Silver Lining

by Diana Simmonds

  “So, you never have told me how in hell a nice girl from Hokey-Pokey, New England ended up on Wall Street?”

  Amanda hunched her shoulders and shoved her hands in the pockets of her long shorts. Clancy’s gray eyes were twinkling, there was no detectable hostility, but Amanda reminded herself that you could never tell with Clancy. She glanced again at her companion and decided a bear trap wasn’t being dug for her to fall into.

  “Okay, Wall Street.” She leaned back and turned her closed eyes to the sun as she ordered her thoughts and fought to slow her heartbeat. It seemed to go into overdrive whenever she looked at Clancy now and it was hard to think. “I was really smart at school, graduated top of my year by a country mile, got Ivy League offers coming out of my ears and decided to go with the way of the future.” She sighed and grinned. “Eleanor wanted me to do humanities and be an academic—that’s what she would have liked for herself, I think. She didn’t pressure me though and my grandmother was so pleased she financed the whole deal and always included me when she visited her stockbroker. I liked all that. She and Mom spent a lot of their lives at loggerheads. As you know Mom’s a card-carrying Democrat and Grandmother was a Republican from way back—really big on Reagan.”

  Clancy peered at her as if she were a strange specimen from another planet. “And you? Have you really never voted?”

  Amanda shifted her shoulders awkwardly under the scrutiny and said, reluctantly, “That’s right, I’ve never voted. I couldn’t see the point, but I believe in free enterprise and the American way, if that’s what you mean.”

  Clancy said nothing and stared out to the end of the jetty where three men were working on a fishing boat. The plock plock plock of a hammer on rust was the only sound to disturb the morning and Amanda watched her as Clancy chewed her lip. A muscle in the golden freckled jaw twitched and she recognized the tension of displeasure in Clancy’s face. She finally turned to Amanda and her smile was quizzical. “We have an awful lot of arguments to get through if we’re going to fulfill Malcolm’s dream and be friends,” she said.

  Amanda found herself staring at Clancy’s mouth and the recollection of how those lips felt on her own caused a race of blood to her crotch. She shifted awkwardly, crossing and uncrossing her legs, trying to dispel the sensation of swelling heat that throbbed beneath her shorts. She wanted desperately to say something casual that wouldn’t give away the treachery of her body.

  “I’ll look forward to that, I think,” she said eventually, pleased that her tone was even and calm. “What will be your first argument?”

  Clancy grinned and turned back to face Amanda. “Voting. I can’t believe that an intelligent, responsible woman wouldn’t think it her basic duty as a citizen to vote.”

  “You guys have compulsory voting, right?” Amanda tried to keep her voice neutral, although she felt belligerent. Clancy merely nodded in response. “So don’t you mind the government telling you what to do?” Amanda asked.

  “The government doesn’t tell me what to do,” Clancy said sharply. “What I do when I get in the booth is my business. I can vote, I can write rude words on the ballot paper, or nothing at all, but I believe it’s my civic duty to turn out and be counted. And it’s a mark of respect for all the millions of people in other countries who either can’t vote or who died fighting for the right to.”

  Amanda looked down at her Nikes and across at Clancy’s battered canvas tennis shoes as she considered how out of step they were on most things. But she couldn’t think of an adequate argument that would counter Clancy’s words. “That’s a good point,” she finally said. “I never thought of that.”

  Clancy grinned and squeezed Amanda’s knee. “Well, that was easy. What’s next?”

  What’s next was that Amanda’s knee threatened to turn to jelly at Clancy’s touch and she pulled away, laughing but disconcerted as she saw from the sparkling gray eyes that Clancy obviously didn’t have the same reaction to the connection. Even worse, the latest exchange of hostilities made Amanda realize she was ever more unsure of how to behave around Clancy—a woman who was older and with all the mystery and maturity that Amanda recognized and didn’t have.

  * * *

  Jonny Sparrow’s bistro was jumping when Amanda and Clancy walked through its door just after eleven o’clock. Most of Two Moon Bay seemed to be there and Amanda was heartened to be greeted by friendly faces familiar from the party, even though she had difficulty putting names to most faces. Then she felt rather than saw Jane. The angry woman’s dark eyes ripped daggers up and down Amanda’s bare legs. She shivered and moved away quickly to the counter, wondering momentarily whether she was unsuitably dressed for the café, but a glance around the room told her she looked pretty much like most of the women and most of the men: long shorts, short shorts, baggy shorts, old shorts or fashionable shorts were obviously the morning coffee dress code. She waited while Clancy negotiated her way through what looked like a tense and minimal exchange with Jane and the inevitable delays of friends and acquaintances; then she saw a hand waving madly in her direction from the back of the room.

  As Clancy finally reached the counter Amanda touched her arm. “I’ve just spotted Renee. I’ll catch you before you leave, okay?” Clancy frowned but nodded and waved to Renee.

  “Can I get you a coffee? Cake?”

  Amanda looked around the busy café and caught another fistful of daggers from Jane. “Wouldn’t you like to hang out with your…friends?”

  Clancy’s frown deepened into a definite crease between her brows. “Renee is my friend, but if you’d rather not…” Something like a scowl darkened her eyes as she stared at Amanda who shook her head quickly.

  “No, no, I’m sorry—please, let’s both go over. Let me get you a coffee—and cake and, well, and whatever else you might like. Ice cream? Gelato?…”

  Clancy’s expression softened and she grinned. “Settle, petal, it’s fine. You go and sit with Renee and I’ll get us some coffee. Would you like to share a slice of Jonny’s lemon cheesecake? It’s a mortal sin, but he’ll absolve us.”

  Amanda’s bubbling laugh attracted the attention of a number of women in the café, including Jane and Renee. One glowered at Amanda with poison in her stare and the other fondly watched the two so dissimilar blond heads almost touch as they shared their joke.

  * * *

  And now Amanda was driving toward Sydney, away from the laughter and simple pleasures that she had begun to savor and look forward to in her newfound friendship with Clancy. It was still a puzzle, still teetered back and forth between affection and hostility but now, having inadvertently listened to the heart-to-heart between brother and sister the night before, she felt more able to understand Clancy’s push-pull attitude toward her. And although it felt perilous, she also knew she wanted it enough to navigate her way through the rocks and reefs of Clancy’s enigmatic responses.

  She had been in her room, researching and compiling the documentation for her new scheme for Two Moon Bay’s cooperative future when she decided it was time for a glass of wine and a handful of the little cheesy things that Clancy threw together and into the oven a couple of times a week. She walked barefoot through the quiet and near-dark house to an empty kitchen, poured a glass of chilled white wine and rustled three of the crunchy little savories from their jar.

  Early evening on the front veranda was the Darling siblings’ favorite time and place for chewing over the day’s gossip and events. The birds were already in bed and the only sounds were the soughing of the sea breeze in the nearby stand of melaleucas and the distant boom of breakers. It was a good time to meet up and enjoy one another’s company and Amanda had quickly come to look forward to it. But she stopped before setting foot on the veranda as she heard Clancy’s voice raised and cutting through the deepening dusk. Despite her misgivings about eavesdropping, Amanda remained in the shadow of the open doorway.

  “I don’t think you should let Amanda drive that bloody highway and anyway, Margo Durham is a tro
ll. Why is she going up there?” Clancy’s voice was dark with anger and something else that Amanda couldn’t identify. Malcolm’s response was gentle and measured.

  “Is this about Amanda or about Lily?”

  The silence that followed his question was profound and Amanda was convinced they would hear her breathing or thumping heart if it went on much longer.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Clancy eventually said, but her voice was softer and sadder as she went on, “If we hadn’t been having an affair…”

  Amanda saw Malcolm hold up his hand, a silhouette in the deep twilight. “Stop it right there, my sweetheart,” he said to his sister. “It wasn’t just an affair. You and Lily were lovers. You gave her probably the best days of her life, I’d guess. The kids adored you. I remember very well—I watched you all together and it was the loveliest thing. I promise you, they left here happy; they knew they would see you again soon. End of story. You cannot go on like this; Lily would be so, so sad for you. Think about that.”

  “I don’t understand why this bothers me so much,” Clancy moaned. “You know, I’m doing fine, then she comes along and all this…” Amanda watched her with a cold lump in her stomach as Clancy gestured weakly at nothing in particular. “This—this shit gets stirred up. I hate it!”

  Amanda still watched, aghast, as Malcolm gathered his sister into his arms and rocked her and stroked her bowed head. He muttered something into Clancy’s ear that Amanda couldn’t catch except for “care” and she had had enough. She silently backed away down the passageway, praying that she could do it without bumping into anything and alerting them to her presence. Finally she deemed she was far enough away to turn and tiptoe to her room, where she stayed in painful anticipation until Malcolm called her to the table for one of the more strained dinners the three had yet shared.

  Amanda glanced across at Malcolm as he pretended to sleep and jabbed him in the ribs with one finger. He yelped and sat up straighter. “Where are we? Are we there yet?”

  “You know exactly where we are, you haven’t been asleep since that last big truck blammed at me.”

  Malcolm chortled. “Well, you did cut it a bit fine, Danica Patrick, even by my standards.”

  “Oh sure. The bastard speeded up.”

  “True. You handled it very well, though.”

  “Thanks, but I think you should drive into the city—only because it’ll be easier than directing me all the time. I’m pulling in at the next service area and I’m going to have a pee.”

  “Good thinking. Glad of the information.”

  “You can give me some, then. Why was Clancy so upset last night and who is Lily?”

  Malcolm sighed a deep and wrenching sigh and after a long pause said, “I didn’t realize you’d heard.”

  “Not everything and I couldn’t help it. Sorry—I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I did hear you talking about Lily. Is this another girlfriend?”

  “Basically, Clancy has stayed away from any kind of involvement and sort of floated along pretty casually since this bloody dreadful thing happened like…” He frowned as he thought back, “…nearly twenty years ago now. She’s never really got over it and she certainly hasn’t forgiven herself for it. Although it wasn’t her fault.” Malcolm paused while he changed lanes and maneuvered across to a right turn off the freeway.

  Amanda suddenly felt nervous about what Malcolm might reveal. “You don’t have to tell me any of this if it’s private for her…”

  Malcolm shook his head. “You need to know. It explains a lot and anyway, it doesn’t do Clancy any good to keep it bottled up and secret. She wasn’t much more than twenty when she met Lily. And Lily was ten or twelve years older and had two kids. She was a sweetie but she was married to this prick of a property developer, guy called Dario Markus. He’s even bigger in business now and an even bigger prick. He likes to build very tall towers. I like to think he’s overcompensating. Back then Clancy was visiting aunty and uncle when Markus was looking for land down to turn into a golf resort.”

  “God, not the farm?”

  “Yep. But they weren’t interested, despite the money—and he kept upping the offer! Anyway, Clancy and Lily got friendly and the kids loved her. They started meeting up back in Sydney and—well—one thing led to another. Dario wasn’t around much and he thought Clancy was just a harmless little pal for his trophy wife and trophy kids.”

  “Clancy…harmless little pal! Was he blind?” Amanda shut her mouth firmly, realizing how much she had just revealed. Malcolm proved he knew it too by chuckling and glancing at her before returning his gaze to the road.

  “Yes. Well. He knows a lot about making money but not a lot about women.” Malcolm slid the car into a vacant space at the side of the road and stopped. “Now look, this is Margo’s street and she’s expecting you, yes?”

  Amanda looked at the tree-lined avenue and the apartment buildings on each side. “Yeah, well she said to give her a call when we arrived and she’d be home, but Malcolm—you have to finish this story. You can’t leave me in the middle of it.”

  “Okay, the short story is that Lily fell for Clancy and vice versa. It wasn’t easy, I don’t think, because it was a big secret. Back then Clancy was all youthful sweetness, believe it or not, and she and Lily were just great together.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes sadly. Amanda took his hand and squeezed it, trying to convey the sympathy she instantly felt for him and his difficult sister.

  “It went on for a year or thereabouts and Lily managed to swing it with Dario that she and the boys would go down the coast for the summer holidays while he was tied up with some big wheeler-deal. What he didn’t know was that Clancy was going to join them. Unfortunately…” He sighed and shook his head and shivered. “No, unfortunate isn’t the right word. Tragically is more like it. Tragically, one of the kids said something on the phone to him—totally innocently—about Mummy and Clancy’s bed being great for cuddles in the morning.”

  “Oh no.” Amanda put her hand over her mouth and gripped her thumb tight between her teeth as a wave of nausea soured her throat. “Oh no. They must have realized they would be discovered some time, surely?”

  Malcolm shrugged and sighed. “Don’t know, Clancy was very young, Lily was naïve and probably just desperately hopeful that it would all pan out. I have no idea what they were thinking, if anything.”

  The two watched a young man in pale blue shorts and a tight pale blue T-shirt flounce down the street with a bunch of fluffy dogs on leashes leaping gaily around him.

  “So what happened? It’s not going to end happily, is it?”

  “Horribly, actually,” Malcolm said, and scraped his knuckles hard across his stubbly chin. “Really horribly. Dario worked it out instantly and he ordered Lily back to Sydney right away. And he could do that. He was rich and a thug. Lily had no chance against him. Clancy wanted to drive up with her but Lily said no, she’d be fine. What we discovered later was that an hour after leaving Clancy at the shack, one of those really big trucks crashed through the center barrier on the highway and took out Lily’s Mercedes. She and the kids were killed instantly and, of course, Dario refused to allow Clancy to go to their funerals.”

  “Jesus.” Amanda stared straight ahead but saw nothing. “Jesus,” she repeated quietly. “How totally, totally awful.” She let out a long, slow breath and shook her head and stretched out her hand to cover Malcolm’s. “Can I ask you why you’ve never said anything?”

  Malcolm squeezed her hand and held it. “Because she would have hated me to talk about it, and it’s her story to tell you, and I wanted you to get to know her without that hanging over you both. She hates being pitied and she won’t do sympathy, empathy—anything. She went off the rails for a bit. Lots of drinking, some drugs, but then she got herself back together when she started at the Herald and after that it was just work, work, work. And dumb affairs like Jane, who’s a pain in the arse and won’t take ‘it’s over’ for an answer.”

  Amanda let out
a long, slow sigh and closed her eyes. “She makes more sense now—to me, I mean.” She reached for Malcolm’s hand again and patted it. “Thanks for telling me.”

  Malcolm squeezed her hand. “Yeah, well, I’m not sure what use it is. If you let on I’ve told you she’ll murder the both of us.”

  Amanda grinned, “I won’t let on, I promise. But…” She scrabbled in her tote bag for the phone and tapped the keys. Malcolm’s eyebrows did a question mark as she listened to the ring-tones and she grinned at him.

  At the other end Clancy picked up and said suspiciously, “Hello, yes?”

  Amanda swallowed involuntarily as her heart did a double beat. “Hi, Clancy, it’s Amanda. I, um, I just wanted to let you know we’re in Sydney safe and sound even though Malcolm let me drive most of the way.”

  The connection hummed and crackled for a moment then Amanda heard a long exhale of breath before Clancy said, “That’s great,” her voice smiling. “Thanks for letting me know. I…” She coughed. “Sorry, I appreciate the call. That road is…well, I’m glad you’re both okay.”

  “Yeah, Malcolm was very good, very relaxed. He even pretended to be asleep.” Amanda heard Malcolm’s snort before he reached over and pinched her leg. She slapped his hand away. “We’ll all see you tomorrow evening.”

  “Lovely.”

  Amanda waited, wondering whether Clancy had anything else to say, but the silence hummed.

  “Well, I better let you go,” she said finally.

  “Okay, great. Have a good time—don’t…” Clancy cleared her throat. “Don’t feel you have to rush back. It’ll be lovely having Eleanor here if you want to, um, stay in Sydney for a couple of days…”

  Amanda looked at the phone, perplexed, and shook her head, but as a sneaky hot coal of irritation burned her gut she remembered that Clancy couldn’t see her.

  “Are you kidding?” Was Clancy trying to get her to stay away? Push her at Margo? Fuck that, she thought. “As if! Like I said, we’ll be back in Two Moon tomorrow—late afternoon.”