Forgiven (This)

by J. B. McGee

  FBI Anti-Piracy Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of a copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to five years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.

  Advertencia Antipirateria del FBI: La reproducción o distribución no autorizada de una obra protegida por derechos de autor es ilegal. La infracción criminal de los derechos de autor, incluyendo la infracción sin lucro monetario, es investigada por el FBI y es castigable con pena de hasta cinco años en prisión federal y una multa de $250,000.

  Image Copyright Rommel Canlas, 2013

  Used under license from Shutterstock.com

  Cover graphics by

  Indie Pixel Studio and Indie Cover Design

  eBook formatting by

  Indie Pixel Studio

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any

  manner whatsoever including Internet usage, without written permission of

  the author.

  To my Dad, who taught me that we can’t change our pasts, but we can use our past to shape our future into bigger, better things. I love you, and I am thankful you are my dad.

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Finally Found Excerpt

  The morning sun is peeking through the closed curtains. I don’t know what it is about sunlight seeping through the cracks of curtains that drives me crazy, but it does. My legs are tangled with Gabby’s, her back to my front. My arm is draped over her exposed stomach. Her soft, wavy chestnut hair is so beautiful. I inhale the clean scent as I remember our shower last night. It’s the little things that I never thought I’d care about, like washing her hair, that brings me so much pleasure. The way she moans and moves her head around is cute and sexy all at the same time. It almost always makes me laugh.

  These mornings when I wake up next to her are so hard for me. I respect her wish to wait, but it’s been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. I can’t wait for the day that she’ll be my wife. For the day I can show her in every way how much I love her. I can’t wait to know that I get the honor of waking up next to her every single day for the rest of my life.

  I’m pretty sure she’s still asleep. She’s definitely not a morning person. I can’t help but think about the saying ‘opposites attract’ as I watch her sleep. It amazes me at how, in so many ways, we are opposites. But in so many other ways, it’s like we were cut from the same mold. She’d sleep the entire day if I’d let her. Any other day, I would, but I can’t wait to spend some time with her.

  I was robbed of the little bit of precious time we usually get to spend together on the weekends by Ian and Veronica. I refuse to not savor every last waking moment making her laugh, making her smile, and making this nightmare up to her.

  A few times when we’ve been in Aiken, we’ve eaten at The New Moon Cafe. They have the best scones, and they roast and brew their own coffee. It’s honestly some of the best I’ve ever had. Gabby bought me a bag for Christmas. So maybe I’m partial to their coffee because it makes me think of her.

  Sweeping her hair to the side, and exposing her neck, I start planting soft, lingering kisses. I move my lips to her ear and whisper, “Gabby Girl.”

  “Mmm,” she groans.

  I nibble on her ear lobe, swirling my tongue around. I use my arm that is draped over her side to pull her closer and caress her smooth skin. I know she’s awake now. She loves it when I do that to her ear. “You hungry?”

  “Em mmm.” She shakes her head.

  She’s beyond adorable when she’s sleepy and grumpy. “Hmph, c’mon, I want to go to breakfast with my fiancée. Not lunch.”

  As she rolls over into my arms, my breath catches at how gorgeous she is. And she’s mine.

  “Say it again,” she says, her voice cracking from having just woken up.

  I brush her hair away from her face and kiss her forehead. I can’t help but stare at her for a moment longer, gazing into her hazel eyes, connecting with her soul. “Say what?”

  “Fiancée.”

  I know I must be grinning like a schoolboy. I never knew that would sound so good. “You like hearing that, huh?”

  She blinks slowly at me, batting those long eyelashes, wiggling her body a little closer. She drapes her leg over mine and smiles. “I thought I was dreaming. I need to hear it.”

  “Not dreaming, Gabby.” I reach down and pull her left hand up to my lips. I kiss the ring I placed on her finger yesterday. She has no idea how badly I want her right now. Not just because hearing that word ignited a fire within me, but because we’re naked. She’s killing me. “I love that this is the only thing you’re wearing right now.”

  She rolls her eyes and nudges me. “You’re not going to say it again for me? What if I beg?” She bats those lashes and gives me this sexy pouty look. It only makes my situation worse.

  I had every intention of saying it again, and I still do. I just couldn’t resist saying that I prefer her with my ring on her finger and nothing else. But more than anything, I love what that ring symbolizes. I close my eyes and huskily whisper, “Gabby, you have my mind, my body, my soul, and you are my heart. You are my fiancée, and I love you more than anything on this earth.”

  As I say those words, it’s like my heart is exploding with elation. It’s such a foreign, but welcome feeling. I peer into her eyes, hoping she’ll feel the connection that I do. That she’ll know how much I mean what I’m saying. They aren’t just words. “I didn’t even know that this was even possible for me. If it’s a dream...” I shake my head. “Then, I don’t wanna ever wake up.”

  She stretches her neck up and swiftly consumes me. A warmth comes over me as I cup her face, cradling her head, deepening our kiss. Breakfast will have to wait.

  I briefly think back to last night, about how playful we were with each other. This morning is different. It is so much deeper than anything we’ve ever shared. I can’t believe how connected I feel to her because I didn’t believe that I could be any more in tune with her than I already had been. Especially since we’ve not even made love yet.

  “Bradley.”

  I freeze as Gabby says my name. I have never lost control, never crossed the line when it comes to us being intimate with one another. She’s never had to stop us. I’ve always been the one to put the brakes on. But this time, the tip of my erection nearly slid into a place I know I’m not yet allowed or welcomed. I fall over onto the mattress beside her. I cross my arms over my face and close my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

  And I am. I am so disappointed with myself. I don’t want her to feel like I can’t wait. Hell, I’ve waited this long. What’s another couple of months? I need to ask her about a date later. I hope she’s not changed her mind on a quick wedding.

  I glance over at her when I feel her move. I’m relieved that she’s turned over and has propped herself up on her elbow. She starts to trace my sternum with her finger, up and down.

  “Hey. It’s okay. It was just as much me as you. Part of me thinks my mom wouldn’t care. But the o
ther part of me just can’t do it.” A tear trickles down her face.

  No, don’t cry.

  I swipe the tear away as she continues. “I just can’t break the only promise I have left to her,” she confesses.

  And in true incredible Gabby form, she’s consoling me when it should be the other way around. I stare at the ceiling because I’m too ashamed of nearly losing it to face her. “You shouldn’t have to apologize. I respect it. I’m upset with myself.” I barely turn my head and glance at her. “Gabby, I love you, and I want you so bad. I was just so caught up in this moment. It’s just a little longer. I promise I can wait.”

  “I know, me too.” Her wandering finger skims past my navel, following the small trail of hair. “We can still do other things,” she suggests.

  And I can’t believe I’m about to do this. “I’m not going to lie. I yearn to connect to you in every way I can.” I grab her hand before she gets any farther down my stomach. “I just want to hold you. Would that be okay?”

  “You want to hold me?” She raises her eyebrows, amused. Yes, I know it’s probably something she never thought she’d hear come from my mouth, either.

  I can’t help but grin. “Don’t act so shocked. Less than twenty-four hours ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to do that again. Yes. That’s what I want.”

  I hold my arm up, and she snuggles into my body. This does feel a little awkward, but I need it. I need to be close to her without being sexual. I don’t trust myself right now, but I want her close to me.

  Gabby is thumbing her fingers through the hair on my chest when she says, “I like to snuggle with you.” Her nose is touching the skin on my side. She inhales as she continues. “You smell so good.”

  It’s a statement but the intonation of the way she said it makes me think she’s almost asking what it is. I peek down at her equally as confused because I’m wearing what she gave to me. “It’s that Light Blue cologne you got me for Christmas.”

  She kisses my chest. “I didn’t recognize it. It smells much better on you than that little card in the store.”

  I thought we were just cuddling. She needs to stop with all this affection or I’m going to have to go take a cold shower. I can’t help but laugh at her statement. I smooth her hair as I kiss her head. “I’m glad to hear I smell better than an inanimate object.”

  “Oh much better.” She giggles. “Hey. I need to talk to you about this transfer thing.”

  “That was a total change of subject.” What is it with girls and their ability to randomly switch topics of conversation? “What about it?”

  “I put in the request that Monday after you asked me. But I had already signed up for classes at Columbia before Christmas break.”

  “Right.”

  “I went ahead and started my semester because I had no idea how long it would take for the transfer to process.”

  “Okay.” I’m worried. Where is she going with this?

  “It didn’t take as long as I thought. I found out that I had been transferred last week, but Brenau’s semester has just started.”

  I furrow my brows, totally perplexed. “Does this mean you’re no longer enrolled in school at all?”

  “No, I was able to talk to my professors at Brenau. They told me I could go ahead and start their classes, even though I couldn’t physically be present for the first few sessions on the condition I get a tutor to help me get caught up on what I miss.”

  I raise my head and look down at her. I’m still not sure where she is headed with this. I had not thought after she said yes yesterday I could get any higher on cloud nine than I already am. But if she’s telling me what I think she’s is, then I’m about to go to cloud 900. “Really?” I ask.

  “Yeah. I was going to tell you Friday...I need to stay with you this week so I can start.”

  Gabby glances up to me, she looks unsure, but she continues before I can form words. “If I don’t, I’m going to miss the entire semester. My world was upside down after...” She closes her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about them. Anyway, do you still want me to move in with you because I need a place to live now?”

  Seriously, does she not know how freakin’ excited I am. I just asked her to marry me. Why would she be unsure about any of this? Why wouldn’t I want her to live with me? My head is swirling trying to adjust to this information.

  All I have been able to think about since I woke up is how I don’t want to leave her tonight. How this long distance thing is killing me way more than I ever let on. It seems like a small price to pay for her, but I’m greedy with need. Everytime she leaves me is pure torture. How can she not know I’ve been counting down the days to living together, whether or not we’re married first? I really can’t wait to have her under the same roof, in the same city, and wake up to her like I just did every day for the rest of my life.

  I pull her chin up, and bring her mouth to mine, kissing her. I hold on to it a little longer. Even letting her kisses go is hard. “Let’s get breakfast at New Moon, then let’s go to our home. That is unless you need to get something from your apartment first?”

  She’s beaming with excitement as she shakes her head. “No, not for this week. Do you think we can move me to Atlanta next weekend?”

  “Gabby, I’d move you today if you wanted me to. If you need a week, then fine. Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll help you.”

  She exhales before replying, “I like the idea of moving today, but I’m so tired. I just want to be lazy for the rest of the day. I have a big day tomorrow.”

  I’m relieved. I offered and I’d so move her, but I am emotionally and physically spent myself. “Okay. Let’s go get breakfast then. I’m starving.”

  I’m on my way to class. The drive takes me over an hour. I hate driving in Atlanta. I have seriously considered taking MARTA, which is Atlanta’s public transportation system. Bradley really doesn’t want me doing it myself. I appreciate his concern, but the thought of being taken to school and the extra study time is enticing. I have to leave so early on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s to make it to my class on time. Bradley is usually still asleep when I head out. It’s nice to see his face before I leave though, knowing I’ll get to see him again in a few hours.

  Bradley and I arrived back to Atlanta in the early afternoon on Sunday. I’m not sure what made him more happy: me accepting his proposal or me moving in with him so quickly. I’m sure it’s probably a combination, but he’s been in rare form since Sunday. I must admit, it’s really cute seeing him like this.

  He’s like a child in a candy store. He immediately hired a realtor and has started packing his apartment. Apparently, he can’t find us a new home fast enough. I’m excited to be going to look at places after my tutoring session. The houses the realtor sent have been homes similar to what my friends have had. While the thought of living in a house like that thrills me, it’s also scary.

  Right now, I don’t know what I’m missing. This life I’ve had is all I know, and I’ve really been quite content with it. Who wouldn’t want to live in a huge house with all the nicest of furnishings? I just worry that if anything were to ever happen to us that it would be hard for me to go back to living like I have. That somehow I’ll become spoiled and change from the person I am now. I don’t want to change. I want to just be me.

  I think subconsciously I am worried that all this has happened so fast that I have started to change. In the blink of an eye, it seems that my life went from boring and simple to so complicated. Everything I’ve ever thought I wanted has been handed to me on a silver platter. It just still all seems too good to be true. Everything in my life that has ever been this blissfully happy has come crashing down all around me, breaking me. It’s like a curse.

  Then I’m reminded that the platter had extras, things I didn’t like and never wanted. Bradley has his own baggage. He’s tried to act unfazed by it, but there is no way he could be. I don’t expect him to act emotionless. There is a very real possibility he is about to b
ecome a father. Before we’re even married. I know he’s acting like this because he thinks I’m fragile. And I guess with the way I reacted, I can’t blame him.

  The thought of him having a child with another woman, with someone he didn’t even love, nearly breaks my heart every time I think about it. But, I too, have tried to act unfazed. Supportive even. I love babies. I want lots of them. I just don’t want the complications that I know will come with not being the mother of his baby. I don’t want Veronica in our lives forever. I don’t know what she and Ian were up to or how it all went down, but honestly, I would be fine with never seeing either of them ever again.

  My cell phone rings, and I know by the timing Bradley’s awake and calling for our morning talk. I’m relieved because I definitely need to change my train of thought.

  I swipe to answer. “Morning, sunshine.”

  “Morning, beautiful.” I think I can hear him stretching. His voice is deep and hoarse from just waking up.

  “So what’s the plan for this afternoon and looking at houses?” My voice is perky because I’m really excited.

  “I hate to have two cars.” He yawns, which makes me yawn.

  I tease, “If you’d let me take MARTA, we wouldn’t have two cars.” I am only being partially serious. I respect why he doesn’t want me to take it, but I still would rather be studying right now so I won’t need a tutor for long rather than driving in this hellacious Atlanta traffic.”

  “Gabby,” he reprimands. I can tell he’s not happy.

  “I’m kidding, kidding. Cool it, Mr. Protective Pants.” I try to salvage the mood. “It’s probably just as dangerous for me to be driving and talking to you in eight lanes of traffic, though.”

  He chuckles, “Mr. Protective Pants?”

  I grin, “Yes. My Mr. Protective Pants. I don’t guess I’d take you any other way.”

  “Good, because that’s not something that will change. No amount of pouting or begging. I don’t want you on MARTA by yourself.”