by Abi Ketner
Screams echo through the thick air, vibrating in my ears, and the crying never stops. I try to keep my mind off the people who’re dying, either from starvation, injuries, or the virus … but it’s tough. My thoughts shoot back to my mom talking to Keegan as she passed. I’m doing my best to block it, but I’m failing miserably. How was I so blind that I never once thought she could’ve been injected? How did I miss that? My mind clings to images of Alyssa and Amber, who also died from the virus, and my stomach clenches just fighting to hold down whatever food is being jostled around in it. I try to concentrate, to become hyper-focused on my mission.
As I jump over a rock, Bill catches his foot.
“Dang it,” he says as he falls and I lose my grip on his arm. In a flash, arms swoop across my vision. Cole catches him just before he hits the side of a crumbling building. “Hey, thanks for the save.”
“No problem,” Cole says. “Pay attention, old man.”
“Who you calling old?” Bills says with a lopsided grin.
Cole leads us down a few more blocks, and I make sure to pay closer attention to Bill. Zeus tramps along on one side of Bill, and I stay on the other, so the only way we’re screwed is if Bill takes a nosedive. I keep checking over my shoulder to make sure Owen’s keeping up. For his tiny size, he moves pretty fast.
My knees throb, and my muscles are sluggish, fighting my every step. My mouth’s bone-dry. My feet and my brain argue over who needs more rest. Cole finds somewhere with decent shelter and gestures for us to follow after he clears the inside.
“Come first and watch your head,” he says to me.
“Will do,” I say. “Bill, did you hear that?”
“Loud and clear.”
Cole takes our bags so we don’t have to jam everything into the building at once. Then Zeus leaps through the opening without hitting anything. I swing one leg over a piece of rotted wood at the base of the windowsill, followed by the other. Then I help Owen through the opening, and he sits down against a wall. Bill follows us, and I hold my breath. His eyes lazily focus on the ground as he holds on to the fragile frame around the window. I sigh with relief when his body is fully inside, entering without any issues. Cole hands us our bags back.
We’re standing in a building that’s only missing half its roof. A shaft of moonlight coming through the broken side allows us to see the majority of the area, although there’s not much to see. No furniture lines the walls, and the appliances have long been ripped out, leaving holes in the walls. Cement chunks crunch under my boots when I cross the space to check it out.
I slide down the wall near Owen in the farthest corner and open my pack. My canteen’s only half full, but I’m proud of myself for preserving that much water throughout the day. I hand it to Owen, and he takes a few sips before giving it back. Next thing I know, he’s asleep with his hand wistfully falling across his face.
Cole joins me, and his arm rests against mine. Instantly, I’m aware of the static electricity between us. I hold my breath. Zeus shoves his way between our legs, and I gladly scoot over.
“Seriously, Zeus?” Cole asks. “What, we’re not even allowed to sit next to each other?” Cole pauses and then turns to me. “Or did you ask him to keep me away from you?”
“He’s always been this way,” I say. “He’s trying to avoid Bill.”
The man himself stumbles in our direction, smirking. “He’s afraid I’ll dye his fur again.”
“Can you blame him?” Cole mutters.
“Bill, come sit,” I say, patting the ground.
He plops down across from us. “I’m glad you made up. I hate relationship bull crap. He said this, and she said that. Makes me want to drink more.”
“Shhh, don’t wake Owen,” I whisper.
“Okay, Bill, let’s hear it. What happened to you?”
After I ask the question, my mind starts off on its own. I start thinking about how large the Hole is, and how I don’t even know the ins and outs of it. So how did Bill pinpoint exactly where we were today? More sinister thoughts begin to take form. What if Wilson spared Bill’s life to send him back in to find me, knowing I would trust Bill, who could then hand me over?
No. Bill hates Wilson. He’d never do that.
And, more importantly, deep down, I know Bill considers me family. But I also know how naive I can be when it comes to judging people.
“Well, after the car blew up, I rolled away from the wreckage and buried myself in the ground,” Bill explains easily. “I remained there for days. Eventually, they identified Roméo and thought he was the driver. Idiots. But being without a drink, I was convinced he drove too!” Bill chuckles to himself, but we don’t laugh with him. “When the guards left the area, I came out and found a safe house not far from the Hole. I convinced the people I was just a drunk, but really I just bided my time, getting enough strength to come back in.”
“What’d you tell them?” Cole asks.
“I missed my train and needed back in.”
“They actually believed that?” Cole asks.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“I don’t get it,” I chime in. “Wilson stopped the trains a while ago.”
“Some guards aren’t very bright,” Bill says.
“Bill,” I say, “how did you find us? It’s not that I doubt you, and I’m not accusing you of anything, I swear. But look at it from our point of view. It’s like searching for a missing plane in the Atlantic Ocean.”
“I prefer the Pacific,” Bill says.
“Just answer the question,” Cole says.
“Stop interrupting me, and I will.”
“Sorry,” Cole grumbles.
“I’m looking at the ocean, and there’s only a few islands, some are beautiful and highly populated, but the ocean is where the calm boats tend to sail. So I decided to find the deadliest land out there, where the smoke never ends and people are dying left and right, which is the Hole in its entirety, but the worst area is the Rainbow Quarter. So that lead me … here. And, honestly, the rest was pure luck.”
Cole’s mouth drops open at the same time mine does. How in the world is this drunken man this brilliant?
“Does that explanation suit your fancy, Lusty?”
I lean the back of my head against the wall and turn toward Bill. “Why find us?”
“You and me, family remember,” he says simply. I feel emotion rise in my chest as he clears his throat and wipes his nose with the top of his shirt. “And I missed you guys.”
A lump rises in my own throat, and I take Bill’s hand in mine. “We’ve missed you,” I say. Bill blinks fast, and a tear drips down his face. I try not to let myself go. In the few hours he’s been back, he’s already seen me crash and burn once. “We were devastated when we lost you.”
“Lusty, want to know what I feared most?” he chokes out. “Hearing Wilson announce your capture.”
It takes every ounce of energy I’ve got left to stop myself from crying with him. Instead, I reach across the space between us and squeeze his outstretched hand—and I don’t let go.
“You’re a special man, Bill. And I love you for it.” He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “I can’t help but love ya.”
***
Owen’s curled up against Zeus, sighing softly, by the time Bill falls asleep, but even in his sleep, he cracks me up. Between snores, he mumbles things that don’t make sense, and I snicker at the random words. When I lean my head back, my stomach growls, reminding me that I missed lunch. And breakfast. Still snickering, I rummage through my pack for something—anything—to eat.
“Here,” Cole says, holding something out to me. “I’ve got a bar left. It’s all yours.”
“We’ll split it,” I say firmly. After the paper’s torn off, I tear the bar into two equal halves and hand Cole his portion.
“I’d feel better if you ate it all,” he says.
“If I eat, you eat.”
He groans and takes his half.
My ears
clog and the room goes deafeningly quiet as my vision starts to fade into the tunnel of darkness. “Slash him! Slash him!” the Commander orders Cole. My father’s eyes are wide with fear—
“Ahh!” I tear my hand out of Zeus’s mouth, and just when I’m about to smack his snout, I remember what my mom said. And she was right. He did it again, snapping me right out of my vision. But Cole’s furious, his glare practically boring holes in Zeus’s head. “Don’t,” I say quickly. “Seems my mom … was right.” I can barely say her name without my voice cracking. It’s still too fresh. Swallowing, I nod at Zeus. “He sensed it again.”
Cole’s face falls. “Just now?”
“Yeah. But only for a few seconds.”
“Did you see anything?” Concern drips from his voice, making my stomach twist.
With my food gone, I bite my lower lip—hard. As I breathe in, it feels like needles scrape against my throat.
“Excuse me,” I say hoarsely. “I need some air.” Leaving my things, I head outside, unable to get away from the pain fast enough, and stop in a dark alley next to the building. Even alone out here, I can’t get enough oxygen into my lungs. The weight of grief crushes me like a heavy stone. I pace back and forth a few times before I notice Cole standing in the shadows next to me.
“You shouldn’t be out here by yourself,” he says by way of explanation.
“I know and I’m sorry, I needed a few minutes to clear my head.”
Cole takes his right hand and rubs it over his heart. I know it pains him to watch me go through this, but right now there’s nothing I can do that will make this go away.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asks. “To help?”
He’s incapable of keeping his thoughts to himself, I know this is who he is. He wants me to tell him everything I see. But I don’t want to hurt him. And the truth is, I know my father wouldn’t blame Cole for any of it, because he was just following orders. So I give him the only answer I can that’s true.
“Seeing my father’s suffering sucks,” I say. “And, Cole, if I knew how to stop it, I’d do it, I’d do it right now, I would … because I miss him. I miss him so much it’s suffocating me. The last thing I want is to remember my father this way.” My lips start to quiver, and he takes a step toward me.
“Do you think he blames me?” His voice cracks and his eyes drift towards his boots.
“My father wouldn’t blame you. He was very forgiving, and it’s not you my mind focuses on anymore. Just what he went through.”
“It hurts me to see you like this,” Cole murmurs, “I’d give my left arm if only I could hold you and tell you everything’s going to be fine, that I’ll protect you. Because I can’t protect you. Not from this. I have failed you in every humanly way possible. No matter how much I love you, I can’t help you through this, and I’ve never felt more worthless in my entire life.”
His words rush through me like a river, and my heart pounds through my ears. He opens and closes his mouth, searching for more to say. But I know, at this moment, no words are needed. I turn to him and bury my face in his shirt. His warm arms secure me to his chest, and he kisses the top of my head.
“I like you better with two arms,” I say.
“Okay fine,” he says stroking my cheek with the outside of his hand. “ But I promise you,” he says, “I’m not leaving you. No matter what.”
I tighten my arms around him, inhale his scent, and allow his heartbeat to soothe me. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He kisses my head again, and I listen to his breathing. “We’re not broken.” He pauses. “Just a bit cracked.”
“Good thing there’s glue.” We laugh together and enjoy our little moment together.
Hours pass without word from Bruno or Genesis putting us all on edge. My grumbling stomach interrupts the silence, and Cole hands me a can of beans, but I refuse, giving it to Zeus instead. It’s not hunger calling me anymore, it’s queasiness—from the silence.
I scoot closer to the window, facing Cole as he glances outside. His eyebrows are pinched together, and his lips are sealed in a thin line.
“I’m worried about Bruno,” I say.
“Same. But I’m sure he’s alright.”
Bill snorts, and we both look at him. He adjusts his position without opening his eyes and mumbles something unintelligible. I don’t know how he can even sleep at a time like this. Beside him, Owen curls into a ball, his fingers twitching every so often. The soft skin of his face is so smooth and flawless in the slivers of light from outside. I wish I could give him a better childhood.
The Hole is scarily calm in the early hours of the morning. Over the night, I didn’t sleep a wink. Between the pain of losing my mom, the endless screaming of Sinners, and the fear of losing Bruno, my brain just spun its wheels with nowhere to go. I stretch out my legs and blink. My eyes burn, but I can’t turn my mind off. The change in plans, the sheer firepower of the tanks, Bill being alive … It’s too much for me to absorb all at once.
The bluish light of early morning slowly brings objects in the streets into focus. Our proximity to the guard training center makes me more cautious of exposure, so I’m careful to stay hidden as I watch the street.
All night, I hoped Bruno and Genesis would appear. But there was no trace of them. Just nothing. The original plan was for us to assault the training center if we couldn’t stop the shipment coming in. But instead, nothing has happened to make me think they followed through anyway.
The hospital itself appears abandoned, except for the guards who patrol the grounds. Black holes of nothingness fill the once well-lit windows, and no one mills around the front like before. Pockmarks and smudges of smoke damage decorate the sides. The once proud, tall silhouette has finally been beaten into submission. All hope of healing the sick has been lost in the dust of death circling the building. It’s no wonder they made a new transformation and medical center at the Commander’s quarters.
It feels like a jackhammer slamming into my chest when I remember the last time I was inside, when Grace passed away in Bruno’s arms and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My eyes fill with liquid thinking about his tears and the desperation that dripped off his face as he begged us to save her. My throat tightens, and my eyelids slam shut. There are no good memories here. Just loss after loss after loss.
The sound of a vehicle startles me. Peeking out the window, I spy a supply truck. It slowly pulls up to the checkpoint, the loud muffler rattling. Zeus’s ears perk up next to me, but I make sure he stays down. Then another truck follows. Then another—until there are five lined up outside, idling while they wait to clear the checkpoint. Their taillights cast an eerie red glow over the road.
Cole clenches his gun, observing the trucks. A shiver tickles my spine. Were they expecting more than one shipment overnight? I wonder if Genesis’s source mixed up the info. Either way, it looks like an identical convoy to the first—minus the tanks.
“They’re empty,” Bill says from beside me, making me jump.
Evening out my breathing again, I ask, “How do you know?”
“Remember how low to the ground the others ones were? How they struggled to shift? These are way above the ground. Something’s off.”
“I was too busy dodging bullets to notice,” I say darkly. “Though I’m glad you did.”
“Yes, there’s no doubt these are headed in,” he says, ignoring me. I give him a questioning look, and he shrugs. “Just my guess. Go in empty. Come out loaded.”
“With what?” Cole asks.
Bill doesn’t answer, and I don’t ask again as the trucks rumble through the checkpoint, into the basement lot underneath. After that, the guards at the checkpoint rotate. Usually, they’d linger and smoke together, but not today.
“One thing’s certain,” Cole says. “We need a better vantage point.” He quietly pulls on his pack and then stares at us, waiting. “If we want any chance at figuring out what they’re up to, we need to move closer.”
N
odding, I lean over and gently shake Owen awake. His eyelids flicker open, and he’s on his feet in a heartbeat. Before we head out, he sips some water, and Bill gives him a piece of jerky he’s had in his pockets for who knows how long. Then Bill and I pick up our packs. Zeus burps before finishing up the can of beans and licking his paws. When Cole summons him, he goes to stand alert and ready by Cole’s side … with a bean stuck to his whiskers. Real intimidating, buddy. I flick the bean, and it lands on Bill’s shirt. When he doesn’t even notice, Owen and I share a chuckle.
With the sky turning a pinkish blue, we head out. We move one block closer, and I’m trying everything to relax my muscles. Breathe in and breathe out, just like a normal day in the Hole. Upon clearing that block, we inch closer. I spot the guards mounted on the top of the hospital, making rounds. Dark as shadows, they pace while they observe the grounds, holding their weapons in gloved hands. Each of my steps feels like there’s a tide pulling us into ever deeper water, and if we’re not careful, we’ll drown.
Cole gets us close enough that we can see down into the parking garage and to the front entrance of the training center. He locates a building directly behind the garage, and silently, we work to clear it. We stay below windows to keep the guards from noticing us. I tremble inside my skin, but I keep a calm, controlled façade to everyone else.
“Clear,” I say.
“Clear,” Cole says as he checks another room.
“I’ll park my ass right here,” Bill says, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, allowing us to do the work. “Let me watch over Owen.” I shake my head at him, but then I see the staircase.
I head upstairs, and Cole follows, with Zeus bringing up the rear. When I get to the second floor, a hallway filled with junk greets me. I step over trash and head into the first room. Nothing.
“Clear.”
Cole enters another room, and I hear him kicking things around. “Clear.”
I head into the last bedroom, the tension rolling into my shoulders. Two windows, facing the training center, line the naked cement walls. Demolished pieces of the ceiling coupled with glass crunch beneath my feet. The wall is stained with spattered blood—at least that’s what it looks like.