Today was Mark’s big day. We were going to the urologist to discuss his options and whether or not surgery was recommended. I wanted to go with Mark so that I knew exactly what he would be dealing with. I think that he was a little uncomfortable with it, but I explained to him that I might have questions and I should be there if we were in this together.
Walking into the office, I held tightly to Mark’s hand and prayed that we would hear good news. Tension was thick in the air as we waited for what felt like a half hour, but was more like five minutes. When they finally called us back, Mark glanced at me with apprehension. I smiled at him and followed the nurse back to the room. After asking some questions, she instructed Mark to put on the cloth gown provided and sit on the exam table. He gave me the signal to turn around, but I just let my eyes wander over his body appreciatively with every piece of clothing that came off. I wanted him to know that I was still attracted to him.
“Stop staring at me. I’m here to have my dick looked at. That’s hardly sexy.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, you’re not wearing any clothes. What’s not to like?”
He rolled his eyes at me and put his gown on. I got a great view of his ass as he sat down on the exam table and it was delicious. The tattoo on his back was absolutely beautiful in the bright light of the room.
The doctor entered the room a few minutes later and began asking Mark questions about how much he could feel and then asked him to lie back for the exam. Lifting the sheet, he started to probe his groin.
“Anything there?”
“No.”
“What about here?”
“A little. I can feel it, but it’s only partial feeling.”
The doctor nodded and continued to examine him, asking more questions as he went.
“Alright, you can sit up now.”
Mark did and we both sat there, anxiously waiting for what the doctor would say.
“Well, it seems that the feeling is still there, we just have to help it along. You’ve been taking the supplements and that seems to be helping. You definitely have more feeling than when you were in the hospital. I have a cream I’d like you to try before we consider surgery. It helps to stimulate the nerves and hopefully will get things going again.”
“But how do I stimulate the nerves if I don’t have an erection?” Mark asked.
“Well, I’d like to prescribe you with some Viagra. See Viagra doesn’t get you in the mood, it helps blood flow in the right direction to give you an erection. Once you have an erection, you can use the cream to basically massage the nerves. The point isn’t to give you an orgasm but start getting things moving again. If that doesn’t work, we’ll consider surgery. There are also herbs that you can take that have shown to help activate the nerves in the penis. I would recommend this approach first and we’ll see how it goes.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
He typed some notes on the computer and asked us about what pharmacy we’d like to use. Mark, being the strong man that he is, didn’t want anyone in town to know he needed Viagra and asked for it to be sent out of town. The doctor just smiled and continued with his orders.
“Here’s my card. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.”
He smiled and left the room, leaving me very optimistic. I grinned at Mark as he got dressed.
“What are you so smiley about?”
“I get to massage your penis.” I bit my lip as I tried not to laugh. He rolled his eyes, but a grin split his lips.
“Let’s just hope I can feel it, otherwise it’s just a good show with no finale.”
✯✯✯✯✯
That night, Mark didn’t want to try the viagra. He said he was too nervous and wasn’t ready to try yet. I waited excitedly for the next night, knowing that nothing may happen, but I wanted to get started just the same. I went to Sean’s house and pretended everything was normal, but I couldn’t hide my eagerness to leave as soon as Lillian was home from work. I hadn’t confided any of this to her because I was sure Mark wouldn’t want everyone knowing what was going on with his cock.
When I got home, Mark was just getting out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around his waist as he strode into the kitchen.
“How was PT today?” I asked him as he came up to me and gave me a kiss.
“Good. I think I’m about ready to get back to work. I need to call Sebastian and set up a time to go through the field tests.”
“That’s good. I’m sure you’re eager to get back to work after all this time lazing around.”
“Hey, I make you dinner every night and I clean up the house.”
“As you should, like a good house boyfriend,” I said as I patted his cheek. I turned back to the stove and started preparing dinner.
“House boyfriend, huh?”
“You know, like housewife? Only, you’re not a girl and we’re not married.”
I was cooking ground beef on the stove and when he didn’t say anything I turned to him. He was staring at me while he was thinking about something and I couldn’t make out his expression.
“What?”
“Is that something you want?”
“What’s that?”
“Marriage.”
I shrugged. “Someday, but not right this minute.”
“Is it something you would consider with a guy like me?”
I put my hand on my hip and frowned at him in confusion.
“And what kind of guy is that? A sexy man with a body built like a Greek god that can melt my panties with a smile?”
“A man with a dangerous job that could get me killed or, well, you already know some of the other scenarios. Would you be up for something like that, Lollipop?”
“Maybe someday.”
“I’m not saying that I’m ready either. I was just wondering where we might be taking this,” he said as he stalked toward me.
“I think it’s safe to say that we could definitely be taking it that direction.”
He pulled me against his body and gave me a hard kiss on the mouth. Reaching behind me, he turned the stove off and swept me off my feet.
“I’m interested in eating something else right now.”
“Wait. You’ve been having all the fun lately. Tonight, I want this to be about you.”
“Lollipop, you may not believe this yet, but me eating you is about me. I know you enjoy it, but I enjoy it just as much and I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t.”
“As admirable as that is, I want to try out our new toys and see what happens.”
He set me down with a sigh. “You realize that nothing may happen.”
“I know, but we’ll never know until we try.”
I pulled him back to the bedroom and pushed him down on the bed. “How about this, you take your pill and while we’re waiting for it to kick in, you can eat me?”
“That sounds a lot better than what you initially suggested.”
I grabbed his pills and some water and then laid down on the bed next to him. He crawled over me and placed kisses all over my face and sucked on my neck. His hands explored my body, pinching my breasts and running his fingers down my body. When he thrust two fingers inside me, I gasped and tried to imagine it was his cock instead of his fingers. I did miss him more than I wanted to admit, but I could never tell him that without making him feel worse than he already did.
After a while of him kissing me all over, I started to feel a hardness against my belly. I moaned as he pressed himself against me over and over.
“Can you feel that?” I asked. He looked into my eyes and shook his head. He made me come several times, as if to prove to me that he could still do it without his cock. I screamed and writhed under his touch until I felt like I would black out. I had to pull his hand away when the sensations became too much. Then, as he usually did, he crawled down my body and lapped up the juices that oozed from my body.
I laid there breathing heavily and he laid next to me staring at the ceiling. When my breathing w
as finally under control, I went to the bathroom and grabbed the cream the doctor had prescribed. I straddled Mark’s legs and squirted some cream into my palm. After rubbing it into my palms, I looked into Mark’s eyes and waited for approval. He nodded, but he looked apprehensive.
I gently took him in my hand, not knowing if he would have any sensitive areas that I needed to avoid. I watched his eyes for any reaction, but he gave none.
“Do you feel that?”
“I can feel pressure.”
I used my hands to massage his groin area and the base of his cock, working my hands in an upward motion to try to stimulate the nerves. After ten minutes, Mark closed his eyes and his jaw clenched. I thought maybe it was a sign that he could feel something, but then he opened his eyes and glared at me.
“That’s enough. Get off.”
I was so taken aback by his abruptness that I didn’t move right away. He picked me up and practically threw me on the bed next to him, then stalked off to the bathroom. I waited a few minutes and then decided that if we were really in this together, I needed to get him to talk to me. I knocked on the door and then opened it. Mark was sitting on the toilet with his head in his hands, his cock still sticking up.
“I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”
“It’s okay. I understand that this is rough on you. If it helps to lash out, then do it. I can take it.”
“You don’t deserve that.”
I was silent, not knowing what else to say.
“I could feel the pressure, but there was nothing else.”
“We just have to keep trying. The doctor said that it could take some time to stimulate the nerves. Plus, you just started taking the herbs.”
“I know, but damn it sucks to see my cock standing up and feel nothing.”
“We’ll just take it one day at a time.”
He reached out for my hand and I placed mine in his. He squeezed and then pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my belly and then rested his head against it.
“I love you, Lollipop.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Sinner
CARA AND I spent the last two weeks trying every night to get the cream to work on me, but we still weren’t seeing any results. I could feel a little bit more every time, so I could tell it was having an effect, but I was nowhere near having an orgasm. I tried not to let it get me down and remembered that the doctor said it would take time. I didn’t tell Cara, but the night we got home, after she went to bed, I took the Viagra and tried it myself. I didn’t want to show my disappointment when it didn’t work, so I did it without her.
The stress of everything has made me want to give up. Cara’s been very upbeat about the whole thing, encouraging me to keep trying and that eventually we’ll see results. I just don’t know how much more I can take of this. I don’t know how many more times I can sit there with Cara stroking my dick and not feel it. Fed up with everything, I called Sebastian for our training session. When he didn’t answer, I said fuck it and drove over to Reed Security. It really grated on me that I still didn’t have clearance for the building and I had to be let in, but hopefully after today that would be taken care of.
“Sinner, how’s it going man?” Burg greeted me by the elevators.
“It’s going good. I’m ready to get back. I just came to talk with Sebastian.”
“I don’t think he’s here right now. Something about Freckles running off to Pittsburgh.”
“Fuck,” I swore under my breath. “Do me a favor and get him on the phone. Tell him I need to get reinstated and have someone put me through the fucking tests. I can’t wait anymore.”
“Yeah, give me a few minutes and I’ll see what I can do.”
He walked off and made a phone call while I hung out in the reception area, not able to go any further because I was no longer qualified personnel. Burg came back less than a minute later, finishing up his phone call with Cap.
“He says that you can do your training with Derek and Hunter. He wants Hunter to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t pass out if the workout is too intense,” he said with a smirk.
I gave Burg the middle finger. Cap knew damn well what I was capable of and was just busting my balls.
By the end of the day, Derek had put me through all the workouts and training sessions that were available through our company. He also had me go to the shooting range and prove my worth there. By the time I was done, I was exhausted, but Derek said he had never seen me in such good shape. I felt great, but Derek was blowing smoke up my ass. I had never been this tired after a training session. Still, I knew that I was ready.
“One last thing, Cap said he wants you cleared by a psychologist,” Derek said.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
He shrugged. “Here’s the guy’s number. He’s worked with us before. You won’t get cleared if you don’t get the okay from the doc.”
I took the card that Derek held out to me and grumbled all the way to my truck. Luckily, the doctor had the afternoon open and was willing to see me even though he was supposed to be off. I supposed that was because Reed Security paid him handsomely for his services. Pulling up to the building, I sighed as the dread crept in.
“Dr. Jameson?” I shook his hand as I entered his office.
He nodded and extended his hand. “Mr. Sinn, it’s good to meet you. Please take a seat.”
I got comfortable in one of his armchairs and he took the other. He crossed his leg over the other knee and clicked his pen on.
“So, what is it you’re here to see me about?”
“I’m supposed to see you to get cleared to go back to work.”
“Okay. And what happened that you need to get cleared?”
Better to just tell him. The sooner I filled him in the sooner I would be cleared.
“I was taken outside my place of employment in California because they thought I had information to where a client was being hidden. They tortured me and now my dick doesn’t work. Other than that, I’m back in shape and ready to get back to work.”
“It sounds like you glossed over a lot of stuff there.”
“What exactly would you like to know, Doc?”
“Why did you get taken? You’re a trained operative.”
“I was on the phone with my girlfriend and I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Did you know there was a threat?”
I clenched my teeth. “Yes.”
“But your focus was still on something else.”
“And I paid for it.”
“Something I’m sure you’ll never let happen again.”
“I’d like to say that, but it’s almost impossible to constantly be watching over your shoulder. All I can do is be aware of what’s going on and hope to God it doesn’t happen again.”
He nodded and wrote something down, then looked back at me. “About this girlfriend, are you still with her?”
“I am now.”
“Meaning you broke up at some point. Who did the breaking up?”
“I did.” I explained the issues I’d been having as quickly and succinctly as possible. “So, I pulled my head out of my ass and decided that I wanted her too much to let my ego stand in the way.”
“And what will you do if the treatments don’t work?”
I shrugged and looked away. “I haven’t really allowed myself to think about it. I know that I don’t want her to have to live with a man that can’t perform for her, but I really don’t want to do that to her.”
“To take away her choice.”
“Yeah.”
“I would suggest you keep taking it one day at a time. There are no guarantees in life and you could very well break up for some other reason.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “On the other hand, you could both explore the possibilities of the kind of relationship you could have without the complete sexual experience. Perhaps you’ll find something that works for you both.”
I rolled my ey
es, not really believing that would happen.
“Let’s talk about your time in captivity.”
“Sure, doc.”
“Are you having nightmares?”
“A few, but mostly about Cara. I dream that they use her against me and I can’t do anything. That was one of the reasons I pushed her away. I can’t explain it, but I have this feeling that she could get wrapped up in this whole thing. She’s already suffered enough. I don’t want to put her through anything like that.”
“But you’re back with her.”
“I’ve been with her or following her everywhere. Sometimes, I have one of the guys from Reed Security following her.”
“So, she’s well protected.”
“For now, but I don’t know how long I can keep it up. Once I go back to work, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.”
“Have you talked to your boss about the possibility of a detail for her?”
“He’s fine with it for now, but we don’t know how long it’ll take to chase these guys down. We don’t even know who they are yet.”
“It seems to me that you’re the type of guy that would do anything to keep the ones he loves safe. Nightmares have a way of playing on our deepest fears.”
“So, I should ignore them?”
“You should take them as the warning that they are, but weigh in what you have to offer. You’re trained and you know what you need to do to make sure she’s safe.”
I nodded and hoped he was right.
“As for yourself, how do you feel about going back to work after being tortured?”
I shrugged. “It was the same as in the Army. Shit happens and you move one.”
“Like nothing happened.”
“There’s nothing I can do about it now. I fucked up by not paying attention. I won’t let that happen again if I can. As for work, I can’t see myself doing anything else. This is what I was trained to do and I won’t be satisfied doing anything else.”
Sinner: A Reed Security Romance Page 27