Doomsday Sheriff_Day 2_A Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Adventure

by Michael James Ploof

“What?”

  “This is the warden of the south. Just heard a trip-head out in the woods. I think there’s more than one.”

  “Don’t let them through,” said Pike before putting the radio back on his hip.

  “Trip-heads?” said Max.

  “The three-headed bastards that come from them eggs,” said Pike.

  “We call them howlers,” said John.

  Pike rolled the cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other with his tongue. He grabbed it suddenly and flicked it across the road.

  “Take them!” he said, turning back toward the truck.

  Max offered Valentine and John a rod of reassurance as they were handcuffed and led to the trucks.

  Chapter 10

  A Rave New World

  Max, Valentine, and John were taken to the local Kinney’s, which was guarded like the redneck version of Fort Knox. Guards stood at the doors in pairs, as well as on the roof and each corner of the building. The parking lot was full of RVs, and Max had a sneaking suspicion that few of the militia had ever owned the rigs. Generators hummed steadily, and floodlights lit the entire property. A large fence had even been constructed, complete with a razor wire top and all.

  Inside, the isles remained the same, though it looked like every one of the lottery tickets had been scratched. They were led to the storeroom, where chairs were being placed beneath a swinging light. Max was shoved into the center seat, and Pike pulled another one forward, sitting in his own chair backward and straddling the backrest.

  “What do you know, Sheriff?”

  “What do I know?”

  “Of the wider world. How’re the people holding up in the hills?”

  “We were doing fine until the military came and took most of us,” said Max.

  “Why not you all?”

  “We were trying to lock down a hospital.”

  “What happened?”

  “We ended up having to burn it down. Alien worm nest and all that.”

  “It’s a real mind-fucker, eh?” said Pike.

  One of the four guards nodded with exasperation.

  “A zombie apocalypse,” Pike continued, shaking his head. “Who would’a thunk it?”

  “My deputy, Stefan,” said Max.

  “That you?” Pike asked John.

  “No, I’m just a dude who likes hockey.”

  Pike glanced at Valentine.

  “She’s my daughter,” said Max.

  Pike nodded respectfully. “Then I’m doubly happy to have avenged her honor with Simon. Stupid ass, he was. Probably my least favorite cousin.”

  “He was your cousin?” said Max, somewhat surprised.

  Pike nodded. “We planned a family reunion for the day of the meteor shower, and low and behold, we all survived. There’s goddamned forty of us. Must have been the grace of God.”

  “God had nothing to do with it. You were all shitfaced, that’s all,” said Max.

  “What’s that?”

  “We’ve learned that everyone who was drunk on Saturday survived. Seems the space worms don’t like the fire water. Go figure.”

  “No shit…” said Pike, nodding to himself and slapping his pack of Marlboros against his palm. “That makes sense.”

  “What are we doing here, Pike?,” said Max. “I got places to be, and I’ve got nothing to offer you. If you’re worried that I’ll report your little empire here to the army, you can rest assured I don’t give a shit.”

  “And that is the conundrum,” said Pike. “I gotta trust you, but if there’s anything my drunken dick of a father taught me—”

  “It’s that you can’t trust anyone,” said Max. “Heard it before. Not interested. How about a trade?”

  “I’m listening,” said Pike.

  “Well, I’m assuming, and this is a shot in the dark here, but I’m guessing that you’ve got some among you who weren’t drunk, and you’ve kept them locked up, hoping to find a way to turn them back. But you can’t, and they scream, and they scream, luring other screamers and howlers…sorry, trip-heads, to them.”

  “Go on,” said Pike, shifting forward in his seat and discarding his cigarette like a burden.

  Max let the tension mount. “I can cure them…”

  “How?”

  “That’s my trade.”

  Pike smirked and nodded knowingly. “And round and round we go. What do you want in return?”

  “Just to get back on the road I was on. And our weapons returned. I help you, you help me, and we never meet again.”

  “That sounds like a hell of a plan,” said Pike. He nodded to one of his cronies. “Bring the sheriff.”

  “John and Valentine come with me,” said Max.

  “They’ll be fine right here,” said Pike. He lit up another cigarette and pointed at the two guards who would watch over John and Valentine. “Anything happens to these two, and you’ll be joining Simon.”

  “I’ll be back soon,” Max told his friends.

  He was put in a truck and driven to the local jailhouse. The place was almost as heavily guarded as Kinney’s, and the rednecks looked to have had fun with the patrol cars, spray-painting them with lewd artwork and writing Pike’s Army on the sides.

  “I hope you ain’t lying about being able to cure my wives,” said Pike as he pushed through the doors and lit yet another cigarette.

  “Your wives?”

  Pike grinned and gestured to the closest cell. A woman in dirty clothes sat in the corner, looking like she was in a trance. When she heard Max’s voice, she turned toward him and let out that godawful howl. In the other cells were five more women, some looking to be no older than fifteen.

  “So how about it, Sheriff. How you gonna cure ‘em?”

  “I need alcohol, preferably liquor.”

  Pike stared at him. “You’re serious, ain’t ya?”

  Max nodded.

  “Will vodka do?” said Pike, reaching in his pocket and withdrawing a flask.

  “That’ll do it. But if I’m going to administer it, then I’m going to need my hands.”

  Pike eyed him with mild suspicion. At length he nodded to one of the guards. The man uncuffed Max, and he rubbed his wrists before taking the flask.

  “Someone’s going to have to hold her down,” said Max.

  “Pete, Roger, Barry, get in there and restrain that zombie bitch,” said Pike.

  They all glanced at each other with shared apprehension, but they didn’t have the balls to argue, not after seeing what had happened to Simon. The three men filed into the cell with nightsticks in hand, and the screamer instantly shot up from the floor and lunged for the man in the middle. He took her around the waste and slammed her to the floor as the other two jumped on her and pinned her arms. Max wasted no time and hurried into the cell, unscrewing the top of the flask and shoving it in her mouth. The screamer coughed and gagged, her voice gurgling as she continued to try to wail. Then suddenly a screeching worm slithered out of her mouth and scurried across the floor. Max stepped on it, mashing it with his heel like it was a cigarette. She stopped thrashing, and her milky eyes rolled back in her head.

  “What the hell was that!” said Pike.

  “Space worm,” said Max nonchalantly.

  He and the guards continued the process with the rest of the woman, and soon they were all twitching and convulsing in their cells. Pike watched with interest as the first of the women started to come to. She looked no more than seventeen, and when her confused eyes found Pike, they widened with fear.

  “How is it that these women are your wives?” asked Max.

  “It’s the law,” said Pike. “Used to be that I had to hide ‘em away. But now that I’m king, there’s no need to hide ‘em anymore. You hear that, ladies?”

  “And these girls. They want to be your wives?”

  Pike grinned. “You seem real interested in my goings-on. And here I thought you were interested only in getting out of town, saving your piece of ass.”

  “She’s my wife.” />
  Pike nodded and spit on the floor. “That’s what I said.”

  “Help! Sheriff help us,” said the oldest of the girls.

  “Shut your pie hole, Nadine!” said Pike. “The sheriff was just leaving.” He nodded at Max. “After you, Sheriff.”

  Max knew that as soon as he turned around, Pike would shoot him in the head. Pike had gotten what he wanted out of Max, and there was no way he was going to let Valentine go—probably already had plans for the wedding.

  “This was just the first step,” said Max. “Your wives are going to need another treatment in a few hours.”

  “We can administer the booze, don’t you worry,” said Pike.

  “It’s not booze they need next.”

  “What is it then? What do they need?”

  It was Max’s turn to grin.

  “I’ll tell you that when me and my friends are back in our trucks and pointed west.”

  “You pulling my leg, Sheriff?”

  “Not at all. If you want to test it, go right ahead. But don’t blame me when your wives turn into something…shit, I can’t even begin to explain what happens to them. Ever seen Alien?”

  “The worms were driven out. I saw it with my own eyes.”

  “Sure,” said Max. “The worms were, but not their larvae.”

  Pike glanced over at the youngest girl, and she in turn looked to her stomach, horrified.

  “Tick-tock, Pike. What’s it going to be?” said Max.

  “If you’re lying to me, Sheriff…”

  “Let me guess, I’m a dead man.”

  Pike spit on the floor and shook his head. “Nah, dead’s too easy.”

  Chapter 11

  All Hail the King

  Max was brought back to the drugstore, where John and Valentine were let out of their handcuffs and freed. Pike’s men stayed close by as they all filed into the trucks: Valentine and Max in the Bronco, and John in the Hummer.

  “Follow me out past the Walmart and I’ll tell you the ingredients you’ll need for the second half of the remedy,” said Max, closing the window before Pike had a chance to speak. The man glowered at him before stomping off toward a big black Chevy.

  “The second half of the remedy?” said Valentine.

  “There isn’t one, but Pike doesn’t know that.”

  “Then what’s the plan?”

  “To get the hell out of here and flip these dickheads the bird.”

  Max drove out to the intersection leading to the Walmart, where uptown gave way to a long stretch of Route 11 that would bring him out of town. John and Pike stayed close behind, and six more trucks followed. A light snow had begun to fall, and it took a while for the Bronco to warm up. Valentine was dressed for winter like everyone else, but still she shivered in the passenger seat.

  “Don’t worry, we’ll be alright. I’ve got a hunch the king of the dipshits back there planned on killing me, so I told him that his wives would need a second remedy,” said Max.

  “I’m not shivering because I’m scared. And what do you mean, his wives?”

  “He had five women locked up in the jail. Screamers. They were all underage, I think.”

  “We can’t just leave them there,” said Valentine.

  “And we can’t rescue them either, not by ourselves. Don’t worry, when we get to Fort Drum, I’ll report everything I saw here.”

  “And what if they won’t help the girls?” said Valentine.

  “They’re military, I’m sure they’ll help.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Me too,” said Max. He slowed down at the intersection that would lead him left to the Walmart and stopped the truck, keeping it in drive.

  John pulled up behind him, and Pike’s driver pulled up beside the Bronco.

  “Alright, Sheriff,” said Pike from the passenger seat of the black Chevy when Max rolled down his window. “What’d they need?”

  “We stumbled on this concoction after the screamers that we thought had been cured began…well, let’s just say they changed. There are two main ingredients; the first one is cherry-flavored cough syrup.”

  Pike eyed him suspiciously. “And the second?”

  “You got a CB?” said Max.

  Pike nodded.

  “I’ll tell you the other ingredient when we’re ten miles away. Tune in to channel twenty-seven.”

  “What you playing at, Sheriff?”

  “Insurance.”

  “Against what? We had a deal. You think I go back on my deals?”

  “No, and neither do I. That’s why I helped you cure your wives, and that’s why I’ll let you know the next part of the cure in ten miles. If I don’t, then you can come after me. Won’t be hard to find, what with the tire tracks and all.”

  Pike spit out the window, but some of it dribbled down his hairy chin. He didn’t bother wiping it away.

  “Alright, Sheriff. We’ll play this your way.”

  “Okay, Pike. Thanks for the tour of your kingdom. I’ll be in touch shortly.”

  Max rolled up his window and got the Bronco moving, watching the trucks in the rearview like a hawk. John followed close behind, but none of Pike’s men pursued them.

  “How’s it looking back there, John?” Max said over the walkie-talkie.

  “I don’t know what you said to him, but they’re not following.”

  “I told Pike I’d give him the other half of the cure when we are safely ten miles out.”

  “There isn’t a second part of the cure.”

  “Exactly. And even if I give them a fake one, they’ll be coming after us, and they aren’t going to wait until we’re ten miles away.”

  “Then we gotta shake ‘em.”

  “Yup,” said Max. “There’s a town coming up called Bangor. When we reach the caution light, I want you to go left and drive up and down as many roads as possible, then continue west with me, alright?”

  “Gotcha, Sheriff.”

  When they came to the light, Max went right after John turned left. Max peeled out and shot down the street, skidding onto a side road and driving to the end before hanging a left again to take him back to Route 11. He did this half a dozen times, as did John, and by the time they were done, the roads all bore their tire tracks.

  “Sheriff to John.”

  “Come in, Sheriff.”

  “You continue down the road for a mile and then turn back. Keep within your old tracks when you come back. I’m going to do the same. When you get back to town, hang a left onto Factory Street and follow it to the end. Farm to Market Road runs parallel. We’ll take the rest of the way to the next town.”

  John headed down Route 11, and Max took the road that would lead them to another parallel roadway, Route 11b.

  “You think this is going to work?” Valentine asked.

  “I sure as hell hope so,” said Max. “I mean, it’ll work for a time. I just hope they didn’t set out after us already.”

  “If he was smart, he would have sent someone after us a few minutes after our taillights disappeared.”

  “Good thing he’s not very smart, isn’t it?” said Max. “Besides, I think he enjoys the hunt. He’ll let us get a little lead. I’m sure of—”

  “Stop!” Valentine screamed.

  Max jerked his head back to the road and slammed on the brakes when he caught sight of something standing in the road. It was a howler, and it looked confused by the glaring headlights.

  “Yeah, I was going to turn around here anyway,” he said, putting the truck in reverse.

  The howler’s three mouths opened, and it let out a cry that was loud even in the cab. Max peeled out, hooking an arm around the passenger seat and navigating through the back window. It was times like these he appreciated his advanced driver training that the state provided local law enforcement.

  “How we looking?” he asked Valentine, not wanting to take his eyes off the road illuminated by his reverse lights behind them.

  Valentine let out a scream as something
heavy hit the front of the Bronco. Max cranked the wheel and floored it enough to whip them around. He looked out the broken front windshield and saw the howler smiling back at him as the Bronco spun a one-eighty in the street. He hit the brakes, and the monstrosity flew off the hood sideways.

  He hit the gas before the howler hit the ground and left it in the dust, flying toward Main Street and drifting back onto Route 11. John was coming back from the west, and he followed Max’s lead. Together they headed north.

  Chapter 12

  B-Town

  It had been fifteen minutes since Max and the crew left Pike and his cronies in Malone, and it was time to hold up his end of the bargain. He tuned to channel twenty-seven on the CB and brought it to his mouth.

  “Breaker, breaker, this is the Doomsday Sheriff. You there, Teddy Bear?” Max could just imagine Pike glancing around at the others with mild frustration.

  “Pike here,” he said, sounding impatient.

  “Well, I kept up my end of the bargain,” said Max. “You hold up yours? I thought I saw headlights behind us a few miles back,” he lied.

  “Wasn’t us, Sheriff. Me and the boys are waiting with my terrified wives. You got the second ingredient?”

  Max glanced at Valentine. “You hear the truck engine on his end?”

  She nodded. “What a moron.”

  “You think?” Max brought the CB to his mouth again as he pulled onto Farm to Market Road and hooked a left, heading west once more. “Alright Pike, listen close, because this is very important.”

  “I’m all ears, Sheriff.”

  “More like all teeth,” said Valentine.

  She and Max fist-bumped.

  “You know the first ingredient, cherry cough syrup. This second one is going to sound strange. But trust me, it works.”

  “Spit it out, Sheriff.”

  “Kisses.”

  Static answered when he let go of the button.

  “You’re going to regret this, Sheriff.”

  “What?” Max checked the rearview and, seeing nothing, he grinned at Valentine. “I meant Hershey’s Kisses, that’s the second ingredient. I’m not being a smartass. You’ve got to give them cough syrup and Hershey Kisses.”