by J. A. Owenby
“I think that’s amazing!” For the first time in weeks, a flicker of hope sparked to life in my chest.
“Kids, we’ve got to head out. There’s money on the counter for dinner and to rent some movies or whatever you want to do. Just stay here for tonight, though.”
Fear flickered across Michael’s face. He and Marilyn had been through hell and back, and I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was to leave Benji at the house for the first time.
“Promise. We’re going to be fine,” I assured them, flashing them a warm smile.
“We’ll give you a ride home later so you don’t have to pay an Uber,” Michael said, leaning down and giving me a fatherly peck on the cheek. “Son, you call if you need anything.” He squeezed Benji’s shoulder, then left the kitchen. There was no mistaking the tension in his body.
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. “It’s hard for them to leave you.”
Benji held up a finger, signaling for me to wait. The moment the front door clicked shut, he threw his hands up in the air and released a loud whoop.
I nearly jumped out of my skin then giggled. “You fucking scared me!”
He rolled his wheelchair forward and laughed. “Man, I’ve not been able to do anything without them breathing down my neck. I can get myself to the bathroom, but nooo. Mom’s gotta be right there, helping and watching every move I make.” Benji rubbed his face, frustration rolling off him in waves.
“Oh no. I’m so sorry.” My shoulders slumped. “I hadn’t really thought about that. Fill me in. But first, are you hungry? Your mom has all this food for us.” My mouth watered as I eyeballed the club sandwiches, pickles, and chips. “I can bring the plates to the living room or wherever you’re the most comfortable.” I grabbed a pickle spear and took a bite. The loud snap and crunch filled the kitchen. “Vlasic,” I said, wiggling my pickle at him like it was a cigar. I gave him a little wink, then laughed, trying to lighten his mood.
Benji barked out a laugh and smiled. “Yeah. I’ve got more space in there, plus the TV has Netflix and Amazon Prime in case we want to watch a movie. Hell, we might talk all day and not watch a movie. Honestly, I don’t care what we do. I’m just so fucking happy you’re here.” His eyes misted over with his confession.
“Well you’re stuck with me, and after you fill me in on your new plans, I have a few updates for you as well.”
“From how your face just lit up, I’m going to take a wild guess that things got hot and spicy with a Mr. Layne Garrison?”
Although I couldn’t see my cheeks, I felt them turn crimson. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, Benji. I think I’m in way over my head.” I slapped my hand over my mouth then dropped it. “No more.” I waved my finger, emphasizing my words. “You first. We can talk about Layne later.” I picked up our plates and made my way to the living room with Benji right behind me. I set the plates on the coffee table while Benji parked his chair at the end of the couch.
“I guess I’m a little hungry now that you mention it.”
“Do you have a TV tray, or is your lap all right?”
He patted his legs. “I’m good right here.”
I handed him his plate, slipped off my boots, and settled in on the black leather couch next to him. My focus landed on the family photo hanging above the stone fireplace. Michael, Marilyn, and Benji were beaming. The picture was one of my favorites. Not only was it full of color, but it was obvious they were happy. There was nothing fake about the love they had for each other.
“So there’s something that happened this morning that I’ve not told anyone yet,” Benji said before taking a bite of his sandwich.
I tucked my legs beneath me, giving him my undivided attention. “Really? What?”
“My dick got hard as a rock.”
Although we’d talked about a lot of things, Benji’s cock hadn’t been one of them.
“Dude!” I said, pointing at him. “Does this mean you can still have sex?”
“Hell fucking yeah. My shit still works!” He pumped his fists in the air, laughing. “Seriously, we weren’t sure what was going to happen. I might regain some of the feeling in my legs too. And if I get even tingles back, then who says I can’t walk again?”
I picked up my sandwich and took a bite. “How positive have the doctors been?”
“Meh,” Benji wiggled his hand from side to side. “So-so. There are a lot of complicated medical terms, but they’re not a hundred percent sure what’s going to happen. It’s not as cut and dried as if your spinal cord was crushed. I think the big thing they’re trying to avoid is getting my hopes up for nothing.”
“Yeah. I mean, they have to err on the side of caution, but I can’t imagine how difficult that would be for you.”
“Honestly, the hope that I might walk again gets me through the shitty and emotional days, and a hard dick helps too.” Benji snickered. “For now, as I’ve already mentioned, I’m looking into sports. It will keep me fit mentally and physically. I’ll pick up school next year when I’m more comfortable leaving the house and getting around.”
“I’ll help you.” I waved him off as though it weren’t a big deal, but we both knew I couldn’t be with him every minute of the day.
“Yeah, and what if you’re sneaking off with Layne, and he’s giving you the ride of your life?” His expression grew serious. “Will you walk away and wheel me around?”
My lips pursed together. “Um, what? I think you’re assuming we’re sleeping together, so lemme stop you there.”
His eyes narrowed while he assessed me. “Really?”
Taking another bite of my sandwich, I shook my head. “Ugh. Dammit. Avery has been texting you, hasn’t she? She just assumes something happened because he spent the night after he woke up from his drunken oblivion.”
Benji moved his plate to the table then placed his elbows on his knees and cupped his chin in his hands. “Do tell, and don’t you dare leave anything out. Until I can find a new boy toy, I’m going to have to live vicariously through you. Just don’t leave me high and dry.”
I rolled my eyes. “If I do sleep with him, you most certainly do not get all the deets. That’s private. Besides, I’ve already told you he’s”—I moved my pointer fingers apart—“this big.”
Benji choked, his mouth gaping open. “You’re not stringing me along? Like you’re serious?”
I nodded. “Yeah. As I said to Avery, no wonder Chloe stayed with him. Biggest peen I’ve ever seen.” I buried my head in my hands and giggled.
“So no sex?” Hope laced his tone.
“No, but …” My core throbbed with longing for Layne. I couldn’t wait to see him again that night. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, the fear crept in. What if Layne went home, reconsidered what had happened, and ghosted me? Butterflies ran rampant in my stomach. I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I moved my plate to the coffee table and sat on my hands.
“Ten? You only sit on your hands when you don’t want someone to see you scared or nervous. What’s going on?”
“I’m terrified.” The confession left my mouth before I realized it.
Benji pulled on my arm, freeing my hand and taking it in his. “Talk to me.”
I swallowed. There was nothing to be afraid of. Benji was my best friend, and I trusted him. That was not what was difficult. Admitting my feelings out loud made them real, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet. “He admitted he cared about me and is interested in something deeper. We kissed, and I was the one that wanted sex, but he said no.”
Shock registered across Benji’s handsome face. “Wait, what?”
“Layne said that he didn’t want our first time to be after I’d found him drunk and learned how fucked up he was over losing his daughter.”
Benji released a low whistle. “The dude’s got it bad.”
An anxious fluttery feeling descended on me. “What do you mean?”
“This is your first relationship, right?”
I nodded.
I chewed my thumbnail, doubting his words. “Are you sure?”
“Oh girl, yes. I have no doubt.”
Silence filled the room. The only noise was from the running HVAC unit.
A messy ball of excitement and fear wedged itself in my throat. “What am I going to do?” I croaked.
“Tensley,” he started, his voice low and serious. “Let this man love you.”
13
Benji’s words bounced around in my head for the rest of the day. What if he was wrong and Layne broke my heart? I didn’t know how I would come back from that. Life had dealt me shit over and over. I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to let someone get close to me other than Benji and Avery.
At eight thirty, my doorbell rang. I peered through the peephole, then opened the door.
“Hey,” Layne said, a kind smile on his face. “I brought Chinese, including your favorite, sweet-and-sour chicken.”
“You don’t have to bring me food every time you show up.” My lips pursed as I reconsidered my comment. “I take it back.” I laughed. “I’m starving, but you should let me cook for you some evening.” I moved out of the way, allowing him inside the living room.
His eyebrow rose slightly. “You cook?”
“I do. I’m certainly no sous chef, but I can make a mean meatloaf, beef stroganoff, and a few other things. Ya know, if any of that sounds good.” I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed us some plates.
Layne sat at the island and pulled the containers out of the bag.
“It smells wonderful. Benji and I talked so much, we hardly ate anything.”
Layne paused, his attention landing fully on me. “How is he?”
“Under the circumstances, he’s doing pretty well. Benji’s a fighter, and he’s determined he’s going to walk again.” I grabbed a few forks from the drawer and waved them around. “But his dick works, and that’s the most important thing right now.” I couldn’t hide my grin.
Layne laughed. “That’s probably the best thing that’s happened to him since the attack.”
“Oh yeah. I mean normally we don’t discuss his anatomy, but he was excited. I think when you realize you may never have sex or make love to a significant other again, that would be really difficult.” My voice trailed off with my realization, and I sat down next to Layne. “Sorry. I guess talking to you about Benji’s peen isn’t appropriate.”
“It’s fine. The circumstances are different than just saying, ‘Hey, Layne, I want to chat about Benji’s penis.’”
A laugh bubbled out of me, relieving some of the awkwardness of the topic.
Layne smiled, then it quickly faded, and his face clouded with sadness. He trailed his fingertips across my cheek and down to my mouth. His thumb gently pulled on my bottom lip. His lips brushed mine, and he cupped my face, peering deep into my eyes. His expression was determined and sincere. “If I couldn’t make love to you, I’m not sure if I could handle it.”
Our gazes locked, and my emotions started to spin out of control. “What … what are we doing, Layne? When you say things to me like that, I don’t want to misunderstand where you are in this, whatever this is between us.”
His hands dropped to his lap, and a small flicker of fear danced across his face.
I hadn’t meant to break the mood, but I couldn’t fully give myself to him until I knew what his intentions were. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, embarrassed. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“You didn’t. I should tell you something else, though,” he said gently.
I hopped off the barstool and paced. “Is there something wrong? Layne, I don’t think I can deal with anything else right now.” I placed my hands on my hips and continued walking around the small kitchen.
“Hang on.” Layne reached out and pulled me to him. “It’s not bad. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I took his hand and guided it over my racing heart. “Then tell me. Please.”
“When I broke up with Chloe, she was obviously pissed I’d called her out in front of her friends for what they had done to you. She was screaming at me at the top of her lungs.” He shook his head, most likely reliving the day. “Chloe accused me of cheating on her. And before you ask, no, I never did. Ever. I’m not that guy.”
I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. A cheater was off the table for me.
“But I had developed feelings for another girl by then. It’s why I was going to end it with her. Not only was she a raging lunatic, but there was someone else I wanted to spend time with.”
I let go of his hand and dug my fingers into my thigh as panic jabbed at me. “Who?”
“Since the beginning of high school, no matter how hard I tried, my heart continued to go back to one girl … you.”
I gasped. “What? Me? No, Layne, you’re wrong!” I pulled away in shock. “I was homeless, and I didn’t always have clean clothes or money. We’re from two different worlds.” My words came crashing down on me like a hurricane ripping through a city.
Layne allowed me to step back. “That’s not what I saw.” His voice was sweet and gentle. “I saw a highly intelligent, beautiful girl who had a pure heart.”
I snorted loudly. “This heart isn’t pure, Layne. I think you’re remembering someone else.”
“Were you the girl that told me she couldn’t stay and study for our biology test because you needed to cook dinner and bathe the younger foster kids at home?”
“Yeah.”
“Were you the girl who stopped James Rickly from beating up a kid who had worn the same pair of pants three days in a row?”
“Yes.”
“And what about you hiding food in your locker? Was it for the younger foster kids?”
I nodded again. “How did you know?”
“Because every afternoon between sixth and seventh period, I made sure I walked by while you were at your locker. I needed one last glimpse of you for the day before I headed home.”
Sinking back onto my stool, I stared at him, speechless. “If you’d really known me—”
“I do know you. I’ve known you for years. I’ve watched you and adored you from across the cafeteria.” He chuckled. “That was romantic, huh?”
I smiled shyly. “Why didn’t you say anything to me about it?”
He gave a half-shrug. “I thought about it all the time. Then Chloe showed up, and as you know, we dated for a while. I did care about her, so I just assumed I’d gotten over my crush on you. But then our senior year, you were in my English lit class, and that was it for me.”
“Can I ask you what happened with Chloe after you broke up with her?”
Layne sighed, grief evident in his smoky-blue eyes. “I broke up with her, and I had planned on waiting a few days before I located you. I’d intended to apologize and see what I could do to help, but Chloe showed up at my house the next morning before school. She was pregnant.” He paused, rubbing his face with his hands as though it would erase the pain of losing Nicole. “She thought I’d take her back, but I didn’t. I did support her through the pregnancy, the doctor’s appointments, and I got a job at the grocery store. All my money went to Nicole, as it should have.” He looked away briefly, then back to me.
“I don’t know a lot of guys who would have done that. I mean taken responsibility,” I whispered.
“There was an innocent baby involved, and although I couldn’t stand Chloe, I wouldn’t make my child suffer.”
My brows creased. “Layne, the night I found you drunk and out of it, you kissed Chloe, not me. At first anyway. But did you still love her? Even a little bit?”
Layne took my hands in his. The heat from his skin consumed me. “I cared about her because she was the mother of my daughter. Although I didn’t particularly like her, it’s a bond that I’d never
had with anyone else. Her death fucked me up a lot, though. We’d shared good and bad times, and even when I thought she was cruel and heartless to you before the baby was born, I had to make the best of the situation for Nicole’s sake. Sometimes a man has to realize it has nothing to do with the mom—it’s all about the kid. You make nice, you’re respectful, and you show your child what it’s like to be a good father.”
“I’m so sorry.” More than anything, I wanted to kiss his pain away, but there was nothing I could do.
“To answer your question, finally, I want to be with you. I’m not dating anyone else. In fact, I haven’t since I lost Nicole. I’m not sleeping with anyone either, and no one has my heart except you. I’m willing to take a chance on us.” He tipped my chin up with his finger. “My only concern is that my emotions are probably ahead of yours, and I’m worried I’m going to say or do the wrong thing, move too fast. I can’t lose you. After all this time, you’re finally next to me.”
“I’d rather just know so I’m clear. Otherwise, I’ll run myself fucking crazy, wondering how you feel, or if I’ve said something wrong, or if you’re going to walk out that door and never return.” I wrung my hands together, trying to calm my overactive anxiety and trust issues that were plaguing me.
His eyes bored into mine, and silence descended over us. “I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while.”
Shock rippled through me. “My entire life has been filled with empty words and promises. If you really love me, then show me. Make love to me, Layne. Let me give you everything I have to offer, the one thing I’ve never willingly given to anyone before.”
He swallowed visibly. “I don’t want to rush you. I know some of your experiences haven’t been consensual, and there’s no way I’d ever want to hurt you.”
“Show me,” I demanded quietly.
In one quick motion, Layne stood and swept me into his strong arms. “Is anyone else home?”
“No,” I answered breathlessly.
“Good.” He carried me to my room and gently placed me on the bed. He kicked off his shoes, closed the door, and flipped the lock. Then he quickly shed his dark-burgundy polo shirt and tossed it on the floor, exposing his muscular chest. I rolled over on my side and reached out to run my fingernails down his abs. He was beautiful, absolutely delicious. Leaning over me, he took my mouth with his. I threaded my hands in his hair and pulled him to me. I wanted to feel every inch of him.