Fated Dreams (Book One In The Affinity series)

by Christina Smith

  I opened the door and saw Lucas sitting in one of the chairs on our porch. I put my coat and shoes on, and went out onto the porch with him.

  He stood up as I approached.

  “Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see you. I thought you worked today.”

  “I took the day off.”

  “Okay, do you want to come in?” I asked, hugging my coat closer to me against the cold November day.

  His face was ashen with dark circles under his hazel eyes. Something was wrong, and I suddenly wanted to run away and hide.

  He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and then opened them. “Sarah, I can’t see you anymore.”

  His words hit me like a physical blow; my blood turned cold in my veins. “What did you say?” My voice was barely a whisper.

  “After what happened last night and two weeks ago, I can’t keep risking your life. I feel that as long as we’re together, someone is going to try and stop us, by hurting you.”

  “NO! This is about your dream because you saw me dead! IT WAS JUST A DREAM! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” I was screaming now, panicked at the thought of not being with him. I felt like I was drowning; I couldn’t catch my breath.

  He grabbed my shoulders and yanked me against him. For the first time, his arms were no comfort. “Shh, I’m sorry. I don’t want to do this. I hate the thought of not being with you, but I have to protect you.”

  I pulled away, blinking back tears. “I know you’re worried about the dream you had, but there is something I haven’t told you. I’ve had it too. But you were the one who died first. You didn’t even see me die, because he killed me after he killed you. That’s what happened isn’t it, it’s the same dream?” My words poured out without thought. I was desperate to get him to take back his horrible words.

  He blinked at me, obviously shocked by my confession. “How… Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “What would have happened on the day you told me about it, if I’d admitted that I had the same dream?” I suddenly realized why I hadn’t told him before. I must have known deep down that he would do this.

  He thought about it. “I probably would have backed off.”

  “Exactly, and I must have known that. At the time, I didn’t understand why I kept it from you. I just knew it was necessary.” I took his hands in mine. “Why don’t we try and figure out what’s going on, and stop it. We can do it together,” I said softly, touching his cheek. I don’t know why, but I felt hopeful.

  The feeling only lasted until I looked up and saw the dread in his face.

  His eyes were full of pain. “I can’t. I won’t see the dream come true, and it almost did last night.”

  Anger burst inside me with a flash of not red, but black. I was so angry my vision faded for a second. I let go of his hands and pushed him as hard as I could. He fell back a step, surprised. I hurt him; I could see it in his face.

  “Fine, you want to give up, go ahead. You must not care about me as much as I thought.” My voice was as cold as I was.

  His eyes were fierce, his jaw clenched. I had never seen him this angry, definitely not directed at me. I took a step back. He grabbed my shoulders with his hands and shoved me up against the house, his fingers cushioning the blow. “You think I don’t care?” he said, looming over me. “I’m doing this because I love you! I won’t see my dream come true. I will protect you!” His voice was a low, harsh growl.

  “Let’s fight this, together,” I begged him.

  “NO!”

  “Is this about one stupid dream? Or is there more you’re not telling me?”

  He looked away, guilty, hiding his face so I couldn’t read it. But it was too late; I saw. “Tell me what you’re hiding,” I yelled.

  “Nothing, I told you everything,” he said, avoiding my eyes. I gave up. I was done begging. I shoved him off of me. “Then go! Get away from me!” I yelled again.

  He looked miserable. He didn’t expect my reaction.

  “Sarah, please understand that I’m doing this for you.” His eyes were so tortured I wanted to comfort him. But I couldn’t. He was the one doing this, and it was ripping my heart out.

  “Understand? You don’t want to fight. You just want to give up? You’re a coward!”

  His eyes widened with shock, then turned to agony. I couldn’t look at him anymore. I turned away and ran into the house, leaving him standing alone on the porch. I rushed upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me.

  I went to my new window and peered outside. He was standing by his car looking up at me with the same tortured expression on his face. I couldn’t comfort him like I wanted to. He was the one keeping us apart, not me.

  I turned away from the window and lay down on my bed. Since I was safely locked in my room, I allowed myself to cry. Once I started, the tears flowed until I had no more left.

  I didn’t sleep well that night, and when I did, I dreamed of our deaths. Great, thanks for rubbing it in.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Alone

  The next morning I didn’t feel like going anywhere. I told my mom what happened, and thankfully she let me stay home. She left for work, telling me to call if I needed anything.

  I stayed in bed for the rest of the day with a box of tissues next to my pillow, only getting up to eat lunch and go to the bathroom.

  I watched TV to take my mind off of everything, but each time I closed my eyes, Lucas’ face was there telling me that we couldn’t be together anymore. The intense ache of his rejection would return, leaving me breathless. And to add insult to injury, he had called before I went to bed, asking if he could check up on me from time to time to be sure I was safe. Instead of answering, I hung up.

  I didn’t return to school until Wednesday. I was still horribly upset, but I thought I could get through the day without showing it.

  I snuck into the school, trying to avoid Lucas. I made it to my locker without incident. Emma was there waiting for me. “Emma, I’m not in the mood to talk, okay?”

  Her lips turned up into a warm smile, and her eyes were full of concern. Obviously, she had heard. “Who said anything about talking? Just listen.”

  So while she led me to my first class, I listened to her go on about a date she had with Derrick, and about his brother bugging them while they made out. It was nice to listen to something other than my own thoughts. She always knew what I needed. When we stopped outside of my English class, she turned to me. “I’ll meet you here when class is over, and I’ll walk you to your next one, okay?”

  She was going to stay with me in case I saw him, knowing I wouldn’t want to be alone. I knew there was a reason she was my best friend.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, my eyes watering a little.

  “That’s what friends are for.” She smiled and walked away.

  In class, Derrick nodded to me but didn’t say anything. He must have been following Emma’s instructions.

  When the bell rang, ending first period, Emma was at her post, leaning against the wall waiting. It felt like every set of eyes was on me as we walked through the halls. Obviously, word had gotten around about the breakup. Thankfully, Emma and Derrick were by my side. This time she told me about her little sister’s piano recital, which she aced thanks to my help. I smiled. If she continued her plan for the rest of the day, I just might make it to last bell.

  In the cafeteria at lunch, I sat facing the wall. It was just the three of us again. I was going to ask where everyone else was, but I knew she must have told them to stay away. I chose not to look up at anyone, afraid to catch a glimpse of him, although I knew he was here. I could feel him.

  As Emma and Derrick bickered about a project they were doing together, I pulled a murder mystery out of my bag. The book was full of violence, intrigue, and explosions, not one kiss, or one look of longing in all three hundred pages. I knew because I checked. The novel kept my mind from wandering, and that was exactly what I needed.

  The bell rang, the one I’d been dreading all morni
ng. He was in my history class, and I could no longer avoid him.

  I was already in my seat, with my head bent down, my hair hanging over my face, when I felt a buzz of electricity. Even though I couldn’t see him, I knew he was there. I felt him pause beside me, but when I wouldn’t look up, he sighed and walked away.

  The only problem with Emma’s plan to keep me away from Lucas was Mr. Henderson. When he set his briefcase down on his desk, he called the class to attention. “Okay, everyone, we’re going to continue with our project work on the Second World War. Get together with your partner.”

  Oh crap, this was not good. I raised my hand. “Mr. Henderson, can I switch partners?”

  “I’m sorry, Miss Samson, it’s too late for that. You should almost be finished. Next time, choose more carefully,” he said, obviously annoyed that I had even asked.

  “But Mr. Henderson—” I was about to argue, but he cut me off.

  “Miss Samson, get started on your project now, you’re wasting time.” He pushed his glasses off the bridge of his nose.

  I glanced at Emma; she gave me a comforting smile. It was a nice thought, but it didn’t help.

  Standing up slowly, I walked over to the empty seat beside Lucas and pushed the chair out. It scraped against the floor, echoing throughout the room. Everyone seemed to be watching me in silence. I sat with my eyes glued to the desk, his sweet and spicy scent floating in the air around me. “So, you do this section, and I’ll do that one, like we talked about.” I pointed to the textbook, trying desperately not to gaze into his eyes. “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t speak to me unless it’s about our project.”

  After a long pause, I heard him finally pick up his pen, scribbling over his paper.

  When both of us finished our sections, I put my pen down, still using my hair as a shield. “That should just about do it. We just have to get our separate information on this part off the Internet, and then we’ll be finished. If you need to discuss anything else about the project, you can email me.”

  “Sarah, come on. What, are you never going to talk to or look at me again?”

  “Not for a while, no,” I said, still looking down at my paper.

  He sighed heavily and then I felt his fingers touch my chin. The familiar tingle was now a searing pain. He lifted my head so I would look up at him. His beautiful eyes were full of sadness as he smiled. The urge to kiss him was overwhelming, but instead I pulled away.

  “Don’t touch me again,” I growled, my voice shaking with the urge to cry.

  I stood up, rushing out of the room, barely making it before the tears fell.

  In the bathroom, I took deep breaths to calm myself, splashing water on my face. I drank some to kill the burn in my throat.

  Just as the bell rang, the door swung open, slamming into the wall. Emma stood in the doorway smiling at me. She must have known that if she tried to console me in any way, I would lose it. “Here are your books. I might have accidentally smacked the person at the desk next to yours with them,” she said with a grin. “Or maybe it was on purpose.”

  I laughed, taking my books from her. “You are the best friend in the world.”

  “Don’t I know it?” She walked me to my last class and picked me up again.

  After school, she insisted on following me home. I still wasn’t in the mood to talk but when Emma got something in her mind, there was no changing it.

  As soon as we stepped into my kitchen, she pilfered through the fridge for drinks and then led me up to my room. Once we were settled, pillows adjusted, blankets arranged, she opened her bag and dumped out the contents. Brownies, candies, and chocolates fell onto my blanket. “What the hell are you trying to do? Make me gain ten pounds?” I asked with a chuckle.

  “Who said this is for you?” she said. “You’re going to tell me what happened, and you’re not going to leave anything out. There’s no one here but us, so no one will see you cry but me, and I’ve seen it before.”

  I opened my soda and shoved a handful of candy into my mouth. “Okay, I hav—” I mumbled as bits of candy spilled out of my mouth.

  “Eww, gross,” Emma said, laughing.

  I swallowed, giggled, and continued. “Okay, I haven’t told you any of this, but don’t be mad, okay? I was afraid to say it out loud because that would make it real.”

  So I told her everything, starting from the dream I had of Lucas, the day before I bumped into him, until the night the guy with the mask attacked me. I took a breath and ate a few more candies.

  “I’m a little upset that you didn’t feel you could confide in me. But I do understand why you were freaked out, and didn’t want to think about it.”

  “Thank you for understanding. Lucas said since he’s dreamed of my death, he’s afraid it will happen if we’re together, so when that guy attacked me with a butcher knife, similar to the one in our dream, he came the next morning and dumped me.”

  “I know you’re hurting. I can’t imagine being without Derrick, but I don’t blame Lucas for trying to protect you.” She spoke quietly, staring at the chocolates in her hand.

  I glared at her.

  “I don’t know if I agree with what he did. But the fact that both of you are having these dreams about your own death is scary as hell. And then they start to come true?” She looked at me and raised her eyebrows. “It’s kind of strange, don’t you think?”

  “Yes, it is, but he could have handled it differently.” I sighed and lay back against the pillows, playing with the tassels from my purple throw pillow. “Anyway, now he wants to be able to check on me every once in a while to make sure I’m okay, but we can’t be together. How can I talk to him, and not hold his hand, or wrap my arms around him?

  “I’m pissed off at him. I want to figure out what’s going on together. He says no, being with him is too dangerous. He decides what’s best for me, and I get no say in the matter.” I roughly wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. “Thanks for this; I needed to talk about it. And you really helped me today. How did you find out we broke up?”

  She lay down flat on my bed and glanced up at my dirt splotch. “On Monday, you both were away from school, so I thought you were ditching. When Lucas came back yesterday, he sat by himself at his old table. Andy and I went to see what was going on, and he told us that you guys broke up. We asked what happened, but all he would say was to leave him alone, so we did. I called you last night and your mom told me what happened and that you weren’t up to talking. So today, I told all the guys to stay away from our table, or there would be hell to pay.”

  A laugh snuck out around the brownie in my mouth. The idea that she could harm any of our male friends was funny. She was shorter than me with a tiny frame; a strong wind could knock her over

  She stood up, leaning over the bed to hug me. “I better get going. I’m here if you need me.”

  I sniffed, pushing away the last of my tears. “Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

  The rest of the week was more of the same. I didn’t work though. I had my mom call on Monday to tell them that I had been attacked Sunday night, and was still traumatized. I was taking the week off.

  I finally told my parents everything. They were very upset with me for keeping it from them, and now I was to be driven everywhere. My mood didn’t improve with time. I thought that the ache in my chest would go away gradually, but as the week went by, it got worse.

  I stayed in my room all the time, sometimes listening to music, other times lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling, wallowing in my misery. I’d stare at my dirt splotch that now took the shape of Lucas’ face.

  Monday morning marked a week and a day since he broke up with me. I still wouldn’t speak to him.

  When my mom parked in the teachers’ parking lot, I headed to the side entrance closest to the lot.

  Lucas stood in front of the door waiting for me. I tried to walk around him, but he blocked my path. “Your mother is driving you now? You must have told her what happened. I’m glad, Sar
ah; you need to be careful even when I’m not there to make sure you are.” He was wearing his black motorcycle boots and dark blue jeans, but beyond that, I couldn’t tell. I kept my eyes to the ground, hoping I could make a quick getaway.

  I ignored his question and took a step to the left to get around him again. But he stepped in front of me.

  “I’m sorry about last Wednesday; I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I nodded and tried to move again.

  “You’re really not going to talk to me?”

  I gave up and lifted my head to look at his shoulder. He was wearing his warm navy blue winter coat, but again that was as far as I could go. I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. “Have you changed your mind?”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw his jaw tighten as he looked down at his feet. “No, I’m sor—”

  I cut him off. “Fine.” I slipped by him and ran to my locker.

  Emma was no longer my bodyguard. After I told her my story, it was easier, and I wasn’t worried that I might cry. The tears had dried up, and anger was my new friend.

  It was still pretty quiet at lunch though. My two best friends talked to each other as I read. Cory and Pete still stayed away; I figured it was because I was too depressing to be around. No matter how much people tried to cheer me up, I couldn’t even muster the energy to fake enthusiasm.

  I snuck a peek at Lucas’ table, and the scene there was similar to ours. He read a book while Andy and Kyle talked to each other. I wasn’t sure whether it made it easier or harder, that he was suffering as much as I was.

  When I stood up to go to my locker, Emma and Derrick just looked up and waved. I walked down the hall with my head down, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone passing by.

  “Why did you break up with my brother?” I glanced up to see Logan standing in front of me. His hazel eyes were cold as he stared into mine.

  “I didn’t,” I said, starting to walk away.