by S. M. Shade
“Yeah,” I reply, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t a great time, but I thought you should know. Sadie’s back in Oklahoma. Her mom is dying.”
Shit. There’s nothing I can do for my sister right now, but there is another woman I love that I can help.
“Can you book me a plane ticket? And do you have a Valium?”
“Already booked. I’m going with you. And I’m not a drug dealer.”
After running by her house to get her suitcase, Ayda and I head to the airport. I have given no thought to what I’m doing or what I’ll say to Sadie when I get there. I just know she’s losing her mother and she needs me. I’ll worry about all the other shit later.
My nerves are in overdrive, but I manage to keep my cool through security and boarding. I don’t know why I’ve always been afraid of flying. Something about careening through the air stuck inside a metal can just terrifies the shit out of me.
The flight attendant goes through the whole spiel, demonstrating the seat belt—who the hell doesn’t know how to put on a seatbelt—and draws our attention to the emergency exits. Yeah, that’ll help when we’re hurtling toward the ground.
“In the event of decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you…” she rattles on.
Ayda regards me when I scoff, “I’ll bet there’s no oxygen in them.”
“Why would they deploy the oxygen masks then?”
“To keep us in our seats? Or maybe to muffle the screams as we all plunge to our death in the ocean.”
Laughing, she shakes her head. “We aren’t even crossing an ocean.”
“A mountain then. They should fill them with Valium. I’d huff the hell out of that about now.”
The attendant finishes her announcement and it’s time for takeoff. Ayda grabs my hand which is shaking like hell, and I should be embarrassed, but I’m too petrified to give a shit. As soon as we level out, she calls the flight attendant and hands me a tiny bottle of liquor. “Drink it. It’ll help. The flight is only a couple of hours.”
The flight is smooth, and I actually relax a little while Ayda fills me in on everything I’ve missed with Sadie. “She misses you, Justus, but she’s given up. She told me she’s thinking about going out with one of the doctors she works with.”
A sick rage fills me at the thought of any other man touching her. I haven’t so much as looked at another woman since our little trip. Not willingly, anyway. “You told her I was working?”
“Yes, and she knows things with In Safe Hands have to be kept secret, but she’s also not stupid. Can you honestly say you couldn’t have called her, even once? Or sent her a card, an email, anything to let her know you’re still interested?”
Sighing, I close my eyes. “I was focused on my sister and…” My hand crawls through my hair, reminding me I need a haircut. It’s getting wild. “I love her, Ayda, but it’ll never work out. Hannah is going to need me and her recovery isn’t going to be an easy process. I’m sure she won’t want to get dragged into all that.”
“That’s Sadie’s call to make. You aren’t even giving her the option.”
“And let’s say she does still want to be together. Do you think she’ll still want me when she finds out what I do for ISH?” Sadie is strong and independent with a good heart. I can’t imagine she’ll be okay with me killing men and feeding them to pigs, no matter how evil they are.
“She knows what ISH does. She’s my best friend. I confided in her after Dare and I got together.”
I lower my voice. “She knows what the group does, not that I’m the designated hit man.”
Ayda turns to me, and whispers, “You aren’t a serial killer. You’ve put down two men who only lived to torture and abuse kids.”
“I know that.”
“Then quit making excuses like a pussy, man the fuck up, and go after your girl before I kick your ass.”
Ayda is a fierce little thing. Dare really has his hands full. But she’s also right. “Yeah, you and what army, Tiny Dancer? I could pick you up with two fingers,” I tease.
“And I can shove my tiny foot up your ass until you taste my pointe shoes. Sadie has always been good to me. She’s a wonderful person. Stop jerking her around.”
A smile forms on my face at the pinched, stubborn expression on hers. “I’ll fix things. I promise.”
“Good. Now buckle up. We’re landing.”
Oh fuck.
We rent a car at the airport and head straight to the hospital. I take the opportunity to call Hannah’s rehab center and a counselor assures me she’s fine and settling in. He reminds me I can’t have any contact with her for the next two weeks, but I’m welcome to call anytime and talk to him for an update.
Ayda and I head up the Intensive Care unit where we’re directed to the door of a small waiting room. Hoping to find Sadie inside, I take a deep breath and open the door.
She’s curled up on a sofa, gnawing on a fingernail, her gaze pointed at a TV in the corner I doubt she’s even seeing. Sadie is always fit, but her face shows a recent weight loss. I wonder how much of that has to do with her mother and how much has to do with me.
Guilt tugs at me. Ayda was right. I had multiple opportunities to call her. Hell, I had multiple burner phones I could’ve used. Once things started getting rough, I did what I always do. I closed down and isolated myself, determined to deal with the situation alone.
She doesn’t notice me until I sit down beside her and brush a strand of hair from her eyes. “Justus?” That one word is all I can take, and I pull her into my lap, relief filling me when she goes willingly. Her face is buried in my neck and sobs shake her little body.
“I’ve got you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” What if she has already died? I stroke her hair and squeeze her tighter. “How is she doing?”
Sitting up, she wipes her face with her sleeve and shakes her head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it. What are you doing here?”
“Ayda told me what happened.”
It’s then Sadie notices her friend standing across the room. “You two didn’t have to come.”
Ayda sits beside us. “Don’t be ridiculous. I wanted to be here, and as soon as I told Justus, he insisted we take the first plane out.”
Sadie looks from Ayda to me. “You flew?”
“Yep. Risked my life just for you, Sweets. The plane was all over the place. It was terrifying.”
The smile I’m trying to elicit blooms on her face, turning to a giggle when Ayda says, “For fuck’s sake, we didn’t even hit any turbulence.”
“They were warning us about oxygen masks!”
“That’s a safety demonstration! They always do it. Sade, you’re driving him back. No way am I babysitting him again.”
Sadie and Ayda laugh, and Sadie slides off my lap to sit on my other side. “How is your mom, hun?” Ayda asks.
“You aren’t going to believe this. I barely believe it, but…she’s in surgery. They found a heart.”
“Holy shit! That’s amazing!” I pull her into another hug.
“We still won’t know anything for a while. Even if she pulls through the surgery, it’ll be touch and go. She’ll need anti-rejection drugs and undergo cardiac rehabilitation.”
“We’ll take care of it. Whatever she needs.”
“We?” asks Sadie, her expression hardening.
“We.” I pick up her hand that still wears my ring.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Doug stands in the doorway, two cups of coffee in his hands.
It’s time for me to make some amends.
Chapter Eleven
Sadie
Justus is here. I should be surprised, and I am, but it’s overshadowed by the shock of my mother getting a new heart. We never thought they’d find a match. I’m torn between throwing myself into his arms again, or kicking him in the balls. Normally, there’s no way I’d let myself get played like this, let the g
uy just disappear on me, then pop back in whenever the hell he feels like it. Today, though, I’m just too emotionally drained and confused to argue.
“Excuse me a minute, Sweets. I want to talk to your brother.”
Doug glares at him, but follows him into the hall when Justus asks.
“Why did you bring him?” I demand, turning to Ayda the second they leave.
“He was worried about you.”
“Couldn’t tell from my end,” I grumble.
Ayda gives me a small smile. “I know. He’s been a dick, and I’m not making excuses for him, but you need to let him explain, Sade. Remember when I thought Dare cheated on me, and you forced me to talk to him anyway? Well, I’m returning the favor.”
With a snort, I remind her, “You thought he cheated on you because Justus pretended to be him to get laid.”
“Shit. Bad example.”
Ayda frowns until our eyes meet and we dissolve into laughter. God, it feels good to laugh. I didn’t realize how stressed and tense I actually was until she and Justus relieved it a bit.
“What do you know about his sister?” Ayda asks.
“The one who is missing?”
“She’s not missing anymore.”
“Oh no. Did they find a body?”
“No, she’s okay…well, she’s alive. This really isn’t my story to tell, though. Like I said, I’m not excusing his behavior, but he’s been going through some shit too. Just keep an open mind when you talk to him, okay?”
I stare at my friend who was once so shy and introverted. “When did you become so wise about men?”
“Since I got tossed into this crazy group,” she laughs.
Justus and Doug re-enter the room, the surgeon right behind them.
I get to my feet and rush to him. “Is it over? Is she okay?”
“Amber came through the surgery with flying colors. Everything went as expected, and she’s in recovery. You can see her in a few minutes. She’ll be moved to the cardiac ICU by tomorrow.”
Relief nearly knocks me off my feet and I melt into a nearby chair. “Thank you, thank you so much, doctor.”
“She’s far from being out of the woods,” he cautions, “but we have every reason to be optimistic.”
A few minutes later, I’m led back to the ICU with Justus right beside me, holding my hand. The room is full of repetitive noises that would drive me insane, but mom is beyond noticing any of it. She’s back on a respirator, but I’ve been told that’s normal for a day or so after surgery.
“Mom,” I murmur, squeezing her hand, careful of the IV.
Her eyes flutter open for a few seconds, but I don’t know if she sees me or not. “You did it, mom. You have a new heart. You’re going to get better. Doug and I are right here.”
There’s a flicker of recognition in her eyes before they fall shut again.
The nurse approaches us and explains that she can only have visitors for five minutes every hour. “She needs to rest,” she explains with a small smile. “We have a room across the hall with a bed if you’d like to stay close.”
“Thank you. My brother and I will probably trade off.”
Doug is pacing the waiting room when we get back, waiting for his turn. “You can visit her now, but then we have to take turns. Five minutes each hour.”
Doug nods. “They told me there’s a room for family across the hall. You should go home, Sade. I’ll stay tonight. You can take over in the morning.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
Justus slips his hand into mine. “Sweets, you look exhausted. There’s nothing you can do here now. Doug will call if anything changes and I’ll have you back here in minutes.”
He’s right. I am exhausted, and it makes it hard to think. My instincts tell me to stay, but logically, I know there’s nothing I can do. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning,” I tell Doug.
Justus, Ayda and I return to Justus’s rental car, and he insists on driving. My head rests against the window on the trip back to mom’s house. I look up when I feel us turn, and see we’re in a fast food drive through. Oh yeah, food. I probably should eat, I think, before closing my eyes again.
“Sadie,” Justus murmurs, and my eyes pop open. The car is stopped, parked in the driveway, and he already has the front door open.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Don’t be sorry. Let’s get you inside. You need to eat and get some rest.”
We sit in the living room, and I turn on the TV for some background noise while Justus fills our plates with tacos, and hands me a soft drink. Tacos. He knows me. Every woman should have a man who brings her tacos.
But I don’t have him. No, I can’t explore the weird engaged but not together situation with him right now. My brain can’t take it. “Thank you. I knew you were good for something,” I tease, devouring the first taco like it might run away from me.
“I’m good for so much more than this, as I know you’re aware, but tonight it’s tacos and bed.”
A sudden wave of desire pulses through me. I haven’t had sex since the last time I saw him, or even taken care of my own needs. “Bed?” I reply, not disguising the lust in my voice.
“For sleep,” he chuckles. “Trust me, there’s nothing I’d like better than to fuck you into next week, but not tonight. I’d be taking advantage. Now, eat your taco.”
“You eat my taco,” I giggle. Yeah, I’m tired.
He seems amused by my exhausted antics. “You’re killing me here, Sweets.”
“You’re killing me, Smalls,” I laugh, descending into a giggling fit. It reminds me of being up too late when I was a kid. I always got the giggles.
Ayda’s snort of laughter from the recliner in the corner reminds me we aren’t alone. “Ha! I forgot you were here, girl.”
“Don’t mind me. I’m going to crash in the guest room.”
I finally manage to calm down and finish eating, the food giving me a bit of renewed strength.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I announce with the small hope he’ll decide to join me, but no luck. When I emerge, I decide to see how much he’ll actually resist. The logical part of me knows he’s right. Having sex before we iron out what’s going on between us isn’t a good idea, but my body doesn’t give a shit. It wants a release.
After drying off and running a comb through my hair, I strut into the bedroom naked, giving him plenty of time to look before I climb into bed.
His gaze heats up and a smirk lifts his lips. God, I missed those lips. “What?” I ask innocently, rolling over on my stomach.
“This isn’t going to work,” he chuckles, stripping down to his boxers and climbing in beside me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I roll over and curl up against him, pressing my crotch against his leg.
“Stubborn girl,” he growls. “If I eat your pussy, will you stop torturing me and go to sleep?”
My stomach clenches and I roll onto my back with a grin.
“You think you won, don’t you?”
“I’ll let you know in a few minutes.”
Oh, I fucking won. Twice.
* * * *
Ayda leaves the next day after I convince her I’m fine and promise to call if anything changes. The next week passes as we fall into a routine. Doug spends the nights with Mom, while I spend the days. Justus stays with me most of the time, making sure I eat and don’t wear myself out.
Mom is doing better than we ever could have hoped. She’s off of the respirator, alert, and eager to be moved to the rehab center. Her doctors have found a great place where she’ll live for the next two months. She’s lost a lot of muscle and balance after spending so much time in bed. They will help her get her mobility back, plus teach her everything she needs to know about life after a heart transplant. What foods she can eat, how to take her anti-rejection meds, how to avoid infections. The transplant saved her life. Cardiac rehab will give her back her quality of life.
Two days before she’
s set to be moved, I get a call from the cardiac rehab facility.
“Hi, is this Ms. Belmont?”
“Yes.”
“I was just calling to let you know we have a room ready for your mother and the payment situation has been straightened out. We look forward to helping her recover.”
Confused, I sit up, my book sliding off my lap. “Payment situation?”
“Yes, as we explained to Mr. Belmont, your mother’s insurance company wouldn’t cover her stay or treatment here, but the amount has now been paid in full, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
“I-who paid it?” I stammer. I sure as hell don’t have that kind of money and neither does Doug. Maybe she qualified for some kind of assistance?
“Oh…um…” The sound of ruffling papers rattles in my ear before she replies, “We received a check from a Justus Alexander.”
“Thank you,” I reply, hanging up. Justus paid for her rehab? I had no idea he had that kind of money. And what the hell is with this guy? He ignores me for nearly a month, then swoops in and plays the hero?
Doug enters the waiting room. “Justus is at home. I told him you’d be there in a few.”
“Did you know he paid for Mom’s rehab?”
A guilty look flashes across his face. “Yeah, you weren’t supposed to find out.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t want you to know.”
“I mean why would he pay it?”
Doug blinks. “Damn, you can be stupid sometimes, sis. Because he’s in love with you and you’ve got him completely wrapped around your finger.”
My mind churns. It was supposed to be pretend, but we found something between us. Something I assumed was gone when he did his disappearing act. The fact he came here to be with me means so much, but I guess I assumed it was out of pity, or because Ayda suggested it. He’s been so great all this time, and it occurs to me I haven’t appreciated it as much as I should. I was too preoccupied.
With all this going on with Mom, he’s been the one stable thing I can count on, but I feel so much more than gratitude. I love him. Could Doug be right? Does Justus really feel the same for me? I don’t think you drop hundreds of thousands of dollars on someone you’re just fucking.