Odd Jobs

by Ben Lieberman

  Loot tilts his head and asks, “I see a Petro vs. Balducci situation here. Exactly how do you win?”

  “I win by blowing Balducci out of the water. That’s always been how I win. I got Petro on board. It wasn’t easy and it was pretty expensive but I got him on board.”

  “Expensive!” Loot interjects.

  I am trying to hold my head up and lay out my idea, but based on our recent turn of events with the NY State Gorilla game tonight, it’s hard to be bold and proud, so I belt it out quick and straight. “I gave Petro most of our money. We can’t cover the fixed Gorilla bet when we lose because I gave Petro most of our money.” There is stunned silence.

  Loot is the first to awaken. “Kev, there was over $100,000 in our rainy day fund.”

  “More like $133,000,” I say, “but I gave Petro $125,000 about a month back. “

  “Oh,” Loot says, “at least you still have $8,000.”

  “Okay, Loot, I know this is going in different directions. This is where it starts coming together. I started out by lying off bets with Petro. That was my in. At first I only worked through some of his staff, but when the size of the wagers got dramatically bigger, Petro, as expected, wanted to talk to me in person.”

  I sigh and continue. “It didn’t take me long to win him over. We were giving him good-sized bets, and I never haggled over paying his ridiculous rates. At the same time, I kept feeding him info about Balducci. What a coincidence that we had Balducci in common and Petro desperately wanted to get in better with Balducci. By the way, I may have slightly exaggerated my relationship with Jimmy Balducci.”

  “I see,” Carey says.

  “Here’s the thing. Petro actually started kissing my ass.”

  Loot says, “Huh? Petro was charging us the worst rates in the universe.”

  “Look, guys, when Petro first met me, I needed to dazzle him. I had to sell him hope. I was introducing another market but I also slowly offered access to Balducci and a doorway back to the big time.

  “This college town was always thought of as a bullshit nickel-and-dime proposition. It’s messy getting involved with students from a public relations standpoint, and the income stream proved very unreliable. But I showed him a whole different level of organization and profit. I knew most of Petro’s money is earned from bookmaking, offering protection from his own leg-breakers to local business owners and of course, prostitution. After all, there are plenty of politicians in Albany to earn from.

  “I told Petro about the drugs, sports handicapping and bookmaking that he was ignoring and how it was overflowing to the lobbyists and whatnot. I told him how I wanted to show him respect and that I needed his help. There was so much more potential and I was only scratching the surface. I needed financing and protection to get heroin going, and H was making a huge comeback. My bookmaking was a complementary business to his bookmaking, and I needed protection from people starting to grab at my territory.”

  “Heroin. That’s such bullshit! We never once talked about heroin,” Loot interjects. “And no one’s trying to grab our territory; if anything, more guys want to merge with us. Kevin, what’s with this shit?”

  I answer, “I told him how we already cleared a million dollars and I’m frustrated because there is so much more to do.... ”

  Carey interrupts. “What? Why would he believe a fucking nothing like you cleared a million bucks? How fucking stupid could he be?”

  “How fucking stupid?” I answer, “I gave him ten percent of our fictitious $1,250,000 profit. In old-school fashion, I let him wet his beak. I gave it to Petro out of respect for past business done in his territory and made plans to do some great things together in the future.”

  “Fuck me!” Loot says. “You gave him all the money we had. You gave him $125,000. You fucking gave it to Petro!”

  “How else would he believe I cleared a million bucks? Money talks, baby, money talks. Now I have Petro amped up to make millions of dollars and more importantly, to topple Balducci.”

  Rocky asks, “Petro is going to topple Balducci?”

  “Yep, Petro is going to take down Balducci.”

  Rocky persists, “But if Petro wants in so badly, how are you going to get him to work with you? It doesn’t make sense. If he works with you, he can never get back in with Balducci.”

  “Yeah,” I answer, “I had to play on that slippery slope that Petro was climbing. Obviously, he hated Balducci; he just wasn’t willing to admit that to himself yet. Balducci humiliated his old man and demoted them to the minor leagues. On the other hand, Petro needed Balducci to get back into the big dance; there was no way around that. I had a theory... ”

  “Oh great,” Loot interrupts.

  I shoot Loot a look. “It’s not that crazy.” Pointing to Loot and Carey, I say, “It was fucking working until today when you flushed our drug money down the drain in a panic.” I move my finger and vent further, “And you bet the wrong side of the fixed Gorilla game. So fuckin’ hear me out.”

  “Okay,” Loot says calmly. “No need to point fucking fingers.”

  I blow some air from my cheeks and say, “When I was spying in Balducci’s house, Petro was always offering up ideas to Balducci, trying to get a bigger role. For business’ sake and his own ambitions, Petro tried to play the past off like it was all ancient history. It wasn’t anything personal with the exile, just business. As it turned out, Balducci did get to go global, so it’s hard for the old guard or Petro’s family to fight the results. Therefore, I have to believe Petro’s unrealistic, rationalizing mind is thinking that if Petro ever came up with a valid business opportunity, Balducci would welcome him back.

  “Balducci and Petro have reasons to talk from time to time because, get this, Petro has to kick money up to Balducci. That’s the rules. Petro has to pay a tax on his Albany earnings. I know for a fact it’s gnawing at his guts sending hard-earned income Balducci’s way. The money Petro kicks up wouldn’t affect Balducci’s clothes shopping habits. Petro is paying for something that already belonged to him and was stolen by Balducci. It’s like asking the guy who stole your watch to tell you what time it is.

  “So, back to the theory. Petro wants back in and it’s all he can taste. When he found out I was hooked up with Balducci, he was always asking me questions. ‘Hey, Kevin, you ever hear Balducci mention my name?’ Or he would say, ‘you going to Long Island this weekend? Say hello to Balducci for me.’ Then when I got back, the first voicemail waiting from me was from my new pal, Petro.”

  “So what did you tell Balducci?” Rocky asks.

  “Nothing, not a thing. All I had to do was manipulate the information to Petro.”

  Loot interrupts, saying, “The guy is a mob boss. Isn’t he smart enough to see through your manipulations?”

  “Fair question, but let’s get one thing clear. Petro is a mob boss because he is once removed from a mob boss that got sent packing. Petro himself knows he jumped off the line early when they were assigning smarts. Petro makes up for this deficiency by being the meanest asshole in the land.”

  “We get the mean part,” Carey says; he might as well be in a different room. Loot is trying to figure out which question to ask next and is dangerously close to an internal electrical malfunction.

  Rocky sighs calmly and says, “How did you answer Petro when he asked you about Balducci? How did you manipulate the information?”

  I start thinking to myself how good Rocky looks. C.W. Wellington could get a modeling deal if she wanted, but as weird as it sounds, C.W. is too pretty, untouchably pretty. Rocky, on the other hand, with her auburn hair and sultry eyes, is so attractive that she makes me want to grab her every minute of the day. I could be dead by the end of the week, and yet the mere sight and I need to embrace her. Man, I like Rocky, but damn, I thought about C.W. Wellington again today. I get back to the task at hand and say, “I might have added some fuel to the fire.”

  “What do you mean?” Rocky asks.

  “When I was spying on Balducci, I
saw stuff about Petro. Petro would occasionally offer up a less-than-brilliant business idea. Then Balducci would forward these ideas to some of his guys, laughing his balls off at Petro. Balducci thinks he’s in the year 2100 and Petro is still pitching ideas on how to pick a caveman’s pocket. Petro is a big fucking joke to Balducci. So you know what I do?” I pause for a moment because I really need them to understand what I am going to say. “I take the stuff mocking Petro and I show it to him.”

  Rocky says, “When Balducci finds out, he’s going to kill you twice.”

  “Yup,” I say, “that’s when I jumped into the deep end of the pool. So I really needed this to hit home. One day, when Petro was asking me questions about Balducci, I acted like I just had to crack. I made like I didn’t want to see Balducci make such a fool out of Petro any longer. So I showed him all the stuff I had where Balducci was ragging on Petro. I made him understand that he had no shot at getting back into Balducci’s inner circle. I showed him everything I had found and I even made stuff up.”

  “Fuck me, why did you have to make stuff up? Weren’t you doing enough?” Loot asks.

  “Nope,” I answer, “it’s one thing for Petro to get angry at Balducci; it’s another thing to have Petro turn on Balducci. So I explained to Petro that Balducci was planning to kill him.”

  “What?” Rocky shouts. “Is that true?”

  “Fuck no. Balducci couldn’t care less about Petro. But when I show Petro all this stuff and tell him he’s a target, it’s ballistic time.”

  “You got to be kidding me,” Carey chirps.

  “It worked. Think about all the emotions I put this guy through. He wants Balducci to accept him and bring him back into the fold. Then I show him that he’s nothing but a joke to Balducci, which should turn on a switch. But then I got him believing Balducci is going to kill him. So now he’s scared shitless. He’s a fucking caged animal and I got him teed up.”

  “Teed up for what? Holy shit, did you ever think you were in over your head?” Loot demands.

  “Look, even if I came up with the perfect plan to get Balducci, it would still have risks. The fuckin’ guy ruined my life. I’m not saying it has to stay ruined, but as long as that cock and his ‘buy for free’ organization is breathing, I can’t think about having a life. Did I think I was in over my head? No, it’s not my head right now. Don’t you realize that Balducci put the hit on my father? He ruined my life, and he’s still doing it to other people. It’s not my head right now; it’s my father’s head. I don’t know if you can understand what I mean, but it’s not my life until I get him. I had to jump in sometime. If not now, then when?”

  Rocky asks, “Okay, so what next?”

  “I sold Petro on the fact that I am just short of being the messiah. I have a business going here that is already allegedly netting me over a million dollars. I have connections back in New York where Petro’s family was bounced. I have inside information out the wazoo and I have a great idea to expand my business and take back all of New York, including what’s Balducci’s. I know where Balducci’s weaknesses are and I can exploit them. I told Petro I was approaching him because I needed manpower and experience. It was a big job and I needed a partner. No one’s ever been able to get Balducci because no one has ever been able to penetrate like I have.”

  “Wow,” Rocky says, “if he doesn’t push back at Balducci, he thinks he’s a sitting duck. Why wouldn’t he want to hook up with you?”

  “That’s what I was thinking. Petro hears the clock ticking and he’s looking over his shoulder. If he thought he was a target, then he needed to defend himself, but I also had him amped up for this business idea. After all, I handed him $125,000 like it was lunch money.”

  Loot says, “So he saves his own ass, takes the egg off his face that Balducci put there and when the dust clears, Petro gets a bigger business. I see where you are going. But even if he didn’t believe in your business, the thought that Balducci was going to waste him would have Petro scrambling for ideas anyway. It’s pretty crazy, but I see it.”

  “Yeah,” I add, “But when the Gorillas win tonight, he’ll be able to see through it. I am going to owe him $100,000, and I won’t be able to pay him.”

  Rocky asks, “But you already gave him $125,000. Can’t he call it even?”

  “No chance,” I answer with a laugh. “That money is yesterday’s news. Not only are you as good as your last 10 minutes with these guys, but there is so much more at stake than the dough. I know how Petro responds to anyone who owes him money. After the bill of goods I just sold him, if I sweat paying this money, as dumb as Petro can be, he will smell a rat. Trust me, the charade will be over when I owe him money. Even if I keep Petro at bay with some story, he’ll find out about the other chunk of money we won’t be able to pay.”

  “The Senator,” Carey blurts out, “Kevin’s right. It’s a small world when it comes down to it. All the bookies know who’s a deadbeat. Word gets around. Petro will know we didn’t pay Senator Whale.”

  “Right now, I have Petro so pumped to go after Balducci, I swear I can hear his brain cells sizzle. In his mind, he is climbing on the throne. Do you have any idea how he will react when we can’t cover the Gorilla bet? At first Petro thought he was in Balducci’s crosshairs for a good old-fashioned whacking. Then I offer him a solution to not only save his ass, but also grab everything back that was taken. It’s an emotional whipsaw, and it will be ugly.”

  CHAPTER 23

  As scared as I am, it’s crunch time, and everyone is rallying. After combing the universe, Carey finds out why this particular game is dirty. It’s a weak fix and under normal circumstances, we would have spotted this crap from 10,000 miles away. Everyone got wind of this fix, and that’s why it’s off the board now. Carey is furiously trying to mitigate our exposure by attempting to lay off even small amounts, but so far it’s only pennies to two-bit bookies who aren’t in any loop. We can’t even dent our overall exposure.

  Cleveland University has only two guys who matter: Jake Mitchell and Snake Frye. It’s usually the Jake and Snake show, except tonight, they plan on laying down. Cleveland University is a perennial doormat, but Jake and Snake have made Cleveland a force this year. They’re local products from Marshall High School and continue to frustrate all the big programs that dissed them during the recruiting process. They can play college ball, but they know the NBA is not an option. Some enterprising student at New York State put two and two together and arranged the fix. This student knows these players come from poor families with plenty of brothers and sisters to support. Jake and Snake are decent enough guys, but this student offered them a payday they are not likely to see again in their lives.

  The problem is, the fucking student couldn’t keep his mouth shut and now the universe knows, including the wise guys. This is a circus. The fucked up thing is that I’m the asshole on the other side of this bet and it feels lonely. But it’s time to fight back.

  Carey and Loot have been friends with, and drug dealers to, a lot of the Gorilla players; so we knew we had a decent chance to get into the locker rooms. Hell, they even lit up the equipment manager and half the guys who worked for the team on several occasions. I’m sure Loot and Carey never imagined that their free flow of drugs could actually save their lives.

  Loot and Carey head for the sub terminal of the Gorilla locker room while I begin working on Jake and Snake. I’ve done a lot of fucked-up things in this quest to get Balducci, but I’m really rolling around in the gutter now. If I weren’t so desperate or if I had more time, I’d figure out a better way, but I can’t. I obviously can’t get to Cleveland by game time at 7:30, but through some of my drug-dealing connections I am fortunate enough to have a hard-up client who is dying for a lifelong discount on our intake. Larry “The Sultan” Joshi agreed to beat up Jake’s little brother. I don’t mean to drag in innocent participants, but this situation is desperate. I rationalize that one person getting bloody is worth keeping Rocky, Carey, Loot and me from being dead
.

  The Sultan hustles over to the Cleveland area. He finds and beats up Jake’s kid brother. The kid is only 16 and no match for the Sultan. While pounding the kid brother, the Sultan is able to procure Jake’s cell phone number. He gives it to me. It’s getting close to game time. I make sure caller ID is turned off on my phone and punch in his number.

  “Hey, Jake,” I say into the phone.

  “Who’s this?” the player asks.

  “Trust me, that’s not important,” I say. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time because I know you have a big game tonight and frankly, I’m a big fan of yours. You’re playing a ranked team tonight. If you beat the Gorillas, that’s part of your legacy. Don’t throw it away. Don’t lay down tonight.”

  There is a long pause but then Jake says, “Who is this?”

  “Jake,” I say calmly, “stop worrying about who I am and worry more about your legacy and how you can ruin it by shaving points tonight.”

  After another silence Jake says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the way you’re talking to me. Honestly, sometimes ballplayers can be a pretty rude group. I hear you’re a pretty good guy and that you are shaving points to help your family but frankly, it will turn out to be the exact opposite.” There is more silence, so I continue. “Look, Jake, a funny thing happened here and a bunch of wise-guys all over the country got wind a little too late about tonight’s antics. You see, this rather short-tempered group of gentlemen had already given the points and bet on you and your team. They believe in your legacy.”

  “I got to hang up now,” Jake states.

  “Jake,” I say, “I need you to call your little brother Tucker and check in on him. It’s important. I know you want to help out your family, and getting a few extra bucks from shaving points can go a long way, but sometimes things aren’t what they appear to be. If Cleveland University doesn’t cover the point spread and you have a bad game, well, there may be some side effects you didn’t count on. When you talk to Tucker, please understand, this is a warning. Ramifications can be far and deep. Your decisions are not just yours. I know you care deeply about your whole family and I think that’s wonderful, but you have a big family. I’m going to let you go now, because I know you have some difficult thinking ahead, but I’m sure you’ll come to the conclusion that a New York State Gorilla student who paid you to shave points doesn’t pack a ton of muscle. You do the right thing here and I’ll get you some dough, but the important thing is not getting the big guys pissed. You will be less torn after you talk with Tucker. Please pass this information on to Snake and tell him what big fans we are and how excited I am to meet Snake’s family.” I turn off the phone and think to myself, that went pretty well. At least I did everything I could.