Catching Your Breath

by Steve Austin

  Catching Your Breath

  The Sacred Journey from Chaos to Calm

  Steve Austin

  Copyright © 2018 Steve Austin

  All rights reserved.

  Publishing and Design Services: MartinPublishingServices.com

  Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

  Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

  ISBN: 978-1-7323807-0-7 (pbck), 978-1-7323807-1-4 (ebook), 978-1-7323807-2-1 (audio)

  Also By This Author

  From Pastor to a Psych Ward:

  Recovery From a Suicide Attempt is Possible

  The Writer’s Toolkit:

  How to Own and Craft Your Story

  Self-Care for the Wounded Soul:

  21 Days of Messy Grace

  I Love Jesus, But…:

  Embracing the Tension between Faith and Mental Health

  Get them all at graceismessybooks.com

  Endorsements

  Two things make Steve Austin’s voice unique and worth hearing. First, he’s been through hell and comes back with the kind of hopefulness that is as contagious as it is compelling. People are always better for having encountered such people. Second, he’s candid. He says the thing that so many are thinking but are afraid to say, and shares the details of the story that others would hide—and he does all of that without being smug or self-aggrandizing. On the contrary, Steve’s candor is tempered by grace and compassion that makes it safe for others to be honest about what they’re experiencing and to also encounter hope. In Catching Your Breath, Steve offers himself as a companion to those who feel like they are drowning, not as a lifeguard but as a coach saying “Hey. You can swim!”

  —Andre Henry, Managing Editor, RELEVANT Magazine

  My friend Steve understands more than most that we are messed-up people living in a messed-up world with other messed-up people. He understands the human condition. He refuses to sugarcoat the depth of his own desperation and need. But he also understands that God meets our messed-up-ness with his mercy over and over and over again. He understands that God loves bad and broken people because bad and broken people are all that there are. He’s uncomfortably honest, remarkably compassionate, and beautifully rough around the edges. Thank you for your friendship, Steve. And thank you for this book. Page after page you reminded me that “It is finished.”

  —Tullian Tchividjian, author of One-Way Love:

  Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World and

  Jesus + Nothing = Everything

  Steve Austin is one of the most genuine guys I know. He is sincere, thoughtful, and one of the funniest guys I’ve met. Steve is brutally honest about his story. He doesn’t hold back.

  In Catching Your Breath, Steve invites you into the darkest and holiest moments of his life with courage and vulnerability. Steve’s book is relatable, giving practical advice for those who feel overwhelmed. His advice is real, messy, and hard-won. This is the book Steve was born to write.

  As I was reading Catching Your Breath, I was convinced that Steve had been reading my mind. Thankfully, he had just the words I needed to hear. I hope you enjoy this book as much as I did.

  —Michael Baysinger, host of The Inglorious Pasterds Podcast

  In his book, Catching Your Breath, Steve Austin meets you where you are. Austin immediately puts himself in your shoes, gently takes your hand, and from there, you’re off. From the practical and relatable advice he gives, you can tell he’s been there. I would highly recommend this book to a friend who’s going through a tough time.

  —Sarah Schuster, Mental Health editor at TheMighty.com

  Steve Austin has done it again. Catching Your Breath is a truth-telling memoir about being truly human. In our “fake-it-till-you-make-it-world” of 24/7 shiny posts that fuel our perfectionism, Austin delivers courageous medicine: we are all broken—and more important, we are all beautiful, valuable, unique, and connected. Instead of hiding, Austin calls us all to the table and asks us to catch our breaths in order to be vulnerable—together. What a gift!

  —J. Dana Trent, author of For Sabbath’s Sake

  Steve Austin has written a masterpiece! He gives us permission to be sad and feel again. In a world that demands that we suppress our feelings, Steve unleashes the power of the soul by showing us we can heal from anything life throws at us! I highly recommend this work of art!

  —Jeremy Lopez, author and entrepreneur

  What a beautiful gift this book is for those of us living in today’s world. Steve’s wholehearted vulnerability invites us to question the often-glorified and addictive pattern of chaos, constantly going, unhealthy striving, achieving to avoid pain, comparing, and the illusion of control.

  We get one sacred life and what we do with this time matters. For this reason, I am deeply grateful for Steve’s willingness to share his story as a reminder that we can’t always control what happens in life, but we can often control how we respond to others, events, and situations in life. It is in this subtle shift of control that Steve unpacks how we can ultimately move from chaos to calm along this sacred journey.

  —Holly K. Oxhandler, PhD, LMSW, Baylor University

  Steve’s website says “underdogs welcome.” He means that! His life embodies grace and compassion for everyone. He was at rock bottom when he attempted suicide; since that day, he’s softened and matured and grown and learned and has been sharing his story of messy grace the entire way. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or unsure of how to move forward, I recommend Catching Your Breath. Steve’s story is real, raw, and relatable.

  —J.J. Landis, author of Some Things You Keep

  A Siberian elder once wrote, “If you don’t know the trees you may be lost in the forest, but if you don’t know the stories you may be lost in life.”

  A lot of us feel lost in life because we either don’t know or else can’t admit to our own story. As a result, life can hurt so much we find ourselves wondering if it’s worth it. We feel crippled, as if some kind of highly personalized Kryptonite is slowly destroying us. And there is, a Kryptonite that is emotionally powerful enough to seduce even the strongest willed into believing lies about themselves and others, lies that can cripple and destroy, lies that force us to hide behind gleaming smiles on the outside while inside we feel as if our life is going up in flames and no one else can even hear the fire alarm ringing.

  Steve Austin understands that Kryptonite can only be conquered using the superpower of words––the words that we speak to others and the words that we speak to ourselves. In Catching Your Breath, he helps the reader learn to use words as a weapon to tell their own story, thus lancing the festering boil of anxiety and neutralizing the power of dark secrets. Most of all, he offers the reader a taste of wildly extravagant grace. If you are among the multitudes who need help just to survive the next 24 hours, this book will be a God-send.

  —Dr. Paula Champion Jones, Retired UMC pastor

  What strikes me the most about Catching Your Breath is Austin’s vulnerability, authenticity, and encouragement. Through personal stories and self-reflection, Austin provides a safe place that permits readers to be open and genuinely themselves, secrets and all. This i
s a book that I would not hesitate to recommend to my clients.

  —Erin Reagan, LMHC

  In Catching Your Breath, Steve Austin has written a treatise for finding our center amidst the frantic pace of today’s world.

  So many of us live lives that move too quickly; we are expected to keep up in order to succeed. What happens when going with the crowd is anathema to your personal goals in life? Steve Austin recounts experiences that many might relate to. Be still and know that Spirit exists within each of us. We just need to slow our lives down so our dreams can catch up.

  I am honored to recommend this book to people who feel burnt out, used up, and lifeless. Catching Your Breath can feed your creative spirit again, and provide fuel as you move, at your own pace, going forward.

  —Rev. Andrea L. Stoeckel

  Have you ever had the feeling that the air is too thick, that it is dense and not filling your lungs correctly? Does it feel like you’re drowning in a bottomless pool of water, your legs tiring from treading water? If you’re longing for someone to permit you to pause, be still, be silent, and catch your breath, then you ought to read Steve Austin’s latest book.

  Catching Your Breath urges you to take stock of your life and shed some of that unwanted heaviness. Through personal narrative, plus his training as a life coach, Austin masterfully leads the reader through the seemingly overwhelming task of finding calm, making the transition achievable and maintainable. This book empowers the reader to approach their journey with acceptance, honesty, and patience while journeying toward the calm we all possess. In Catching Your Breath, Austin invites you to slow down and rest, while simultaneously empowering you to reach out and grab life by both hands.

  —Laura Cass, blogger & mental health advocate

  Catching Your Breath is a fearless work in which Austin demonstrates vulnerability and nakedness; showing us his scars so we can begin to be comfortable with our own. His story travels with us to places of deep pain, but his words of encouragement provide a ladder and light for the climb out. The book is a wonderful resource for anyone who has encountered brokenness inflicted by others or self. When you read it, you’ll find yourself catching your breath often, and then pausing to breathe deep.

  —Suzanne DeWitt Hall, author of the Rumplepimple adventures

  and Where True Love Is: An Affirming Devotional

  for LGBTQI+ Individuals and Their Allies

  For Sue, who has always made space for me.

  Thanks for the chicken noodle soup.

  Most of all, thanks for being my friend.

  It’s all grace and gratitude.

  Acknowledgments

  The book you’re holding has been a labor of love and a product of community from the very start. When I sent the original 8,000-word essay to my friend, I had no intention of writing another book. What unfolded was something between a divine accident and a story a lifetime in the making. It would not have happened without some incredible people.

  Laura Cass (onlymelaura85.wordpress.com), thank you for reading the original essay. Thank you for continuing to compel me to “say more.” This book is all your fault. No, really.

  Stephanie Long (redeemedformore.com), thank you for reading the original essay, too. And for your incredible work with the study guide. I’m so thankful for your friendship and expertise!

  Stephanie Gates (awidemercy.com), you are the ruthless unicorn whom I adore. You helped me find my voice a few years ago, and your friendship remains a gift from God.

  Sarah Robinson (beautifulbetween.com)—your book is next. I have never felt more clear on who I am and what I think about things like life, faith, and overcoming the darkness. It is all thanks to the work we did together. You are the very best. Thank you!

  Ed Bacon (edbacon.co), when I met you, everything started to shift. Holy shift! You famously said, “grace just comes,” and you are the Grace of God to me. Thank you for being my friend. And thanks for the sammiches and greens, too!

  Doris and Judy, I couldn’t have asked for better big sisters. Your love and encouragement have done wonders for my soul. Judy, so has your coaching, which got me ready to write this treatise in the first place. Let’s sit under the oaks soon!

  Beta readers, Kickstarter backers, my Pub friends, and members of the launch group: you’re the real heroes. Thank you for affirming my work and pushing me to keep going. Further up, further in.

  Deep bows to Dr. Holly Oxhandler, Rev. Dr. David P. Gushee, Rev. Andrea Stoeckel, Michael Baysinger, J. Dana Trent, J.J. Landis, Sarah Schuster, Andre Henry, Jeremy Lopez, Tullian Tchividjian, Andie Becker, Suzanne DeWitt Hall, Rev. Paula Champion Jones, Faydra Koenig, and Erin Regan.

  Devin Balram (noisetraide.com/devinbalram), your music puts soul to my scattered thoughts. “Weak Sometimes” sits on repeat on my phone most days. I understand how David’s music was the only thing that could soothe Saul’s troubled soul. I get it. Thank you.

  Melinda Martin (melindamartin.me) and Nathan Miller (namwaydesign.com), thank you. You are joys to work with! The way you are able to see what I can only write is such a gift.

  Thank you to my precious grandparents, Boss and Nanny. I don’t know many folks who get to count their grandparents among their dearest friends—I am doubly blessed. Thanks for teaching me to “saucer and blow it.” Thanks for all the movie nights. And thanks for the banana pancakes—we’ll have them again one day.

  Ben and Cara, you are my world. Thanks for always reminding Daddy of what matters most. You ask the best questions, make me laugh, remind me to play, and always tell the truth. I love you two better than a hog loves slop!

  Most important, Lindsey Austin. Your compassion, stubborn love, and abiding friendship have been my anchor through some unthinkable storms. I’m grateful that the girl who said, “huh?” still chooses to love me. I am yours, always. Fully known, fully loved.

  Foreword

  “You have an open invitation.”

  That sentence means you aren’t required to make an appointment or give any kind of notice – like a day’s notice or a week’s notice. No, with an open invitation, friends in need can drop by any time.

  Steve Austin is a walking open invitation. “Simply drop by anytime, unannounced, for a visit,” his life says. This book is an open invitation, as well. Open it any time, to any page, for a visit.

  The openness of the invitation stems in part from Steve being a son of Southern hospitality, but that’s only part of his passion for welcoming all at any time. The real, palpable passion in these pages is more profound than his culture’s conventions.

  Steve Austin’s genuinely open invitation stems from his acute awareness of his own wounds. Steve is courageous in sharing his pain with others and knows that new life comes from visiting honestly with other injured people.

  To live is to be wounded. New life in the midst of woundedness requires inviting others to see and even touch your wounds. This is what I refer to as, “The Rule of the Soul.” Before we use a scripture verse about Jesus’s wounds to place a simplistic period on the sentence and walk away, hear me out.

  As an Episcopal priest, I re-discover the “Rule of the Soul” any time I preach about my own eight years of psychiatric treatment for Clinical Depression. This chapter of my life opened when I discovered the God of my fundamentalistic Baptist childhood had reached its expiration date; I no longer believed in that kind of God. Every time I mention that painful season of my life in a sermon, people come up afterward to tell me how much it meant to them. The Rule of the Soul is real, and it saves lives. Wherever in your life you are wounded, when you practice hospitality toward other wounded people, you experience new life. And so do they.

  This Rule of the Soul gained currency in Christian Pastoral Care circles at the hands of one of the 20th century’s spiritual geniuses, Henri Nouwen, in his classic text, The Wounded Healer. It is a truth that the poet Rumi taught long before Leonard Cohen
wrote that “there’s a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.” Rumi had written that your wounds are how the light gets in.

  All the world’s religions teach us that in addition to joy, blessings, love, and pleasure, life is also suffering. In his book, Nouwen tells the Talmudic story of how you can identify the Messiah. The Messiah, the anointed one, is the wounded one sitting at the city gate among the others who are injured. But as others remove all the bindings from all their wounds at one time, the anointed one unwraps his wounds one at a time. He then redresses each injury, one at a time so he can be ready to move into action when he is needed to care for the wounds of others. That is why Nouwen called his book The Wounded Healer.

  The issue in life is not whether we have wounds. The point is whether we understand that our wounds can be a source of power for us and others. The issue is not whether or not you have injuries. But are you willing to allow others to touch your wounds, empowering them to lead others toward wholeness, too? Using our wounds is a great delivery system of healing. The great 21st-century leader of the Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Bryan Stevenson, often notes, “The reason I have such commitment to ministering to the broken in our justice system is that I’m broken too!”1

  The word Henri Nouwen uses for this practice is hospitality. Are you willing to extend hospitality to those who are wounded, allowing them to experience and learn from your woundedness? That hospitality is the difference between your wounds paralyzing or mobilizing you. Can you hospitably make room for other wounded persons in your heart? If so, you will be not paralyzed by your wounds, but mobilized. The issue in life is not whether you have been wounded, but how your scars are acknowledged and used. Will you make room for others to tend to their injuries in your presence?

  It’s been said that the difference between those who are religious and those who are spiritual is this: religious people are trying to stay out of hell. Spiritual people are those who have already been there.