by J Santiago
“It’s neither here nor there,” she said waving away her mother’s comment with her hand. “Sky is on her way here with Nina. Nina won’t be at the funeral. I haven’t even told her about Grampa Mike because I didn’t know how.” She paused, hating that she hadn’t been able to sit down with Nina before she’d had to rush here. “I’m not going to share much more than this with you. What I do today is what I think is best for Nina and Lex. I haven’t asked for your opinions about it because I’m not sure that I care.”
Angry and surprised by her anger, Lu took another moment. She turned away from them. How is it that I didn’t realize that I held them responsible? she thought. Trying to get a grip on her anger, she walked to the edge of the patio and looked out into the dawn. The possibilities of the dawn. Her mother could probably quote great works of literature that paid tribute to the new beginnings promised at the start of each day. But as Lu looked out over the horizon, she only saw endings for her. Lex could get a beginning. She was going to do everything in her power to ensure that he got the endless possibilities today. And Nina would get a beginning. Lu smiled at the thought of Nina and Lex discovering each other. They would fascinate each other. But she only saw dusk for herself. She would once again feel the loss of Lex. How was it possible that she had to experience that earth-shattering loss twice in her lifetime? And she was forced to admit that she would lose some of Nina today. It wouldn’t be the two of them against the world anymore. She would have to share her daughter. Another loss. And she would be saying good-bye to Mike Pellitteri. Mr. P., who had sensed the depth of her loss because he had lost too on that day so long ago. Her heart ached. And her anger bubbled. It was then that she knew she was losing her parents too. Because quite suddenly, she wasn’t sure that she would be able to forgive them.
Turning back to the three friends, knowing there should also be a fourth, Lu moved toward them again. “I’m doing this my way. I’m making it up to the seventeen-year-old girl whose destiny was chosen for her. You are not to interfere.” She met the eyes of each of them. She saw their reluctant acceptance. She drew herself up, and as a parting shot she looked back on them. “You better hope that Lex and Nina find a way to connect. Because if my daughter gets hurt in any way, I am holding the three of you personally responsible.”
As Lu made her way off the deck, silence descended again. Before Jo could stop it, laughter rippled through her. She looked at Amber and Chris, her dearest friends.
Amber was clearly horrified. She sat stunned, ripped open by the vehemence of Lu’s anger. Although it was justified, Lu had never given them any reason to believe she was that angry with them. She looked over at Chris, wondering if the bewilderment she was feeling was the same for him. Chris looked just as stunned as she felt.
“I never thought she was so angry with us,” Amber said as she got up and walked to where Chris was sitting. She knew this was a conversation they needed to have privately, but she couldn’t contain her thoughts.
Chris shook his head. “I don’t know. We probably should have known. She’s always been good at letting you think you know what’s going on in her head. She’s too damn smart.”
“Think about her holding that in for this long.”
“I don’t think that’s what’s going on, Amber. I think she just realized how mad she is. Everything coming down on her with no warning. She’s striking out and we’re convenient.”
“Think there is any way that today can end well?” she asked, rhetorically.
Chris chose not to answer.
Jo remained silent, lost in her own thoughts. Listening but not really listening. Letting them deal with their family as she knew she would have to deal with hers today. If Lu was this angry, she couldn’t imagine Lex’s wrath. It took a lot to get Lex mad. In fact, she couldn’t really remember a time when he let anger rule him. He had always found a way to laugh things off. Even on the field, no one ever got the best of him. The most popular descriptions of Lex were words like mischievous, fun-loving, irreverent. Intense usually played into it too, but no one could claim to have ever seen Lex angry. Jo worried she would see it today though. Today, she would see a side of Lex Pellitteri that no one had ever seen.
Her thoughts drifted to Lu. And she felt proud. She had been magnificent—an avenging angel. Taking back what she lost those years ago. As she thought of Lu taking control, it dawned on her.
“Lex,” she said out loud.
Amber and Chris turned to her, waiting for her to continue.
“Lex brings it out in her. That confidence we just witnessed. That ‘swag’! He’s the one person who could ever tap into that. I have a feeling that today isn’t going to be anything like we think it is. She’s got something planned. Something no one else would have even considered. She’s going to do something to save my son.”
As the three of them contemplated the coming day, they lapsed into that now-familiar silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When Lex, Willa, and Pete walked up the deck steps, they shattered the pensive mood. Willa made her way to her parents, offering hugs and kisses as Pete and Lex bent to greet their mother. The three of them shared a look of concern. They weren’t sure what they’d missed, but their parents looked shell-shocked and the day hadn’t yet begun. Willa and Pete looked to Lex, begging him to do something about the mood.
“What’s going on out here?” Lex inquired, taking center stage. “You all look like you’re going to a funeral.”
And just like that, the bubble of tension burst and everyone laughed.
14
Everyone except Lu had made it for breakfast. Lex waited, watching as the door continued to open to admit people, but Lu never appeared. Miguel, Caroline, and Pete stayed close to him. Miguel and Caroline to offer support, Pete to siphon it. They’d always taken turns, but today, Pete was leaning hard. When it wasn’t on Lex, Willa was close by, and for that Lex was grateful. But it also made him angry because Lu seemed to have disappeared. Lex desperately longed for a run to drag the anger from his system. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been as pissed as he was right now. Two hours before saying good-bye to his father, and he couldn’t think of much other than waking up alone. He longed for Lu to be with him. He’d tried to play it off, but Pete and Willa knew. They knew he had spent his night with Lu, and it was obvious she’d slipped out before Lex had gotten up when he strolled out of Lu’s room alone. Although he’d slipped easily into his role of lightheartedness, he resented having to be the one to help everyone feel better while he slid further toward darkness. He needed Lu now, and he couldn’t figure out where she’d gone and why she’d left without him.
Right before they left for the service, he pulled Willa to the side.
“Where is she?” he asked, as he attempted to maintain his façade of utter coolness.
Willa didn’t try to pretend, which he appreciated. “She went to the church to help take care of things so your mom could stay here with you and Pete.” She reached out and rubbed his arm. “I’m not saying she didn’t take an opportunity to avoid you,” she paused, “but she was trying to help your mom.”
Somewhat mollified, he gave her a brief smile. “Thanks,” he said, pulling her into a side hug and kissing her forehead. “I’ve missed you, ya know.”
She slung her arm around his waist. “It’s good to see you too, Lexifer,” she said, laughing at her very old pet name for him.
He threw back his head and laughed. “I totally forgot about that.” Leaning in, he said softly, “Go easy on my boy, OK?”
“I’ll try. But as you know, I’m not easy.”
“Ha! Oh, I know.”
“You OK?” she asked, knowing the question wasn’t a fair one.
“It’s all relative, right?” At her nod, he said, “I think I am in shock still. I don’t really believe that he’s gone. I mean, I believe it, but it hasn’t hit me.”
Since she had nothing to compare it to, she simply nodded.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Thanks.”
The service was beautiful. Isn’t that what you are supposed to say about a memorial service for your father? he thought. Lex felt the sympathy around him. A tangible euphoria, as if everyone in the church was having the same memory of his father, enveloped him in all of his happy memories of the most amazing person he had known. Besieged by different images still alive in his heart, he focused in the defining moment of his childhood. He’d always been closer to his dad than to Jo. So when Lu told him that she was pregnant, Mike was the person he sought.
“Pops, I need to talk to you about something,” he’d said when he found his father alone in his office Lex was fairly certain that his father assumed he wanted to talk to him about his upcoming trip. He’d made the U-20 National team and would be leaving soon.
“OK. What’s going on?”
Lex tried to come up with something witty and Lex-like, but his Lexicisms failed him. “Ah, I’m not quite sure what to say.”
“Just spit it out. I can read it.”
“Lu’s pregnant,” Lex said quickly.
Mike’s eyes got wide, he rubbed his hands over his face, and then turned away. “Can you say something else?” his dad quipped.
“I could, but this is what I need to talk to you about.”
“How is she?” Mike asked. Lu might as well have been one of his children. And Mike could imagine her intellectual anxiety, which would be far more potent than with most sixteen-year-olds finding out they were pregnant. “And don’t think I’m questioning you, but how did you handle it?”
The smile that was so much a part of Lex’s charm split his face. “I told her I’d be back as soon as I could and we’d play it from there. I’m not leaving Lu behind. You know that, right?”
Mike smiled, but it was tight, worried.
“So, how do you think Dr. A. and Mr. Chris will take it?”
Mike didn’t even know how to respond. He wasn’t sure how he was taking it. “Have you guys discussed options?”
“Like what? Abortion?” Lex laughed. “You know Lu. In all her intellectual glory she knows exactly what abortion is. And ya know, she knows what she’d be giving up, but she doesn’t want to have an abortion. She said, and this might be word-for-word, ‘Lex, I know I’m supposed to go on to greatness because I’ve been “blessed” with this crazy-smart brain, but I can’t have an abortion. I know my mom will freak because she’s done everything in her power to raise smart, independent thinkers. Her picturing her sixteen-year-old daughter pregnant will offend all of her feminist sensibilities. But I think I can have our child and still make something of myself.’
“Seriously, Dad, how can I argue with that? It was like listening to Dr. A. When Lu talks like that, I feel like I am totally out of my league.”
“We’re all a little out of our league around Lu. But if it wasn’t for you, Lu wouldn’t be who she is. You bring out the best in her.”
“Well, I think it’s more like I bring out the stupid in her,” Lex said with a very Lex-like self-deprecating smile.
“How did this happen, Lex? Your mother’s been handing you condoms since you were fourteen.”
“Well, it’s like I said. I bring out the stupid. The only time we had sex without a condom was when I found out I made the team. Can we leave it at that?”
“And when did you two start having sex?”
“Is this something we really need to talk about?” Lex asked as sheepishly as he could.
“Yes. Because, really, Lex, she’s only sixteen.” When Lex started to protest, he said, “I know her birthday is soon, but, really, Lex, you are both children.”
“Dad, I stopped being a child the day you let me leave the country on my own,” Lex said indignantly.
“Regardless, you think you’re not going to have to answer these questions? What happens when Chris hears about his sixteen-year-old daughter having sex with you? And not that I think this will be an issue, but you are over eighteen, Lex. Technically, they could press charges.”
“Dad!” Lex looked mortified for the first time in the conversation. “Do you think they would do that?”
“No, I don’t think so, but they could. I’m just trying to point out to you that this is serious, Lex.”
“You think we don’t know that? You think I’m not scared shitless. Jesus, Dad. I’m about to go off to follow my dream. It was hard enough leaving Lu behind, but now I feel like a piece of shit even thinking about leaving.”
“Not leaving is not an option. I know I should be noble and be ready to trade your dreams in, but you’ve worked too hard. And if there are any two kids—because you are kids—that could make this happen, it’s you and Lu. But you have to promise me that you’ll follow this path that you’ve been on. If you don’t, I think you’ll be damning you and Lu to failure. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir. Lu said the same thing.”
Mike smiled a sad, weary smile. “I love that kid,” Mike said.
“Me too,” Lex responded. “So, how do you think Mom’s going to take this?”
Mike blanched. “Not good, buddy. Not good at all.”
Lex snapped back to the present when he felt someone grab his hand. He looked down to see Lu sliding in beside him in the pew. Smiling over the irony of his memory, he squeezed her hand, happy she’d come to him at last. He tried then to pay attention to what was going on around him. Now that she was there, he could focus on the present, getting through the day, instead of thinking about the past.
Soon enough, the service was over and people were surrounding them to offer condolences. His mom and her girls had decided to hold the reception at the parish hall so that the house couldn’t be overrun with people. So they made their way next door. Although Lex knew it was hard for people, they kept their comments to expressing their sympathy for his loss even though he knew they wanted to talk to him about his life. He appreciated it. After coming to him during the service, Lu had been scarce. He saw her helping in the kitchen, putting stuff out, generally helping the girls make everything as easy as possible for his mom.
His mom looked to be holding up fairly well. He’d kept his eye on her and Pete, gauging their actions, ready to dole out some comic relief if needed. But neither one of them seemed to be looking for him to step into his role. Pete fed off of Willa, which made Lex happy. They were good for each other. He hoped Pete could keep up with her. And his mom was surrounded by her posse. One of them was always at her side, boosting her up if she needed it. They’d always been like that. The Supper Club girls. They’d been a part of his life since he was eight. They knew each other so well, and it helped him to know that when he left in two days, she’d have the support she needed.
As much as Lex appreciated that they both seemed to be OK, it dawned on him that they didn’t need him. Shocked by the realization, he thought back over the years he had been gone. They had still been a close family unit. Pete and their parents made frequent trips to see him, sometimes together, sometimes individually. Once Pete started med school, his visits became less frequent. But he’d always relied on their unit for his support, love, comfort. Lex felt a little shaken. Perhaps because of how he was feeling, the moment would forever feel like a turning point in his life.
Caroline approached him. “I have to get going soon. Do you have a couple of minutes to talk before I leave?”
Lex smiled. “Of course.” He had a healthy respect for Caroline. When he and his father finally settled on an agent, after an exhaustive search, he’d been very happy with their choice. She’d continued to make him a lot of money without whoring him out to every sponsor that asked. She kept her advice to a minimum. Once she told him what she deemed important, she allowed him to make the decisions, without ever trying to sway him. She also kept him out of trouble. She’d cock blocked him a couple of times for good reason and had saved him from making a number of stupid mistakes.
He knew there were some ro
oms in the parish hall so he grabbed her arm and escorted her to one. He didn’t notice Lu watching them as they walked inside.
Lex pulled her into a hug. “I really appreciate you coming. And I know you rallied some of the guys to come with you. Thanks.”
“I respected your father a lot. I wouldn’t have missed it. And I couldn’t have kept Miguel away. The others too. I didn’t rally them. Just made it easier for them to get away.”
“Thanks,” he said again, wanting her to know what it meant to him. “What’s up?”
“You have your itinerary?” At his nod, she continued. “I can get you out of Tuesday’s game if you need me to.”
He shook his head. “No. I need to play. I don’t need any more idle time.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” he responded. He definitely didn’t need any more time. He wanted to play.
“OK,” she said. They had ended up in one of the Sunday-school classrooms. There were little pictures all over the room of Jesus rising from the dead, obviously left over from Easter. The chairs were small and the tables low. But Caroline walked over to one of them, sat down awkwardly, and patted the seat next to her.
Lex looked at her quizzically but made his way over to the table. Pulling the chair back, he sat down, with his knees spread, trying to get comfortable. “What’s going on?” he asked, sensing that this wasn’t one of their normal conversations.
She opened her clutch and pulled out an envelope. Handing it to him, she began, “Your father left this with me when he and I first worked out the terms of your contract. As you had set him up with your power of attorney, there were some parameters set that were protected by rules of confidentiality. Your father was no fool. He knew that by hiring me, there were some things that could be protected.”
Lex felt the beginning of panic set in. “Caroline, I appreciate the history lesson, but I’d rather you get to the point.”