The Loveless Princess

by Lilian Bodley

  All Anette needed was the confirmation that the woman wouldn't tell anyone where she was. She thanked her and turned away, walking quickly to the stables. Her skin still crawled from where the woman had breathed on it. She had been far too close for comfort, and so strange a person.

  *~*~*

  The stables were dimly lit by small lanterns and smelled strongly of straw and horses. She stood in the doorway, eyes closed, and inhaled deeply before entering. Already she was feeling better. It was calm and quiet in here, and comfortingly warm. She made her way to Aurora's stall slowly, petting some of the other horses on her way. Aurora nickered as she approached, thrusting her nose forward under Anette's hand.

  Anette smiled softly, stroking the grey mare's face. She closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of being alone, with no one to speak of marriage or love, or to give her strange advice. She wondered idly about what the woman had meant by not going to the stables.

  Her thoughts were interrupted by voices coming from the stable entrance. Anette slipped into the stall behind Aurora, peeking over the horse's back and watching for whoever was coming inside.

  Prince Everett entered.

  Her heart hammered in her chest, the sick feeling in her stomach rising and the sour taste in her saliva returning. What was he doing here? She clutched her fists, preparing to turn and escape through some back entrance when he wasn't looking, and Prince Everett turned around. He didn't seem to be interested in the inside of the stables, rather in someone beside him.

  She craned her neck over Aurora's back, watching silently as Falman came out of the shadows. What were they doing here alone together?

  They stood apart shyly for just a moment, and then Prince Everett wrapped his arms around Falman and kissed him deeply.

  Anette had to cover her mouth to stifle her gasp.

  Falman and Prince Everett stood there for a long time, their mouths pressed together. Anette had never wanted to be sick so badly in her life. Watching them was so awkward, so strange. She had never seen two boys kissing, or anyone kissing, with this much intensity before. She stepped back, bumping against the stall. Aurora looked at her with half-open eyes sleepily, but Falman broke away from Prince Everett, looking around the stable. "Did you hear that?"

  "Hear what?" Prince Everett asked, pulling off his shirt. Anette had to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from making a noise. She didn't want to be seeing this. This was why Prince Everett had been so distant from her. He felt desire and love, but for other men.

  Something soft and rational spoke in the back of her mind. Maybe, just maybe, it whispered, he might understand how she felt.

  "I thought I heard a noise," Falman said again, pushing Prince Everett away slightly.

  He hugged Falman, kissing his neck. "Everyone is at the ball. We're alone in here. It's finally just you and me."

  Just you and me. The words rang inside her head, mocking her. She knew Prince Everett was uncomfortable with their marriage, but at least he had someone beside him, someone to offer support and comfort. She had hoped she could talk with Prince Everett, tell him how she felt, and maybe she'd find a friend in him. But he didn't care one bit about her or her feelings.

  Something inside Anette snapped. This was too much. She was so angry and frustrated and confused about everything that had been happening. Now this was too much. She squirmed her way past Aurora, standing in the middle of the stables in clear view of Prince Everett and Falman. She planted her feet squarely and screamed.

  The sound echoed throughout the stables, making the horses shift nervously. Prince Everett and Falman broke apart, their faces dead white.

  "A-Anette…" Prince Everett stuttered. Anette's vision was awash with red, so that she could barely see his face.

  "How could you?" she demanded. "I married you, even though I would have rather been dinner for a dragon. I married you, even though I know I will never love you! I married you when marriage and love are the last things in the world I would ever want!

  "You're so selfish! You must have realized how awful this is for me! You left me at the ball so you could go off and kiss the stable boy! You selfish pig!"

  There was an explosion from outside, and the stables lit up with light. Fireworks.

  Prince Everett stepped towards her, his hands out defensively. "Anette, please believe me, I understand."

  "You don't understand!" she yelled. "You can't understand! I was forced to marry you, and I hoped my mother didn't lie to me and I would grow to love you, but now I've not got any chance at that! You'll never love me and I'll never love you."

  "Anette—"

  "I wish you would just disappear!" she yelled, tears brimming in her eyes, but her face still hot with anger. "That way I wouldn't be married to you! I hate being married to you! Just disappear and never come back!"

  *~*~*

  Anette opened her eyes slowly. Her head hurt, an incessant throbbing behind her eyes. She was lying on the ground, her skin aching and her throat raw.

  Prince Everett was gone.

  Falman sat crumpled on the ground in front of her, his face swollen with tears. He looked at her, eyes red and puffy, Prince Everett's shirt in his hands. "What did you do to him?" he demanded, his voice cracking and hoarse.

  Anette felt for her hand and her ring finger in a panic. The ring was gone.

  "I…" She hesitated, rubbing at her forehead. "I don't know. I don't know!"

  "Bring him back!" Falman yelled at her.

  "I don't know how!" she yelled back. "I didn't—I didn't mean for him to really disappear!"

  She remembered the woman, telling her to be careful about what she said out loud and groaned, sinking down and hiding her face in her hands. What had she done? She had shouted at Prince Everett to disappear, and then there was a moment where the air had crackled and burned before everything went wrong. She had been told to be careful with her words. Why hadn't she listened? Everyone knew it was best to listen to messages like that!

  Anette felt like she had been punched in the stomach, all the air disappearing from her lungs and the sourness of her saliva turning bitter. What had she done?

  Falman started sobbing, hiccupping and crying, his shoulders shaking violently while the fireworks continued to go off in the background. Anette raised her head, wiping her eyes. She stood up, making her way on unsteady legs over to Falman. She rested her hand on his shoulder, and he stiffened at her touch. "Falman, I'm so sorry," she whispered, lifting her hand from his bare shoulder awkwardly. "I didn't mean… I never thought… I never meant for him to disappear!"

  "But he did," he snapped.

  Her face burned, and she swallowed back the defensive reply. "I'm sorry," she said again, her voice breaking. Falman shifted, looking up at her with tear filled and swollen eyes. "I wouldn't have said it if I had known it would happen."

  He wiped his nose, sniffling. "I'm sorry for yelling at you." He looked at the shirt in his hands. "Today we were supposed to be together alone for the first time in weeks. He was so busy, having to prepare for the marriage… " He struggled to say the words, and he sighed.

  "I think the three of us are the only ones who didn't want it to happen." Anette smiled sadly. "I would have rather done anything other than get married."

  He looked at her enviously. "What was the wedding like?"

  She blinked, thinking back. It seemed like such a long time ago, and she had been actively trying to suppress the memory. "It was okay, I suppose. The priest asked us if we wanted to marry each other. I had to say yes, even though I didn't want to."

  "So you truly have no feelings for Everett?"

  "None at all," she said firmly.

  He frowned. "Did you have a lover in Thalor?"

  "No. I've never felt the urge to be with anyone. I never saw the point of love and romance. It's not for me."

  He absorbed this calmly, thinking for a long moment. "There was a kitchen boy I knew when I was first apprenticed here," he said after a while, "who told me he had
never had any feelings to anyone. Boy or girl." He smiled wistfully. "He was the one who helped me understand my feelings. The other boys thought I was joking."

  "Then you and Prince Everett both, um… prefer… men?" Anette asked, her cheeks coloring.

  He blushed, nodding. "I've never felt anything towards any girl like I do towards Everett. Everett and I, we truly do love each other," he said, looking down at Everett's shirt and pressing the white fabric to his face. Something crinkled in the breast pocket, and Anette suddenly remembered the picture she had seen Prince Everett stuff into his pocket on the ship. It was a picture of Falman. He must have transferred the picture whenever he changed shirts.

  The horrible feeling of guilt crept back over her, but the description of the kitchen boy had her curious.

  "The kitchen boy," she said, and Falman looked up at her. "What happened to him?"

  "He left Estar several years ago. No one's heard from him since. Everyone thinks he went off to find a princess to marry, but he told me he was going to seek his fortune."

  "And he truly didn't love anyone? He was like me?"

  "I suppose. His father tried to get him to marry a farm girl, and that's one of the reasons he left. He didn't want to be forced into marrying anyone. Allan was his name. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes."

  She felt like she was having trouble breathing. Someone else. Someone else was like her. Anette exhaled heavily, her shoulders feeling like an enormous weight was now gone.

  Falman sniffled, trying to draw in a breath, but it caught in his throat, and when she looked at him, he was crying again. He really loves Prince Everett, she thought, wrapping her arms around him in an awkward hug. He hugged her back, his hot tears dripping down onto her shoulder.

  Why had she told Prince Everett to disappear? Because she was so angry and frustrated with being married? Because he was spending time with the person he loved? She didn't love him anyway. It wasn't fair that now, because she didn't love him and had told him to disappear, Falman couldn't be with him.

  She hugged Falman tightly, looking at her bare ring finger, the impression of the wedding ring slowly fading. Then she breathed in and out slowly for a few long moments of silence. "Don't worry, okay?" she said slowly, hugging him tightly. "I'm going to get Prince Everett back."

  "Princess, are you certain?" Falman asked nervously, drawing back. Anette stood, brushing off her skirt.

  "I'm sure." She tried not to think negatively. "I made him vanish, so it's my duty to find him. Besides, it will be a blessing to be away from his parents. I'm sure the entire palace will be in a panic, even if you tell them we ran off together. Now," she said, drawing herself up and exhaling sharply. "Saddle Aurora, if you please."

  He smiled nervously, running to take a saddle down from the wall. "Where are you even going to look?"

  "I have no idea," she admitted. "I suppose I'll search until I find someone who knows the way to Prince Everett," Anette said, feeling less than confident about her odds. Perhaps the woman from before would know. But there was no way she could go back to the party without Prince Everett. She'd just have to find someone else to help her. She'd have to do this herself. She climbed onto Aurora, clenching the reins tightly in her hands. Her knuckles were white and her hands shook slightly.

  "I'm sure you'll find him," Falman said. "Thank you."

  "Just make sure no one panics when they find us gone, alright?"

  "I'll do my best, Highness." He bowed. As an afterthought, he slipped a bracelet from his pocket, handing it to her. "Please, take this with you." He pressed it into her hand. "I was going to give it to Everett tonight, but..." He shook his head slowly. "When you find him, will you give it to him?"

  Anette leaned down and took the bracelet, which was made of thinly beaten copper. "It's beautiful." As she slipped it onto her wrist, her hands stopped shaking.

  "It's an anniversary present," he replied softly. "We've been together for three full years tonight."

  "I'll give it to him the moment I find him," she promised, and urged Aurora out of the stables and away from Estar's palace.

  *~*~*

  By morning, Anette was far, far away from the palace, and both she and her horse were exhausted. Aurora slowed by a creek, stopping to drink and rest. Anette slid from her back, kneeling and cupping her hands to drink some of the ice-cold water. She regretted not changing into better clothes. Her ball gown was heavy and hard to ride in, but she hadn't wanted to risk returning to the palace to change.

  Anette sighed deeply, looking up at the blue sky. A robin sang from a tree branch over the water. She had never traveled this far alone. It was wonderfully freeing. She took a moment to sit and breathe, drinking in the early sunlight.

  "What a lovely day," a familiar voice said from behind her. "You really cannot get better than Estar's forests."

  Anette turned, and the woman with black hair from the palace smiled at her. She was sitting on the limb of a tree, holding onto a branch above her head and leaning against the base. She wore the same candy pink gown as last night, and her green eyes sparkled merrily. "If you can get past the roses that try to surround homes while the occupants sleep." She shook her head. "Honestly, you would think they would have done something to clear all of those up."

  "You said something at the ball," Anette said finally.

  The woman gave her a look, sliding down from the tree and approaching. "And what a lovely ball it was, I must say." She smiled, her teeth white and even. "But if you're out here in the woods without an escort this early in the morning, I'm guessing you didn't follow my advice last night."

  Anette drew herself up defensively. "Your advice was far too vague, and I didn't know whether or not to trust it."

  The woman shrugged. "And aren't you sorry you didn't follow it?"

  Anette hesitated. "I would have found out sooner or later."

  "It was to be expected," the woman agreed, "what with the Prince liking what he does. Though I must agree with him. That stable boy is quite attractive."

  "Do you know where Prince Everett is?"

  "Aye, I do. You'll find him in a palace made of black stone, surrounded by pine trees."

  "How can I get there?" Anette asked.

  The woman looked at her curiously. "You want to go after him? But my dear, you weren't happy."

  "Not married to him. But that doesn't give me the right to take away Falman's happiness." She sighed through her nose heavily. "Everyone has always told me what is best for me. I'm going to rescue Prince Everett because that is what I think is right. I promised Falman I would bring him back."

  The woman considered this for a long time, tapping a slender finger against her chin. "A good answer," she said finally, reaching deep into a pocket of her dress and taking out a small gold mirror. "I'll have you know I don't give my belongings to just anyone." She handed Anette the mirror. It was polished to a brilliant shine, the edges pure gold that shone like the setting sun. "I shall give you my mirror, some supplies, and another bit of advice, along with directions to Prince Everett."

  "Thank you," Anette said slowly, holding tightly to the mirror.

  The woman cleared her throat. "My second bit of advice to you is this: If someone offers you a trade, take it. No matter what." The woman snapped her fingers, and a large basket appeared on the ground next to her. She picked it up and handed it to Anette as she continued. "You'll find the palace of black stone to the north. Let your horse guide you, and you'll reach your destination." She turned, walking into the woods. "Don't forget my advice this time. If you do, there's no chance you'll ever get Prince Everett back." She waved merrily, and then she was swallowed up by the trees.

  Anette waited a few minutes and then climbed onto Aurora. After another long moment of sitting still and waiting to see if the woman would come back, Aurora neighed, tossing her head and pulling against the reins. Anette gave Aurora control, only holding on the reins enough to keep her balance, and Aurora trotted through the woods.

 
*~*~*

  After several days of travel, Anette came across a small stream at the edge of the woods. She slid from Aurora's back, taking off her crown and dress so she could wash. Inside the basket had been a dress better suited to travel, along with food for her and Aurora. The mirror and her crown were both tucked away safely in the basket, wrapped in pieces of silk she had torn from her ball gown. Her new dress was draped over Aurora's back, the horse tied to a tree so she wouldn't wander off.

  Anette sat in the cold water, shivering and rubbing her arms vigorously with her bare hands to wash off the grime and dirt that covered her. She missed warm water and soap.

  A snort from Aurora made her look up in alarm. Aurora was standing stiffly, her ears laid back, and a young man stood beside her with a barely concealed grin on his face.

  "Hello, miss," he said, his eyes flicking up and down. He had a very deep voice that made Anette feel uneasy. She wrapped her arms around herself, Falman's bracelet digging into her chest.

  "How long have you been there?" she demanded, sinking low into the water. Her face felt hot. He was staring at her, a strange look on his face that made her feel panicked inside.

  "Not too long. What are you doing all the way out here, miss? Are you a nymph? Or an enchanted maiden?"

  "I am Princess Anette of Thalor."

  He raised his gaze so he was looking at her face. "Apologies, my lady. I had no idea you were a princess. I am King Samuel of the West, looking for my wife: a beautiful woman with hands of silver. Have you seen her?"

  "No," she said, clutching her arms around herself tighter.

  "Ah, well." He clucked his tongue, stroking Aurora. She rolled her eyes, ears laid back firmly. "What are you doing out here, in the middle of nowhere, without an escort?"

  Anette fought back the panic rising in her chest. "I'm searching for my husband." For once, she was glad that she had the excuse of marriage. King Samuel scared her.

  "Your husband?"

  "Prince Everett of Estar," she told him, and he rubbed his nose.