Fifteen Going on Grown Up

by Stephanie M. Turner

  “Pappy Es, dink ta.”

  She said offering the cup to Wes. He scooped her up laughing and took the cup from her tiny hand. He turned her towards Hally.

  “Ok, Ellie this is Hally. Say hello.”

  The little girl studied her for a moment, then without warning leaned towards her reaching out both arms. Luckily Wes was holding her securely. Hally reached out her own arms and took the child onto her lap. Bouncing her slightly she smiled and said.

  “Hello Ellie.”

  Ellie looked up at her and curled the fingers of one hand into Hally’s hair. For a moment she studied Hally’s face, twirling the ends of her hair but without pulling it. She placed the palm of her other hand on Hally’s face and softly rubbed her cheek.

  “Eyo. Me ike oo.”

  Hally giggled and looked to Wes for interpretation.

  “She just said hello and she likes you.”

  “I like you too Ellie.”

  Hally told the little girl. As quickly as she had wanted Hally, she turned back and reached for Wes who was ready to take her back.

  “Anyway tike, how did you get past your gate, you know you’re not supposed to be in the kitchen.”

  Wes asked Ellie as he refilled her cup with one hand whilst holding her with the other. Hally watched interestingly, he obviously felt completely at ease dealing with his little sister’s demands. As Ellie slurped on her cup Wes turned to Hally.

  “During the day we have a child safety gate to keep her out of the kitchen but I think she’s worked out how to open it.”

  He turned still holding Ellie and headed towards the doorway to the lounge. Sure enough the safety gate was open.

  “The catch can be turned around, so that will foil her for a bit.”

  Wes told her as they made their way into the other room. Toys were strewn over the floor and as Wes lowered Ellie to the floor she waddled over to a little pink vacuum cleaner and started pushing it around the carpet whilst making vacuuming noises.

  For the next two and a half hours Hally and Wes entertained and were entertained by the little dark haired girl. She was like a whirlwind picking up and discarding toys, flipping through picture books, pointing at pictures sometimes able to tell them what the pictures were, other times waiting to be told and trying to repeat what she’d heard. Most of the time it was “Pappy Es.” this or “Pappy Es.” that, occasionally throwing in “Ayee” which Hally now could interpret as her name.

  “Why does she call you Pappy Wes?”

  Hally asked.

  “Well she calls dad Pappy Ikle ‘cos she can’t say Michael and mum Mam Mam Tate, for Kate. We can’t get her out of it and mum thinks it’s just a stage, that when she gets a bit older she will just start using the proper words. We’re not even sure where she heard it to pick it up in the first place.”

  Hally left Wes to go to Gran’s about mid-afternoon with the promise that she would call him later. They had not raised the subject of the previous night and Hally was relieved to keep it tucked safely away inside her own mind. She knew eventually it would resurface either because of physical contact between them or because one of them would broach it verbally, she suspected that would be Wes, but for now it wasn’t mentioned.

  Gran was in great spirits that afternoon. Even though she looked thinner and more frail and her skin had a grey pallor to it she was ironically the life and soul of the family, despite having to remain in her recliner. Nurse Mildred had placed a special piece of equipment just inside Gran’s clothing, a pump system that Gran could control by pressing a button to deliver pain relief when she needed it. It was not too obvious and though Nathan had spotted it and asked about it, once they explained as simply as possible what it was for, they could for the most part ignore that it was there.

  Granddad had already been in the garden with Nathan and built an entire snowman family, one for each of them, and Colin had taken several photos and uploaded them onto his laptop to show Gran who was too weak to venture even to the window. Whilst Gran was looking at the photos Hally wandered into the kitchen to find her mother. May was standing with her hands in a bowl of foamy water but was staring out into the back garden.

  “Mum?”

  Hally moved to her mother’s side and saw tears pouring down her face. Hally took a towel from the rail and took her mum’s hands from the water and wrapped the towel around them. As though she were the grown up she pulled her mum into a hug and let her sob on her shoulder for a change. Mum cried silently, but Hally could feel her pain shuddering through her. For a while neither said a word, Nathan poked his head around the door, but a quick small shake of Hally’s head sent him back into the other room. Gradually mum’s sobs lessened and slowly she stood up straight rubbing her hands across her wet face.

  “I’m so..so..sorry my angel. I didn’t mean for you to have to deal with that.”

  Mum told her in a very shaky voice.

  “Mum, it’s ok to let go now and then. You can’t always be the strong one.”

  Hally swallowed back her own tears determined to support her mum.

  “We are all in this together, a family, we have to prop each other up. We all know it’s only going to get harder, even little Natty knows that. Look, sit down, I’m going to make you some tea.”

  As she was filling two cups Colin came into the kitchen.

  “Nathan whispered you were crying.”

  He said to his wife as he placed his arms around her, and at her frown.

  “Oh it’s alright, he didn’t let your mum hear. He was quite grown up about it actually.”

  Mum gave him a little smile, tears threatening again.

  “Yes, he’s being very sensitive about all this lately. I think he really does understand, and Mildred has been wonderful helping me talk it through with him.”

  Hally gave her parents both cups of tea and then made another one for herself. The three sat at the big old kitchen table saying very little. Mum was drawing circles with her finger on the table.

  “You know, mum taught me how to make pastry at this table. I was too little to reach the work surface so she let me kneel on a chair here.”

  Hally looked at her father but stayed silent, she suspected there was more to come and she was right.

  “Your dad asked your Granddad if he could marry me at this table too, only mum was listening at the door. She told me she nearly ran in to give her permission but managed to stop herself and let the men have their time.”

  Colin smiled.

  “Yeah, I remember that, crikey I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous, at least not until I actually asked you.”

  Again, they sat in silence sipping their tea.

  “And this is where I told mum I was going to have you.”

  This time a little sob came as well and Colin again leaned towards her and wrapped her in his arms. Hally wanted to cry too, but knew she had again to hold it back. Nathan again poked his head around the door and without a word indicated with his finger for Hally to come to him. Quietly she stood and went over to him and bent towards him so he could whisper in her ear.

  “Gran wants you.”

  Hally looked back over her shoulder at her parents.

  “Gran wants me, ok?”

  Colin nodded to her and moved closer to his wife holding her hand and quietly uttering comforting words. Nathan strolled over to his parents and leaned against his dad’s arm, not saying anything. Hally made her way to her Gran’s side still holding her tea. Gran saw the cup and turned to Mildred.

  “I can see Hally has some tea so would you be a real dear and fetch me a cup too?”

  Mildred smiled and turned towards the kitchen. Hally suspected Gran wanted them to be alone.

  “Sit close my angel. There are things I want to say.”

  She had to stop for a moment, a little out of breath. Hally perched on a soft stool near the recliner and leaned towards her Grandmother. Gran took her hand and Hally felt tears prick her eyes. Gran’s hand felt bony and dry, but s
urprisingly still quite strong.

  “You are my only granddaughter and you are nearly a grown woman. I think you have something special going on with your young man.”

  Hally had an uncanny feeling that somehow Gran knew what had happened to her the night before. Gran had to stop for breath and a squeeze on the pump button. She closed her eyes as the pain relief was released into her blood and then took another breath and continued.

  “You are very mature for your age — but you are also still a child — this time in between a girl and a woman — when you want certain things.”

  Again she stopped to rest, closing her eyes for a short time. Hally sat waiting patiently. Gran opened her eyes and looked directly into Hally’s. Her next words took Hally completely by surprise.

  “I was just sixteen when I started courting your Granddad — he was so handsome and I was wild — I knew I loved him straight away — and I wanted him — but he wouldn’t —he made me wait until we were wed.”

  She took a very deep breath and another squeeze of her pump, eyes closed in pain. Hally felt tears beginning but bit them back and waited. It was a while this time before Gran spoke again and Hally first thought she had drifted off to sleep.

  “Of course these days things are — different — but don’t rush my sweet child — when it’s right — and make sure you really know him first.”

  Hally was a little taken aback by what Gran had to say. She had never had even a glimmer of a conversation like this before so wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

  “Ok Gran, thank you.”

  Was all she could manage, but Gran gripped her hand with surprising strength and now in almost a whisper said.

  “Hally, I think there are things you don’t know about him.”

  Hally was instantly alert and concerned.

  “Has he told you something?”

  She asked with a frown. Gran’s fingers relaxed immediately, the burst of strength gone as quickly as it had come.

  “No darling, it’s just a feeling.”

  As though staged, Mildred came back into the room with Gran’s tea.

  “Here we are Alice, just as you like it.”

  She told her brightly, and very gently she sat beside Gran and helped her sip from the china cup. For as long as Hally could remember Gran had drunk her tea from a china cup with a saucer, now she needed help to hold it. Hally heard a noise behind her and saw Granddad standing near the door. He looked forlorn, so Hally stood and went over to him wrapping her arms around him. He hugged her back and whispered to her.

  “It won’t be long now, I know it.”

  Hally held him tighter, there was nothing she could say to give him comfort.

  The final week of school started off with everyone struggling to get through the snow; but with many snowball fights on the way. By the time Hally and her friends reached the school gates they were all warm, damp and flushed. Harassed looking teachers struggled to get piles of books and papers from their cars without slipping over and the school caretaker was rushing about trying to make sure pathways and steps were clear of snow. Hally suspected he had been at the school very early to do this, and since the snow was still falling suspected he would be doing it all day.

  Unlike some of the schools outside of the town, most of the staff lived in Colingford so were able to get into work; so the school remained open but with some disruption to the timetable. Both staff and students accepted this was probably going to be the way all week, and since Friday would bring an end to the term Mr Hopkins announced in morning assembly that some lessons would be cancelled; but that he would still expect discipline to be maintained. So by the end of the week everyone was totally ready for the Christmas holidays. The last day of term was as usual rather rowdy but with good humour all around and as usual finished at lunchtime.

  Hally, Wes, Corrinne and Clia joined other students in a snowball fight on the way home and Corrinne and Clia were pleasantly surprised when they saw Gregg and Rhys coming around the corner toward them.

  “We got off early, there’s not much more we can do today with this weather.”

  Gregg told them as they met on the pavement. Hally could see her two friends were very happy with this news and invited the two boys back to her house as that was where they had been heading. They arrived back at Hally’s all flushed, a bit breathless and with copious amounts of snow stuck to their coats, hands freezing cold, but all very happy.

  The last few days before Christmas day were very busy for Hally. She divided her time between family, boyfriend and friends. All her presents were wrapped but still hidden away in her room because Nathan was still in the ‘When is Father Christmas coming’ stage so no presents would be put under the tree until late Christmas eve. She helped her mum with food preparations especially as they would be taking Christmas day round to Gran and Granddads, since Gran was now unable to leave the house at all. As Hally stood in the kitchen rolling out pastry for mince pies she thought of what her mum had told her about baking with her mother. She sighed as she began cutting rounds of pastry.

  “That was a deep sigh.”

  Mum said.

  “I was just thinking how normal things just keep going.”

  She replied.

  “What do mean baby?”

  Mum asked.

  “Well, here we are baking, I’m making pastry the way you taught me, the same way your mum taught you and I hope one day I will teach a child of my own too. But Gran won’t be here for that yet it’s well just the normal thing to do.”

  Mum wiped her hands on a cloth and put her arms around her. She gave her a kiss on the cheek and said softly.

  “I know, it doesn’t seem right that everyday life goes on just the same when something so tragic is going to happen soon.”

  She gave her own big sigh and the two stayed like that for a while.

  Hally was woken by two things on Christmas morning, first her phone chirping brought her partially out of sleep, then Nathan shrieking down the hallway for her to get up because Father Christmas had been. The phone was a message from Wes wishing her a happy Christmas and sending lots of love and kisses and that he would come round to Gran’s after he had had Christmas dinner with his family. She quickly sent a message back then clambered out of bed, excitement welling at the thought of watching her family open their presents, and of the presents waiting for her to open. Nathan was waiting, very impatiently, but all the same waiting, but as soon as Hally appeared he looked at his mother who smiled and nodded. He then dived for presents under the tree excitedly pulling the wrappings from those with his name on. Lots of squeals of delight came from him as mum and dad more sedately handed Hally her gifts. The child in her soon came out as she unwrapped and found an assortment of items, all things she wanted but couldn’t actually remember voicing.

  “Granddad said they will give you two their presents when we go round.”

  Mum told her. Hally smiled and handed her parents the gifts she had bought them.

  After breakfast the whole family climbed into the car and dad carefully drove them through snowy streets to Gran and Granddad’s home. Normally they would walk but today they had far too much to carry. Nurse Mildred greeted them at the door and Hally wondered for the first time if she had any family since she had barely left Gran from the day she had arrived. Granddad gave everyone hugs and then they all clustered around Gran to give her hugs and kisses too. Mildred appeared with a tray of hot drinks and the festive day began.

  Christmas dinner was a little cramped as the dining table had been moved close to Gran’s recliner, but this is no way deterred the enjoyment of the whole family, more so because they all knew it would be the last all together. Hally again watched each member of her family, especially Granddad who had insisted that today he would assist Gran with her meals. Hally saw the love between them as though it were something tangible and wondered not for the first time how Granddad would cope when his wife was gone.

  The rest of the day was spent pl
aying games, watching television, chatting together and enjoying being a family. Later when there was a knock on the door, Hally jumped up expecting Wes but had a surprise when she found him accompanied by Corrinne and Clia.

  “We had to come and see Gran.”

  Clia announced.

  “Yes definitely.”

  Corrinne chimed. Wes stepped forward and gave Hally a kiss as the three stepped into the warmth. The girls darted past them both and headed for the lounge to see Gran which gave Wes the opportunity to give Hally a warm hug too. Then together they followed the girls.

  Gran was already unwrapping a package, her fingers struggling somewhat with the tape and ribbon. Granddad ever so gently and without fuss helped her and together they released the contents. Much to Gran’s delight she found jelly babies, handmade chocolate truffles and a little teddy bear filled with lavender. But what made her laugh out loud was a red thong with fur trimming and ‘Gran’ written on it.

  “You little devils.”

  She told them, a little breathless from laughing. The girls giggled as did the rest of the family except Nathan who was too involved in a battle between his toys, and oblivious to what was going on around him.

  “How has your day been?”

  Wes whispered to Hally.

  “It’s been wonderful and difficult at the same time.”

  She replied. Wes nodded in understanding.

  “What about yours?”

  She enquired.

  “Oh absolutely crazy. Ellie was full of it. She doesn’t yet really understand about Christmas, but she had great fun opening presents, sometimes not just her own, and playing with the wrappings and boxes.”

  He smiled and the look on his face made Hally realise that he obviously loved the little girl deeply. She supposed it was different to the way she reacted to Nathan because of the wide age gap.

  Much later when everyone was tucked up in bed, Hally sat wrapped in her dressing gown sitting by the window looking out at the winter wonderland in the garden below. The night was clear, stars sparkling gems resting on a velvet pad. Everything was so quiet and still, the only sound her soft breathing. Hally gently touched the gold bracelet Wes had given her for Christmas. He had told her he didn’t want to buy a necklace because he knew she always wore the one the girls had bought her for her birthday; and didn’t want her to have to choose which one to wear or alternate them. Again she felt herself fill with love for him and the depth of her emotions frightened her. She felt consumed by her feelings almost to the point of suffocation and for a moment she leaned forward and held herself trying to give herself comfort. She was so afraid that if Wes did not feel the same way she would never be able to cope, or worse still if he broke up with her that her life would be over. Hally had never been one to indulge in dramatics, so the intensity of her emotions were as tangible as if someone had actually punched her. How could a person feel so much at one time, and how could a person be so happy yet feel miserable at the same time. All these thoughts wandered through her mind as she held herself and looked at the blanket of snow outside.