Poison in Pumps

by Karen Anne

  I couldn’t bear the thought of my last formal without David. It brought me right back to the pain.

  The Draught seemed like a good place to hide. Since the girls were still having their meeting, no one would bother me there. I tried to make myself invisible on the couch in the darkest part of the coffee shop, scrolling through my phone, trying to appear busy. But I was just lost. I saw Erik across the room. He was working tonight, and I was hoping he wouldn’t see me.

  He saw me.

  “Chocolate pecan pie, extra whip, extra chocolate sauce, with a scoop of ice cream.” He placed the plate in front of me.

  “I didn’t order this.”

  “I know, but you looked like you needed it. It’s on me.” He grabbed a chair and straddled it like he always did. “How you doing?”

  “Fan-freaking-tastic.” I stabbed my fork into my dessert and took a bite. It was good. Really good.

  Erik didn’t waste any time. “I’m not going to pretend I know how you feel. I’ve had break ups before, but none of this magnitude. Are you sure you guys are over? Brit is pretty convinced you’ll get back together.”

  “That’s because you blinded Brit with your optimism. Can you please undo all your magic and give me back my jaded friend so we can commiserate together?”

  Erik wasn’t amused. “I’m serious. Is it really over?”

  “He’s living with a blonde bombshell and lied about it, then not only allowed her to kiss him but allowed it to be photographed and published, so yeah…” My voice trailed off. Of course I didn’t want it to be over. I wanted him back. Forever.

  Erik scratched his head. “That just doesn’t seem like David.”

  “I know. But it is David. It’s the new life he wants. Sex and rock-n-roll. Must be nice to just live care-free and have a different girl in your bed every night.”

  “You have no idea if that’s what’s going on. Knowing David, it couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  “But why didn’t he try to stop that picture from being published? He knew how much it would hurt me, and yet he allowed it anyway.”

  “It may have been out of his control.”

  It was beyond annoying to have Erik defending David. He didn’t get it. How could I make him understand? “What if the roles were reversed?"

  Erik furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, would you want Brit living with a hot guy who walks around in his boxers all day? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you would be perfectly content with that? And what if she kissed him? And had all these secrets with him that you simply were not privy to?”

  Erik crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. A crooked grin curled up on the left side of his face as he leaned in, determined to make eye contact with me. “Oh, I’m sorry. Have you not met Jaime?”

  “Very funny. Jaime is gay. He’s not a threat.”

  “Maybe this bombshell chick is a lesbian, or engaged, or just not into David.”

  “Maybe. But based on that photoshoot, I doubt it.” My heart ached. I didn’t know how to explain it, but I knew I had to. “The thing is, Erik.” I swallowed my pride and admitted to him what I had known for awhile. “I’m just not strong enough for this. David is destined for greatness. There will always be a bombshell in red panties parading in front of him. I can’t handle that. When it comes to him, I’m too weak.”

  “Kris, you’re one of the strongest girls I know. You’re not weak.” He offered me a smile then stood and returned his chair. “You’re human.”

  I placed a finger to my lips. “Shh, someone might hear you.”

  Erik laughed. “I gotta go back to work, but I’m off at ten if you want to talk some more.”

  “Thanks, I really mean it.”

  Erik winked and went over to a new table of customers. He was right. I was human. And I needed a crutch. I reached into my purse and took out the pill Harry had given me and pushed it into a spoonful of ice cream. “Cheers, Kris,” I said out loud and swallowed it down.

  Within the first ten minutes, the calm washed over me, numbing my nerves and dulling my senses. The pain was far away and out of reach. I realized I was smiling, and dare I say it? I felt… good. I picked up my cell and scrolled through my contacts. Two Archer boys. Which one should I call?

  I looked at my watch, pretty sure he would still be up. I tapped the name and listened to the phone ring. He picked up on the second ring. “Hello?” He sounded surprised. Good.

  “Hey.” My voice was a bit breathless as the anxiety fled my body. “I really miss you.”

  “Kris.” There was a weird relief in his voice. “I am so glad you called.”

  I’m not stupid. I knew Erik would tell Brit that I was hanging out with Harry. So I sat in my car and waited for him to pull up next to me. “Hey, stranger? So, you got me out of my warm apartment promising we’d do something fun. What did you have in mind?”

  “Do you have any more of those pills?” I asked, still feeling the euphoria surrounding my senses.

  “I might.” He smiled.

  “I was wondering if you felt like taking one, too.”

  Harry’s smile faded. “Why?”

  “Because I feel pretty high, and I don’t want to experience this alone.”

  “Who are you, and what have you done with Kristen Forte?”

  “Kristen is right here. She was trapped inside the body of a goody-goody. I’m twenty-two years old and sick of playing by everyone else’s rules. So, what do you say? Wanna be bad tonight?”

  Harry nodded. “Sure, but get in my car. I want to drive us some place first, then I’ll pop with you.”

  Giddy, I hopped out of my car and into Harry’s. “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “Star gazing.”

  He pulled over to a look-out point. I used to come here with David to make-out. It was weird to be here and not have my arms wrapped around a boy, although I sort of wouldn’t mind discovering what kisses from Harry felt like. I imagined he’d kiss completely different than David. My money would be on fast and hard, like he was on fire. Harry kept the engine of his jeep running but told me to get out of the car.

  “Aren’t you going to shut it off?” I asked as we both walked to the front of his jeep.

  Harry shook his head. “C’mere.” He picked me up by my waist and set me on the hood of his car. The engine below was warm, and now I see why he kept the car running. He pulled himself up, sat beside me, and told me to lay back. “Look up.”

  My gaze followed where he pointed, and I couldn’t recall ever seeing so many stars. He reached into his pocket, and I saw him slip a white pill into his mouth. For some reason, knowing he was doing it, too, made me feel better, like I wasn’t completely falling apart. I had a chaperone. I reached out for his hand, feeling how our fingers naturally curled around each other, and sighed as I took in the celestial sight.

  “Not a bad night, huh?” Harry asked.

  I took in a breath and gazed at the beauty of the night sky. “I’d say this view is pretty close to perfect.”

  We stayed like that for a while. It was nice existing in silence, just breathing. Then Harry spoke, and I was reminded that I wasn’t alone. “What will you be doing after graduation?”

  “That’s a good question. I guess I always knew Juilliard was a long shot, but it was my dream, so I had to go for it. But now that I lost it, I guess I’ll be going back to Boston.”

  Wow. Hearing it out loud, I never realized what I was going to do. Now I knew. With Harry I was already making decisions and moving on with my life. Why couldn’t I be this way around Brit or my sisters?

  “Boston? You wouldn’t stay in Pennsylvania?”

  “If David were here, I may have had more of a reason to, but…” My voice trailed off. Harry let go of my hand and folded his hands over his stomach. Did I offend him? “What about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “I mean, are you going to work from home forever?”

&nbs
p; “It’s not a bad gig. I pretty much make my own hours, and the commute is great.” He turned his head, and his face was just a few inches from mine. “Plus, the money is pretty good.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said, not knowing how else to reply.

  “You don’t have a clue what I do, do you?”

  Nope. No idea. “You work on computers,” I said with confidence.

  “The whole world works on computers.” He eyed me skeptically. I was caught.

  “I’m sorry. No, I don’t know.”

  “I’m tech support for a few big companies. I give them my schedule a month in advance, and I just have to be available to connect to their computers during the windows of availability that I committed to. I fix their glitches and crashed sites.”

  “And you never even have to be in the building?”

  “Nope, it’s the way of the future. More and more people work from home. It’s not that uncommon, and because I don’t need an office or anything, they compensate with my salary.”

  “Not a bad gig at all. Do you like it?”

  “I like baseball. I like cooking. I like you. This is just a job.”

  I like you. Did he just say that? I think he just said that. I swallowed and tried to keep it cool. “Why don’t you go back to the cooking thing?”

  “I dunno. So much went down after I left New York. I just wanted to start fresh. I was able to actually put it all behind me until we started hanging out.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing, you just inspire me. You made me feel like cooking again. That’s all.”

  “Inspire you?”

  “Yeah, you’re not afraid to go after your dreams. I admire that.”

  “Lately, I feel like if I can get out of bed, I’ll throw it in my win box.”

  “This hurt will pass, Kris.”

  “Yes, the pills help.”

  “That’s not what I meant, but I agree. Sometimes, it’s nice to just have a way to forget.”

  He turned his head back up and took in the stars above. “Sort of makes you feel small, huh?”

  “Yeah.” And then I had a sickening thought. I wondered what David was doing beneath these stars. The dawn was probably breaking in London, and I wondered if he would be waking up alone or if Danny had moved out of the room next to his and was now a permanent fixture in his bed. It felt like forever since I had woken up in his arms. How many nights had we spent together? Not enough. It would never be enough. I missed everything about him that I never thought I’d even think about.

  Like the way he whistled in the shower, or how he’d mindlessly curl his finger around my hair when we were watching TV. I missed his stupid accent and how messy his hair looked in the mornings, and I missed kissing his neck over the spot of skin that permanently held my lips. I wondered if he would get a cover up tattoo now that we were broken up.

  “You’re in deep thought,” Harry said, disrupting my pity-party.

  “Sorry… my mind is just wandering.”

  Harry nodded, and I knew he knew I was thinking about David. “So, when am I getting a piano lesson?”

  “What? You were serious about that?”

  Harry flashed his dimples at me. “Yeah.”

  “I don’t know. When am I getting a cooking lesson?”

  “How about tomorrow night?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, I mean unless you’ve got something else planned.”

  “Nope, I’m pretty pathetic these days.” I shrugged. “I don’t make plans.”

  “Good, that means I get more time alone with you.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I changed the subject. “Why isn’t everything funny?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Last time I took that pill, I thought everything was funny. Tonight, I’m just really relaxed.”

  “Relaxed is good. We’re also sitting back star gazing, not launching popcorn at each other.”

  “This is all very true.” I shivered slightly, the heat from the engine wasn’t as warm as before. “Hey, Harry?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m cold.”

  “Come on, let’s sit in the car and warm up.”

  I thought about asking him to just drive me back to the sorority house, but I figured he didn’t want to drive if he was high.

  Harry started the car, and I put the music on low. Recognizing the song, I started singing along, and Harry looked at me and smiled. “What?”

  “I always loved listening to you sing. I hadn’t heard it in a while.”

  “I sing all the time.”

  “You used to. I haven’t heard you sing since—” David left. He didn’t say it. He didn’t have to. “It’s been a long time. It’s nice to hear, that’s all.”

  I looked at him then, overcome by this uncontrollable urge to just tell him how much I loved him. That had to be the pill, right? “Harry?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’re the best.” I leaned against his chest, and he swung an arm around me. The sorority and its drama didn’t really matter anymore, and David seemed too far away to care.

  I had to tip-toe through the sorority house. It was six a.m., and although all Harry and I had done was sleep in his car, I didn’t want to be mistaken for doing the walk of shame. I held my shoes and treaded as lightly as possible on each step. When I got into my room and turned on the light, I jumped back and stifled my scream.

  “Jesus, Brit!” I put my hand over my heart and tried to calm down. “What the hell? Why aren’t you at Erik’s or in your own bed?”

  Brit looked at me, pulling chunks of messy purple hair out of her eyes. “You didn’t text me back.”

  “What?” I fumbled around in my pockets until I found my phone. I had thirteen missed calls and a countless amount of texts. I must have switched the phone to silent when I was with Harry.

  Brit sat up in bed, looking at me rather seriously. “Erik called me last night. He said you were at the Draught and you were pretty upset. Then he said he went to check on a table and when he came back, you were gone. We looked for you last night. But we couldn’t find you. I even went to David’s apartment to ask Harry if he had heard from you, but no one was there.”

  “Actually, I was with Harry,” I admitted, starting to feel jittery. When I was with him, I didn’t feel guilty, but for some reason knowing she had gone to David’s apartment looking for me made our little rendezvous feel a tad forbidden.

  “You were? Why?” And there it was. She was judging me. Why would I hang out with my ex-boyfriend’s cousin? He was on #TeamDavid, and by breaking up with David, I inadvertently should have ended our friendship as well. We were friends by circumstance, and by the way Brit was looking at me, there was no reason to continue that friendship.

  “We’ve just been hanging out lately.” I knew I had a guilty look, but it wasn’t what she would have assumed. It was the secret that Harry and I shared that made this conversation so uncomfortable.

  Brit made a face. “Hanging out or banging out?”

  “Brit! What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Look, I am not passing judgement. I just want to make sure you don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

  “Too late. I regret telling you I was with Harry.”

  Brit looked heartbroken. It was so unlike me to keep anything from her. “I’m sorry, Kris, I really am. I just think it would be unwise to hook up with David’s cousin.”

  “I didn’t, and I’m not. Why do you care about this anyway? I didn’t judge you when you flipped your switch from Jaime to Erik.”

  Brit chose to ignore my catty statement, got out of the bed, and started making it to hide all evidence of her impromptu slumber party. “I care because if you and David work things out, you can never erase what you did with Harry. I am not judging you, Kris, I just want to make sure you can live with your choices.”

  “Look around, Brit.” I waved my arms around the room, showcasing all the painful
memories I had taken down. The walls were so bare. “David is gone. He has a brand spanking new life that does not include me. I’m picking up the pieces of what remains the best way I can.” She dropped the blanket, still leaving it crumpled, and stepped over to me.

  “I know. I understand, I really do.” Her gaze darted around nervously as she chewed on her bottom lip.

  “Now what?”

  “There’s more stuff that happened after the meeting last night.”

  I didn’t like the way she was talking. Her chocolate brown eyes dropped to the floor. “What kind of stuff?” I asked, my voice soft.

  “I did everything I could. I spoke on your behalf, but I couldn’t deny what you had done.”

  “What? Hitting Summer? I only did what every girl in this house dreams of doing.”

  “I know, I know… but dreaming it and doing it are two different things.”

  “So what are you saying?” But even without her saying it, I already knew.

  Brit walked over to my desk and picked up an envelope I hadn’t noticed before, then handed it to me. “They voted last night. You’ve been removed from office for striking another sister and are currently under probation.”

  I opened the envelope and pulled out the notice, reading the words in disbelief. “But… if I’m not president, then who is?”

  “Summer Hobbs is in charge now.”

  TWENTY-THREE

  Having no desire to face the real world, I slept through all my morning classes and showed up late for my student’s piano lesson. Thankfully, the mother had always known me to be punctual, so my tardiness was forgiven since it was a first-time offense. I wanted to avoid my house at all costs, but I needed to shower and get changed before I went over to Harry’s for my first cooking lesson. Mainly, I just couldn’t bear seeing Summer right now or that smug look on her pointy little face.

  To my relief, the house was empty. Most of the girls had classes at this time, and I was able to get in and out in under an hour. I stopped at the liquor store and bought a bottle of red. I wasn’t sure what we were cooking, but unless it was fish, I assumed red would be fine.