by J. A. Owenby
“No,” I croaked, my voice betraying my wobbly nerves.
His eyes dropped to my mouth, his tongue darting across his bottom lip. “Did I ruin any chance with you?”
Oh God. I wanted that tongue on my body. I wanted to kiss those beautiful lips, and my hormones were kicking into overdrive, cheering me on. I was a goner, and I knew it, but I was terrified at the same time. “No. I understand. I just don’t want you to blame yourself for Nicole and Chloe. It wasn’t your fault, Layne.” Tears pricked the backs of my eyes.
“Can I kiss you? I need one that I can remember. I need something good to hold on to after all the hell.”
I nodded, unable to form words. Layne tilted my chin up with his finger, and my legs trembled with anticipation. This was different than him kissing me earlier. He wasn’t drunk, and he knew who I was.
“I’ve thought about this so many times.” His lips grazed the corner of my mouth, and a small whimper escaped me. “You’re so beautiful.” He closed the gap between us, leaning his hips into mine as he pinned me against the kitchen counter. He feathered kisses on the sensitive spot of my neck. His lips brushed across mine, and a soft moan slipped from his throat.
I threaded my fingers through the belt loops on his jeans. I needed something to hold onto or my hands would roam all over him. He would be out of his clothes in no time.
His mouth parted slightly, and his tongue caressed mine. Desire flamed through me as he deepened our kiss.
Breaking away from him, I took his hand. “Let’s go,” I whispered, guiding him out of the kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom. I shut and locked the door behind us in case Avery came home.
Layne wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. His mouth crashed down on mine, and my body turned to Jell-O. Jesus, can he kiss. No one had ever reduced me to a hormonal puddle like he was at that moment.
I backed him up to my bed and gave him a little push, then smiled as he toppled backward onto my mattress. I straddled him while his hands cupped my ass cheeks. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I would have been willing to sleep with him if I hadn’t seen him naked a few hours ago. But who cared? All I wanted was him inside me. For the first time, I wanted to have sex, to make someone feel good, to share an intimate experience on a different level because I cared about him.
Layne rolled over, flipping me onto my back. He sat on his heels and his gaze raked over me. My core throbbed with need. Any logical reasoning for not sleeping with him had flown out the window the minute he’d kissed me in the kitchen.
I sat up, tugged my T-shirt over my head, and tossed it on the floor. I’d nearly forgotten he’d seen me shirtless already.
“I want you so much I’m hurting.” He flipped open the button on his jeans and unzipped them just enough to allow himself some room. “But not tonight.”
“What?” Panic exploded inside me. Maybe I misread what he wanted. Maybe he didn’t want to sleep with me.
“I don’t want our first time to be after I’ve … not been at my best. I don’t want you to have sex with me because you’re emotional and need someone. I want it to be more than that, Tensley.”
I blinked at him as though he’d just grown another head.
He leaned over and trailed gentle kisses up my stomach, stopping between my breasts. His minty breath tickled my skin. He must have borrowed my toothpaste, which meant he’d planned on kissing me. Or at least he’d hoped to.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked, desire burning in his eyes.
I stared at him, speechless.
“Let me touch you, caress you, savor and taste every inch of you with my mouth. I want it to be all about you tonight. I want you to come so many times, you can’t stand up. Then I want to hold you while you sleep. Is that all right?” He paused, waiting for my reply.
I nodded. Yes, yes, and hell fucking yes. Granted it wasn’t sex, but I’d take it.
Layne flicked open the front clasp of my black push-up bra. My nipples hardened as the chill of the air danced across my skin. His fingers ran down my side, and I automatically arched upward. He took my nipple between his teeth and his tongue expertly twirled it around in his mouth. His left hand cupped my other breast, and I grabbed the bedspread, bunching it together in my hands so I wouldn’t scream his name.
Without a word, he backed away, then undid my pants. The zipper being pulled down was the only noise in the small room other than our labored breathing.
“I can’t wait to taste you.” His voice was gruff with need.
Seconds later, I was naked in front of him. His eyes traveled over me as he slipped his hand in his jeans, adjusting them down enough for me to have a bit of a view. It was obvious he was uncomfortable.
“Layne, you don’t have to wait. I want you inside me.” My words rushed out in a whisper.
He released himself without a word and knelt down on the floor. He pulled me to the edge of the bed and spread my legs. Then he gently parted my folds.
“You’re so wet. Jesus.” His tongue swirled around my clit while he dug his fingers into the flesh of my ass cheek. My back arched off the mattress while I called his name. His finger plunged inside me while his mouth caressed my sensitive skin. He sucked and nipped, sending waves of pleasure through me.
“Go ahead and come for me.” He pushed another finger in me, reaching the depths of my body.
I squirmed against him, grabbing handfuls of his hair as he continued relentlessly. An intense rush of euphoria washed over me as I released. While I was struggling to regain my breath, he peered up at me with a mischievous grin on his face. “Hang on.” He grabbed my waist and pinned me in place while he lowered his mouth to my core again.
“Layne! Wait. Oh my God. I’m too sensitive. I need—” My words cut off as my hips found the rhythm of his tongue again. He moaned as his hand released me and found my breast. I took his hand, holding it while he kneaded my flesh.
He pumped his fingers in and out of me, slowly at first.
“More,” I pleaded. “Layne, I need you inside me. Please.” I’d never begged before, but he’d turned me into a lust-filled crazy person I didn’t know.
He ignored my pleas but continued to bring me to the edge several more times. When he was finished with me, I was limp with exhaustion. He’d touched me in ways I’d never even considered. My core ached from his mouth and fingers, and a lazy smile eased across my face.
He joined me on the bed, wrapped me in his arms, and placed a kiss against my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
I watched him as he stood and fastened his jeans, then he left the room. I grabbed my T-shirt and tugged it on while eyeing the floor for my panties. I retrieved them and slipped them on. My room smelled like sex even though we hadn’t gone that far.
“How are you doing?” Layne closed the door behind him, then crawled into bed next to me. “Come here.” He pulled me close to him and my head settled on his chest. “I can stay until you fall asleep.” His fingers toyed with a strand of my hair.
“You don’t have to go. Stay. Stay with me.” I looked up at him, and his beautiful blue eyes connected with mine.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I’d never asked a guy to spend the night before. I was definitely in new territory.
Although I knew it was real, I almost thought I’d dreamed the previous night. Reaching for Layne, I found his side of the bed empty but still a little warm. The sunlight filtered through my curtains, and I sat up, rubbing my eyes. It was nearly nine, which meant I had plenty of time to shower and get to Benji’s.
My heart filled with excitement. I hadn’t seen him since the attack. The fresh aroma of coffee tickled my nose, and I tossed the covers off me and dressed quickly. I wondered if Layne had made a pot or already gone back to his place.
I flung my bedroom door open and pattered down the hall in my bare feet. I poked my head into the kitchen and came to an abrupt halt.
“Morning,” Avery said, picking up her cu
p and winking at me.
My eyes narrowed at her as I spotted Justin near the sink and Layne pouring a cup of coffee near the fridge. Shit. We weren’t alone like I’d hoped, which meant Avery would ply me with a million questions.
“It’s not what you think,” I said under my breath as I walked past Avery.
She smirked and tossed me a wink. “Mm-hmm.”
I willed myself not to roll my eyes while I approached Layne. My heart hammered against my ribs because I started to wonder if he regretted what had happened. Fuck. I wasn’t sure how I would handle it if he did.
“Here.” Layne grabbed a cup and filled it with steaming black liquid for me. He kissed me on the cheek and sat it on the counter. I could feel Avery’s stare burning a hole in my back, but I refused to turn around and look at her.
I beamed at him. “Thanks.” Maybe this was a good sign. It was definitely better than him dashing out the door and never hearing from him again.
He brushed a stray hair off my face, his eyes filling with concern. “Did you get some sleep?”
“I did. How about you?” I blew on my java, wishing I could tell him how nice it was to have him there, but I didn’t want to say anything embarrassing in front of our audience.
He leaned over, and his warm breath grazed my ear. “It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years.” He tucked my hair behind my shoulder “Do you have plans today?”
I white-knuckled my cup so I wouldn’t spill the hot contents all over the floor. It was crazy how he could turn my body into a blubbering, hormonal mess that would willingly roll over for him with a few little words.
I cleared my throat, steadied myself, then took his hand. “We’ll be back in a bit,” I said over my shoulder to Avery and Justin. I knew they were thinking that we were going to my room for a quickie, but we weren’t. At least not that I was aware of.
“Sorry. I didn’t want to discuss anything in front of Avery and Justin,” I said, closing my bedroom door behind us. I took a sip of my coffee, then set it on my small desk next to my economics book. “I’m going to Benji’s. It’s the first time I’ll see him since we were both in the hospital.”
Layne sank down in the chair near the window. “That’s great. I know you miss him.”
I crossed the room and sat on the edge of my bed. “I do. He’s my best friend, and my heart is broken over what happened. I know he needs me to be strong, though.”
“Sometimes being supportive of someone means grieving together. You can’t limit the time on the process.”
“No, nor would I. At least not on purpose. I was just hoping he would be able to come back home. I mean here.”
Layne’s eyes flickered with compassion. “Can I see you later tonight?”
A smile eased across my face. “I’ll be home around eight thirty if you want to come over.”
He stood and held his hand out to me. In one swift motion, he pulled me off the bed and flush against his muscular body. “I’ll be here.” His head dipped down, and his lips brushed across mine.
“Are you for real?” I whispered, afraid I was breaking the moment.
A raspy chuckle rumbled through his chest. “You better believe it.” He deepened his kiss, and everything around me floated away as I melted into him.
I wanted to ask him where our relationship was headed, but I didn’t want to push him due to my desperate need for parameters, but I’d also lost too much to chance in my life already. This conversation was meant for my bestie.
12
I thanked the Uber driver and stepped out of the car. There weren’t many brick homes in Spokane, but Michael and Marilyn owned one. It was a mansion. Well-trimmed hedges lined the sidewalk. The maple trees had turned a gorgeous red, and the sunlight provided a gold halo around the leaves. Autumn was breathtaking.
My black midcalf boots scuffed the steps as I approached the front door. For whatever reason, my heart was pounding double time. I had no idea why. I’d been to Benji’s childhood home a lot. Maybe it was the realization that I would see him in a wheelchair, or maybe it would finally dawn on me that he wasn’t moving back in with us. Regardless, I needed to put on my brave face and be there for him. I rang the doorbell and waited.
Marilyn opened the door and waved me in. “Hi, hon!”
I stepped foot into the marble entrance and gently closed the heavy mahogany door behind me. The sunlight glistened off the chandelier from the window, casting light in every direction.
Marilyn looked stunning in her black slacks and red blouse. The only reason I knew something was amiss was because of the circles beneath her brown eyes. “We’ve missed you so much,” she said, wrapping me in a warm embrace.
“You too.”
We released each other, and she hung up my jacket in the closet. Suddenly self-conscious, I smoothed my navy-blue sweater and skinny jeans. Marilyn was so classy, and I often felt underdressed around her. “How is he?” I asked softly in case Benji was nearby.
A conflicted look pained her face while she took a moment to collect her words. “Some days are better than others. He wants to hurry the healing process along and get adjusted, but there’s no such thing. You can’t rush the recovery, no matter how difficult it is.”
“I would too. I’d do everything in my power to figure out my new normal and whatever that looked like.”
“Don’t let him talk you into anything you don’t want to do, like move back with you and Avery.” She touched her pointer finger on my nose and grinned. “I made coffee and lunch. Benji will order something for you guys to eat later.” Her heels tapped against the floor as I followed her into the kitchen.
No matter how many times I’d been inside Benji’s house, I was always overwhelmed by the beauty of it. The marble entryway flowed into a hall that passed the hand-carved stair railing leading upstairs, but now there was a lift for Benji. Marilyn and Michael’s bedroom was on the main floor along with the living room, dining room, formal dining room, kitchen, and home office. White triple-crown molding accentuated every room, including the upstairs.
I didn’t miss the rearranged furniture in the living room as I passed by. I assumed that wouldn’t be the only space that had been reorganized to accommodate Benji’s needs.
We entered the black-and-tan granite-and-stone kitchen. As always, it was immaculate. The stainless-steel fridge hummed quietly in the background as my gaze immediately landed on Benji’s. He looked as gorgeous as ever in his navy-blue-and-white-striped polo and jeans. His eyes had lost some of the spark they’d held before the attack, but I had expected more signs of his emotional and physical trauma. Overwhelmed with emotion, I didn’t give a fuck if he was in a wheelchair or not. I flew across the room and wrapped my arms around him. He laughed and pulled me into his lap. Normally, I would have been embarrassed to sit on a guy’s lap in front of his parents, but this was the best way to get close to Benji, so I didn’t protest.
“Hi, babe.” He placed his hand against my cheek and flashed me his million-dollar smile.
“I miss you so fucking bad,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face.
“God, you too.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips, and I laid my head on his shoulder.
“Am I hurting you?” I prepared to hop off his lap if I was.
“Nope, it’s all good.” He tightened his arms around me, holding me while I sniffled. “Mom and Dad left the room to give us some privacy.”
My head popped up off his shoulder, and I placed both hands on his cheeks. “I just want to sit here with you all day. I can’t describe the hole in my heart since you’ve not been at home, Benji.” I hiccupped on the words, my tears running faster. “I should have told you not to park behind the comedy club. I should have fought harder when we were attacked. I should have—”
Benji placed his finger over my mouth. “Shh. It’s okay, Ten. I don’t blame you at all. It wasn’t your fault. We’ve parked there before without any problems. Unfortunately, my attention was on Thomas and it never
occurred to me it wasn’t safe. Hell, I even blamed myself, but I’m not going to waste my time. Nothing I did gave those monsters permission to hurt us like they did. Not one damned thing.”
Relief washed over me. I was so proud of Benji for not blaming himself. In my mind, he’d done nothing wrong. Maybe if he wasn’t torturing himself, I could forgive myself as well.
“Thomas.” A growl escaped me. “Has he reached out to you at all?”
“Yeah, but I told him I wasn’t interested in talking to him.”
“Because of your wheelchair or because he’s a full-on scummy, slimy douchebag?”
Benji cleared his throat. “Honestly? Both. You’re the first person I’ve seen other than my parents.” Sadness clung to his words.
“Don’t you ever tell me you won’t see me again. Under no circumstances will I accept that, Benji Parker! It’s been hell for you, and I get that, but dammit, don’t you ever leave me like that again.” New tears spilled down my face while I chastised him, feeling slightly guilty for making the issue about my feelings.
“I know. And part of it was the pain pills. I was loopy as fuck, but I promise I won’t shut you out again. If I’d been honest with myself, I needed you. I needed you next to me in bed, talking to me, helping me rebuild my future. I was scared and ashamed.”
“No.” I shook my head vehemently. “Never feel ashamed for who you are. Ever. I’m here now.” I wiped away my tears and smiled. “I’m done blubbering. I want to hear everything you’ve decided to do and how I can help … to bring you home.”
Benji chuckled. “There’s my girl.”
“He wants to play basketball,” Michael said, entering the kitchen with a wide grin on his handsome face. Michael’s casual clothes were as nice as Marilyn’s. His light-blue-and-white button-down shirt was paired with black slacks and matching loafers.
“What?” I asked, jumping out of Benji’s lap. I could sit with him after his parents left.
“Yeah. Why not? I love ball. I just need to find out what I’m good at while sporting new wheels.” He patted his wheelchair.