Dark Love (The Two Sides of Me Book 3)

by Garcia, Amy

  “Don’t you want to see?”

  “I’m scared, I can’t.”

  “You want to, baby, believe me you need to look.” I scowl at him in confusion, I was expecting devastation and disappointment, but his expression is closer to shock and awe, he looks back at the screen and then to me tilting his chin toward it encouraging me to look I slowly loll my head toward the doctor. I’m no sonographer, but I can make out the light colored circle of my uterus and inside are two black circles, two! As she moves the probe, a baby appears out of nowhere and then with a tilt there is another baby, oh my God.

  “Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?” I ask, and Dr. Morris flashes me a megawatt smile.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Lawson you are not only pregnant, but you’re going to have twins, do twins run in either of your families?”

  “Yes, Evan has a twin sister,” I say my hand is released, and I hear a chair scrape across the floor being brought closer to my side. Evan sits heavily, elbows on his knees he covers his face with his hands. I return my attention to Dr. Morris, unsure what’s going on with my husband but needing more information.

  “Are they ok, are they going to be ok, why am I bleeding so much?” I fire one question after another not giving her a chance to answer.

  “Yes, Mia, they look fine, it’s hard to say much more than that at this gestation looks like you’re about ten weeks along. The bleeding is being caused by a placenta previa; your cervix is being covered by the placenta, having intercourse most likely caused it, but you would have had no way of knowing that. Congratulations. I’m so glad things are ok.”

  Fucking twins I can’t believe this. “I had a lot of reconstructive surgery after my attack, is that going to cause a problem?”

  “I would suggest you see a specialist, but most likely you’re going to require a cesarean section due to the placenta, and I would imagine any difficulties would be related to delivering vaginally so hopefully not. I’ll refer you to a perinatologist.”

  “Mr. Lawson, are you all right?” I turn on my side to face him reaching through the bars I touch him and realize he’s trembling his shoulders are shaking…he’s crying.

  “Oh Evan, please come here, it’s ok she said they’re both ok.” I pull at his wrist, but he doesn’t budge.

  “I’ll give you two a moment,” Dr. Morris says quietly before exiting the room.

  “Please, look at me.” I’m going to crawl out the end of this gurney if he doesn’t let me see his face, allow me to read what’s going through his mind; I need to know he’s ok.

  “Evan.” He reaches one hand blindly to me and keeps the other shielding his eyes sniffling loudly, but he isn’t able to speak between sobs. I’ve seen him cry once, in Italy when I forced him to listen to the story of my attack, and those were silent tears of pity and sadness over what I endured, nothing like this. I’m unable to get to him, and he honestly can’t talk to me, but he’s holding my hand; that will have to be enough for now. I wait him out for a little while grateful for the distraction; I’m going to have to compartmentalize my feelings on the matters at hand, take one at a time.

  Two people are growing inside of me, but my most important person is right in front of me and needs something. I don’t know what but I’m here for him. All anger and resentment even the disappointment I was feeling about him doubting me are gone now, at least temporarily compassion takes their place. He quiets after a while, and I hand him a tissue from a box next to me in the bed, someone must have thought I was going to need them after my ultrasound. He takes them and blows his nose gently; he’s not really even supposed to blow his nose for a few weeks after his surgery.

  “This is unreal.” He croaks.

  “I know, shit. I know, how did this happen? I mean I know how but how?”

  “A miracle, another I don’t deserve, two more actually, I don’t deserve.” My heart constricts aching for him and his lack of self-love.

  “You deserve a family as much as anyone else Evan, maybe even more. Life dealt you a shitty ass hand; you did the best you could with it, and now you’ve been given a second chance, I say go for it.” He meets my gaze with his bloodshot eyes

  “I wish I never remembered anything from my past, then it would feel like a second chance as it is I’m just a lucky bastard who got away with murder, literally, the first half of his life and now is being teased with everything perfect, everything golden, all the things my new self-wants. As soon as I let my guard down I’m afraid it will all be snatched away as punishment for my sins.”

  “Well you can think that way if you want to but I know better. You’re a beautiful man, inside and out, the man who deserved the punishment is long gone, deteriorating somewhere in the tumor they removed from your brain.” I reach out to trail my fingers from the tip of his scar on his skull over his temple and down to cup his cheek in my palm.

  “You are much too good for me my Mia.”

  “I am just good enough for you.” Finally, he stands and leans into over the rail to hug me. I feel the dampness of his cheek against my neck, and I link my arms under his holding him tight.

  “I don’t hate you; I’m sorry I said that.” I murmur over his shoulder.

  “I never believed you were with anyone else; it was a fleeting thought, but I know you would never be unfaithful to me.” This is exactly what I need to hear at exactly the perfect moment as always with this uniquely intuitive man. I squeeze him as tight as I’m capable of forcing a little grunt and chuckle from him.

  “I think my children are giving their mother super powers.” Amazingly the roller coaster we are on continues on the upswing, and I giggle.

  “This day has been insane. We fly across the world, have mind blowing sex in the airport hangar that lands me in the hospital hemorrhaging. I find out I’m pregnant with not one but two children I never ever thought I would be blessed with. I fucking love you, Mr. Evan Nathaniel Lawson.”

  “I fucking love you too, lady.”

  Dr. Morris pokes her head inside the door to check on us. “Everything ok?”

  “Yes, we’re still in shock but the bleeding has stopped and the cramping is much better.” She takes a step inside the door and looks from me to Evan and back, I can tell she is surprised by his blatant show of emotion, she did think he was abusing me a few minutes ago after all.

  Nervously she coughs and stuffs her hands into the pockets of her white lab coat. “Well that’s good news then, I believe the IV fluids have helped but I think you should at least spend the night and make sure nothing starts up again. If things look good in the morning we can talk about letting you go home.”

  “No.” I blurt out without even thinking, Evan’s head jerks back and Dr. Morris changes her demeanor from relaxed to alert standing taller in anticipation of an argument.

  Evan shifts in his chair and begins with a caution. “Mia, are you sure? It’s just one night I will stay with you, of course.” I shake my head vigorously no.

  “I have just traveled half way around the world; I’ve been away for nearly four months, and I am going home.” Dr. Morris tries to get a word in but I cut her off “Before you say anything else, I’m a nurse and we can have a physician living in the house. I swear on all things holy I will stay in bed until you give me the green light, hell I’ll even let you carry me to the bathroom if you want to, Evan, but I need to go home.” A pang of guilt strikes me; it’s not just about me anymore. I have two tiny babies at risk here and as a mother they should come first but I feel irrationally strong about this.

  The two of them exchange glances, and he shrugs slapping his hands on his thighs. “I can’t argue with that.”

  “You can’t?” I’m shocked he is agreeing with me, I know it’s unreasonable to want to go home, maybe it’s the hormones but I need to get back to familiar surroundings, and I need to do it now.

  “You know I despise hospitals, and we have spent more time in than out of them so yes, I agree, we can take care
of you at home.” Dr. Morris has been watching us silently and is now shaking her head in amusement and surprise.

  “You two are something else; it isn’t every day I have a patient with a live-in physician and a husband willing to move heaven and earth to please his wife.”

  “Well we are pretty unique, I agree,” I say while glancing at my gorgeous, crazy, maniac, complex husband. Evan nods in agreement.

  “Will the babies be ok if we go home tonight and she stays completely off of her feet?”

  “Yes, I think so as long as you do not have any more bleeding.”

  “I’m not.”

  “All right then, any sign of further bleeding and you must come right back to the hospital, agreed?”

  “Absolutely yes, of course,” I say, “I’ll refer you to a specialist, and you can be out of here in a few minutes. Mr. Lawson, there are towels in the cupboard if you would like to clean up a little. Before you two go, I need to be clear that there cannot be anymore sex during your pregnancy.”

  “Thank you and yes it goes without saying, no intercourse, understood.” It is at this moment I realize he will not touch me for the next 25 weeks. Oh my God that’s a long fucking, or I should say non fucking, time! I nearly exploded with need for him tonight in the Escalade; now I have to close down shop for 25 weeks!

  Dr. Morris turns to leave, and as she does I see a fleeting bit of longing in her eyes, I’ve seen it before it’s how many women look when they have been exposed to my husband. Any woman can see he’s a piece of perfection physically but add that to the love and devotion he openly shows for me, and he’s irresistible. He turns hearts and minds into mush all over the place but looks are deceiving, and no one really knows him like I do, so much of him is hidden away from the world and with good reason.

  “I’m going to get cleaned up and let Mr. Saint know we will be going home; he’s out having the car cleaned.” I groan

  “Ugh, that’s a gross job, I feel bad he’s having to clean up blood.” He stands at the sink scrubbing up to his elbows.

  “He’s used to it.” The words slip from his lips, but he freezes instantly realizing his mistake. The water runs quietly over his forearms, and I turn to see his back tense and flexing through his shirt. It takes me only a few seconds to catch up and I know that he is referring to the past; Saint has always been a part of his life and would have taken part in the activities of Evan’s mafia days.

  “I’m sorry Mia…I didn’t mean to…”

  “It’s ok.” I don’t know what else to say, it’s not ok nothing about his former life is ok, and unfortunately he’s stuck with those haunting memories and their effects on his life. I watch as he resumes washing finally giving up on trying to work around his ruined shirt he strips it over his head and finishes the job while blessing me with the sight of his lean back muscles flexing and stretching. He’s beautiful, our children are going to be beautiful…our children, this is so surreal how did we get here?

  “Do you need any help?”

  “Huh?” He draws me from my pondering and renders me speechless when he turns and drops of water slide down his muscled torso and rippling abs as he dries his face with a towel. He is going to have to wear sloppy sweats for the next few months, or I’m going to lose my mind. “Washing? Did they get all of the blood off of you?” I rip my eyes from him and lift the sheet to see that yes indeed they thankfully have gotten me pretty clean; I need to figure out how to calm my new hormonal cravings.

  “Um, yes I’m good,” I manage he frowns.

  “What’s wrong? You’re not bleeding are you?”

  “No, no. I’m fine.” I lie while skimming my eyes over his shirtless body and biting my lip. He follows my gaze and looks down at himself and back to me.

  “This is going to be a problem isn’t it?” I sigh deeply and flop my head back against the pillow closing my eyes.

  “No. It’s for the babies. But you don’t have to be so fucking gorgeous, ya know.” He chuckles

  “I’m sure we can find creative ways around the rules baby. It’s not going to be easy for me either you know, you have always been irresistible to me.”

  “Yea but you’re not going to get as fat as a house and look disgusting like I am, I say you’ve got it easier,” I whine

  “You will be the most beautiful pregnant woman who ever lived baby, do you know how I know that?”

  “No, how?”

  “Because you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and you are carrying two miracles inside of you, two people who by all rights should never have been possible. And I don’t care if you’re fat, that just means more for me to love.” I snort

  “Yea, you say that now.”

  “And I will say that in five months, twenty months, five years, fifty years because you will always be my beautiful, Mia.” And there it is, one of the million reasons I love this man so much, perfect timing.

  There’s a knock at the door, and Evan goes to open it a crack, a few words are murmured, and clothes are passed through the small opening. “Saint brought us clothes from our suitcases in the car.”

  “What a saint.” I snort sarcastically which wins me a smirk and a wink, a deadly combination he’s going to have to be careful with for a while. “Are the kitties ok? They were freaking out!”

  “Yes, he’s got them all quieted down.”

  “Quieted down, how?” Saint and I are getting along better these days, but I’m not so sure how much I trust him with animals.

  “He didn’t hurt them, Mia; for God’s sake he’s not evil. He just let them out to run around the car for a bit after it was cleaned up.” Thank goodness I wouldn’t put it past him to drug them up for a while, it’s the easy choice, but he probably didn’t have any sedatives left, no scratch that. I’m sure he can get his hands on whatever he wants whenever he wants it. Evan reaches inside my bed and presses the nurse call button.

  “They should have had us out of here by now,” he complains.

  “It’s only been a few minutes.”

  “I’ve got some pull around here; they were supposed to be right in with your discharge paperwork.”

  “Oh geesh, keep your pants on mister, experience life as a commoner,” I say holding back a little giggle.

  “Commoner? I think not.” He looks so adorably disgusted I can’t help laughing. “You stop making fun of me, lady; I’ve been forbidden from fucking you not spanking you.” My jaw drops, his use of profanity always surprises me.

  “Promises promises.” I giggle unable to stop goading him. He rolls his eyes, and the nurse enters as if on cue. After receiving a laundry list of things I can’t do for the next few days, I’m loaded into a wheelchair and pushed to the curb where Evan lifts me into the freshly cleaned Escalade, buckling my seatbelt like I’m a two-year-old. I let him do his overbearing protective thing with no complaints though, it’s his way, and I love his ways.

  When we pull up in the circle drive at home I am excited and energized, it feels so amazing to be here. It’s been a very long time since we have been under the roof of this house together. Evan, as promised does not allow my feet to touch the ground and gathers me in his arms to carry me inside through the foyer, past the grotesque fireplace in the living room and through the double doors of our bedroom.

  “Bath first or bed?”

  “Bath.”

  “I’ll run the water.” I curl up on my side in our huge bed and watch him disappear into the hall to the bedroom next to ours where the bathroom has a tub. I reach down to touch my tummy and try to imagine that two tiny people are growing there. I saw the ultrasound. I even have pictures in my purse, but it’s still unbelievable.

  “Mrs. Lawson?” Saint stands just outside the door holding two rocking kennels. “I think they would like to be freed.”

  “Oh, of course, please let them out!” I sit up in bed as he sets the kennels down and Yes and No come bounding across the room the second he swings their doors open. �
��Would you like me to close the doors and keep them in here?”

  “No, let them explore their new home, Evan doesn’t like the door closed anyway.” Just as I speak the words both of the kitties dive for the door, and Saint is forced to jump up allowing them to run between his legs.

  “Oh!” I exclaim, and his expression has me bursting with laughter.

  “What’s going on in here?” Evan strolls past Saint and the abandoned kennels.

  “Yes and No are trying to kill Saint,” I say between fits of giggles.

  “Miserable pests,” he mumbles as he tugs his shirt down and picks up the kennels to put them away. Evan smirks

  “Those are my Furballs, Saint!” He taunts him as he walks away. Saint harrumphs his disapproval which intensifies my laughter.

  “You’re very jubilant today, aren’t you?”

  “What’s not to be jubilant about?” I reach out and take his hand to pull him down into bed with me. “I’ve got you, your surgery is behind us, we are home and I’m…pregnant with twins!” The reality is too much and brings me from full on laughter to tears in one breath.

  “Oh my God, are all women as unbalanced and bewildering as you when they’re pregnant?” A chuckle escapes between sobs, and I have to wonder the same thing, I’ve never felt so happy or so nuts.

  “I dunno but I do feel pretty crazy.” He tucks a long piece of stray hair behind my ear and lazily drags his finger along my jaw before cupping my cheek.

  “You are double crazy because there are two babies.” He smiles warmly.

  “I’m double crazy because I’m pregnant with two of your babies!”

  “You only have this shield for a few months. I’m keeping track of your smart mouth, Mrs. Lawson, don’t think I won’t find a way to punish you later.” He tickles me gently with the word punish.