her hand. “I’m here, Trinity. This is my child, too. I’m scared too. What is Max going to think, for one.”
She gave a harsh laugh and lifted her hand to her forehead. “Right. I forgot. That’s on my list, too. God, Leo, what have we done?”
He rose and curved his hand around her cheek. “We made love. We were careful, but we made a baby. We’ll figure this out, Trin. Trust me.”
Even as he touch
ed his lips to hers, he knew that wasn’t as easily done as said.
“Now, now, that’s what got us here in the first place.” The young woman doctor stepped into the room, chart in one hand, the other extended. “I’m Dr. Christensen. You’re Trinity and you’re?” She turned to Leo with a questioning look.
“I’m Leo Erickson, the father.”
She shook his hand, then consulted her chart. “Definitely pregnant. I’d like to do an ultrasound to see if we can get a heartbeat. Would you like that?”
Trinity hesitated, then nodded.
“Unplanned, I take it,” she said as she encouraged Trinity to lie back, then knelt at the end of the table and pulled a machine over.
Again, Trinity nodded.
“Well, there are options.”
“I’m keeping it.” No hesitation this time.
Dr. Christensen nodded as she sheathed a wand. “All right. Let’s take a look.”
Trinity winced as the doctor slipped the device inside her, and Leo took her hand in his. She curled her fingers around his, tighter than he expected, and followed the doctor’s gaze to the monitor.
“There’s the heartbeat.” Dr. Christensen pointed to a blip on the screen. “Nice and healthy.”
Leo and Trinity peered closer, and her hand squeezed his. He brought her fingers to his lips.
“Time to celebrate.”
***
Dinner that night was the most relaxed he’d seen her in weeks. She even laughed during the meal, and when he said good-bye to her at her car before they drove back to Bluestone, she let him kiss her good night.
Then he didn’t see her again until movie night, where she was working with Lily. He hung out with Max, but they hadn’t dressed up this time for Raiders of the Lost Ark. His thoughts were too scattered and his heart wasn’t in it. He needed to talk to Max about the baby, but the first thing he needed to discuss was his future with Trinity.
As soon as he knew what that was.