by Carol Lynne
Devlin turned to study the pub. “Nice place. How’s business?”
“Good,” Sean answered. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that his father was standing in front of him. “How long’re you here for?”
Devlin moved to take a seat at the bar. “Few days. I probably should’ve called first, but I didn’t want you to tell me not to come.”
Sean immediately went on the offensive. “Why would you say that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? It’s not like you’ve ever invited any of us here before.”
Staring at his father, Sean realised how different the two of them looked. With dark blond hair, rounded facial features and brown eyes, Devlin O’Brien looked like all the other O’Brien’s, including Sean’s brothers. Sean had been told by more than one family friend that he resembled his mother remarkably, but Sean had never paid much attention. There were no pictures of his mom in the house, and since no one in his family spoke about her, Sean had never felt a connection to the woman he’d never known.
“I didn’t think you’d come,” Sean confessed. “Guess it was easier not to invite you than to have you turn me down.”
Devlin pointed towards the tap of Guinness. “Build me one, would ya?”
Sean picked up a glass and slowly went to work. He wondered if his dad was actually thirsty or if it was some sort of stupid way to test his skills as a bartender. Sean didn’t need his dad’s approval. He knew for a fact he was damn good at what he did. When he’d finished, he slid the glass towards his dad. “There you go.”
“You don’t like me much, do you?” Devlin asked, holding the glass of Guinness up to the light before taking a sip.
“I don’t really know you enough to answer that,” Sean replied.
“I suppose that’s my fault,” Devlin mumbled. He slapped his palm on the bar, making Sean flinch. “Well, that’s what I’m here to change.”
Sean wanted to tell his dad not to bother. He’d given up on his family years ago. Instead he turned his attention to the room. Moby was looking right at him, but as soon as they made eye contact, Moby lowered his head and continued to clear one of the tables.
He had to get his dad upstairs so he could talk to Moby about the Christmas plans they’d made. Sean returned his attention to his dad. “When you’re finished, why don’t you go on to my apartment upstairs? I’m sure you’re tired after your flight.”
Devlin’s eyes narrowed slightly but nodded. “I’m not interrupting your plans am I?”
“Kind of, but I’ll take care of it.” Sean hoped he could anyway.
* * * *
By the time Moby cleared the last table; his mom had her coat on and was waiting by the door. He felt awful about keeping her up so late, but it seemed most of the single men and women in town hadn’t wanted to return to their empty houses. Who could blame them?
After Sean had informed him he wouldn’t be able to spend Christmas morning with them after all, Moby shut down. He should’ve known better than to get his hopes up. Evidently he was good enough to fuck, but not enough to introduce to Sean’s father. Sean’s explanation of O’Brien rules meant absolutely nothing to Moby. Well, except for the fact they seemed to mean more to Sean than he did.
He carried the tub of dirty dishes into the kitchen and set them on the counter. Fuck Sean if he thought Moby was going to stay long enough to wash them. He strode to the time clock and punched his card before grabbing his coat.
Before he could get out of the kitchen, Sean blocked his path. “Get out of my way,” Moby ordered, trying to go around.
“Please. Don’t do this. You know my dad’s arrival was a complete surprise to me.”
“Yeah, I know that. That’s why I asked you to invite him to spend Christmas with us. But then you informed me it wouldn’t work because a boss wouldn’t normally spend such an important holiday with one of his employees.”
Sean started to reach out for Moby, but Moby shot his hands up and stepped back. “Don’t.”
“He’ll be gone in a few days. It’s just…” Sean shook his head. “It’s the first time he’s really showed any interest. He said he came here to get to know me.”
“Really? Yet instead of letting him get to know the real you, you think it’s better to just lie to him?” Moby sighed and zipped his coat. Earlier, Sean had hurt his feelings, but now Moby was fucking pissed. “The O’Brien Way of doing things sucks but have no fear. I’m sure those stupid rules will be around long enough to keep you company in your old age.”
Moby started to walk off, but Sean grabbed his upper arm and spun him around. “Don’t you walk off after a statement like that. You knew the rules before we started this.”
“What? I thought the rule was no one was allowed to touch me besides you. Isn’t that why I’ve been losing out on about fifty extra bucks in tips every damn night?”
“Well excuse me for asking you not to whore yourself in my pub!”
Moby’s hands started to shake with rage. “Take. Your. Hand. Off. Me,” he said, emphasising each word.
Sean released his hold and stepped back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You’re right,” Moby agreed as he pushed through the swinging door. “Are you ready, Mom?”
* * * *
“Fuck!” Sean yelled, turning to sweep the tub of dishes from the counter. As plates broke and glasses shattered, Sean couldn’t give a shit about any of it. What did I just do?
The door to the apartment opened and Devlin stepped into the room. Taking in the mess, he looked at Sean as if he’d gone crazy. “What the hell’s going on down here?”
Sean charged towards his father. “You!” he yelled, pointing his finger. “This is all your fault!”
Devlin’s dark blond eyebrows shot up. “Me? What the hell did I do?”
Sean stopped just short of barrelling into his dad. “What didn’t you do? You show up on Christmas Eve not caring if I’ve already made plans…you…you have all these stupid O’Brien rules that you expect me to follow even though I know the best thing for me is to follow my heart instead.” Sean growled and ran his fingers through his hair. “But if I don’t do things the O’Brien Way, I know I’ll once again disappoint you.”
Sean felt his anger give way to understanding. He looked at his dad with tears swimming in his eyes. “I don’t think I care anymore if you approve of me or not. I’m in love with Moby. I know you won’t approve because he works for me, but…”
“Stop right there,” Devlin said in a hushed tone.
Sean immediately shut up. He knew from years of experience that his dad never yelled when he was angry. Devlin O’Brien was one of those men who became quieter the angrier he got.
“First of all, I didn’t just show up here. I was invited,” Devlin began.
Invited? Before he could ask, his father continued ticking things off on his fingers.
“Secondly, you no longer live under my roof so O’Brien rules don’t apply to you anymore unless you want them to.” Devlin shook his head. “And where the hell did you come up with the rule about not dating people who work for you? I’ve never, ever, said that.”
“Yes you have,” Sean tried to argue. “Remember Kate, that waitress who worked for you for six years? I thought she’d be perfect for you, but you told me point blank that dating her was against the rule.”
Devlin’s expression changed to one of confusion. “Dating Kate had nothing to do with the rules of business. When I told you that, I was referring to my own personal rule. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still married to your mother, who, by the way, was working for me when we started dating.”
Devlin reached out and placed a hand on Sean’s shoulder. “When you spend your life running a pub, how do you expect to find love anywhere else?”
Sean collapsed onto a stool in the corner of the kitchen as the tears started to freely flow down his face. “I don’t understand. If you’re still in love with my mother, why don’t you talk about her
? Why have I never seen a picture of her in our house?” Sean swiped at his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Do you hate me that much because I took her away from you?”
Devlin dropped his head and stared at the floor for several moments. Sean was surprised when he noticed his dad wiping at his eyes. “I’m not proud of the way I’ve handled things where you’re concerned.” Devlin straightened to face Sean. “Hate isn’t the right word. I’ve never hated you. How could I?”
“Then why, Dad? Why didn’t you love me?”
Devlin walked towards the swinging door. “Let’s have a drink, and I’ll tell you a story.”
* * * *
With a pot of whisky-laden coffee between them, Devlin began. “I lost my heart the day Evie walked into the pub looking for a job. I hired her on the spot even though she had absolutely no experience.” The corner of Devlin’s mouth turned up, obviously remembering a happier time.
“Within six months we were married, and soon after that Evie became pregnant with Nial. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy and the doctor told her it would be better if she didn’t have more children.” Devlin chuckled and shook his head. “But my Evie was a stubborn woman. Growing up as an only child, she wanted nothing more than a houseful of children. So, despite the doctor’s warning, she went on to have Padrig and Fin. I thought three would be enough and by then her body was so frail that I told her I was going to have a vasectomy. We had a huge fight over it, and just like always, Evie got her way and soon became pregnant with you.”
Sean noticed something missing from his dad’s explanation of events. “Didn’t you want kids?”
Devlin shrugged. “Evie was all I needed to make me happy, but I soon realised I wasn’t enough to return that happiness to her. She needed children, so I had little choice but to make her dreams come true.”
Without coming out and saying it, Devlin had just informed Sean he’d never really wanted the four sons he ended up with. Why it came as a surprise to Sean he didn’t know. Hadn’t it been obvious all along? “So, because you blamed me for her death, you decided to keep her from me?”
Devlin shook his head. “It wasn’t something I set out to do. When Evie was taken from me, I shut down. Not just with you in particular but with everyone. I know it’s not your fault but every time I look at you, I see her, and I’m reminded why she’s not here with me anymore.”
“And Padrig, Fin and Nial? Do they feel the same way about me?” Sean asked, his throat raw from swallowing the emotions that were trying to force their way to the surface.
“You have to remember they were still pretty young. Nial was the oldest at the time and he wasn’t even ten yet. All they knew was that a baby was brought home instead of their mother.” Devlin closed his eyes and nodded his head. “And their father couldn’t bear to be in the same room with you without breaking down.”
Sean took a deep breath. “I wish you’d have given me up for adoption if that’s the way you felt.”
Devlin nodded again. “And in hindsight, I probably should have.”
Sean’s head snapped back as if his father had delivered a blow. It was one thing to believe your father never loved you. It was another to actually hear it. “So why are you here now, Dad?”
“Because I got a phone call asking me to come for your birthday. I wasn’t planning on coming, but the guilt started to eat at me, so here I am.”
“Moby called you?”
“Yes. He didn’t tell me the two of you were together, but I could tell by the way he spoke about you that he cared a great deal. When you introduced us earlier, and I saw the hurt in his eyes, I knew. I went upstairs hoping you’d do something to take that hurt away, but I guess it didn’t happen.”
“No, it didn’t,” Sean mumbled. He’d driven away the one person on earth who truly loved him for a man so eaten with grief that he was nothing but a hollow shell. Sean looked up from the spot on the table he’d been eyeing and stared at his father. “I’m sorry you came all this way, but I’ve been invited to celebrate my first real Christmas with a family who truly cares for me. You can come if you want, or you can stay here, doesn’t matter to me.”
Sean sucked in a breath at the realisation that it really didn’t matter to him. Nothing about the O’Briens’ mattered, not their rules, not their approval, hell, not even them. He had a family right where he was and in the short time he’d known them, they’d given him more love than he’d ever thought he deserved.
Devlin finished off his coffee and stood. “I’ll probably head on back to Boston in the morning if I can get a flight. I know you don’t believe this now, but I really am sorry for everything you’ve been through.” He squeezed Sean’s shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen.
Sean waited until he heard the apartment door close before carrying his cup and the coffeepot into the kitchen. Staring at the mess he’d made on the floor, Sean knew it wasn’t the biggest mess he needed to clean up. He walked away from the kitchen without a backwards glance. Some things were simply more important than a job.
Chapter Eight
Sean jumped at the knock to the driver’s window. He pushed the sleeping bag he’d brought along away from his face and turned to see Virginia staring at him. He switched on the ignition and rolled down his window.
“Are you coming in or just planning to sleep in my driveway all day?” Virginia asked.
“Not sure if I’m welcome,” Sean replied.
Virginia shook her head. “Well I’m not sure either, but you’re definitely not going to find out sitting out here.”
“Is William awake?” Sean asked.
Virginia shook her head. “He told me before he went to bed not to wake him. Said he wanted nothing to do with Christmas this year.”
“That’s my fault.”
“Yes, it is. Now’re you going to do something about it or not?” With those words, Virginia turned and walked back towards the porch.
Sean untangled himself from the sleeping bag and turned off the engine. He grabbed a small sack of envelopes and followed Virginia into the house. Jilly lifted her head from the sofa. Shit. Was it his imagination or did the dog look like she was scowling at him? Moby had mentioned to Sean a time or two what a good listener his dog was. Had Moby really told Jilly what an ass Sean had been? He pointed towards the dog. “I’ll make up with you in a few minutes. First there’s someone else who needs an apology.”
Virginia took the gifts and set them beside the tree while Sean took off his boots and coat. “Down the hall. I’ll start breakfast,” she said before disappearing into the kitchen.
After a quick stop in the bathroom, Sean crept his way towards Moby’s room. He opened the door and stepped inside as quietly as possible. The early morning sun bathed Moby in a golden light. The picture would’ve been perfect if it hadn’t been for the closed, swollen eyes on Moby’s handsome face.
It gutted Sean to see the proof of just how much he’d hurt the man he loved. Taking a big chance, Sean removed his jeans and socks and slid into bed beside Moby. He didn’t reach for Moby right away. What if no matter what he said or did he’d damaged their relationship beyond repair?
The decision was taken out of his hands when Moby rolled over and snuggled against Sean’s chest in his sleep. Sean let his arms settle around Moby. “I love you,” he whispered, kissing the top of Moby’s head.
Moby’s cheek rubbed against Sean’s flannel shirt. Although the moment felt perfect, Sean knew his lover was still asleep. “Wake up, sweetheart. I have a few things I need to tell you.”
Moby’s arm tightened around Sean’s waist briefly before his entire body went rigid. He sat straight up and blinked several times before staring down at Sean. “What’re you doing here?”
“Praying that you’ll give me another chance,” Sean answered. “I love you more than anyone on earth, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”
Moby’s face contorted in confusion. “Why’re you telling me this now? Is it because you
think it’s what I want to hear?”
Sean sat up to face Moby, settling the covers around his waist. “Remember those issues I told you I need to figure out?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I realised I was an asshole to even worry about them. I enjoy owning my own place, but I’m not in love with the pub. I thought I was. I’d actually done a damn good job of convincing myself that if it came down to it, I didn’t need anything but that place.” Sean reached out and put his hand on Moby’s blanket-covered leg. “I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s you I need, not stupid rules. From now on, The O’Brien Way of doing things is whatever I determine, not what was handed down by my father.”
“So I guess that means you spoke to him?” Moby said.
“Yeah. And to be honest, I’m not sure I care to do it again anytime soon. It might sound selfish to you, but at this point in my life, I don’t think he deserves another chance to get to know me.”
Moby’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry that I asked him to come. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I know, and despite how things turned out, I’m glad you did what you did. It was about damn time I woke up to who he really was and is. He’ll never change because he has no desire to, but I refuse to travel down that path with him. It’s time I start living my life for me instead of always trying to gain his approval.”
Moby leant forward and wrapped his arms around Sean. “It sounds like your night was even harder than mine.”
Sean shook his head. “That’s not true. I don’t think my dad has the power to hurt me like I did you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what I said and did to you.”
Moby moved to straddle Sean’s lap. “I forgive you. Now shut up and kiss me.”
Sean moved his hands to Moby’s ass and squeezed as he took his lover’s mouth in a deep kiss. Moby may have forgiven him, but Sean knew he was far from forgiving himself. He took the kiss deeper as his hands separated the cheeks of Moby’s ass and began to circle the puckered skin of his hole.