Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools

by Victoria Twead

  Talk later

  Glennys

  PS Who is that old man who wanders round the village in the evenings? He’s always got a black cat following him.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Greetings from El Hoyo!

  Hi Joe and Vicky,

  Very glad you love our home and Rob picked you up from the airport ok. He’s pretty reliable. Have you met Amy yet? Did she leave the house nice and tidy for you? Surprised you’ve never seen a vacuum system like ours before. Very handy just plugging the tube into the wall.

  Went shopping again - more successful this time. Well armed with the dictionary of course!! Couldn't find a number of things, but maybe they’re not available here. Anyway, had a good time and think that we’re set up for the next month!!

  Having a try of the sticky pudding recipe today to see if it works...if it is a disaster I think I will leave town before the fiesta!!

  The mouse has to be docked in the dock in order to charge, but you sometimes have to wriggle it until the green light flashes. Ask Rob if you can’t get it working.

  Somebody called Judith phoned. Couldn’t hear properly because of dogs barking, but I think she just called in case we needed anything. Very kind of her.

  Hope you enjoy the pool today...the weather here is perfect.

  Till later

  G & K

  PS Don’t forget to ask Amy or Rob if you have any questions. Isn’t that what kids are for? Telephone numbers on the fridge.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Fiesta - wow!!!!!!!!!!!

  ‘Hola’ to you both,

  Sorry we haven’t written for a few days, but it’s been the fiesta and you obviously know what that’s like!!!!!!!!

  Rob phoned and said you’ve had thunderstorms. It’s always like that in Q’land this time of year. Hope that you’ve been able to get some swimming in between storms.

  Fiesta ends today and I’ll be glad to have an end to all the rocket blasts that I’m sure are undermining the foundations of the house! The noise has frightened off the cats and dogs and put the chooks off their laying...apart from deafening me and Ken!!!

  Pudding contest went well and I managed to pull off first prize!!! I think the fact that the mayor was being kind to visitors (and I think he likes blonde ladies) may have had a lot to do with it. Very nice of them all though. You said that they liked sweet and sticky and that’s what they got. Had lots of nice comments about it from the women…not that I could understand them except for their gestures.

  Everyone’s been very helpful and kind to us. Last night we went and joined in a bit of the dancing…not as much as we we would have liked, but we had to be careful not to overtax Ken’s knees. The band was very good and the singer excellent.

  For my prize they gave me a very nice 24 piece crockery set, which is lovely, but weighs a ton and there’s no way that we can pack it in our suitcase. So I’ll leave it here in the hopes that you can use it or give it to someone else.

  Everything here is going well, we plan to investigate some of the other little towns around here once the Fiesta is over and we recover.

  Till later -

  Glennys and Ken

  PS Took lots of photos of the Fiesta and competition. Too tired to do anything more today, but will get Ken to send them tomorrow.

  PPS Weather is beautiful. Will write out the Sticky Toffee recipe for you.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Gas fire

  Hi again,

  Just a quick question...can you help us by explaining again how to light the gas heater? The weather has gone a lot colder recently and we realize that as it may get even colder in the next month we thought we should know how to light the heater. Ken had a look and is not keen to press buttons until he knows what they do...we would hate to blow up the house!

  Had a visit from the village kids last night doing trick or treat. (It was 1‘clock in the morning!!!) Paco was with them and came in and chatted to us for a while. He asked us to say Hi. We managed a conversation in spite of our poor Spanish.

  Seems that Marcia's husband is poorly and they are staying with family down below. Obviously the shop is closed now too but we met a really nice villager called Geronimo. He’s got long curly hair and always wears a football scarf and he’s really friendly. Do you know who I mean? He brings us our bread sometimes if we don’t hear the van. Often stays for a drink. Can’t half put it away!

  Seems that Paco is very happy with his grapes for his wine this year too.

  Enjoy your trip to Hervey Bay. Hope the whales perform for you. You may see some calves, too.

  Bye for now,

  Glennys

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Wildlife

  Yes, do go ahead and feed the lorikeets - they’re the cute rainbow coloured little ones. And feed the kookaburras if you want, but DON’T feed the cockatoos!! They’ve got vicious beaks and will tear the fly screens to shreds to find food.

  Glennys

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Malo Suerte

  Hello Vicky and Joe,

  Ken here. Sorry we haven’t been in touch for a while. I’m afraid we’ve had a bit of a mishap. Glennys and I were taking a nice walk outside the village towards the little white shrine when Glennys slipped on the gravel pathway. We thought she’d just sprained her ankle but it blew up like a balloon and she couldn’t walk. I had to get the jeep and put the old girl in the car without moving the ankle - then drive down the mountain to the hospital.

  Anyway, we found the hospital after asking for directions and it turns out she has a spiral fracture of the fibula. She’s going to need surgery - pins and screws.

  We’ve got travel insurance so after long talks they arranged for her to be transferred to a private hospital in Almería. Got to say, I didn’t realise that was an hour away, and I had to follow the Ambo - siren, flashing blue lights, everything. Your poor little jeep had to follow in the dark, at breakneck speeds of 130-140kmph. It was horrendous - through red lights and overtaking all in sight, while being honked at and abused by other motorists who must have wondered what the hell I was doing. I knew I couldn’t afford to lose the Ambo otherwise I wouldn’t know where I was. Miraculously we all arrived together at the hospital and the treatment the old girl is receiving is excellent.

  Anyway, she’s comfortable now and I’ll keep you posted.

  Hope you are well and still enjoying QLD.

  Best wishes,

  Ken

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Back in the village

  Hola both of you,

  Well, I’m back in the village, and Ken and I can’t believe the villagers’ kindness. Geronimo brings me handpicked roses, Carmen next door is supplying enough food for us each weekend to last most of the week (some of which we don’t recognize…probably a good job too!!) and we’ve had other visits from previously unknown villagers who were no doubt eager to view the latest curiosity!

  Of course I can’t get round the house much on crutches on the tiles (too scary!) so I miss the daily visits to the roof terrace. Don’t miss the flies though!

  Don’t know who, (Geronimo maybe?) has arranged for the doctor to call each week. Seems to produce a flurry of great excitement as people we’ve never seen before call to announce the imminent arrival of the doctor. Obviously I’m honoured to received such a highly esteemed visitor!

  Funny though, the only bruise I got as a result of the daily injection to prevent blood clots came from this revered doctor. Ken manages every other day without pain or bruising to me. Maybe Ken’s missed his calling!

  Anyway, don’t worry, we’re coping.

  Hope you’re still having fun in Aus.

  Glennys

  PS Have been doing a lot of reading.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Wrapping up

  Hi again,

 
; Just making final arrangements. Ken’s cleaned the house ready for your return and I hope you’ll find everything in order. The chooks are fine, but still refusing to lay - sorry!

  Paco offered to take us to the airport amid much chest thumping and insisting, but the insurance company have laid on a taxi. Felt that we were personally offending him by refusing and felt really bad. Hope he understood.

  The taxi is coming at 6.00 a.m. so Ken will have to stand in the square with a torch and wait for him, then guide him here. If anybody’s awake and sees him they’ll be even more convinced that Australian people are very odd!!

  Anyway, in spite of the accident - this has been an amazing holiday. We’ve house swapped ten times before, but this holiday has been unique. I don’t think we’ll ever forget the kindness, friendliness and hospitality of El Hoyo. Thank you.

  Do keep in touch,

  All the very best,

  Glennys and Kenneth

  PS Nearly forgot- sad news- the old man (Sancho?) husband of Marcia at the shop died last week. Thought you’d want to know.

  ∞∞∞

  Joe had still said not one single word about leaving or staying, and I hadn’t dared broach the subject. It was too painful. I would just have to wait.

  I peered down at Andalucía as the plane began its descent. It was midwinter, but the Spanish sun still bathed the mountains, shadows throwing the cultivated terraces into sharp relief. Little whitewashed villages glinted, connected by brown meandering roads. I could even see the sparkle of mountain streams and a shepherd surrounded by his sheep. I drank it all in. My hands gripped the arm-rests; we’d be back in El Hoyo in a couple of hours...

  Joe leaned over me and gazed down at the view. He said something, but the aeroplane engine noise as it prepared for landing drowned out his words.

  “Pardon? What did you say?” I strained to hear him.

  Joe squeezed my hand and tried again, louder this time.

  “It’s wonderful to be home, isn’t it?” he said.

  Sticky Toffee Pudding a la Glennys

  Fiesta winning recipe!

  Pudding:-

  1 1/4 cups chopped dates

  1 1/4 cups water

  1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

  60g (2oz) butter

  1/4 cup castor sugar

  2 eggs

  1 cup SR Flour

  Sauce:-

  200g (8oz) brown sugar, firmly packed

  1 cup fresh cream

  20g (1oz) butter

  Method:

  Grease a deep round cake tin. Line the base with paper. Grease both the pan and the paper.

  Combine dates and water in a saucepan and bring to the boil. Remove from heat, add soda and stand 5 mins. Blend or process until smooth.

  Cream butter and sugar in a small bowl with a mixer until combined. Beat in eggs one at a time. Fold in the flour, then date mixture.

  Bake in moderate oven for about 50 mins or until cooked through.

  Allow to cool slightly and then turn onto a rack over an oven tray. Pour 1/4 cup of sauce over the pudding and return to the oven. Bake uncovered for 5 mins more. Serve with sauce and whipped cream.

  Toffee sauce:

  Combine sugar, cream and butter in a saucepan and stir over heat without boiling until sugar is dissolved. Simmer for 3 mins stirring all the time.

  This is the recipe that I used……however I had to improvise in Spain as the ingredients seemed a little different and we needed a larger amount. I added some chocolate powder to the cake mix, and I baked it in a large dish, not a tin, without turning out and over. I just poured some extra sauce over the top and then cooked it for a few extra minutes and served direct from the large dish. Enjoy!!

  EPILOGUE

  I found That List the other day. It was pushed into the back of a drawer, yellowed and forgotten. I unfolded it and checked it off mentally.

  • Sunny weather - True. No argument there.

  • Cheap houses - Well, yes, but we’re not selling ours anyway.

  • Live in the country - Yes, we do.

  • Miniscule council tax - Still true.

  • Friendly people - True. And not just friendly, but generous, kind, quirky, welcoming…in short, just wonderful.

  • Less crime - True. (Apart from being burgled at that hotel when we were house hunting.)

  • No heating bills - NOT true! Nights are freezing during winter.

  • Cheap petrol - Cheaper than Britain, yes, but rising all the time.

  • Wonderful Spanish food - Absolutely no argument with that...

  • Cheap wine and beer - Oh, yes!

  • Could get satellite TV so you won’t miss football - We did, and Joe’s only missed one match. That was due to a magpie flying into the dish. Both magpie and dish survived.

  • Much more laid-back life style - Absolutely!

  • Could afford house big enough for family and visitors to stay - That one’s backfired a bit. If anything, we get too many visitors…

  • No TV licence - True.

  • Only short flight to UK - True, but we rarely go.

  • Might live longer because Mediterranean diet is healthiest in the world - Don’t know yet, time will tell.

  I could clearly see where Joe’s pen had gone through the paper when he’d added to the list so long ago.

  • CAN’T SPEAK SPANISH! - Well, still got a long way to go but we can chat in Spanish quite easily now.

  • TOO MANY FLIES! - He was dead right about that! Our record stands at 72 flies swatted in one sitting.

  • MOVING HOUSE IS THE PITS! - Yes, it is, but as we aren’t moving again, who cares?

  We are still in contact with Glennys and Ken. They send frequent emails describing their latest house swaps: other parts of Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam... Rob, their son, is touring Australia with his family in a motorhome. It seems travelling is in the family blood.

  Judith remains a good friend of ours. She has another dog she’s named ‘Invisible’. So now she has nine and a ‘Half’ and one that’s ‘Invisible’. She always said she’d never have ten.

  Mother celebrated her ninetieth birthday recently. She is frail, but still fashion-conscious and feisty. The aroma of Chanel No.5 and herbal cigarettes linger wherever she goes.

  Old Sancho is sadly missed. His walking stick still leans in a corner of the shop, gathering cobwebs. His black cat now follows Marcia all the time. She scolds it when it winds around her feet and trips her up, but she never pushes it away. Last spring the cat had a liason with a battle-scarred old tom in the village. Marcia gave us one of the resulting kittens, and we’ve named him ‘Sancho’. Marcia approves. Little Sancho is the bane of Thief Cat’s life, pestering the poor old thing when she wants to sleep, but he’s a source of constant delight to us.

  On very quiet evenings, I sometimes hear a strange but familiar sound. Soft footsteps are shuffling up the street. Little Sancho hears it, too. He stops chasing Thief Cat’s tail and pricks up his ears. It sounds like ‘tap, tap, paaarp, tap, tap, paaarp’ approaching. I smile. Old Sancho is taking his evening stroll.

  Sometimes the ship’s bell rings, but there is no-one there. I know it is Pepa, coming for eggs and to tell me the latest village gossip.

  Kurt drops by occasionally. “Ja, this is a good house,” he says, looking round. “You haf done good verk.”

  The Gin Twins visit every year, sometimes twice. They bring welcome gifts of Marmite, English books and news from our former life. Gin sales at the city supermarket always soar at this time.

  Geronimo continues to be employed by the council. He’s also been appointed as a kind of village police officer. It’s probably fortunate that El Hoyo isn’t a crime hotspot. He has a brand new Real Madrid scarf, and has tied the old one to his television aerial. It unfurls in the wind, flapping above the village roofs, a banner and reminder of his beloved football team.

  Uncle Felix visits us every February to supervise the pruning of our vine. He’s a little more bent
every year and has lost his last two remaining teeth, but his mule still adores him.

  Great Aunt Elsa has pride of place above the mantlepiece. She continues to watch over us and is much admired by the villagers.

  We only have six chickens now. As before, we rarely eat eggs as they get given away faster than the chickens can lay them.

  El Hoyo continues to thrive. Some more new houses have sprung up and there are fresh faces in the village. EEC money has paid for a better road down the mountain to the city, cutting the journey by half.

  Paco and Carmen-Bethina still live next door. Paco’s face is a little more lined and leathery, and Carmen-Bethina is rounder, but they never really change. Joe and I are always welcome, but still referred to as ‘The English’. Little Paco has grown tall and attends the High School. His favourite subject is football. Sofía has a boyfriend, but assures her parents he isn’t ‘The One’.

  But Paco and Carmen-Bethina now have their dearest wish; at last they have become proud grandparents. The wife of Diego, their eldest son, recently gave birth to a little girl. This baby, together with others born to village families, ensure the future of El Hoyo.

  And so life goes on...

  ###

  About the Author:

  Victoria Twead was born and raised in Dorset, England, before moving to West Sussex to pursue a teaching career. She nagged Joe into moving to Spain in 2004 where their new life in a mountain village inspired her first book, ‘Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools’, which is soon to be followed by a sequel.

  Currently she shares her garden with six elderly chickens and three cats, and her house with Joe.