Moonlight and Ashes

by Rosie Goodwin

  Danny’s lip trembled in the darkness. ‘We’ll have to wait an’ see. No one’s said we’re goin’ to be split up, so why look at the worst?’

  ‘I can’t help it. Carol an’ Tony weren’t together when they went away last time.’

  The children had been surprised earlier in the evening when they had found the majority of their classmates also waiting for medicals at the doctor’s surgery.

  ‘Well, if earlier on is anythin’ to go by, almost the whole of our school is goin’ to be comin’ with us. In fact, I’ve got a feelin’ there ain’t goin’ to be many kids left round here for a while, so at least we ain’t the only ones bein’ sent away. We’ll try to make it into an adventure. An’ look on the bright side. Mam said we might be home for Christmas.’

  At that moment, Christmas seemed a very long way away, but not wishing to upset her brother or appear like a crybaby, Lizzie sniffed and smiled bravely.

  ‘Yes, of course you’re right. The time will soon pass, won’t it?’

  She felt his head nod on her shoulder and then they fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts.

  Downstairs in the kitchen, Maggie sat at the kitchen table with her head bowed. She felt as if her whole world was falling apart. For years the children had been everything to her and the thought of being without them was terrifying, and yet the thought of what could happen to them if they stayed was even worse.

  ‘Come on, mate. It ain’t the end o’ the world, yer know?’ Jo smiled at her across the table and despite herself, Maggie grinned.

  ‘You’re just like my mam used to be at times, Jo. She always used to look on the bright side - till we lost me dad, that is.’

  Jo’s slight shoulders shrugged helplessly. She knew that Maggie was hurting but had no idea what she could do to help her.

  ‘Will your lot be going too?’ Maggie asked eventually.

  Jo immediately shook her head. ‘Not on your Nelly. Me dad’s too tight to supply ’em with the things they’d need to take an’ I couldn’t kit them all out on what I get to keep o’ my wages.’

  ‘But . . . what about what you earn on your er . . . other job?’ Maggie asked tentatively.

  Jo dropped her eyes as a stain spread across her thin cheeks. ‘I don’t get to keep none o’ that. The old man has it off me the minute I set foot through the door.’

  ‘Oh Jo, why don’t you stop him?’

  ‘Huh! An’ how am I supposed to do that?’

  ‘I don’t know. Report him to the Welfare or something.’

  Jo laughed softly, a hollow laugh that made Maggie shudder. ‘Yes, I’m really goin’ to invite that lot to come hammerin’ on the door, ain’t I? They’d take the kids away like a flash - an’ what do you think that would do to me mam?’

  Maggie’s heart went out to her. Jo had become a true friend over the last weeks and she wished with all her heart that there was something she could do to help her. She reached out to take her hand but Jo snatched it away.

  ‘Look, Maggie. We agreed that we wouldn’t talk about that any more, so let’s just drop it, eh? Our Ruth is getting out of it, at least. She’s goin’ to be a Land Girl. To tell the truth, I envy her. I’d go with her like a shot but I can’t leave me mam to that bullyin’ bastard, can I?’

  Maggie shook her head miserably. Poor Jo. She had even more worries than she herself did, and she was so young.

  Crossing to a half-finished dress that was hanging over the ironing board, Jo lifted it and smiled. ‘Let me guess. Yer makin’ this fer Lizzie to take with her, ain’t yer?’

  When Maggie nodded, she laughed. ‘I don’t know how yer do it! Your daughter is goin’ to be the best-dressed girl on the train.’

  It was a pretty dress. Maggie had bought the material for a snip on the market but no one would have known it now that she had smocked the bodice. It was in a pretty shade of blue that exactly matched Lizzie’s eyes. Folded across the back of a chair next to it was a smart hand-knitted jumper for Danny.

  ‘I can’t take the credit for that. My mam’s been busy as well,’ she said as Jo ran her hand across the soft wool. ‘She’s been knitting like mad. At this rate I won’t be able to get all their stuff into their cases.’

  Tears flooded her eyes as she looked at the two small brown suitcases that she had fetched down from the loft. She had scrubbed and polished them until the leather gleamed. Now all she had to do was pack them, which she knew would be the hardest job of all.

  Still, she consoled herself, all across Coventry city other mothers were having to do exactly the same thing. The last raid had caused widespread panic and there looked set to be a mass exodus of children. She tried to imagine the streets without the sound of them playing but couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried.

  Sensing her friend’s pain, Jo sought for words to comfort her. ‘It won’t last forever,’ was the best she could come up with. But inside she was thinking, Will it?

  The final arrangements were made a few days later. The children would meet at the school and from there they would be taken by coach to the station. Lizzie and Danny were to be evacuated to North Wales.

  ‘Is that by the sea?’ Danny asked when Maggie told them.

  ‘Is it very far away?’ asked Lizzie.

  Maggie answered their endless questions as best she could as she packed their freshly washed and ironed clothes into their little cases. They’d been issued with brown paper labels that would have their names and addresses written on. These would be tied with string to the lapels of their coats on the day they left.

  ‘We don’t need those,’ Danny scoffed when he saw them. ‘We ain’t babies. We can remember our names and where we live.’

  ‘I know you can, sweetheart, but everyone has to have them,’ Maggie told him.

  The next days passed in a blur. Maggie popped Lizzie’s teddy bear into her case and Danny’s marbles and his sketchpad and pencils into his, along with a black and white family photograph for each of them.

  ‘You can put these on your bedside tables when you get where you’re going so you don’t forget us,’ Maggie told them as brightly as she could.

  ‘Huh! Do yer really think we’ll need a photo to think of you an’ Lucy?’ Danny retorted in disgust.

  Maggie noted that he hadn’t included his father in the statement but wisely didn’t comment. ‘An’ don’t forget to fill this postcard in and post it as soon as you get there, so I’ll have your address.’

  Danny rolled his eyes heavenwards as Maggie snapped down the catches.

  On a cold grey morning in early October, Maggie strapped Lucy into her pushchair and they set off for the school.

  Grandma waved them off, her eyes overly bright and a set smile fixed to her lips. ‘You both be good now, an’ remember, you’ll probably be home fer Christmas!’ she shouted after them. Maggie had unsuccessfully tried to persuade her to come with them but she’d preferred to say her goodbyes at home.

  Danny carried his own case, whilst Lizzie pushed Lucy along and Maggie carried hers.

  The streets seemed to be full of mothers and fathers all trailing in the same direction, their children’s brown-paper labels flapping in the buttonholes of their coats and blazers, their little gas masks slung across their shoulders.

  The journey was made in silence, for Maggie could hardly trust herself to speak. When they finally reached the school playground they found a large bus waiting there and Miss Timpson ushering children aboard as she marked their names off on a large clipboard. She was going to accompany them to Wales. Most of the boys were smiling as they anticipated the adventure ahead, but many of the girls were crying and clinging to their mothers like leeches.

  ‘Come along now. Keep it orderly, and be sure to hold on to your cases,’ Miss Timpson commanded as she bustled yet another child up the steep steps into the bus. The queue slowly dwindled until at last it was time for Danny and Lizzie to say goodbye.

  Maggie hugged them both, drinking in the smell of their freshly washed hair. Da
nny was blinking bravely, determined not to make a cissy of himself in front of his school chums. Lizzie was openly sobbing.

  ‘On you get then. We don’t want to hold everyone up, do we?’ A final kiss and Maggie was nudging them towards the steps. And then they were gone from sight for a moment until their faces reappeared, pressed up to the window.

  They gazed down on their mother and Lucy below them, and just for a moment Danny’s bravado slipped and his lip trembled as they waved at her frantically through the glass.

  ‘Be good now . . . I love you,’ she mouthed as the bus’s engine sputtered into life. Danny saw the look of desperation in her eyes and his lip trembled even more. The bus began to move away and Maggie found herself running alongside it. The twins looked so little and vulnerable that she had to fight the urge to stop the bus and snatch them off there and then. Instead she waved and blew kisses until it disappeared through the school gates.

  Suddenly, the playground was silent and deserted. Only then did she allow the tears to fall as she wondered if she would ever see her children again.

  Picking up on her mother’s distress, Lucy began to whimper.

  ‘It’s all right, sweetheart. Let’s get you home out of the cold, eh?’ Maggie turned the pushchair and with a heavy heart headed back to Swanshill.

  Once back at her little terraced house, Maggie let herself in and gazed around the kitchen. The first thing she saw were the pyjamas the twins had worn the night before. It was cold, for in her haste to get the children ready, there had been no time to light the fire. Luckily, Lucy, with her thumb jammed tight in her mouth, had dropped off into a doze, so she covered her with a blanket and then lifted the children’s nightclothes and sniffed them. The scent of them still lingered, and once again tears coursed down her cheeks as she rocked to and fro.

  ‘I hate this bloody war! I hate it,’ she muttered to the empty room, but the only answer was the ticking of the clock, and loneliness, the like of which she had never known before, wrapped itself around her like a shroud.

  Part Two

  Chapter Fourteen

  Once they reached the railway station, Lizzie shrank into Danny’s side and gazed at the huge trains in bewilderment. The platform smelled of engine oil and smoke, and people were rushing about everywhere she looked. The grown-ups who were in charge of the children began to usher them all in different directions, until eventually only a small group was left in the care of Miss Timpson.

  ‘Come along then, children,’ she smiled encouragingly. ‘Shall we get into the carriage?’

  Danny had to almost haul Lizzie aboard but eventually they were seated and Miss Timpson began to lift their small cases on to the overhead luggage racks. She had barely finished when a loud whistle pierced the air. The sound of doors banging was deafening, and then the train suddenly lurched forward, causing Lizzie’s eyes to nearly jump out of her head. The carriage smelled musty and that, combined with the movement of the train, made the blood drain from her pinched face.

  ‘Danny, . . . I think I’m going to be sick.’

  Seeing that her face had paled to the colour of bleached linen, the teacher quickly delved into her seemingly bottomless bag and produced a brown paper bag as if by magic.

  ‘There you are, Lizzie. Use that if you have to. Once we’ve got properly on the way I’ll take you along to the toilet,’ she told the child kindly, then she promptly produced a big tin of mints and asked, ‘Anyone want one of these? They might help if any of you others are travel sick.’

  Lizzie wasn’t sure what travel sick meant. She had never gone further than a short tram-ride through Coventry before with her mother, but she guessed it must be this awful feeling she was experiencing now.

  ‘Come on, Lizzie. Why don’t you try one? I’m sure it will help.’ As Miss Timpson offered her the sweet, Lizzie’s small stomach rebelled, and bending her head she was violently sick into the bag.

  ‘Oh dear.’ Miss Timpson’s black curls wagged from side to side. ‘It looks like this isn’t going to be the best of journeys for you, my love. We’ve hardly pulled out of the station yet. I tell you what, why don’t we sing a song to try and take your mind off it, eh?’

  She immediately launched into a version of ‘Oh, we do like to be beside the seaside’. Slowly, a chorus of little voices joined in and Lizzie began to feel a bit better, until another train suddenly thundered past them on the opposite track. This, combined with the achey feeling in her tummy, was too much to bear and burying her face on Danny’s shoulder, she began to wail loudly.

  Halfway through the journey it started to rain, and her cries dwindled as she watched the fields flash by. Miss Timpson had come to sit beside her and she felt somehow comforted in the warmth of the kindly teacher’s arms. A few of the other children, who’d been up since the early hours of the morning, dropped off to sleep, but Danny was determined not to miss a single thing. He’d never been on a train before, and although his heart was heavy at having to leave his mother, he was also excited at the prospect of seeing the sea.

  ‘Are we almost there yet, Miss?’ he asked at regular intervals.

  ‘No, not yet, Danny,’ Miss Timpson would patiently reply and then eventually she suggested, ‘Why don’t we have a game of I Spy? And then when we’ve done that, we’ll unpack our lunches and eat.’

  The group enthusiastically launched into the game, which passed a pleasant half-hour. During this time the train pulled into a station and lots of soldiers in smart khaki uniforms climbed aboard. They waved cheerfully at the children through the window of the carriage as they passed along the aisle that ran the whole length of the train. Some of them winked at Miss Timpson, and this, Danny was amused to note, had her blushing furiously. And then they were on their way again and Miss Timpson lifted their cases down one at a time for them and allowed them to take out the lunches that their mothers had packed for them.

  By the time they’d finished eating, the fields had given way to mountains and marshland, and a bubble of excitement formed in Danny’s stomach. They were almost there - he could feel it.

  The journey seemed to be taking forever and he asked, ‘Will we be there before it gets dark, Miss?’

  The teacher smiled and nodded. ‘Yes, I should think so, Danny.’

  ‘Where will we be staying when we get there?’

  ‘I don’t know, dear,’ she answered truthfully. ‘There will be billeting officers waiting for us when we get to Pwllheli. They will decide who you’re all going to stay with.’

  ‘Won’t you be staying with us?’ His voice faltered for the first time.

  ‘No, I’m afraid not. I shall be catching a train back later this evening. But I shall make quite sure that all of you are all right first, of course.’

  At that moment, another little girl, not much bigger than Lizzie, on the opposite side of the carriage, burst into noisy sobs.

  ‘I don’t want you to leave us, Miss Timpson,’ she wailed. ‘I want to come home with you to me mammy.’

  Miss Timpson had appeared as her last link with her family, and the thought of the kindly teacher abandoning them in a strange place was the final straw.

  The child’s outburst silenced Danny’s questions as Miss Timpson rushed across to soothe her, and for some time the carriage was silent as the other children looked on, each of them painfully reminded of the family they had left behind.

  After what seemed like an eternity, the train finally began to slow and Miss Timpson told them, ‘I think we’re almost there, children.’

  Everything was suddenly hustle and bustle as they all hurried to get into their coats and gather their meagre little pieces of luggage together. When the train came to a shuddering halt they all gazed fearfully out of the window. A large sign on the station wall said PWLLHELI.

  Miss Timpson alighted first then handed them all down onto the platform one by one. As she was doing so, a small wizened-up woman with her grey hair pulled tightly into a bun on the back of her head descended on her.


  ‘Wythnos pawb. (Greetings everybody.) And would this be the party of evacuees from Coventry then?’

  Danny and Lizzie exchanged a glance at her strange accent, and for the first time since they had left home a glimmer of a smile flitted across Lizzie’s face.

  Turning to her, Miss Timpson nodded and held out her hand, which the little woman pumped energetically up and down until Lizzie was sure she would shake it right off.

  ‘Ah, it’s glad I am that you’ve all arrived present and correct, so it is. Now follow me if you please, blant (children). I have a bus outside ready and waiting for all of youse.’

  Another woman, who was as large as the first woman was small, came to stand beside her and they began to gabble away in a language that none of the children had ever heard before.

  ‘They’re talking in Welsh, which is their language,’ Miss Timpson whispered as she saw the looks of bewilderment that flitted across the children’s faces. ‘But don’t worry. They won’t expect you to understand it.’

  Danny was relieved to hear it, for he was sure he would never be able to understand a word they said. The unlikely pair herded them into a long row then began to shepherd them towards the station exit. It was a relief to find themselves in the fresh air after the smoky atmosphere of the tiny station and the musty smell of the carriage, and the children looked around with interest. Their first glimpse of Wales was disappointing, to say the least. Danny had always imagined the seaside to be a place of brilliant sunshine, but the lashing rain had slowed to a drizzle and the cobbled streets of stone cottages looked dull and uninviting. They had no time to study their surroundings, however, for the little woman was now leading them towards a bus with the precision of a Sergeant Major.

  ‘Come along now, blant,’ she commanded briskly. ‘There is no time to be standing about now, there is still much to be done. I shall be taking you to the Sarn-Bach village hall where they will have tea ready for you, and then the people you will all be staying with will be coming to fetch you, so they will. Come along, come along now.’