He nodded, but didn’t look like he believed me.
“You did not fuck me up. I was fine when you left. I had a therapy appointment on Wednesday, two whole days after you left. At the appointment, I was telling my therapist what triggered my panic attack when we were together. I got sucked back into memories and it all unraveled from there.”
“So, how did you end up in the closet holding a knife?”
I blew out a breath and played with the food that Mark put on a plate for me. “I passed out in his office and when I woke up, it was like I had just woken up in the hospital after I was rescued. My mind was all over the place and I couldn’t tell what was real. I knew that he was dead, but my mind kept questioning itself. When I got home, I just wanted to protect myself, so I hid in the closet.”
“For two days.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He didn’t bring up the pissing on the floor thing and I was grateful for that. Wanting to move on, I picked up my fork and started eating. Once I started, I realized that I was extremely hungry and finished my plate before Mark was even half done. I picked up the containers and piled more on my plate while Mark chuckled at me.
“How was work?” I asked around a mouth full of food.
“Not great. One of the guys I work with was shot.”
“Oh my God! How is he?”
“He’s out of surgery. Last I heard, the bullet hit close to his spine. They were able to repair the damage, but no one knows what will happen now. Kind of a wait and see game.”
“Does this sort of stuff happen often?”
“No, but I don’t think we took the job with all the information in hand.”
“That’s terrible. How are you handling it?”
He chuckled and got up to take a beer out of the fridge. Sean must have left it behind. “Aren’t we supposed to be talking about you being fucked up?”
“We could write a book on me. I’m sure we could spare a few minutes for you.”
He returned with his beer and took a seat, drinking half of it before continuing.
“Did you know Cal? He used to work with us.”
“The name sounds familiar.”
“He was the one that betrayed us.”
I cleared my throat. “Oh, he helped the psycho.”
“Yeah, I don’t know if you heard, but he died a while ago. He was protecting Maggie, Sebastian’s girlfriend.”
“Sebastian kept him on the team?” I asked in disbelief.
He nodded. “No one agreed with it, but the guy did what he did because his family was taken. Anyway, Cal was shot when he jumped in front of a bullet for Maggie. That’s what happened yesterday with Cazzo. It just brought up bad memories.”
I didn’t know what to say. Somehow, this man knew exactly what to say to me when I needed it, but I didn’t have a clue how to help him.
“So where do we go from here, Lollipop?”
“You mean, you still want to stick around after all you’ve witnessed?” I asked incredulously.
He had a gleam in his eyes that told me he wasn’t through with me by a long shot. “I guess that depends on if you still want to stick to our deal.”
“Fuck buddy and therapy buddy? I’m game.”
“Well, I don’t know what my schedule is over the next few days, but I’ll give you a call tomorrow when I know more.”
He picked up his keys and started for the front door.
“Where are you going? I thought you wanted to do the whole fuck buddy thing.”
“I don’t think tonight is the best night.”
“Why’s that?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Because we’ve both had a hard weekend. I don’t think it’d be a good idea.”
“Is that the way this is going to be? You think I’m too fragile right now to handle sex?”
He stalked toward me and pulled me against his body. “No, I think I’m too fucked up right now to be gentle with you. I think if I touched you the way I wanted right now, I’d end up fucking you through a wall. I have frustrations to let out and I can’t do that with you.”
“Why not? Because I’m too damaged?”
“No, because I would want to be on top of you, claiming you in every way possible. I would pound into you so hard that it would hurt for days. You’re not broken, Lollipop, but you’re not ready for me to climb on top of you and cage you in.”
He bent down and gave me a searing kiss, then turned and walked out the door.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Sinner
AFTER LEAVING CARA’S last night, I called the hospital for an update on Cazzo’s condition. He was in a private room and had been in and out of it since he first woke. It was too late to head over there, so I went home and worked out my frustrations on my cock. Although the two minutes I spent jacking off to the memories of Cara did absolutely nothing to put me in a better mood.
I headed out to the hospital this morning after checking in with Sebastian. Our team was officially off duty until he finished going over the reports. It was pretty typical for a team to take time off when a team member was injured. Walking down the halls of the hospital, I prepared myself to see Cazzo, not knowing what mindset he would be in.
He seemed to be sleeping when I walked into his room, but opened his eyes as I got closer.
“You here to bust me out?”
“I actually came to ask you to hang out a little longer. The nurses are hot.”
He rolled his eyes. “I take it that since you’re not with Vanessa we’re no longer on her detail.”
“Her dad sent his security that night. How ya feeling?”
“Can’t feel my fucking legs, but other than that, I’m just dandy.”
“What’d the doctors say?”
“They said that swelling is normal with this kind of injury and we won’t know more for a few days.” He stared at the ceiling and blew out a breath. “Fuck. I hate hospitals. There’s no way I can stay here for a few more days.” He clenched his jaw and growled in frustration.
“Right, so hot wings and ribs?”
“Don’t forget the whiskey.”
“Honey, I can hear you loud and clear. I already told you there would be no alcohol as long as you’re on pain killers.” A nurse in her fifties walked in and looked at his chart before checking in on the computer.
“Why the fuck do I need to be on painkillers? I can’t feel anything.” Cazzo growled.
“You may not be able to feel your legs, but I can guarantee you would feel where you had surgery and it wouldn’t be too pleasant. Now, would you prefer the whiskey or the painkillers?”
She raised an eyebrow at him and put a hand on her hip.
“Fine, just give me the damn painkillers.”
“Now, Cazzo, don’t go pissing off the pretty nurse. She could give you a male nurse for your sponge baths,” I grinned.
“Cazzo? I’m guessing that’s a nickname?”
“Yep.”
“What’s it mean?” She asked Cazzo.
“I don’t know. They won’t tell me,” he grumbled.
“You could look it up, asshole.”
“Hmm. Fitting.” She murmured and walked out of the room.
“Cap been here?”
“Not this morning. He was here last night, but I told him to get the fuck out of here. He was doing all his work from here and I couldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t leave until the doctor came in.”
His words started slurring and his eyes were drooping. The painkillers must have been kicking in.
“The doctors say he’s pretty lucky.” I turned to see Burg standing in the doorway. He looked exhausted as he sat in the chair on the other side of the bed.
“What exactly did the doctors say?”
“The bullet hit close to the spine, but he should recover. They think that he can’t feel anything because of the pressure from the swelling. We won’t know for sure until the swelling goes down. Therapy’s going to be a bitch.”
“He’s ready to leave. Any chance he’ll get out of here early?”
“Not with a spinal injury. They won’t move him until they know more about what they’re dealing with.”
“Fuck, he’s gonna go crazy.” I ran a hand through my short hair and stared at my friend lying in the bed, not knowing what was going to happen to him. It would kill him if he couldn’t walk again and I didn’t think I could stand to see him in pain like that.
“When did you get here?”
“About forty-five minutes ago.”
“You should just head out. I’ll be here for a little bit, but everyone is taking turns coming over today. He’s gonna be pissed if everyone’s hanging around him.”
“He said he kicked Cap out because he was keeping him awake,” I grinned.
“Cazzo likes his privacy.”
“Alright, I’ll head out, but call me if you hear anything new.”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything. I looked back at Cazzo again and realized that he looked pretty good, maybe a little under the weather, but not like he should be laid out in a hospital bed. Shit. That could have been any of us. I needed to talk to Cap about what exactly happened. I needed answers.
I headed over to Reed Security determined to get some answers for why our team was under fire with no warning whatsoever. Sebastian couldn’t just blow this off. I needed to know why that asshole, Victor Adams had sent us in without all the facts. Stepping out of the elevator inside the Reed Security building, I was greeted by Maggie.
“Hey, Sinner. Did you come to speak to Sebastian?”
“Yeah, is he here?”
“Yeah, he was just about to leave to go check on Cazzo.”
“I just came from there.”
She walked forward and placed a hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry that happened. I know that it must have been hard.”
“He’s going to be fine.”
“I know, but still..”
“When I saw him lying in that bed..” My throat started to constrict with all the thoughts running through my head. I hadn’t really allowed myself to feel anything up until this point, but when I saw him lying there, it brought back all the shit from my days in Special Forces. I never dwelled on the people we lost because it would drag me down into a hole I wasn’t sure I could climb out of. But when it happened, when there was someone lying there in front of me, dead or close to it, I just felt so helpless. That’s how I felt when I saw Cazzo lying there, useless. Nothing I did would guarantee he would walk again.
Maggie wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug that I didn’t know I’d needed until she gave it. Since she had started dating Sebastian, she had become like a little sister to me, despite the fact that she bashed my head in with a car door. My own family was thousands of miles away and we hadn’t spoken in years. The guys in my unit in the Army were my family and now the people at Reed Security.
“What the fuck are you doing? Get your hands off my woman,” Sebastian growled as he stepped out of his office. Our hug was innocent to anyone’s eyes, but Cap was possessive of Maggie to the point of irritation.
“Relax, Cap. It was a hug. It’s not like I was taking her out for ice cream,” I smirked. Yeah, Maggie had told me about how she made Sebastian think that us going for ice cream was code for sex. It didn’t make him like me anymore, but it was fun sticking it to him.
“My office. Now!” I bent down and gave Maggie a kiss on the cheek before brushing past Cap and sitting down in the chair across from his desk. As he walked past, he slapped me on the back of the head.
“I went by to see Cazzo this morning.”
“How was he?”
“He wants whiskey and ribs.”
Cap smirked at that. “I’m heading over to see him later, but I don’t think he’s allowed ribs yet.”
“What the fuck is going on with Adams? Did you find out anything?”
“Nothing yet. I have Becky working on it, but Adams is very rich and knows how to hide his secrets. It’s going to take some time.”
“That fucker is responsible for getting Cazzo shot. We need to deal with him.”
Cap’s jaw flexed in irritation. “I know you want revenge for what happened, but until we have proof that he knew about a potential attack, there’s nothing we can do. You’re just going to have to let things play out. Take some time off.”
“I don’t need time off.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you think you need. Your head’s not in the right space to be out there right now. Come back in a week and talk to me.”
I clenched my jaw to keep from spewing shit at him about how pissed I was. Cap wouldn’t be intimidated and there was no changing his mind. I got up and stormed out of the office, ignoring the hellos as I got on the elevator and left the Reed Security property. There was only one place I could think to go right now, so I headed over to Cara’s for a much needed distraction.
✯✯✯✯✯
Cara looked absolutely stunning when she answered the door. She was just in some lounge pants and a t-shirt, but she was still the sexiest woman I’d ever seen. I pushed my way inside and wrapped my hand around the back of her neck as I kissed her. She melted into me, giving in to the kiss and taking it higher as she pushed her tongue into my mouth.
Slamming the door shut, I picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. I had removed my belt in the truck so that I didn’t scare her and she noticed because her eyes flicked to my waistline. I lifted my shirt so she could see and that’s when she stepped forward and undid my pants, then yanked them down my legs. I hadn’t even taken off my shoes and she didn’t bother to finish undressing me. She pulled my cock out of my boxers and stroked it until I was fully hard for her.
When she sucked my cock into her mouth, I was sure I was going to come in two point five seconds. I had to start imagining all sorts of nasty shit just to get myself under control. The longer she sucked on me, the more I tipped over the edge toward oblivion. I pulled back and quickly undressed her. I couldn’t take my time with her right now. I just needed to escape all the shit in my life and she was like going to Hawaii.
“Get on the bed on your knees,” I whispered in her ear. She got up on all fours and shook her little ass in the air. If I thought she was ready for it, I would take her ass, but we weren’t at that point in our fuck buddy relationship.
As I ran my hands along her wet folds, I felt my cock jump toward her. Even he knew where paradise was located and couldn’t wait to get there. I pumped my fingers in and out of her a few times to be sure she was ready and then lined my cock up with her pussy. I had every intention of slowly sinking into her, but as soon as I felt her heat, I plunged in and started fucking her hard. Cara was skinny and there wasn’t a lot to hold on to, so I wrapped my hands around her waist, which felt way too small in my hands, and slammed my body against hers until the only sounds in the room were our heavy breathing and the slap of our skin.
Every moan she made pushed me until I was pistoning my hips violently against her body. “Fuck, Cara. I’m gonna come.”
She didn’t respond except to moan loudly. I felt her pussy clamp around me and that was all it took to push me over the edge. I pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to her. As I stared at the ceiling, I wondered if I had just taken advantage of our arrangement. I hadn’t even said hello to her. I just barged in and took her. After everything she had been through the past few days, I didn’t even ask her how she was doing. I really was an asshole. Maybe her brother was right about me.
“Thanks for stopping by. I needed that.”
I looked over at her smiling face and figured she was fine. I saw no sign of fear or distress, so I let it go.
“Me too.”
“Shit day?”
I nodded as I looked up at the ceiling again. “I went to see Cazzo this morning. He can’t feel his legs and the doctors won’t know more for a few days when the swelling goes down.”
“I’m sorry.” She placed her hand over my heart an
d gave my chest a little pat. “That must have been hard to hear.”
“Then Cap told me not to come back for a week until I get my head on straight.”
“And what will help you accomplish that?”
“I suppose you could fuck it out of me,” I said with a lazy smile.
“I don’t mind helping you with that, but I have to get back to work tomorrow, so I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for night time visits only.”
I pouted and batted my eyes at her, but she just laughed.
“Okay, on to you. Time to get to work on your shit.”
“I thought you just stopped by to fuck?”
“That wasn’t our deal.”
“Well, I wasn’t really planning on doing much today. Let’s reschedule for another time.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her up. “Nope. You’re not getting out of this. We have to get you out of your head too.” I smacked her ass and then pulled her toward the bathroom. “Shower first, then I’m taking you out.”
I started the shower and shoved her inside. After I removed my boots and then clothes, I stepped in behind her and lathered her up. My plan was to get her really turned on and then we’d head out. I had no idea if it would work, but it was worth a shot. As we got dressed after our shower, Cara continued to stare at me like she was ready to ravage me, but I wasn’t biting.
“Come on,” I said as I grabbed her hand and dragged her out to my truck. She started pulling against my hand.
“Wait, where are we going?”
“I’m taking you out to eat.”
“No, Mark, I’m not ready for this. It’s too soon.”
“Too bad, you gotta get back on the horse.”
“Mark, please don’t make me do this. I can’t.”
I could feel her hand shaking in mine. I knew this would be tough for her, but I had already witnessed what it was like for her. We had to push through. I turned to her and cupped her cheek.
“Cara, I need you to trust me. I won’t ever push you too far, but you have to keep trying. I’m here for a whole week without any interruptions, so let’s get down to business.”
Tears swam in her eyes as she looked at me. “Please,” she whispered. I leaned in and gave her a soft kiss, then threw her over my shoulder and carried her to the truck.
Sinner: A Reed Security Romance Page 9