by Ryan Michele
“I took it to my room at the clubhouse and opened it.” Staring down at the paper, warmth hits me and I read it to her.
“Dear” The dear is then scratched out and it says, “Hey.”
“Guess you didn’t see me as a dear, huh?” I clear my throat.
“This is so weird writing you, but I really didn’t have another way. Okay, so I did have Bristyl, but I didn’t want to go through her to get your address. Well, your club’s address. Shit, I’m totally botching this up.” I chuckle, “I bet you had your head in your hand when you wrote that. You do it all the time when you think you’ve said something stupid, but you never do.”
Continuing with the letter, “What I wanted to say is thank you. Thank you for helping me when you didn’t have to. I screwed up bigtime meeting Nick at the rally. I had no idea he was... well, like he was. Aggressive and an asshole. But you were sweet after holding me, talking me down. I still have the bruise on my arm from his tight grip, and I hate remembering it. I put both Bristyl and I in danger, and it won’t happen again.
I’m getting sidetracked again.
Sorry.
I just wanted to say thank you.”
There are several pen marks on the paper like she was tapping it, thinking at the moment.
“I’m sorry that I ruined your time at the rally. If I could go back and change my actions, I would. Just thank you.
Leah.”
Looking at her face, I’d give anything to see her open her eyes. “You surprised me by writing me. I haven’t had a letter in years. And the way you put your address at the end, just told me I had to write you back.” Wiping my fingers over my lips, I smile at the memory.
“You couldn’t have known what Nick was capable of, but never again on a computer for you.” The thought of her even thinking of going on another dating site has my blood boiling, and I find the papers in my hands bending into my fists. I quickly fold them back in place. They mean too much to me to damage.
“That first letter I sent you was horrible. I don’t think I’d written a letter since high school and had no clue what to say.”
Shaking my head at the memory, I recall, “What did it say? Right—‘Leah, don’t be sorry. Write back.’ I’m a damn poet, I tell ya. I never told you how much it meant to get one of your letters in the mail. While talking to you is wonderful, those letters meant the world to me. I was excited to get them, open them, and read them.”
My hand rubs over my face as I shift a bit in the chair. “I’m ready for more letters. More phone calls, texts, and late nights,” I whisper. “I’m ready for you to come back to me.”
“Son, why don’t you go and get some rest.” Aaron’s voice barrels through my uncomfortable sleep, bolting me upright. Looking over at Leah, nothing has changed except another bag of clear liquid added to her IV pump, this one full.
Looking up at the man, I nod in agreement. “Yeah, I should, but I’m not leaving Leah.” He’s right. I smell like shit, feel like shit, and can’t think for shit, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here, right now.
“Admire that, son, but you’ve gotta take care of yourself if you want to take care of my daughter.”
Rubbing my hand over my face, the sleepiness still invading, I argue, “I know that, just can’t bring myself to leave her or miss any small movement.”
“You love her.” It’s not a question, but a bold statement that I don’t have the answer to. I care deeply for her, is it love? I’m not sure because I’ve only ever loved one woman, and she fucked me over royally back in high school. I always said I’d never do that again.
Instead of answering, I remain silent and let him draw whatever conclusions he wants because I really don’t give a fuck at this point. When Leah wakes up, we’ll worry about stupid titles or whatever.
“She’s going to have a long road ahead of her; not only physically, but mentally as well.” He tells me something I already know and while it should irritate me, it doesn’t. Instead, I grow great respect for her father, laying it all out there for me. “You ready for that, son?”
“We’re never really ready for anything that happens in life. We just have to hold on, try to make the best decisions, and pray that it all works out in the end.”
He clasps his hand on my shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. “You’re right, but you can do everything you can to help it along. Including taking care of yourself. Take a shower, get something to eat that’s not from the cafeteria, and even get some sleep.”
Shaking my head, I suck in a deep breath. I pull out my phone and Jacks, one of my brothers, answers on the second ring. “Can you bring me clothes and somethin’ to eat to the hospital?” Aaron’s right, but I’m still not fucking leaving her.
“Sure, man. You want your saddlebag?”
“Yeah.” Gripping the phone, I look down at the white and gray speckled linoleum floor. “How long are you stayin’ in town?”
“Me, Tug, and Breaker are hanging out at the hotel waiting for word from you. The rest already went back.”
Ravage always takes care of family, and that’s why they stayed—to back me up if I need it. After my mother died, I was lost and coming to Ravage, having their support got me through that time. They know what’s going on in my head, which is fucking scary because hell if I know what’s going on with me right now.
“How long will it take you to get here?”
“About thirty,” he says then relays the information to those around him. “Later.”
Blowing out air, “Later.” I click off the phone and look up at Aaron who has his arms crossed, obviously not happy with what I just decided. Too damn bad. “I get it. You’re right and I should do all of that, but I’m not. I’ll shower in her bathroom, and my brothers are bringing me food. That’s as good of a compromise as you’re going to get.”
Something deep flashes in his eyes before he blinks and releases his arms. My father skipped out when I was four-years-old, and I never knew him. Or, at least, I don’t remember him. The way Aaron is I can tell he loves his daughter to the core because it’s the look I used to wish my father would come and give me, and it deepens my respect for him.
“Well, at least you’ll get the stink off of ya. The flies are becoming a nuisance.”
For the first time in days, I feel my lip tip up at his joke because I am ripe. At least I know he has a sense of humor, something that we’ll get along with nicely. Now if his daughter would only wake up.
5
Green
My back has a knot on the right side so bad it’s fucking painful, but I don’t let it show to anyone. It feels like months, but it’s only been five days since she was brought in and sedated. The doctors say she’s beginning to heal, and I can see some of the bruising turning yellow, but it’s not much. The swelling is still there, but going down ever so slowly. Her cuts are still raw. When the nurse came in to change her head dressing, it almost brought me to my knees, but the nurse said that it’s starting to heal. It doesn’t look that way to me.
“Hey, brother.” Looking to the door, Jacks stands there watching my girl. That man would protect her with his life, just because she’s mine. That’s Ravage.
“Hey.” I swipe my hand over my face, trying to brush some of the tiredness away.
Jacks holds out a takeout bag. “Brought you food. You need to eat or you’re gonna be shit for her when she wakes up.”
Hiding my frustration, I get up and move to him, snagging the food. He’s right. Both him and Leah’s parents are, but I can’t help myself. Leaving isn’t an option.
Ever since he brought me food the other day, he hadn’t stopped and is here three times a day.
“Thanks,” I grumble, taking a bite of the burger. Jacks comes in and sits in one of the other chairs in the room. With Stella, Aaron, and I, the staff gave us three chairs knowing I wasn’t budging.
We sit in comfortable silence while I finish my food, Jacks taking in the room. “She looks a little better,” he
says, breaking the silence.
“Not enough.”
He latches his fingers and puts them behind his back. “Everything on our end is good. Never again, brother, never fuckin’ again.”
The paper crumbles in my fists making a crackling sound that mixes with the different beeps from the machines. “Good.”
“You need anything?” he asks, standing. “I’m gonna take off.”
Following suit, I reply, “Nah. Thanks for the food.”
“Anything, brother. Anything.” With a handshake and a pat on the back, Jacks leaves.
Alone in the room again, I pull out another letter.
“Hi, Green,
First, why is your name Green? Did your mom name you that? I’ve never met a Green before and, no offense, but you don’t look green to me at all. No, I’m not making fun of your name, I’m just really curious and in here you’ll probably get a lot of questions. You, of course, don’t have to answer any of them if you don’t want to.
Oh geez. I sound like a goober again.
Florida is hot. Walking from class to class at school is terrible, but my parents insisted I go to college and get my degree. I’ve declared pretty much every major there is out there. I just don’t know what I want to do with my life, and who’s to say I won’t change my mind once I get that piece of paper. I could want to be a teacher and end up being an author. Or maybe I get a degree in fine arts only to realize I’m not as creative as I thought.
There’s no telling who or what I’m going to be, but my parents want me to choose something. Right now, I’m in business. I figured it would cover a lot of different areas being so general. Classes are easy and I get bored sometimes, but I make it work.
Only two years left and I’ll be free of the school and then tied to a desk for the rest of my life. Just the thought of that makes me want to break out in hives. See, I’m not really cut out for it. Another change though will probably send my mother into a fit about my life and future… blah.
The only reprieve I have is my small apartment on campus. Love my parents, but I can’t listen to the questions about the future and their hovering over me all the time. Getting my own place was the best thing that’s happened.
I feel really bad still about the rally. I’ve apologized to Bristyl so many times she’s yelled at me to stop saying sorry. But I just don’t feel like it’s enough. Guilt is a heavy thing, and I wish I could take back my decisions. But life doesn’t allow us to do that. Lesson learned even if it was the hard way.”
The paper flutters in my hand. If she only knew at the time she wrote that then she wouldn’t be done learning this lesson. Those men weren’t done with her in the least.
Aaron and Stella step into the room, the doctor following behind them, his expression blank. It’s a look I saw on my mother’s doctor when he sat me down to tell me I had a decision to make: Either leave my mother on life support, which she would stay on until the cord was unplugged, or let her go. Everything comes crashing down on me, and I fear the worst. My chest tightens and breathing becomes difficult as the fear of history repeating itself crashes around me.
Standing, I move over to them. The doctor nods, now used to me.
“Leah’s latest tests came back really good. Her numbers are back up. Her kidney is doing much better than I anticipated, considering. The healthy one has been picking up the slack, but the other is now holding its own. We did notice a bit of swelling around the brain from the trauma to her head, but that has since gone down as well.”
“So what do we do now?” Stella asks, leaning into her husband for support.
“We wean her off the ventilator and the medications to keep her sedated. It’s not immediate. It could take days for her to come out.”
I just have to pray that she does come back to me. There is a fear there though that this will change her as a person, and I hope with everything inside of me that it’s not true.
“Is there a chance she won’t come out?” Asking that question kills, but it needs to be answered and that fear I had with my mother becomes stronger, strangling me.
His face is that mask again, and I hate it. “Yes. There’s always that chance. The longer she’s out, the lower the chances because there will be no medication in her body. If that happens then she would be in a full out coma. But she’s a very strong woman, a fighter; always keep that in mind.”
“More waiting,” Aaron says, wrapping his arms around his wife. His eyes are tired, and I swear I’ve seen new lines develop on his face.
“Yes, but talk to her. As the sedation comes off, hearing your voice may help to bring her back quicker.”
Who knows if this is true, but I’ll continue doing what I’ve been. She has to come back to me. That smile can’t be gone forever.
After the doctor finishes, Aaron takes Stella down to the cafeteria leaving me for a bit. My face itches from all the hair stubble. I normally keep it cleaned up, but just haven’t cared to worry about it. Now that it’s bothering me, I’ll have to do something about it.
“What do you think of my new beard? Should I keep it or shave it?” Her body lays there limp, and I delicately put her hand in mine. “It itches the hell out of me so I’ll give it another day, so maybe you should wake up and see it.”
While I know they’ve just started lowering the medication, one can hope. Without it, there’s nothing left.
“Oh, your dad’s moved on to telling me I smell like a sasquatch’s nuts. I think it’s a step up from flies, but I’m not too sure at this point. That shower of yours in here is small as hell. I’m surprised a child could fit in it. But it’s done the job for the most part.”
Inhaling deep, I look into her face wanting her to see me so damn badly. “You’re going to need to wake up here in the next couple of days. I mean, I can’t keep reading to you all the time. Right? You’ll get sick of hearing my voice at some point.”
I pull out another letter, exhaling deeply and keeping that thread of hope inside me going.
“Hi, Green.
So your real name is Ty. I kinda like that, but I now get why you have Green and I don’t blame you for not knowing your way around a club when you first started. How would you? I’d have no clue, and my best friend’s family is in one. I couldn’t imagine going at it with absolutely nothing behind you. Well, I guess you didn’t, but I’m assuming from the name.
And I know enough from Bristyl that you can’t talk about the club or what happens. It is what it is, and I fully understand it.
I wish I knew something about cars and bikes to talk to you about, but I have no clue and I’m not going to pretend I know something I don’t. I could Google and give you all this fake stuff, but that’s not me. I think it’s great you know your way around engines and you like working at Banner Auto.
Who knows, maybe one day you can teach me to change a tire or my oil. It can’t be that hard, right?
Can I tell you I’m a bit jealous you go to a strip club? It sounds stupid and if you were in front of me right now I’d never say it out loud, but writing it in a letter seems easier. X, as you called it, I’m not sure I want to know more about it in your next letter.
My parents are having a barbecue this weekend, and I don’t want to go. I love them, don’t get me wrong, but all their friends will be there and then they’ll talk about setting me up with one of their kids. Yes, I know I was on a dating website and this sounds dumb, but I don’t want to get set up with my parents’ friends’ kids. It seems too close, and I’m not sure why I have that feeling. But I don’t want it, and someone there will tell me about their nice son blah, blah, blah… No thank you.”
“You know I never told you that I wanted to kick those guy’s asses for even coming near you, but I would’ve.” I wipe my face and heave in a breath. “Whatever the fuck that means.”
Grasping her hand, I kiss the top. “Baby, you need to wake up for me. You hear me? Time to show me those beautiful browns.” We sit this way together all night, never seeing th
ose chocolates open.
“Brother?” Jacks’ voice pulls me out of a sleepless daydream as he steps into the room and up to me. Immediately, I glance over to Leah, who’s still asleep. It’s been twenty-four hours and nothing.
“What’s goin’ on?” I say, rising from the chair and raising my arms, stretching my back on a yawn.
“Breaker and Tug gotta get back to their women, but I’ll still be here.”
“Go home. I got this. Besides, there’s nothin’ you can do here. Hell, there’s nothing I can do here, but I appreciate ya stayin’ and havin’ my back. But really, Jacks, go back and see everyone. If something happens, you’re only a phone call away, right?”
He eyes me wearily, rolling this around in his head.
“Another night and then I’ll decide.” He holds out a bag. “Food, razor, and other shit you need to look like you’re human and not the walking dead.”
“You say the sweetest things,” I joke, feeling a small bit of the rope around my heart release, but it’s not much. It’ll stay tight until Leah wakes up and is healthy.
“Right.” He chuckles. “Cooper told a little lie to Bristyl to get her out of here and home.” My brows quirk because that’s not like him one bit. Jacks goes on, “He told her that Leah has a couple of broken bones but is otherwise fine. When she was itching to come here, he told her that Leah couldn’t have visitors. I don’t know how the fuck he pulled that off, but Bristyl’s been occupied taking care of her father and hasn’t put up a fuss. It’ll only last so long though.”
“So she has no idea that her best friend is in a fuckin’ coma and they don’t know if she’ll come out of it?” I shake my head. “Something happens to Leah now, Coop’s gonna be in the fuckin’ dog house—hardcore.”
Jacks’ hands go up in the air. “Wasn’t my decision, but it’s what he did, not wanting to upset her more after what she saw.”
That’s understandable because I’d want to protect Leah from the exact same thing. The way her father loves her, I couldn’t imagine Leah seeing her father chained and beaten. I’d protect her from all of that. Bristyl being pissed has nothing to do with me, and I’ll back my brother up.