Bound by Affliction

by Ryan Michele

  “Assholes are putting their hands on women who don’t want to be touched,” the guy says.

  The older man says, “Let’s move this away from prying eyes.”

  “Bristyl, you and your friend follow us,” the guy blocking us says. My body starts to tremble as we walk down the bleachers. The men move us under the bleachers, and Bristyl and I take a seat on the wooden bench. Tears cascade down my face, and I’m unable to stop them. Whether they are relief that this situation is over or the guilt riding on me, I don’t know.

  A few of them are talking, but I’m not paying attention to what is said. I just can’t believe that happened. I’m not even sure where those three guys are at the moment. All I can do is hold on to Bristyl who has her arms around me while we sit.

  “Green!” I somehow hear over the roar in my ears. A large, bulky man approaches me. He has blondish brown hair, and his smile is very easy going. He doesn’t give off any vibes like the trio started to give off when it all went downhill fast. I don’t know why, but this man seems very different from the others. I could be totally full of shit too, considering my take on the last guy.

  “Bristyl, come here so I can find out what happened,” the guy who punched Nick says. I think I heard his name was Cooper, but I could be wrong.

  Bristyl doesn’t leave my side until a much older man says, “Promise nothin’s gonna happen to her.”

  Bristyl turns to me. “Leah, I need to talk to these guys. Breathe. Everything’s gonna be fine. I’ll deal with this, and then we’ll get the fuck out of here.” I nod just as Green takes her place.

  “Got yourself in a bit of a pickle, huh?”

  I breathe out, not wanting to be a sobbing mess in front of this guy. Hell, I don’t want to be a sobbing mess in front of anybody.

  “Something like that.”

  Green chuckles, “What’s a beautiful woman like you gettin’ mixed up with assholes like that?” His question makes me feel very stupid, but I answer honestly.

  “Stupidity. Thought he was a good guy. Guess my take on men sucks,” I blow out, getting my tears in check.

  “Let me take a look at that arm.”

  Tentatively, I move so he can examine my arm. His touch is like an electric current and feels absolutely nothing like what Nick did to me. He moves it this way and that. It’s sore, but without the pressure of Nick’s hand, it feels better.

  “Got ya good,” Green says, releasing my arm. Something crosses his eyes, but he taps it down quickly. “Give it some time and it’ll heal up.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Gotta promise me somethin’.” His smile makes his face come to life.

  “What?”

  “How’d you meet this guy?”

  Shaking my head, I look up to the sky. “Online dating site.”

  He bursts out laughing, and I’m trying to figure out if he’s laughing at me or with me at this notion. “Beautiful, you don’t need no fuckin’ datin’ site to find you a man. Any man would break his back to get you. And, baby, you only want a man who will.”

  My insides grow warm. Green puts his arm around me, and instantly I fall into him. There’s no rhyme or reason. It just happens, and I like it.

  “Green and Coop will walk you to your car,” the older man says and while I’m happy to be getting out of here, I’m kind of sad too. Green’s a really nice guy. But no man wants to have drama at his doorstep, and that’s what I brought tonight. And that’s all I am right now. Drama.

  He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and the comfort is appreciated as we walk up the large hill to Bristyl’s car.

  Green moves me over to the passenger side, while Cooper takes Bristyl to the driver’s side.

  I turn to Green. “Thank you for your help tonight. I’m really sorry about it.”

  He brushes my hair behind my ear gently in a move of kindness. “My pleasure helpin’ a beautiful woman. You take care of yourself, and no more online shit.”

  A smile graces my face. His gaze is intent, and I feel as though he wants to kiss me. That can’t be true. My mind is just messed up from the situation I caused, and I’m reading more into it.

  “It’s gone.” It’s more than gone. It’s erased from my computer forever. Terminated. Never again. I’m not a woman who has to learn a lesson twice. This was a very large learning experience. One I never want to repeat.

  With a finger under my chin, he says, “Stay safe, beautiful.” I melt for a brief moment. He opens the car door, and I just know that I’ll never see this guy again. It’s such a shame. Why couldn’t he be on the site for me to meet?

  “Thank you,” I whisper and get in the car, and he shuts the door behind me. A few moments later, Bristyl gets in huffing out a breath. The small space feels claustrophobic all of a sudden, the air pressing down on me. Her grip on the steering wheel is so tight, and her knuckles are white reminding me of the drive here.

  I breathe in deep knowing it’s coming, and it’s not going to be pretty.

  “No more,” she rumbles low. “Get away from that damn computer. There’s no more meetings, no more chatting, no more period!” Her voice rises, and I flinch. “This shit could’ve been so much worse, and we got lucky.”

  She’s right. If it weren’t for the Ravage MC, who knows what would’ve happened to us. I hang my head in shame.

  “Stupid! That’s what this was, Leah!” she screams, the sound reverberating in the cramped car. “I can’t believe this shit! I love you, but this was ridiculous!”

  Tears well in my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, sorry. Promise me. No more.” Her face is tight and preparing for my answer as if I’d dispute it.

  “Promise.” Only after that word does the air between us simmer down. Twenty minutes on the road, Bristyl reaches over and grabs my hand, squeezing it. It’s just the reassurance I need that we’re good. That’s what friends are for and she is the best.

  Little did I know, none of this would be over.

  2

  Leah

  Present

  The ceiling fan above me spins effortlessly, around and around. The motor makes a soft grind every fifth rotation of the blades, the same way it always has for as far back as I can remember. When I was young, I would lay in this exact spot planning out my life. I had so many dreams, hopes, and wishes. The love of my life would show up while I was in college, and we’d meet out of pure coincidence. It would be this instant thing that would just be known and bind us together. While life may not always be easy between us, we would be easy together—we would simply fit. We’d marry and have three children and a dog.

  I’ve always wanted a dog, but my parents would never let me have pets. It would be one of those special things that I could have under my roof with my man and my own family. I’d get my degree in early childhood education and teach youngsters how to count and read or business, who knows. My life would be happy, pure, and honest. I’d get up every morning and usher my kids off to school, then kiss my husband goodbye only to go off and do my thing. I would be completely surrounded by love and be fulfilled in every way possible. We’d come home where I’d cook a meal, and everyone would sit around the table together talking about our day.

  My best friend, Bristyl, would call me, and we’d do lunch or have a playdate with our kids in tow. Everything would be perfect.

  But what is perfection?

  My mind swirls with so many thoughts, and my heart painfully beats with emotions I can’t lock down. Physically, I feel my body fight to stay alive while my mind dances between life and submitting to the darkness of death.

  Whatever my plans were, they will never be. All of it was lost the moment I stepped into my parents’ home to surprise them. A happy moment shattered, and nothing will ever be the same again. Now, there is nothing. Empty. Void. My body doesn’t even feel like my own.

  What do you do when drowning inside yourself?

  There is nowhere to go. Nowhere to escape the hell I have found myself in.

&n
bsp; Teetering. I’m on the brink of falling apart.

  Yet, as I lay here fighting a losing battle, I can’t help but grieve the loss of my hopes and dreams. All of it under the same ceiling fan where I once believed in a happily ever after.

  Fear is one of those emotions that has so many levels that one never knows the depth of the despair until it hits, crushing you in its path. Then it’s at your doorstep threatening your very existence, falling around you in a pile of ash and soot. It’s only then that you realize the swirling darkness has sucked you in, drowning your soul.

  As I lay in the bed, my wrists tied with a coarse rope that bites into my skin which is attached to the bedpost and my ankles the same, the words to describe the level of fear I have won’t process. It’s beyond my comprehension only being matched by the pain.

  My insides burn everywhere. Every millimeter of my body is on fire.

  I once heard that the human body has the ability to shut off the pain when it’s so intense that you go numb. I’ve been waiting for that, and it hasn’t come. Instead, I’m in agony.

  It’s like someone stuck a hot poker in a burning campfire and touched every part of my body, searing me and branding me only to repeat the process over and over again until my body wants to shut down, but can’t quite get there.

  Branding. My mind is forever marked by this day. My dying moments will be seared with all the things they have done to me.

  Each breath is difficult almost like there are holes in my lungs making them unable to hold the oxygen. With each short inhale, the pressure in my chest grows worse and worse. The weight of a brick building rests on it making each intake harder and harder, almost as if I’m drowning under the water and unable to catch my breath.

  Blood runs down my torso sticking to what’s left of my clothes on my body. Each one of those bludgeoned marks a reminder of my time here—in this place, with these three men. The metallic smell in the air assaults my nostrils like I need another reminder of the blood I’m losing on my childhood bedroom floor.

  Three men attacked me in my parents’ home. The very place I’m supposed to be safe no longer feels it. Three men who really didn’t want me, but instead wanted my best friend, Bristyl, and got me as a runner-up. Three men who feed off my fear.

  They’ll take what they can get, that’s what they keep telling me. I’m the warm-up to the show they plan to have with her. It makes me want to vomit.

  I’m so damn conflicted because it should be Bristyl laying here helpless, in pain and scared. I have to fight back the weed of hate that wants to take root in my heart toward her, wanting to blame her for this. I know better, but the selfish piece of me screams this is on her even when it’s not.

  Even though it was supposed to be Bristyl, this is something she’d never want for me. She wouldn’t want three strange men touching me, hurting me, and assaulting me. No, Bristyl would do anything and everything to keep these assholes away from me. And I know without a shadow of a doubt if she could take my place she would.

  Therefore, as broken as I am, I can only hope she doesn’t find me so she won’t have to endure any of this.

  They’ve talked, hell they won’t shut up, about what they want to do to my best friend. While I hope they don’t get her, from their words, I fear they will. Their words are worse than what they’ve done to me, and that can’t happen. No one deserves this, especially the woman I consider a sister.

  In truth, which is hard to bare, this is my fault for going on that dating site and bringing Nick and his cronies into our lives. I have to own my part in all of this. If I wouldn’t have been so desperate for love, attention, or whatever I was really seeking, then none of this would have happened.

  Shiny silver reflects from the light and I close my eyes wanting to block it out, not wanting to see my blood dripping off its tip like some sick game these three are having way too much fun playing.

  People fear the unknown. Right now, I fear what I know. It’s the pain, the agony, and the way they keep me on the brink of death without allowing me to topple over into the dark abyss just to continue to toy with me.

  Knowing any moment that blade will slice inside my body is torture in and of itself. I know it’s coming and even when I wish for it not to, it doesn’t matter because it slams into my flesh. The stabbing pain turns into blazing fire when the blade is twisted. I have no control. The cries from my lips don’t sound like my own, instead of those from a feral animal ready to meet its maker. I try to stifle the sounds, but the more pain I endure the less I feel like a part of myself. I’m here, but I’m not. It’s a strange experience. I want to stay quiet, but the wails fall out of my mouth in hysterics that sound mortifying.

  My head is all jumbled up like it can’t decide which part of me hurts worse or what part of me is still okay. It’s as if parts are beginning to shut down to save me from the pain, but it’s not working. Just when I think it will numb out, something tingles and brings the sensations full force back through me.

  Time has stood still because I have no recollection of it. All hope is dwindling. I’ve lost it all.

  No hope that this will be over.

  No hope I’ll be able to walk out of here, alive and in one piece.

  No hope for anything at this point.

  That’s a whole other level of fear.

  The part where I know I'm going to die, leave my loved ones behind to grieve my loss.

  Never see them again.

  Never feel their arms around my body.

  Never have a family of my own or meet the one.

  Never get to live the life I’ve been so preciously given. My time is being stolen, and I’d give anything for five more minutes with my parents and my best friend to say bye; to let them know how much they mean to me.

  Regrettably, this here is my last memory. These men touching me. Hurting me. Violating me and my body in ways I don’t wish on an enemy, not that I have any. Or at least, I didn’t until these men entered my life.

  What’s worst of all is I led them to Bristyl and myself. Me and my online escapades trying to find Mr. Right. Well, the man I thought I met, Nick, is only one of the men I want to see gutted and rotting six feet under, where I’ll soon be.

  Death is imminent. They haven’t hidden their plans for me to die. I’m only alive until they get Bristyl. Then, they want to enjoy making her watch me die.

  All too soon and not soon enough at the same time. All my hopes, dreams, and wishes are vanishing, knowing my time is coming to an end. To be free of this pain, this torture, I’ll let it all go. Everything.

  If I had any ability to move, or the strength, I’d love to be the one to take Len, one of the assholes, out and give him the karma he so desperately deserves. What all three of these men deserve. Really, they aren’t men. They are cowards, fools, and disgraces. Yet, I’m going to die and they will live; it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

  Men, real men, are like Bristyl’s man, Cooper. He’s tough as nails, doesn’t take any shit from anyone, and has a damn good heart. One so big he’s going to give my girl the world, and that’s what she deserves. I almost smile at the thought. She’s going to have everything at her feet by a man who is a real man, who loves her with everything he has inside of him. They haven’t been together long, but she talks about him like he’s God and will change everything. She deserves her happily ever after.

  Her brothers and father have guarded her for so long, this is her chance at a life built her way.

  Tears spill over my chapped cheeks, but it’s nothing new, including the shriveling of my heart. Len hasn’t stopped since I woke up on this bed, knowing each revolting touch, my time coming to an end, scaring me more and more. Death shouldn’t come to someone so young. Let alone, no one should have to feel this.

  Each time the blade sinks into my flesh, I’m one step closer to death and the angels that will take the agony away. At some point two of the men, Nick and Poe, left me completely alone with Len. I’m at his mercy, and he has none. I’d h
oped Len would go too, but I wasn’t that lucky. No, I have zero luck in this situation. Sad thing is, even with two of the men gone, I can still feel the phantom pangs of their nasty hands touching and fondling me. It’s something I’ll have to take to the grave with me. Every revolting second of it will be with me to the end.

  Yes, this is an all out different kind of fear. It’s not the ‘fear of getting on a plane’ or ‘fear my car will run out of gas.’ No, this is life changing no going back, what’s done is done fear.

  Scarred.

  Battered.

  Beyond saving.

  And I want it to be over. Done. The knife he shows me with a sinister glint in his eye, I want to plunge it into my heart and stop everything.

  Stop the pain.

  Stop the hands.

  Stop the thoughts.

  Stop the tears.

  Stop everything.

  Instead, the sharp metal slices through my shoulder and I cry out, unable to hold it in. Fish swim through my thoughts, how they’re cut open and fileted some of the time when they’re still alive. Never thought I’d feel like a fish, but now my sympathy for them is great and makes me never want to eat fish again. Is this normal? The crazy, random, make no sense thoughts when you know you’re going to die. Shouldn’t I have some poetic thoughts? Yet, here I am comparing myself to a damn fish.

  “You little cunt.” Len punches me hard across the cheekbone, red fire exploding behind my eyeball. The small bit of hope that it’ll knock me out is soon forgotten when the sleep doesn’t come. If he’d just hit me harder, maybe I could pass out. The next hit snaps my neck hard, and black spots form in my vision. Darkness begins to creep in, so I close my eyes reaching for the nothingness, where the pain and fear don’t lay. Where your brain turns off and you’re able to relax if only for a small while. I relish it, welcome it with open arms, but like freedom, it’s out of my grasp too.

  “Say it!” he roars, holding up a phone, but my eyes are cloudy. I hear Bristyl on the other line of the telephone, at least I think and pray it’s over the phone. Len pulls my hair hard, ripping it from my scalp, and burning pain radiates from my head to my toes. I’m able to hold back the scream, only giving a small whimper. I don’t want to say the words he wants to hear; rather I wish he’d cut my throat and end me. He’s told me what he was doing, and the darkness hasn’t overtaken me to get me out of saying the words to my best friend.