Her thoughts passed through her mind within moments, then faded into the distance when she looked up to see William regarding her pointedly. She had to tell him, though speaking the words out loud would make her discoveries real for both of them.
“I would be dishonest if I didn’t acknowledge that I once believed Walter and I would make a match one day. I was very young when he first began his attentions toward me, and I was flattered by his interest. He is a very . . . romantic and poetic man. I don’t know that any woman could withstand his affection.”
William said nothing, only held her eyes. She took a deep breath for confidence.
“Of late, however, I see more and more ways in which Walter and I are not a match. I have no desire to find fault with him, and I have kind feelings toward him, but I do not see him as the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.” She held William’s eyes, afraid to breathe for having spoken so boldly. She still had little indication of his feelings for her, but his earlier touch emboldened her. She hoped she was right to be so forthcoming.
“Thank you for trusting me with such depth,” William said as a smile spread across his face. “Might I ask what type of man you might want to spend the rest of your life with?”
Mina swallowed, not expecting such a pointed question but unable to deny the excitement she felt. So often propriety consisted of tiptoeing around such open discussions and mincing words—even with Scots, who prided themselves at direct conversation, some things simply were not spoken of so easily. It was just the two of them—the footman who had carried and set up the picnic had disappeared down the hill some time ago—and she knew that William was safe. She could trust him.
“I believe the man who will make me happy will from a good family, who is accepted by my own, and who can give me a secure future. Handsome, kind, and accommodating, of course.” She smiled and he matched it. “A man with confidence and ambition. A man who seeks out what he wants.”
“Seeks out what he wants,” William repeated. “And how would you suggest a man such as this seek out what he wants? What if he is unsure if his attentions are desired? How could a man such as this know?”
Goodness, this was going far beyond what Mina had anticipated, and yet she felt empowered with both the vulnerability and the boldness of the conversation. “I would say that a man should be able to tell if a woman desires his attention by how she behaves when they are together. Should she confide in him, for instance; it would show that she trusts him. Should she answer his questions about the kind of man she desires, and should that description fit him rather perfectly, I think he should take great confidence in her feelings.” His eyes became dark, intimate. She took a breath. “He should remember that society teaches women to keep our thoughts to ourselves, therefore it is difficult for us to express ourselves as we might like.”
“So, you are saying that a man might have to take a risk of some kind to see if a woman might return the affection he can scarcely contain.”
Mina’s mouth went dry, but she held his eyes and nodded.
William moved so he could kneel before her, their eyes level. He slowly lifted his hands to either side of her face and, before she knew what was happening, lowered his mouth to meet hers.
Mina had kissed Walter, a light and easy kiss meant as a token to sustain them both when they were apart. That kiss had been invigorating, and she had remembered it with excitement for months afterward. That kiss had felt nothing like this one, however. She felt this kiss in every part of her body, and with it a well of rightness and desire sprung up from some unknown place inside her.
She grasped William’s forearms to make sure he didn’t pull away from her, inviting him to prolong the kiss. His hands moved from her face to her waist as he sat back on his heels, pulling her forward, closer. Her arms went around his neck, the kiss deepened through mutual accord, and the melting sensation Mina had once experienced seemed to overtake her as never before.
Finally, yet far too soon, William pulled away, but he kept his hands on her waist. “I believe I am in love with you, Williamina Stuart,” he whispered. “My feelings have been growing for months but not until this uninterrupted time with you here in Fettercairn have I been able to fully admit it to myself. Might I dare believe you feel the same?”
Could she say it? Did she feel it? There was no true hesitation. “I do,” she whispered. “I was not sure before; there has been so much . . . distraction, but my heart is certain now.”
He smiled widely and kissed her again, clearing her mind of every thought but him. This is right, she said in her mind. This is my future.
September 1796
It was early September when Walter received an invitation to return to Fettercairn. Relief and anxiety coursed through him in a single moment. Things between him and Mina had not been the same since his visit in the spring. They had exchanged letters, but hers felt more formal than before, and he had heard nothing from her in well over a month.
Walter had heard that William Forbes had gone to Fettercairn, which worried him. Forbes and Mina were acquainted, of course, and they had danced last winter, but on more than one occasion Mina had said she had no interest beyond friendship with him. It was also logical to assume that Forbes’s visit was related to business matters with Sir John, but the timing of the visit and Mina’s silence was too similar to be ignored.
Walter was working harder than ever to save money toward the marriage he hoped would happen in the coming year. He felt increased urgency to shore up his situation and make things official between them.
More so than at any other time in the years they had been connected, fear for their future hounded him and his insecurity increased. When he received the invitation from Sir John to visit, therefore, he was relieved. They would not have had him back if Mina did not want him there. That the invitation had come from Sir John further relieved Walter’s concerns.
September was a good month to travel as courts were not typically in session, so Walter quickly made arrangements with his office and was able to get five days away in the middle of the month. He penned an acceptance of the invitation and told Sir John to expect him on the fifteenth. He began counting the days and hours. Would the tension from last spring remain between Mina and himself, or could they return to the level of intimacy he longed for?
On the morning of the thirteenth, Walter saddled his hired horse and left at first light. He rode hard, through rain for nearly an hour, and traded the horse at a posting inn where he stayed for the night. The next day was a repeat of the first, only with more rain, so by the time Walter arrived at his second overnight stop, he was shivering and disheveled. Repairing his clothing the next morning meant he got a later start than he would have liked, and he arrived in Fettercairn at nearly four o’clock. He took a moment to brush his coat and pants before knocking on the door of the fine house.
A servant ushered him into the parlor, where he waited long enough that his anxiety began to rise again. Had they thought the late hour meant he was delayed another day?
Finally Lady Stuart entered the room, reaching both hands toward him. “Mr. Scott.” Her tone was kind but there was tightness around her eyes. “It is lovely to see you. Please have a seat.” She turned to the maid and ordered tea while Walter sat down.
“You must forgive me for leaving you to wait so long. I’m afraid your visit took us off guard, and I was not ready to receive.”
“Off guard?” Walter repeated. “I told Sir John I would arrive on the fifteenth. I pushed to arrive as I promised, though I apologize that it is later in the day than I’d have liked.”
Lady Stuart tilted her head in confusion. “Sir John knew you were coming?”
Walter nodded, feeling strength drain from his arms and legs. “He invited me.”
Lady Stuart pulled her eyebrows together.
“You did not know I was coming?” he asked softly.
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br /> Lady Stuart repaired her expression and slapped him lightly on the arm. “I’m sure it simply slipped Sir John’s mind to tell us. We are very glad you are here. Mina will be home shortly. She is doing some shopping in the village with the minister’s daughter.”
“Miss Stuart did not know I was coming either?” He felt sick.
“Well, Sir John left for York earlier this week for business. As Mina made no mention to me of your visit, I assume she will be as surprised as I was, but it is no matter.” She waved away any discomfort. “How long do you intend to stay?”
Walter had never been so embarrassed in his life. He stood. “As you were not expecting me and Sir John is out, I should not stay at all. My apologies, I can’t imagine—”
“Nay,” Lady Stuart said, waving him to sit back down. “You have come all this way, and we will certainly not turn you out. You are more than welcome here.” She forced her smiled to broaden and leaned forward slightly. “Now, you must satisfy me with all the news from Edinburgh. How is your dear mother?”
Mina enjoyed the walk back from the village. She had purchased some new ribbons and enjoyed tea with Miss Corry and her mother. It was a relief to finally feel at home in Fettercairn, never mind the irony that it would not be her home for long. Her stomach quivered at the upcoming changes awaiting her, and she put a hand on her middle.
“Mrs. William Forbes,” she said out loud, since no one could hear her. “William and Williamina Forbes.” The similarities of their names made her laugh and felt like further proof that they were fated to be together. She wondered how much longer it would be until William made his official declaration. The letter she had received on Monday said that he had received her father’s reply to his letter of request, and that William had already discussed it with his parents. All that was left was his official proposal, and she could only imagine that the delay was because he wanted to propose in person and was unable to get the time away just yet. Since leaving Fettercairn he had been to Pitsligo, Edinburgh, and then Glasgow.
Will we marry before the year is out? Mina wondered. And will the wedding take place in Fettercairn or in Edinburgh? Or, perhaps, one of the Forbes’s estates. She had told Mother everything, of course, and they had already set about gathering the wedding clothes she would need. They were eager to begin planning more of the details but needed to wait until everything was settled.
Basking in the joyful thoughts, Mina entered the estate through the back entrance. Because of Mina’s afternoon engagement in the village, Mother had said they would have supper at six o’clock. Mina hoped the meal would not be too elaborate since she had eaten far too many scones at the Corrys’ home. She and Mother ate simpler when Father was gone, so odds were they would have soup and bread. A perfect meal to end a perfect day.
Mina was untying the strings of her bonnet while walking toward the stairs when someone called her name from behind. She turned to see Zella, one of the upstairs maids, hurrying toward her.
“Och, Miss Stuart,” she said in her heavy brogue. “Her leddyship asked us ta keep an e’e out fer ya and be sure ya knew Mr. Scott’s in the parlor.”
Mina’s hands froze and she blinked. “Surely you are mistaken,” she said, her heart racing. “Not Mr. Scott. Do you mean Mr. Forbes?” Had William come to surprise her with a visit? A visit that would end with an engagement? The very air around her shivered in anticipation. She could not wait to see William, to throw her arms around him, to feel his lips against her own again, and—
“Not Mr. Forbes. Mr. Scott from Edinburgh,” Zella said. “Light ’air an blue e’es, walks with a hop.”
Mina’s mind began to spin. “I . . . oh—” She took a breath in order to focus. Walter was here? In Fettercairn? Why?
Had he heard of William’s attentions?
Did he know?
Mina felt dizzy and moved to sit on a bench set against the wall. She had attempted half a dozen letters to Walter over the last few weeks, trying to explain her change of heart, begging for his understanding, and wishing him well. Each letter, however, sounded either proud or unsure. She would toil over one attempt, then throw it in the fire and determine that tomorrow she would find the right words and write a letter that was both confident and kind. Over and over she’d attempted to find those words, and one try after another had not been right.
“Am I expected to go to the parlor, Zella?”
Zella nodded, her green eyes compassionate. “They bin waitin’ fer ya, lass.”
Realizing that her expression was far too exposed for talking with a servant, Mina attempted a smile, though she knew it was shaky. “I shall join them in a few minutes,” she said.
She hurried to the main level where she quietly crossed the foyer. She could hear the voices from the parlor, her mother’s light tones and Walter’s deeper ones. He did not sound angry, but she could not imagine any other reason he would be here but to confront her. She put a hand to her stomach as she hurried up the stairs to her bedchamber. She feared she would be ill.
In her room, she tidied her hair as though it mattered and splashed lavender water, now tepid from this morning, onto her face before patting it dry. She closed her eyes for a moment to calm herself and then turned to face her fate.
Walter was a kind man. Was it too much to hope that his kindness would extend even to this?
Walter had been only somewhat mollified by Lady Stuart’s reception when Mina appeared in the doorway. Feeling tense and awkward, he leaped to his feet rather abruptly, then forced a smile he hoped would seem natural.
“Miss Stuart,” he said, bowing slightly. He realized he still held his teacup and quickly set it down, but he was unsure if he should cross the room to her or not. Everything about this visit was wrong and he did not know how to fix it.
“Mr. Scott,” she said, bobbing a quick curtsy. Her smile was tighter than her mother’s had been. She sat next to her mother on the settee.
Walter returned to his seat, completely at a loss for words.
“Mr. Scott is going to visit for a few days, Mina. Apparently he had worked it out with your father though Sir John neglected to tell us of it. Doubtless your father will be terribly embarrassed when he realizes.”
He appreciated Lady Stuart’s assessment, but Walter hadn’t worked out anything with Sir John. Sir John had invited Walter out of the blue, without any prompting on Walter’s part. Walter had taken Sir John’s invitation as a sign that the baron’s feelings toward Walter were not as poor as they had once been, but now he did not know what to think.
Mina said nothing and would not meet Walter’s eye as she busied herself making a cup of tea.
Lady Stuart continued. “Mr. Scott has been telling me all about the news from Edinburgh. Mrs. Houston had twins, can you imagine? That’s nine bairds in total. Mr. Houston must be so pleased.”
Mina smiled politely and sipped her tea.
The rest of the time remained equally stilted. Mina would participate only when Walter or Lady Stuart asked her a direct question. Otherwise she remained subdued. The entire conversation was torturous for Walter, who wished he could crawl away and pretend this had never happened.
Finally, Lady Stuart asked a footman to show Walter to his room, the same one he had stayed in the last time he visited.
“Supper shall be at six,” she said. “We’ll meet in the dining room directly.”
Walter understood that he’d been told to remain in his room until suppertime. Perhaps some time alone would help him to make sense of what forces had convened to this result. Why was he here? Why had Sir John not informed his family? Why wouldn’t Mina talk to him?
Walter was shown to his room. He’d packed only his saddlebags for such a short trip, and the footman said he would fetch them. Walter took off his shoes and lay on the bed, trying to ease his fear that something awful awaited him here. He put his arms behind his head and closed
his eyes. An odd feeling of numbness seemed to overtake him. He might not know Sir John’s reasons for orchestrating this visit, but he was quite sure the reason was not in his best interest.
As soon as Walter disappeared upstairs, Mother took hold of Mina’s upper arm and led her into Sir John’s office. She closed the door and faced her daughter.
“Did you know anything about Mr. Scott coming for a visit?”
Mina shook her head. Tears came to her eyes as she finally unleashed the emotion she’d been holding back. “What is he doing here?” she asked in a shaky voice.
Mother pulled her into a quick hug, then held her at arm’s length again. “Mr. Scott claims that your father invited him. You have heard nothing of that?”
Mina shook her head. Her father rarely spoke of Walter and had made no mention of inviting him to Fettercairn; Mina would have remembered if he had. In addition, Father had seemed annoyed with Walter’s last visit and pleased when Mina had told her parents that her affection for William was steadily increasing. William had already received Sir John’s blessing toward making an official declaration for her hand, so what possible reason would Father have in inviting Walter here?
“This is no time for tears,” Mother said, dropping her hands from Mina’s arms and looking about the office. “Help me find Mr. Scott’s response to your father. If it exists, it must be here somewhere.”
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