Mina wiped at her cheeks as her mother moved around Father’s desk, looking between the stacks of papers. “I fear he is here to confront me,” she said with a sniffle. “Perhaps he has heard that William and I—”
Mother shook her head and lifted a stack of correspondence. Mina thought of the letter she had found last spring from Walter’s father in that same pile. “Father hates Walter,” Mina said. “He would never have invited him, but I can’t imagine that Walter would lie.”
“Your father does not hate him, Mina,” Mother said, shuffling through the letters. “He simply hasn’t seen him as your equal—Ah, here it is.”
She put the other letters down and unfolded the one in her hand, quickly scanning the page. “It thanks him for the invitation and says he will arrive on the fifteenth and plans to stay two nights.” She looked up from the paper. “It seems Mr. Scott was telling the truth.”
“He is an honest man,” Mina said, and she began to cry again. He was an honest man. A good and kind man. She had not written to him about her feelings for William because she didn’t want to hurt him, and now she would hurt him—and not from a hundred miles away. She wiped at her eyes. “But why would Father invite him to come and not tell us? Why would Father go to York when he knew Mr. Scott was coming?”
Mother was quiet as she refolded the letter. “He has been concerned that you have not told Walter of your change in affection,” she said evenly. “We have spoken of it a few times, and I have asked him to give you time.”
“I have been trying to write to him,” Mina said, the ache in her heart growing more painful. “I have not found the right words.”
“I know,” Mother said. “And I told your father as much. Two weeks ago, he said that if you would not take care of things he would have to intercede. I thought he meant he would write Mr. Scott about the whole of it, not invite him here, not put us all on the spot this way.” She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes for a moment. “He is forcing your hand,” she said. “What a horrible thing to have done to us—Mr. Scott most of all.”
“Forcing my hand?” Mina didn’t understand, or didn’t want to understand.
“Mr. Forbes will make you an offer at any time, dear. I fear your father is attempting to make certain that Mr. Scott is beyond your consideration once that news is made public. He must have known that by bringing Mr. Scott here you would be obligated to tell him of your intention with Mr. Forbes.”
“A letter would be so much kinder,” Mina said, tears flowing easily again at her father’s betrayal. “What will I do?”
Lady Stuart came around the desk and smoothed Mina’s hair back from her face. “Perhaps you should just tell Mr. Scott the truth.”
Mina shook her head. “I cannot do that. He will be so hurt.”
Mother sighed. “Then perhaps the only thing you can do is try to get through the next two days without telling him. But he will eventually know that you hid this from him—that we both did. Are you sure that’s best?”
Mina clenched her eyes closed, feeling all strength go out of her. “Can you ask him to leave?” she whimpered.
“I won’t do that,” Mother said, though there was regret in her voice. “Not after how embarrassed he is already.”
“I can’t believe Father would do this,” Mina cried. “Has he no heart at all?”
Mother pulled her into another embrace. “Sometimes I wonder that myself, mo muirnín. I am so very sorry.”
The pit in Walter’s stomach remained throughout the first evening of his time at Fettercairn, but he convinced himself that the next day would be better. He was here, with Mina, and to not take advantage of the opportunity of her company was idiotic. There was nothing to do but to try to recapture the comfort they had once shared. Surely he had only to set his mind to the goal in order for it to happen.
Walter joined Mina and Lady Stuart for breakfast in a bright room that overlooked the lush moors surrounding the estate. Surely yesterday’s tension was because of how long it had been since he and Mina had seen one another—and that she hadn’t been expecting him. They simply needed more time together.
“I hope you will attend the parish Autumn Picnic with us today, Mr. Scott,” Lady Stuart said. “Mr. Corry, our parish minister, is from Kelso, near where Mina said you lived for several years with your grandfather. She made the connection after Mr. Corry came for dinner a few months ago, and he will be eager to meet you.”
“Certainly,” he said, hopeful that a social event would smooth out the lumps of tension.
Mina said she had correspondence to catch up on before the picnic, which left Walter in his own company for the morning. He took a walk through the woods himself, trying to decide what to do.
He had wanted another year to save money, shore up his career, and pursue additional translations. His Bürger translations had recently been accepted by a publisher and were even now being printed for distribution. He was hopeful that this first publication would start him on the path to greater financial security, and yet he couldn’t forget Lady Stuart’s disapproval of Lenore last spring. What would she think about Walter securing his future with a tale about death and hell?
But translations were only the start in making a name for himself. He had a head full of his own poetry and the example of the great Scottish poet Robert Burns to follow. Burns had shown that a Scotsman could make a living from his pen and that the nation had risen above their barbaric reputation to contend with the great creators of the illumination age. Walter was certain he could be as successful as Burns one day, especially since he wanted to provide a comfortable life for Mina. He would like his writing aspirations to be more secure than they were right now, but had he already waited too long? Did Mina—or her parents—think he was toying with her affections? Was it time to stop waiting for the future and instead take full advantage of the place he found himself in now?
They took the Stuarts’ carriage to the social even though they were not far from town and the day was fine. The trees were beginning to change, making the hills around the hamlet look as though they were on fire. Bright reds, rich golds, and jolly yellows fluttered and waved between the thick evergreens, creating a perfect autumn day in the Highland hills.
Walter took confidence from the picturesque setting, but then Mina would not meet his eye when he helped her from the carriage. His insecurity increased like a rising river, and he felt powerless against the forces around him that he did not understand. He stood back while Mina and her mother exchanged seemingly endless greetings with friends and fellow parishioners. They introduced Walter over and over, and he committed every name to memory as a way to keep his anxiety in check: Mallory Parkin, Bernard and Ginn McFarthing, Bady Gutherington. By keeping his mind occupied, his emotions remained even-keeled.
In due time, Walter was introduced to Mr. Corry, the minister. They spent several minutes talking of familiar landmarks in Kelso, a place Walter missed. Mr. Corry knew Walter’s grandfather and even his aunt Jenny. Walter was disappointed when Mr. Corry was pulled away. The diversion of the clergyman’s conversation had kept Walter from focusing on his fears regarding Mina, but now they came back with a vengeance. What if she were open to his suit but her father was not because Walter still lacked financial support? Could Walter expect Mina to defy her father? Surely if Mina was in love with him, her father would not truly prevent them, would he?
Walter spotted Mina talking with two other young women. Simply looking at her softened his doubts. The light yellow summer dress and patterned pelisse blended with the golds of autumn all around them. Her hair was pulled up, and the breeze caused the curls around her face to dance while her luminous eyes lit up her face. She was by far the most bonnie woman here, and he ached for her to smile at him as she once did and fill him full of light again.
As Walter made his way toward her, she caught sight of him and her expression turned instantly fro
m animated enjoyment to trepidation. His heart tightened. The change was stark enough to stop Walter in his tracks, and the momentary joy he’d been feeling drained through his shoes. What is wrong between us? It was not her father causing her to react this way. There was something more.
Mina’s expression changed to a neutral one, and she excused herself from her companions. Walter suspected she was doing so as a matter of manners, not desire for his company, and his heart ached with the knowledge. He felt as if he stood at the edge of a cliff. Had he lost her love? He would rather fall from that cliff than know the answer.
“Are you enjoying the social, Mr. Scott?” she asked politely.
“It is very fine,” Walter said, trying to look into her eyes, which would not lock with his. She scanned the people standing behind him, seeking distraction it seemed.
“I know Mr. Corry was looking forward to speaking with you. Ah, there he is. Let me introduce—”
“Aye, we have already been introduced,” Walter said, still watching her. “Mina,” he said, using a tone that used to affect her with increased softness and affection.
She barely glanced at him. He reached out and took her chin in his hand so that she was forced to look at him. She was obviously startled by his bold action but met his eye. She could not very well avoid it.
“What is wrong?” he said softly. “You have been avoiding me since I arrived. Have I offended you? Have I done something to lose your love?”
She stared at him, swallowed, and then stepped back.
He dropped his hand but did not take his eyes from her. “Tell me what I must do to repair myself in your eyes, Mina,” he whispered, aware of people watching them and the increasing pink in Mina’s cheeks. “Please talk to me.”
Mina’s eyes darted right and left until finally meeting his again.
He saw her face move through thoughts and emotion until she seemed to make a decision. “We can take a walk in the garden,” she said, then turned before he could agree or extend his arm.
Walter limped after her toward the kirk garden surrounded by a hedge that would give them some privacy. His heartbeat thrummed in his ears, and his breath came fast as he followed Mina through the arboreal entrance. The garden was falling dormant except for the chrysanthemums that were still bright spots of color; unfortunately they did little to brighten the drabness that seemed to affect everything in this moment. Every step felt heavy, as though they were drawing Walter toward something painful. His shoulders began to feel tight.
Mina was several paces down the path before she turned to face him, her expression anxious, almost frightened, as she waited for him to catch up. There was a resolution about her, however, as though she was relieved to be having this conversation. That only piqued Walter’s anxiety all the more, and he had a fleeting thought that, depending on what happened in these next few minutes, he might never see Mina again. The thought clenched his heart.
He said nothing once they were face-to-face, but he could feel the veil that had been hiding the worst possibilities from his mind begin to shift. Something had happened in the months since he had seen her last.
“I’m sorry, Walter,” she said, her voice trembling but also strong. Intent. “I have tried to write and tell you, but then Father invited you here and . . . and I don’t know why he did except that . . .” She swallowed, giving him a pleading look that made his chest heat up. He hadn’t done something to offend her—there was guilt in her eyes. Betrayal. The tightness within him began to coil.
I am lost, he thought.
“Tell me what?” he asked evenly.
“I . . .” She looked around as though wanting to focus on anything but him. “Perhaps we should not have come here alone.”
“You think I will hurt you?” If she believed such a thing, she did not know him at all. Even so he took a step toward her, causing her to look up at him.
“I think you will be angry,” she continued, keeping her voice calm.
He was angry, more and more by the second. “You canna avoid this discussion simply because I will be angry.” A hard emotion congealed in his chest. His face was hot. His breathing shallow. “Tell me what I should already know.”
Mina stepped back, staring at him with wide eyes.
Her fear felt like cowardice, and there was no containment for the temper he usually tried so hard to keep controlled. Not now—not when five years of devotion were crumbling before him. He took another step toward her, finding confidence in his physical dominance. His aggression, however, seemed to spur her defenses.
Mina lifted her chin and took a deep breath without falling back a single step. “I am in love with William Forbes and have accepted his suit.”
Walter froze, staring at this woman he loved, this woman he had given his whole heart to. He opened his mouth but only a moan escaped. That coiling in his chest began to shake and tremble. “No,” he finally said. “It canna be true.”
“It is true,” Mina said, though her voice wavered. There were tears in her eyes. “And I’m sorry, I—”
“Jezebel!” Walter spat, stepping away from her. Her eyes went wide, but he did not stop. “You have made a fool of me!”
“I have done nothing wrong,” she said, her neck turning pink. “I was a child when I first received your attention—”
“Attention you invited!”
“Attention I appreciated, yes, but I was still a child, Walter. I could not know my mind or my heart at such an age. I could not properly see my future and cannot be faulted for choosing a life familiar to me now that I am of an age to make such a decision.”
Walter’s nostrils flared and his temper struck full force. “You choose position over love?” He was beyond disgusted, and his heart was breaking in his chest. He had put every hope of his future into Mina, and she was throwing it back in his face like a soiled rag, used and discarded without regret.
“I choose both,” Mina said. “I love William, more than I expected, and we are happy.”
Walter closed his eyes and shook his head, a tidal wave of rage crashing within him. William Forbes? My friend? This could not be happening. He could not be in this place.
“I am very sorry. I care for you, Walter, and I—”
“Do not lie to me,” he snarled. He could not look at her. “You do not care for me.”
“I do,” she said, walking toward him, her hand lifted as though to reach for him. “But we are not well matched, and in time I believe you shall understand that.”
He pointed at her. “William’s coin and title will not sustain you. He will not love you as I do. T’would be impossible for any man to love you the way I have. He will not make you happy.”
She said nothing, but her tears overflowed even as her expression filled with pity that did nothing to ease his anger.
“And—and I will marry before you do,” he said in a desperate attempt to gain the upper hand. “Someone who will surpass you in every matter of character.” He spun on his heel just as Lady Stuart entered the garden with Mr. Corry at her side. They had likely heard him yelling, but he did not care. He hoped everyone at the social had heard his accusations against Mina. The Jezebel. The betrayer.
He stalked to the entrance of the garden and wished more than he had ever wished before that he could run on two strong legs. He would run back to the Stuarts’ estate, saddle his horse, and pack his bag before the hour was past. Instead he would have to walk, unable to outrun his thoughts, unable to do anything. He would be gone from Fettercairn as soon as he could, though. He would stay not one minute longer.
“Mr. Scott?” Lady Stuart said, her eyes wide and confused as he passed her on the path.
“I am finished here,” he snapped. “And hope never to see you or your family again!” He looked over his shoulder at Mina who had bent forward with her hands over her face, crying. Good. He raised his voice to make sur
e everyone heard him. “You will live to regret this, Williamina Stuart, and I extend to you no blessing or wishes for happiness. May your marriage be as cold as your heart!”
Walter limped back to the Stuart estate, retrieved his bags from a room he would never see again, and saddled his horse. He imagined that the servants were laughing at him, having known of Mina’s change of affection and pitying him since his arrival.
What a fool I am. He was still hot with rage as he rode hard from Fettercairn, harder than he ever had before, until he noticed bits of foam flying toward him on the wind. He had pushed his horse too hard. He slowed only to realize he did not know where he was or where the next village might be. When he’d left Fettercairn, he’d only thought of escape, but now he had to find water for the animal and, within an hour or two, a bed for himself. He would rather find a grave than face awaking tomorrow to this truth. She did not love him. The words burned his eyes and throat and chest.
He left the road and, within minutes, spotted a stream. Once he dismounted, he dropped the reins, and the horse did not waste a moment in heading for the water. All the energy that had kept Walter moving seemed to drain into the dirt at his feet while the air around him pressed heavy upon him.
Walter leaned against the nearest tree, then bent his knees and slid to the ground. He stared ahead, seeing nothing, feeling nothing and yet everything. The rage had subsided, leaving behind a yearning chasm inside his heart where every hope for the future used to be. The actual parting with Mina was a blur, but he knew he’d said ugly things and would one day feel steeped in the regret of the words he’d used, but in this moment he could only feel his pain, the deep, excruciating pain of betrayal and loss.
Sir John had invited Walter to Fettercairn so that Mina might break his heart completely.
Mina would marry William Forbes.
The Lady of the Lakes Page 14