Ember

by Rachel Van Dyken

  His voice echoed across the empty room.

  “It could be a trap!” I held up my hands.

  “It’s not.” Sergio said, entering the same door they just did. He seemed calm, too calm. “Believe me, it would be in their best interest to keep us all alive.”

  “What the hell happened?” Tex turned and glared at Phoenix. “What did you do?”

  Phoenix didn’t defend himself; he was making a bad habit of that; instead, he simply stared at Tex with a blank expression.

  And didn’t even lift his hands when Tex punched him so hard the back of his head fell with a crack against the cement.

  “Phoenix!” I screamed.

  “A little much.” Nixon cursed, kneeling down next to his body. “You could have killed him.”

  “If he touched her…”

  “He saved me!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, absolutely sick of everyone thinking the worst of the one man who was willing to die in order that I would live.

  I forgot all about the screams that were being blasted through the sound system, all about the images, the numbers. So, when Tex stumbled back and shook his head, his face going completely white, I knew it was over. Whatever relationship Phoenix and I could have had was gone… because no brother, regardless of how sorry the guy was, would let his sister within a hundred-mile radius of someone with that red number marring his past.

  “Holy shit.” Chase covered his mouth.

  “Turn it off.” Nixon’s eyes were frantic as they glanced from side to side, taking in every picture, the number. With a roar, he slammed his hand against one of the cement poles.

  Sergio frantically ran around the room, just as a picture of Trace filled the next slide.

  “I said turn it off!” Nixon yelled so loud it hurt my ears. He fell to his knees just as the power cut.

  The screams stopped.

  But not before we were all witness to the horror that was Trace’s attack and Phoenix’s expression while doing it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Back to the chair… of course.

  Phoenix

  OF ALL THE SCENARIOS I’D played out — this wasn’t even close to being on my list.

  I was freaking tied to a chair.

  In The Space.

  The exact same spot I’d been tied to when Nixon had freed me last year, when I’d gotten shot, when I’d agreed to help Luca and Nixon trick Anthony.

  History was a bitch.

  So much for redemption and all that shit. I try to do better, and the solution — the problem — always equals my torture.

  My fault.

  It was all my fault.

  And I knew that. I’d known that the whole time. Didn’t stop me from wishing things were different.

  It wasn’t enough that I kept trying to earn penance for my sins; they just kept coming back to haunt me.

  My back hurt, my neck was sore, and my lips still tasted like her. Every time I closed my eyes, I heard her voice.

  “I love you.”

  Her eyes had been so earnest, so pure, that in that moment, I’d believed her, even though I knew I didn’t deserve it. I held onto those words and let them seep deep into my soul.

  And for the first time since I could remember, it felt like I could breathe again… until I got sucker-punched by her brother and ended up with a concussion on the cement floor.

  And now, trapped.

  Waiting for whoever the hell was going to come in and torture me.

  Story of my life.

  I survived, only to die right when there was a piece of happiness within my reach.

  At least, I’d had a few moments with her. At least I’d gotten to experience love — once in my life.

  God knew, I would have chosen a different path, a different life. Maybe I would have actually gone to college, played football, married a beautiful woman like Bee and had kids.

  Laughable, how opposite my life was to the American dream.

  And ridiculous that I was jealous of boring.

  I was jealous of men who worked forty-hour weeks and came home to pot roast. I was freaking jealous of everything about their lives that I would never ever have.

  I kicked the heels of my boots against the metal chair and swore as tears of rage pooled in my eyes.

  She loved me.

  She loved me, and I had nothing, absolutely nothing to give back to her — no love, no heart, no soul. All I could do was stare at her in absolute shock that she was willing to waste such precious words on someone like me.

  Swallowing the bile rising up in my throat at the pictures, images, screams, the past that was brought up and thrown into my face, I prayed.

  I could care less if my own death was swift — just that I could die in her place.

  Maybe God did care. Maybe the only way to set things back into balance was to sacrifice myself so the girl could live, the one girl I hadn’t soiled with my hands, with my body.

  “Just take me…” I whispered under my breath. “…but leave the girl.” My lips trembled. “God, just leave the girl. I can’t—” A choked sob escaped. How many girls had I refused to spare? Why the hell would God spare Bee? Did a sinner’s prayer… a sinner’s plea… even make it to heaven?

  The door to The Space burst open.

  Nixon walked in.

  And déjà vu started taking over my consciousness.

  Only this time, I wasn’t talking shit back to him. I was broken. Threats wouldn’t work, because really? What did I have to live for other than the girl that smelled like vanilla and fought me with every breath in her body?

  “So…” Nixon popped his knuckles, pulled up a chair and sat in front of me. He was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, stupid, since they’d both be a bloody mess by the time he was finished with me.

  “So,” I repeated.

  “…you okay?” He licked his lips and leaned back, crossing his arms slowly.

  “Am I okay?” I let out a humorless laugh. “No, man, no, I’m not okay. Would you be okay? Would you freaking be okay if every single sin you’d ever committed, every single shameful thing of your past was broadcasted for everyone to see? And not just strangers but your friends and family? Would you be okay with facing your monster knowing full well you created it? Would you be okay with loving someone so much, wanting to protect them from the evil, and finally realizing that in the end… You. Failed?”

  Nixon’s jaw clenched.

  “So, no.” Voice hoarse, I hung my head. “Nixon, I don’t ever think I’m going to be okay.”

  “Did you hurt Bee?”

  “The very fact that you have to even ask me that tells me you won’t believe me, even when I swear it’s the truth.”

  “Answer the question.”

  “No,” I barked. “I didn’t hurt Bee… though I can’t promise she won’t have a few scrapes from Pike holding a knife too close to her skin.”

  “Start at the beginning.” Nixon sighed. “What did Pike say?”

  “Don’t you know?” That didn’t make sense. Sergio should have told Nixon everything by now.

  “No.”

  “But Sergio…”

  It was Nixon’s turn to bark out a laugh that sounded more like a hoarse yell than anything. “Sergio’s gone.”

  “What?”

  “Gone.”

  “You killed him?”

  “Yes, I killed my cousin.” Nixon shook his head. “No, asshole. He’s gone, as in, we can’t find him. He took off after we left the warehouse.”

  “But…” It made no sense. Sergio would never bail, not on family, but he was the only one who had the true connection to Pike. And the only reason I knew that was because I knew the family secrets, secrets even Nixon didn’t know, secrets Luca swore had to stay within the Nicolasi clan, just in case we needed to use them as leverage back into the States. The folder. Well, shit.

  “So… what happened?” Nixon tried again.

  “Pike took Bee.” I swallowed. “I put a tracking device in her p
hone and her jacket just in case. I followed the tracking device to the warehouse, and Nick, my right hand man, opened the door, aimed a gun at my temple, and ushered me in. Their plan…” I licked my dry lips. “…their plan is stupid, but it would probably work in the long run.”

  “Infiltrate?” Nixon nodded.

  “Yeah, but in order to do that, they need me shamed in front of the whole Nicolasi family. They were trying to break me, Nixon.”

  Nixon was quiet for a while then asked the dreaded question. “Did they succeed?”

  “No.” I choked. “They didn’t.” But it wasn’t for lack of trying. It was because Bee had no common sense whatsoever, and when I’d begged for her to shoot me — she had kissed me instead, sucking away all the pain, the darkness, and for one brief moment, making me feel human.

  “Alright then.” Nixon stood and walked around the chair to unlock my handcuffs. “I guess we go home.”

  I rubbed my sore wrists, but, other than that, didn’t move, was afraid to even breathe. “What do you mean we go home?”

  “Had to make sure you weren’t double-crossing us. When Sergio left, well, it’s a red flag. I’ve been watching him a while now… I know he has a shady past, a past that, for one reason or another, has five freaking years where he literally went off our radar. So yeah, I’m suspicious by nature.”

  “Maybe he just went off grid for a while.” It was a lie. The bastard didn’t go off grid — not by a long shot.

  Nixon snorted. “In the middle of a spat with the feds? Sergio?”

  “Shit.” I covered my face with my hands. How much did I tell them? Where the hell was Luca when I needed him? “Nixon… Sergio isn’t who you think he is.”

  Nixon stared at me hard before whispering, “I know.”

  “He’s…”

  “Not here.” Nixon snapped, jerking me up from the chair. I followed him out the door and into the waiting Range Rover.

  Tex, Chase, Frank, and Mil were all waiting inside, their expressions blank. That was, until Tex spoke.

  “He tickle you with a feather, asshole?”

  “Yeah, and I almost peed my pants,” I shot back. “You need new jokes.”

  “You kissed my sister again.”

  Mil groaned.

  The car pulled out of the parking lot, and with great restraint, I managed not to launch myself into the back seat and give Tex a concussion — returning the favor and all that shit.

  “She tastes like vanilla,” I said in a taunting voice. “Any more questions?”

  “Son of—!” The car freaking moved as Tex jerked off his seatbelt, but someone must have stopped him because nobody touched me.

  It was Frank’s laughter that broke the ice.

  Followed by Chase’s.

  Then Nixons.

  And finally Mil’s.

  Tex, however, cursed under his breath the entire way home.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the monsters outside than face the scariest one of all—the one in the mirror.

  Sergio

  I STARED AT THE blinking red letters and swore until my voice went hoarse, and when the pressure in my chest still didn’t alleviate, I fell to my knees in outrage.

  Activated.

  The word blinked up at me over and over again. I still hadn’t clicked on the message, because that meant I actually had to admit it existed.

  I thought of calling Ax, of telling him everything, explaining the whys, the hows, and then I thought of calling Nixon, but he’d simply shoot me and then feel bad about it later — maybe.

  No, this shit was all on me.

  All because I had once believed in something.

  The difference between right and wrong. But somewhere along the way, I’d gotten in too deep, crossed my wires, and what seemed wrong for so many years suddenly translated into logic, common sense, survival.

  The house was dark.

  I knew Nixon was searching for me.

  He’d called my phone a half-a-dozen times.

  It would only be a matter of time before he’d send a crew to check out the house, before he’d turn on my locater.

  A teakettle whistled from the kitchen. My heavy footsteps joined the whistling as I slowly made my way into the kitchen.

  “So…” He was a huge man, not just muscular but large, commanding, unapologetic about the way his body took up space at our dining room table. He tapped his fingertips against the counter.

  I waited for the inevitable.

  “…you’ve been activated.” He said in a bored tone. “Yet, you haven’t called in yet. Why is that?”

  “Oh, you know, I had to pick up my dry cleaning and make sure all my affairs were in order before I walked the plank.” I poured myself a hot cup of tea and joined him at the table. “I thought you were above human contact.”

  “You stopped being human a long time, Sergio. I think we both know that.”

  I outwardly flinched at the truth of his words. “That may be true, and you only have yourself to thank.”

  “Oh, I do.” He gave a dark chuckle. “Every day, I thank my lucky stars that I have the great Sergio Abandonato in my grasp.”

  “You’ll fail.” I sighed. “Phoenix didn’t break, the Nicolasis are going to discover Nick’s a rat… and Pike? Well, I guarantee if he shows his face again, it won’t end well for anyone.” Me included, but I didn’t say that part out loud. Pike would stop at nothing to bring everyone down with him — the entire operation, even the ones not directly connected to it.

  “Are you blind?” He laughed. “Did you really think that was the plan? Allow a punk kid like Pike to lead the entire mission… capture the Cappo’s daughter, break a boss who isn’t even a threat, who’s already broken? Oh, Sergio, if you think this is over, you’re so very wrong. We haven’t even started.”

  My stomach clenched. “We?”

  “As of today…you’re back on payroll.”

  My teeth clenched together.

  “Welcome back to the FBI, Agent Abandonato. We’ve been simply lost without you.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  In his arms… where I belong

  Bee

  I PACED BACK AND forth in my room, irritated that Sergio had bailed, and that I was alone in a dark creepy house.

  Tex finally agreed to leave me only after he and Nixon had searched every single hiding spot they could think of for Sergio, and when that hadn’t worked, they’d turned on his locator, only to find it had been disabled.

  Sergio was gone.

  Phoenix was gone.

  And I was alone. Again.

  Tex promised he’d come back, but it had been over two hours.

  As if things couldn’t get any worse, it started to thunder outside. I’d always been terrified of thunderstorms — the whole loud noise thing came into full effect again.

  The thunder shook the house, making the windows sound like they were going to shatter any minute. I dove under my covers like a total baby and waited for the storm to stop.

  It didn’t.

  I plugged my ears.

  Tears streamed down my face.

  Alone, I was so alone.

  I missed him.

  I missed Phoenix.

  Heck, I even missed Sergio. At least he carried a gun… then again, what would a gun do? You couldn’t shoot thunder and lightning.

  Under the blankets with me, my phone lit up. It was Tex, saying he would send someone over to watch me during the night.

  Like a little kid.

  But I didn’t care! At least I would feel safer knowing I wasn’t alone in the house… all by myself, just waiting for someone like Pike to come barging in with a knife.

  The front door slammed closed.

  I held my breath, ready to text 911 to Tex if I needed to. He’d said the entire place was like a compound — no one got in without knowing all the pass codes — but still, fear choked me.

  Footsteps sounded on the stairs. I closed my eyes tig
hter as the door to my room was shoved open and then more footsteps.

  “Bee?” Phoenix said in a low whisper. “Are you okay?”

  I threw off the blankets and stared. He had his hands in his pockets. Of course, he did. I’d come to learn that about Phoenix; he had to occupy his hands when it came to me. Heaven forbid, he accidentally touched me and liked it.

  He bit down on his lip as he took another step forward. “Bee?”

  “You aren’t bleeding,” I pointed out.

  He smiled, the lightning flashed, he was so beautiful, a fallen angel, my fallen angel. “Should I be?”

  “Well, the guys took you, and you had a concussion, and then they locked me in the house, and Sergio took off, and—”

  His fingertips pressed against my lips. “I know.”

  I nodded, parting my lips against his fingertips.

  He let out a curse and jerked his hand back. “I’ll be in my room if you get scared.”

  “Don’t go!” I blurted.

  His shoulders sagged. “Bee, it’s probably not a good idea to be around me right now… after… this afternoon and tonight.”

  “Please.” I scurried off the bed and grabbed his hand, tugging his warm body toward mine. “Please, don’t leave me.”

  He swallowed, his gaze falling to my lips. “I’m going to be completely honest with you right now, possibly in hopes it will scare the shit out of you and make you lock your door, alright?”

  He clenched my hand tightly and slowly led me back to the bed, pushing me down onto it and kneeling in front of me. His eyes were dark, his lips full, wet from his tongue reaching out and licking them.

  “If I stay, I can’t make any promises that I won’t touch you. I can’t promise you that I won’t kiss you. I can’t promise that I’ll stay in the corner, and because I can’t promise that, it also means I can’t promise I won’t hurt you. I can’t promise I won’t be the very thing girls should be afraid of, because I’ve never done it before, Bee. Do you know what I’m saying to you? I’ve never done tenderness… love. Those words, they don’t exist in my world.”

  “So, don’t be tender.”

  He let out a heavy sigh. “Bee, you’re not getting it. I don’t know how… to be normal. And right now, I’m not capable of holding onto my self-control, especially when it comes to you.” He licked his lips and blew out a curse. “And your damn tank tops and sleep shorts. Good God, woman, we need to get you flannel.”