Mutually Exclusive

by Charlotte Winston

  Alexandra leaned forward, head in her hands. Blair pointed out the crux of her problem and what she couldn’t work out in her mind. “You think I don’t know? I’ve been through all this in my mind, and it all comes back to my fear. I’m scared to be in a relationship with him. You mentioned my past relationships, but I was only playing with them. They were nothing more than a passing fling, so I was more than happy to cut them loose when they threatened my career or any of my meticulous plans. But Roman?” She paused, taking a deep breath so she could get out the rest of her confession.

  “I can’t shake him. I have worked so hard to realize my career goals, and in the short time I’ve known him, it’s like it doesn’t even matter. I want to be with him. Period. End stop. He’s this unexpected gift I didn’t know I was looking for. He’s Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and every birthday from here on out, and I can’t help but look around and wonder how a guy I hired for sex has become as important as breathing. I feel like I can’t function if I haven’t talked to him during the day, even if it’s just a text. He sends me little gifts, and he makes me feel cherished, treasured. The sex is off the charts, but I don’t know what to do about this relationship that wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a late-night rendezvous to relieve stress.”

  “Wow.” Blair’s eyes misted over, but she cleared her throat and took a drink of coffee. “I had no idea you were in love with him.” Alexandra’s heart stuttered. She couldn’t be in love with him; that wasn’t allowed. Did she have feelings for him? Yes, more than she’d ever want to admit. She’d already said as much to him the other night. But loving Roman would be foolish, because he had the power to decimate her when she was least expecting it. Her heart raced every time she was with him, but there was no way it was love. Was it? The fear came first, he had the power to destroy her, but after that a resounding sense of rightness came over her she couldn’t shake.

  “I’m not in love with him,” she argued, waving the waiter over for their checks. Blair had a way of calling bullshit and she’d just punched Alexandra’s ticket. Which meant Alexandra needed to pay for her breakfast and get away from this uncomfortable conversation. “I have feelings for him, but it’s not love. I’m just trying to figure this out.”

  Blair snorted. “You’re in love with him; your stubborn ass just won’t admit it.” She smiled, taking the check from the waiter. “I got this. It’s not every day you figure out you’re in love with the guy you’re sleeping with.”

  “I’m not in love,” Alexandra started, but Blair cut her off with a hug.

  “I love you. Good luck in court.”

  Alexandra escorted her to the front, hugging her one more time before they parted ways. She pulled out her phone, shooting off a text while walking to her car, mentally prepping herself for court.

  ***

  It was easy to throw himself into work over the next week and a half. Work was what he knew, and there was more than enough to do. He’d neglected his duties when spending his nights with Alexandra, and it needed to stop. If he found himself wishing she were there, because their schedule had become so meshed she came over most nights, he ignored it. He hadn’t contacted her, but she had another week before their original agreement was up, and she owed him a house. He was more determined than ever to bulldoze the damn thing.

  He needed to use his room again, to purge the lingering memories, like the scent of Alexandra’s perfume. He’d ordered the room cleaned and scrubbed down after the banquet but he still smelled her, which meant he needed a new memory.

  “Roman,” Marco’s voice buzzed through the intercom.

  “Yes?”

  “Your girl is here. I put her in your room.” His girl? He didn’t have a girl. And no way in hell could Alexandra assume she was welcome there. She’s too smart for that.

  “My girl?” he questioned, sure he heard wrong.

  Marco sighed as though having to explain a difficult concept to a small child. “Alexandra came in five minutes ago. I put her in your room.”

  “Why?” Roman bit out. “I told you she wasn’t allowed here.”

  “We terminate her membership yet?”

  Roman got up, needing to walk off some of the anger coursing throughout him. “It doesn’t matter if we terminated her yet; I told you she is not allowed in.” Roman gritted out.

  “Quinn was at the door and said to let her in and put her in your room.”

  “Quinn?” Roman asked, listening to Marco mumble yes. “Tell my brother I will talk to him in a minute, as soon as I kick out the stray.” He slammed the phone down, pissed off and ready to kill someone. This was supposed to be a simple evening, but at this point he had to amend it: kill Quinn kick Alexandra out. He called for Quinn, who came strolling in without a care in the world. Roman pressed his fingers together, trying to calm down, but he was too pissed to care.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” It took everything he had to not punch his brother. Quinn had no right messing with his business.

  Quinn raised an eyebrow. “What you wouldn’t. You’re the one who started this. You want her gone, you kick her out. Don’t hide in your office and make Marco do it.”

  Roman jumped up so fast his chair slammed back. “You’ve got no right.” He was done with her, there was no reason for her to come back. His heart sped up, irritation mixed with a healthy dose of trepidation and excitement at the thought of seeing Alexandra.

  “And you’ve got no balls—.” Roman moved before he could stop himself, the picture falling from the wall when he slammed Quinn against it. He seemed unaffected, pissing Roman off more.

  “You wanna go? We’ve done it before, but why don’t you figure out why the hell you’re so pissed about a woman you claim to be through with.” Roman growled, pushing Quinn into the wall one more time before releasing him.

  “Thank me later!” Quinn shouted as Roman stormed off, not wanting to deal with his brother. They could pound each other, but they were well matched and it’d only lead to some bruises. Besides, his true anger lie with Alexandra, which Quinn annoyingly pointed out. And she terrifies you because you’re ready to give her your heart.

  He stopped at the door to his room, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself.

  Count to ten, he tried to counsel himself. 10…9… Fuck counting, this pisses me off. He slammed the door open as he came in, taken aback by the woman sitting on the bed. It was still his Alexandra, but different. Her long, brown hair was brushed to the side, and she sat with her hands clasped together in her lap, staring straight ahead.

  “Why are you here?” he demanded, crowding her personal space, fear driving his anger, and staring down at her. She shook her head and he couldn’t stand it anymore, grabbing her chin and tilting her face toward him. “WHY. ARE. YOU. HERE?” he asked again, his grip tightening until she winced. He released her, stepping back and crossing his arms.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do this. I can’t be this girl.” She blew out a ragged breath, slicing away a piece of his heart. “But I can’t do it. You hate me, I get it. I messed it up the other night but I was so pissed. And after everything you told me about my father, I still felt unsteady so when my grandfather asked, I flipped.”

  “And there’s the problem,” he growled. “You’re too ashamed to admit you still know me, let alone I’ve seen you naked. I’m not your bitch.” He held his arms out in frustration. “You think I want to be in this position? You,” he jabbed his finger in her face, ignoring his own pain when she flinched back and started crying harder, “did this. You. Not me. Was I an ass that night? Yeah, I’ll own it. You gave me no reason to doubt you, and I treated you like shit. And I should have been honest from the beginning about your father. But what you did?” He ran his hands down his face in frustration, coming to sit next to her. He turned her toward him, wanting her to see the pain in his eyes, but all he found was the same fear, anger, hurt, lust, helplessness, and sprinkling of love.


  She tried to move her face to his shoulder, hiding her face, before he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back so she looked at him. Her face was flushed, her lips turned down, as though she tried to smile but couldn’t keep up the pretense.

  “You gutted me,” he said, his voice clear, making sure she understood.

  She put her hand over her chest, biting her lip before forcing out her next words. “If I gutted you, I killed myself. I regretted the words as soon as they were out, but I couldn’t call you back.”

  “Because of your grandfather?” he taunted.

  16

  He watched the shock overcome Alexandra’s face at his accusation. “No!” Alexandra bit out not rising to the bait. “It’s because I was so mad at you. I’d been at this stupid dinner all night when all I wanted to do was be with you. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but I didn’t want to be there after everything I'd heard about my father. I wanted to be here,” she ran her finger down the bed the way she did his car all those weeks before, “but I couldn’t be. I’d just won a case, and all I wanted to do was celebrate with you.”

  Roman watched her, fascinated in the way she seemed to pull herself together while she got this out. He’d remembered, it was the one of the cases she said would help seal the deal for her partnership, and she’d texted him the afternoon of the banquet that she’d won.

  “I remember,” he told her, needing to give her something.

  “I didn’t think you did.” She shrugged. “You were the first person I told. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends, but the first person I chose to share that information with was you. And you didn’t even acknowledge my text.” He’d been with his cousin, the girl he’d always considered his sister, who was going through her own crisis, and then dealing with the banquet, figuring he could congratulate Alexandra later. Plus, he’d tried to keep his distance since they’d been on shaky ground since the revelation about her father. He’d figured texting her about her personal business was too much.

  “I’m sorry if I neglected you. Where I was isn’t important. You deserved a response, but we were on the outs, and I figured you didn’t need it.”

  She nodded, wiping her face. “Nice to know that now. I’m so jumbled up about you, I couldn’t think straight. My feelings for you are irrational, because we’ve had several weeks of stolen time, but I felt like I knew you. And I wanted us. But when you failed to return the text, I just figured I was making too much of our situation. Especially since we haven’t been connecting like we used to these past couple weeks.” He grabbed her arm when she paced in front of him, pulling her into his lap because he couldn’t stand the distance anymore. If she was going to continue her story, she was going to do it right there.

  “You weren’t.” He kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger. “I thought the same thing but didn’t know how to tell you.” She laid her head on his shoulder, tracing small circles on his chest.

  “So, I’m at this banquet, missing you, confused, and here comes my grandmother with her potential match for the evening. I wasn’t going to be rude, plus he was a nice guy, and I allowed myself to spend the evening with him. It was easier with everyone else matched up. I was so proud when they listed the sponsors and I saw your name on there, I wanted to stand up and clap.”

  His lips found her forehead. He was still upset, she was still upset, but after being without her for the last few days, he needed to get his hands on her again. She sighed, and he rubbed her back gently in comfort.

  “Do you know how much I missed this?” she whispered, her breath tickling his chin. His cock stirred, it’s been too long since he’d been inside her.

  “If it’s half as much as me, I understand.”

  “Yeah, well, let’s not do this again.”

  “I’ll agree as soon as you finish your story.”

  “So there I sat, proud of you, missing you, thinking I was crazy. All you saw was me saying goodnight to a guy I figured could be a good friend to me.”

  “I saw you,” he admitted. It was hard to tell her, but he needed to get it out. She pulled back, looking at him in confusion. “When your grandfather gave his speech, they zoomed in with the spotlight on your table. You were laughing, leaning over him to whisper something in his ear, and I was jealous. I was embarrassed because there was the girl I’d been sleeping with. She was at an important family event with some other guy, when she’d filled most of my waking hours for the last five weeks. The only time you mentioned it was to make sure I wasn’t going, and I thought you were ashamed of me. You always said you only wanted sex, and you didn’t want to be linked as a member of the club, but before then I never assumed it was because you were ashamed. It pissed me off, and then I saw you kiss him on the cheek. I should have talked to you, but I couldn’t see straight.”

  “It meant nothing, less than nothing.”

  “I’m starting to get that, but it doesn’t excuse what happened in the hallway outside the bathroom.”

  “I was a bitch. I wanted to hurt you the same way you’d just hurt me, and I knew the one way to do it was to pretend I didn’t know you.”

  He scoffed; she sure as shit had him pegged. “Well, your bullseye was a direct hit.”

  “I know.” She put her arms around his neck. “I wanted to take it back as soon as it happened. I told my grandfather after you left I did know you, and we’d been seeing each other for a while. It was easier than saying how I really knew you. Then I waited all the next day for you to text me, figuring I could explain and apologize, but you never called me.”

  “Did you expect me to? Would you?”

  “No,” she admitted. “And I was going to leave you alone, let you have your space, but I couldn’t do it. As each day passed, I found myself missing you more and more. I picked up my phone to text you several times a day but talked myself out of it. Today, after I got through snapping at my assistant for probably the hundredth time since that night, she sat me down and told me to fix whatever broke last week. And it’s you. I helped break us.”

  “You weren’t alone.” He kissed her lips, unable to stop himself. She was there, they were talking, and they were going to work it out. “I had some part in what went down.” They sat there, basking in each other, and he felt complete for the first time in a while.

  “What do we do now?” Her question broke the solemnity of the moment, and he held her tighter, not wanting to let her go.

  “Whatever we want.” He moved his hand into her hair, pulling her head back so she was looking him in the eye.

  She took a deep breath as though fortifying herself before she stated her wishes. His gut clenched, figuring this was it. This was the moment where she told him she only wanted to have sex with him and they should lay off anything more. “I would like to try to give this a shot.”

  Hope was a fickle thing; once it took root, it refused to be dislodged unless there was no other answer. “What does that mean?”

  “It means I like you, and I want to see what could happen if we saw each other outside the club as a couple, not just friends.”

  “As a date?” he asked, just to make sure she was positive.

  “Yes.” She smiled, the first genuine one since she’d come in here.

  “Baby, you have no idea what you just did to me.” He grabbed the sides of her face, kissing her while she laughed at him, pulling her down to the bed and showing her how happy she made him.

  This is everything, he thought with a smile when he kissed her. Alexandra was a balm to his soul, exactly what he was looking for when he didn’t even know he was searching. She deepened the kiss, her arms going around his neck, and he couldn’t believe his good fortune. He’d spent a week moping around like a child whose favorite toy was taken away until he couldn’t stand his own company, believing they couldn’t fix what happened. He’d missed her, having gone from seeing her several times a week to nothing, and the burn in his soul had been like a physical ache, as though he couldn’t breathe without he
r. Which probably made him the biggest pussy, but she was in his arms so he could care less.

  “Missed you.” Her voice cracked as she ran her hands through his hair while he kissed her neck. He pulled back, his hauntingly green eyes staring into hers, the corners of his lips tipping up at the corners.

  The intensity in her gaze burned through his very soul. “I’ll take care of you.” She turned her face, but Roman refused to allow her to run away, tipping her head back so he could stare into her beautiful brown eyes again. His tried to convey all the feelings he wanted to say but didn’t; the wanting, the longing, the determination shining bright, the lust, and even love breaking through his defenses. She was his, and he knew it. He believed love would be more jarring, a flash in the pants you recognized as soon as you felt it, but it was a slow merging of souls he sought to reaffirm through their lovemaking.

  “I’ll take care of you,” he repeated. She nodded, feeling the emotions so close to the surface from their earlier conversation threatening to spill over. His lips met hers, sealing the promise he’d made seconds before. She moved her legs, creating a space for him so he could lie between them. He broke the kiss, trailing his lips down her neck, teasing her. This was different than before, when they’d come together with slapping thighs and quick orgasms. He was making love to her, saying with his body what he couldn’t with his lips.

  He took her three times, and each one was better than the rest. The first time in the club because he couldn’t keep his hands off her. He’d talked to Quinn while she snoozed for a bit, apologizing for being an ass. Quinn took it in stride, joking they could name their firstborn after him. Roman wasn’t sure they were ready for all that, but he did escort her to his house when she awoke. The next day was Sunday, and he was angling to spend a day with his girl since neither had to work. She could never leave again, not after everything they’d gone through. If something else came up, they would weather it together. And when she turned to him that night, burrowing closer as though she couldn’t get enough, Roman thanked God she’d come into his life.